A/N: I know, I've been bad. I should have written this chapter long ago. I plead guilty on charges of preparing for a string of auditions.
Merry and Pippin had not looked so helpless as Jesse and I did in our current state: slung over the backs of two very ungentlemanly "Orcses". Maybe it was the fact that those two had seemed pretty much unconscious, whilst Jesse and I hadn't been roughed up at all, and were still very much wide awake and incredibly nervous.
"I don't think it was Oberon," Jesse finally ventured, giving me a sideways glance.
I was trying very hard to be angry. Incredibly hard. I would have liked nothing better than to be seething with rage at her at that very moment, and to be able to hold a grudge for YEARS on the grounds that I had been captured.
Alas, she is my best friend for a reason. We need each other and all that. Unfortunately for my better judgment, I respect that.
"Oh," I finally said sarcastically. "That explains the flapping."
Flashback to the little girl in Kill Bill Vol. II: "He was flapping, and then I put my foot on him, and he wasn't flapping anymore."
I SHOULD HAVE PUT MY FOOT ON ONE OF THOSE CREBAIN.
"I didn't say this could happen," she was muttering.
"Sorry?"
"I said I didn't say this could happen! When I'm president, I'm not going to allow this."
"Jesse," I said scornfully, "when you're president, I will still spit on you during vocal coaching."
"That wasn't my fault. And neither is this."
"It was your fault! And as for this… you're the one who let it out of the bag. Someone up there really hates us both."
Uneasily, we both scanned the skies. It would have been just our luck for a vagrant pigeon to be flying overhead. Nasty little things, pigeons.
"So, they're taking us where?" She wondered. "Hey, orc! Orc! Orcorcorcorcorcorcorcorcorc!"
The…Thing…that was carrying her whipped around and snarled right in her face. Undaunted, she continued: "Where're we going?"
"Isengard!" It growled back. "And BE SILENT."
I perked a little. Actually, I perked a lot. Isengard looked like a nice vacation spot: Beautiful grounds and surroundings, trees in bloom, obsidian citadel, Gothic architecture, fully furnished…maybe Saruman would lease the place.
Hell, I was more than a match for Saruman! I had a feeling he had never before encountered a redheaded soprano with a bombastic temper, and would never want to again after running across myself and my slave…I mean friend!
"Isengard!" I thrilled. "Jessica, we're going to ISENGARD! This is perfect! Remember, I said we should move there…Mr. Manicure won't know what hit him!"
Suddenly triumphant, I spurred on the Orc that was giving me a bareback lesson with my heels.
"Hurry UP, Thing! I need to start writing out the housewarming invitations!"
A/N: At least now we know where we're going. You take the reins, my lovely mezzo-in-training!