"So what are we going to do with them, then?" Gimli asked the rest of the Fellowship. "We cannot be expected to bring two females along with us!"

Not saying anything, not saying anything… I chanted to myself. One thing you have to understand about me is that I am very pro-women's rights, and the way Gimli said "females" was really irking me.

"I think we could!" Pippin returned, but a look from Gandalf quieted him pretty quickly.

Well, at least someone loves me.

"You are to keep your eyes on the watch for Nazgul and Orcs, Peregrin Took," the wizard admonished, "and not for pretty new friends."

Good news: Gandalf has acknowledged my pretty-ness. Oh yeah, and Rita's… Bad news: He was agreeing with Gimli.

"At least they can make themselves useful, after a fashion," Boromir said, "even if they have strange ways of going about it." No doubt he was recalling Jesse's attempt to give the Uruk~Hai a talking~to.

Swoon. Boromir thinks I'm useful. Swoon. What was I upset about?

They all sat in silence for a moment, until Legolas realized something and got an evil little smile on his face.

"We'll be passing through Lothlorien, if I am correct. Why not let the Marchwarden Haldir deal with them there? If he finds them fit, there shan't be a problem. If he doesn't, then we decide what to do with them."

Oh yeah, being kicked out of the Fellowship because I'm a woman and they think I'm useless. I didn't know about Rita, because with her Haldir fetish who knew what she would decide to do, but there was no way I was going to be left behind. Plus, if I were left in Lothlorien I'd be unable to save my precious Boromir, and I am going to do that, regardless how much that may qualify me to join the Mary-Sue club.

A note on said Mary-Sues: I hate them and think they should all die a horrible and painful death, with the exception of the Mary-Sue Rita wrote for the Eye. And I in no way want to be a Mary-Sue. But for my Boromir, I will become one if that is what it takes. I would also like to know when the last time a Mary-Sue called Elrond a "Poopypants" (I'll never get over that) or started yelling at Orcs about face-cream was. Both of which I've done, so there. Not a Mary-Sue. And I had a plan.

"Rita," said I, "I have a plan!"

"A plan?" She looked at me and we stopped listening to the conversation about our futures to hear my plan.

"Yes, a PLAN." I repeated. "They think we are not useful." I frowned and pouted out my lip. "And since this is Middle Earth, we have to prove to them we *are* useful." Ok, now she had that look. "Not *that* way! We shall become masters of weaponry, and then we wont have to hide when Orcs attack and AND we'll be able to save Boromir." I was about to continue when a thought struck me, and it was such a thought that I became very distressed. Rita recognized my distressed face immediately.

"What's wrong?" she asked, for Rita loves and cares for me.

"Rita, if we're going to save Boromir, should we save Gandalf too? Or is it ok to let him die in Moria because he'll come back more powerful? Or can we save him and he'll still be more powerful? Or does he have to die and come back to be more powerful? And is it really ok to be altering the plot line? Are we really allowed to save anyone? What if-,"

"Jessi," Rita took hold of my shoulders. "Breathe."

I took a deep breath.

"The plot line has already been shot to hell," Rita told me. "We and every other crazy fan-girl have showed up in Middle Earth and killed the plot. Besides, we have to save Boromir. He is Boromir."

Don't ask me why that made sense, but it did. Perhaps it is because I'm usually the one saying things like that, or maybe it was because we've been inseparable for so long. At any rate, I did, and I was calm (not clam) once again. "Yes, you are right. Now we must do what every other fan-girl to come to Middle Earth has done: learn weapons."

"Yes." Rita agreed. I nodded. She nodded. I smiled and nodded. She smiled and nodded. I looked determined. She looked determined. I- well, you get the idea.

"Then it is decided," announced Gandalf and the Fellowship (minus those who had not been at the meeting to decide the future of Rita and myself) stood.

What was decided? What had I missed? "What's decided?" I asked with the cutest pout I could manage. Rita jutted out her bottom lip, struck a pose, and batted her eyes.

Gandalf rolled his eyes and started marching again, and just like that, we were off.

~*~*~*~

Well, I'd say we were off to a good start. At the moment we were resting on a rocky outcrop. Sam and Frodo were cooking food (it was time for Afternoon Tea), Rita was being instructed by Legolas how to shoot an arrow straight (the Fellowship had really taken to the idea of Rita and I learning how to fight, I was rather pleased), Pippin, Merry, and I were taking turns attacking Boromir with our swords (mine was shiny, ooohhh…), and Gandalf, Aragorn, and Gimli were watching in amusement. Ha, let them try to dump me with some scary elf queen now.

"One, two, good," said Boromir to one of the hobbits. I was now watching Rita shoot off her seventh straight arrow in a row, which had stuck itself in a tree that was being used as a target. Legolas looked pleased, and Rita and I hugged each other. Life in Middle Earth was good.

~*~*~*~

Across many meters of earth, Saruman was watching us from afar through the eyes of his winged spies. (Of course, all this was unbeknownst to us at the time.) "So, you have brought two foolish maidens with you on your quest, Gandalf the Gray." He mused to himself while inspecting his newly manicured nails. "What would you do if harm should befall them?" he chuckled evilly to himself.

(Hahahahaha, it is done! Well, not done, but this chapter, written by me, is. Hurrah.)