A/N: Why did the Fellowship take so long to leave Rivendell? They waited two months. And Frodo waited about seventeen years before he even thought about setting out on the quest. Jeez…talk about giving the eyeball an advantage. Third chapter, Sangrita's POV! (PS…see if you can pick up the vague allusion to the movie Chicago.)

After trading in the geisha clothes for some Elvish dresses that were much easier to wear, I was definitely starting to see the perks of Middle Earth.

No more family, no more work, no more commuting to San Francisco to go the Conservatory…just Elves and Men as far as the eye could see, and I know my eyes were enjoying all of it. There were a few dwarves, too, but I liked them, even though they weren't ogling material.

Had it been October when we first arrived in Rivendell? That's when they'd held the Council (and when I had hidden in the bushes whispering "Doom…Mordor…more doom…God, this is fun!" to an amused Jesse, Pippin, Merry and Sam).

About that Council…there had been a very near miss concerning my dearest Jesse when Elrond was going off on his Doomsday prophet shtick: He would be right at home on a San Francisco street corner holding a sign about the end of the world and bellowing at the top of his lungs that all the world was going to slide into the ocean like a plate of clams…or at least that California would, since that's where he would happen to be at the time. Fortunately for San Francisco, he hadn't gotten there yet.

No doubt he would figure out how, someday…maybe take the next coffin over? And then we would all go to Hell in a handbasket.  (Or a fast car.)

Anyway, Jesse, not being a cynic like some redheads I could name, had gotten a little tired of this act. As he stood before our Fellowship of eleven preaching our doom even after he had named us, she decided she was going to let him know. Not smart, but what can you do?

"Lord Elrond!" She reprimanded him "I cannot believe that you're sending all these cute little Hobbits off to their doom without even a word of comfort! It's not gonna be that bad! You're just a big poop–!"

I sang an insanely loud high C to drown her out immediately, and then while she was wincing, I clapped a hand over her mouth and turned to face Elrond.

"Forgive her, my Lord!" I cried out dramatically. "She knows not what she does…ow!"

Little bint had bitten me. Skinny bint is always so polite…very nice friend!

"YOU'RE JUST A BIG *POOPYPANTS!*"

Oh. My. God.  My life sucks, and this is the reason why. Did I say earlier that she was eighteen? Maybe I did, but I was starting to disbelieve it. Eight, maybe…but at the going rate, even that was a stretch.

Pippin, Gimli and Merry found it hilarious, but Sam and Frodo were looking agog and aghast, and I couldn't blame them. Aragorn and Boromir were both exchanging a look, but wisely keeping their mouths shut, and I have no doubt that, if given the chance, Gandalf and Legolas (and undoubtedly Elrond himself) would have ripped her head off and given it to Elladan and Elrohir to mount on the wall.

"Jessica," I hissed at her between my teeth, "If the entire Fellowship ends up condemned and never receives any help from this end, I will know exactly why, and I will kill you. Fair?"

She blinked her eyes at me and gave me an innocent smile. "But he was being so meannnnn…"

Damn! She can get away with anything. At least she didn't call him a "flatulent pain in the ass" a la The Smiths. Oi.

"Frodo," I could hear Gandalf whispering, "if you ever write this all into your uncle Bilbo's accounts…leave them out of it!"

~*~*~*~*~

So that was an October Fellowship-forming memory. Not a particularly good one, albeit hilarious, but a memory nonetheless.

A memory from October.

So I would have been grateful for an explanation as to why we didn't leave for Mordor until what would have been Christmas Day (or whatever you celebrate on 25 December) back at home. I didn't really understand why Elrond had let us hang around for so long, especially considering that Gimli and Jesse had both managed to insult him or his kind on their very first day in Imladris.

I cannot believe that one of my favorite people called one of my favorite Elves a poopypants, but there you are.

For some reason, though, he let us stay on another two months, and didn't even seem to mind my being there, although he gave his twin sons free rein to shoot at Jesse to practice their aim for when they went on another quest to rid Middle Earth of every last Orc. At least he liked me! I could give a few reasons for that, too, but Jesse would undoubtedly kill me and then commit me, so I won't.

Nice vacation spot that Imladris was, I was still just a little anxious to get the Ring on the road to Mordor, but we had to wait for Frodo to make a full recovery, or something like. So it came to pass that on Christmas morning, I had had enough, and was ready to convince them all, in my own clever way, that it was time to get a move on:

"I SAW THREE SHIPS COME SAILING IN ON CHRISTMAS DAY, ON CHRISTMAS DAY! I SAW THREE SHIPS COME SAILING IN ON CHRISTMAS DAY INTO MORDOR!"

"What is that caterwauling?" I could hear Gandalf grumbling. Aragorn answered him: "I don't know, but I'm willing to bet that it comes from either one of the two stragglers we picked up."

"If it is Jessica," Boromir continued, "Elrond will undoubtedly kill her."

"Let's not get our hopes up," Gandalf grumbled again. He tended to do a lot of that lately.

I continued "singing" (and undoubtedly ruining my voice) making up some lyrics about how all the Fellowship was there, and Smeagol, and the Ring, and also some Orcs…until I was hit around the shins by the handle of Gimli's axe.

"And you thought that I was bad?" Jesse demanded.

I shrugged. "Hey, I'm always the intelligent one. I get to act like a kid, too, sometimes…and this is interpretive Christmas caroling. It's a new art form."

Nine other pairs of eyes met mine, each one looking a little more frightened and a little more long-suffering than the last.

"So, are we ready to get a move on…finally?" I asked Gandalf.

"If it will shut you up, I will do anything."

A/N: And what was in those ships all three? The Fellowship and two extra girls and Smeagol and the Ring and some random Orcs! Take it, Jesse!