(A/N: Back in Jesse's POV.)
In my defense, Elrond was being very depressive and un-motivating. Although, I could have said it better. My inner child is five, you see, and she has a tendency to take over my mouth at the worst times. At least we all made it out of Rivendell alive.
So, we'd left Rivendell a week ago and were crossing through grassland to some woods we were going to camp in for the night. Rita and I were skipping around hand-in-hand (a random little girl and her mother popped in and the little girl asked her mother why we were holding hands) singing,
"We're following the leader, the leader, the leader, we're following the leader, wherever he may go!" from the Disney movie Peter Pan. It's a fun song to sing, really.
Gandalf was looking amused in a very annoyed way, Legolas, Aragorn, and Boromir seemed to be doing their best not to pay attention to us, Gimli watched us muttering,
"A dwarf does not sing," since we'd been pestering him to sing with us for the better part of the last hour, and the four hobbits were clearly amused by our burst of song. Pippin wanted to know where we'd learned it when a flying stick decided to attack me.
"Ah!" I screamed as the Evil Flying Stick flew past me and buried itself in the ground. Everyone turned to look at it, and before we could do anything another Evil Flying Stick flew through the air and speared Gandalf's hat before burring itself in the ground.
"Attack!" Boromir yelled, and we all started running towards the woods. (Gandalf had retrieved his hat, which now had a small hole in it, from the Second Evil Flying Stick.)
Gandalf led the way, followed by Aragorn, then Rita and I, the hobbits, Boromir, and Gimli. Legolas brought up the rear shooting arrows in the direction the Evil Flying Stick arrows were coming from.
We reached the woods, the warrior-like members of the Fellowship forming a circle around the hobbits, Rita, and I, who were less skilled with weapons than they. (Rita and I were not at all skilled with weapons, which I then realized put us at a great disadvantage.) The Evil Flying Stick arrows could no longer reach us, but sadly for our Fellowship we were far from safe as of the moment.
There were stomping feet noises coming towards us that were very Orc-like. So we had Orcs coming after us in the woods when two members are very much not prepared for this kind of encounter. Oh great. Except, they weren't Orcs, because Orcs don't come out in daytime; they have sunlight issues. So we had Orc-like creatures stomping toward us. Legolas continued shooting off arrows and we heard evil "I'm in pain" screams every time another arrow was let loose, so we knew he was hitting something.
But he couldn't hit all of them before they got to us, and unless there was some miracle, Rita and I couldn't lift a sword between us. Lovely. The hobbits had drawn their swords, and I was beginning to feel useless. I wasn't sure about Rita, so I decided to ask.
"I'm feeling useless. Are you?"
"Yes," Rita told me. "Should we do something?"
"What can we do?" I asked.
"Something that is Rita and Jesse-ish," she replied, and I smiled.
"Yes, lets," I agreed, and the first Orc-like thing showed it's wrinkle-cream challenged face. I walked up to it and it stopped in it's tracks and looked at me like I was strange. "You know," I said to it, "you could really use some face cream. But just because you don't have face cream, that's no reason to join with an evil eye who has a lack of Clear Eyes and try to kill all the good-guys."
The rest of the Fellowship (minus Rita, who was used to me doing things like this) looked shocked and amazed. The Orc-creature growled and I think was going to attack me had Legolas not shot it at that moment.
Then it all let loose, the Fellowship members killing large numbers of our attackers as Rita and I huddled together, wondering when someone (preferably one of the good-guys) was going to notice us. Legolas and Boromir did.
"Lady Rita, Lady Jessica," Boromir said urgently, "do not fear, we shall let no harm befall you."
I nearly swooned, and I think Rita did too. Legolas let loose another arrow before speaking.
"Lady Rita, come with me," he pulled Rita with him to the safety of a place where he could protect her. I missed my Rita, but was quickly whisked away by Boromir to a place where he could protect me. So we were being protected by some of the oogling-worthy members of the Fellowship and the Orc-like creatures were beginning to hesitate before rushing to their death. So it looked like we were going to get out of this alive.
(A/N: Are we Rita??)