(A/N: Yes, I know, bad me. You may all hit me with sticks if you like. My writing bug wasn't biting and I've been busy. And yet still extremely bored. Don't ask. Anyway, this is back in Jesse's POV. In case you were wondering, R is for Rita, J is for Jessica, and S is for Saruman. [Your powers of deduction amaze me, really they do.])

Why is everything always my fault? Ok, yes, I did let the first Crebain out of Rita's back, but how was I supposed to know that's what it was? I thought it was Oberon, not some evil pretty-boy's spy. Sessh. Anyway, at least Isengard wasn't really that bad. I mean, yeah, there's an evil wizard living there who could probably kill us, but he's never come up against me and Rita. So I wasn't all that worried. Except about getting Rita out of there. We did, after all, have a job to do with the Fellowship.

Nope, he was no match for us.

R: "And this room will be red, and we can have a big chandelier-,"

J: "Like in Beauty and the Beast!"

R: "-and lots of candles that smell good and-,"

S: "I am Saruman the White! You will listen to me!"

J: "-and lots of comfy bean bag chairs and swishy pillows!"

R: "Yes!"

I actually felt kind of bad for Saruman. Here we are in his house and we're already taking over and planning our painting. But then again, he was the bad guy, and he had sent those stupid orcs after us in the first place. So maybe I wasn't feeling so bad.

R: "And we can splatter paint the bath tub!"

J: "Yes!"

"Are you listening to me?!" Saruman demanded.

"No," Rita and I said together.

"We can make it like the apartment in-,"

"HEY!!!"

We both turned to look at a very peeved Saruman. His hair wasn't so straight any more and one eye was twitching. I thought it was pretty damn funny looking.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" Rita asked him in an I'm-just-so-terribly-cute voice.

I think Saruman was about to crack. I really, really think that his head would have exploded if at that moment, the orc hadn't walked in with good news.

"My lord, your manicure and facial are ready."

Saruman was rubbing his temples. "Excellent." And he swept out of the room, completely forgetting about the two girls (us) who were taking over.

We looked after him, and the orc, not knowing what to do, stood and stared at us.

"I want a manicure and facial!" Rita protested. I looked down at my hands. They needed some serious work, and I didn't even want to know what my pores looked like at that moment. I had an idea.

"What about our manicures and facials?" I asked the orc. He looked at me stupidly. Orcs, you see, are not all that smart.

"You didn't FORGET, did you?" The orc didn't know what to say. "Oooh, you're going to be is so much trouble!"

"No, no, of course I didn't forget, uh, er, follow me…" And so we got manicures and facials. Score about ten millions for my powers of manipulation. Hahahaha!

"Ah, this is the life," Rita commented. We were lying back on comfy chairs, a citrus-y cream on our faces, cucumbers over our eyes, and each hand being manicured to perfection by some orcs in nurses clothes.

"Yep," I agreed. A girl could get used to this. And who knew orcs knew how to give manicures? They are full of surprises. But there was still the matter of escaping.

"Rita, shh!" I scolded as we pushed open the doors to Saruman's stables.

"Why are we here again?"

I sighed. "So we can escape and get back to the Fellowship and save Boromir."

"I mean, why are we sneaking into the stables?"

"For a horse."

"I can't ride a horse!"

"That's why we're only getting one horse. I'll drive, you just hang on."

"Ok," Rita agreed. It had taken most of the day to persuade her to leave Isengard, but in the end Boromir's life at stake won out.

"Are you sure you can ride well enough?" She asked as I tacked up the horse. Haha, making my parents pay large amounts of money for horseback riding lessons has finally paid off.

"You got a better plan?"

"We could just stay here."

I gave her my look.

"Ok fine," she mumbled. I helped her get on the horse and led it out into what was once Saruman's garden. I got on (with difficulty, as I've never had someone sitting in back of me while riding) and kicked the horse.

I'd named him Luxemburg. Anyway, he was a good horse and off we went. I just hoped we were going in the right direction…

"Tell me why I agreed to this again?" Rita asked after we'd gone for about two minutes.

J: "Because you owe me."

R: "I do not! What do I owe you for?!"

I turned around to look at her. "You cheated on me!"

R: "I did not!"

J: "You did too!"

R: "I didn't! We haven't even written the story yet!"

J: "Well we should."

R: "Yes, we should, and it can be all tragic. And I can die. I love killing off my characters."

J: "You're very strange."

R: "But you luurrrve me anyway."

J: "Shut up."