A/N: I drew this during the first quarter of school as a comic. It just
recently occurred to me that it could be a funny fanfic, so here you are.
Some of it may be boring or confusing, because I really have no
experience at explaining a fight from a picture, so be warned. I hope you
find this funny. I've expanded parts, and added an ending. It does have
some good jokes if nothing else. ;;
Disclaimer: I do not own anything Matrix, or Harry Potter.
Neo stands in front of a television set in the training room on the set of the Matrix. He watches himself fight all the Agent Smiths in a scene for Reloaded. This is what he has to say on his skills: "Man I kick butt! I am so the One!"
Seraph, is watching himself fight Neo on another screen nearby. He says, "Jeez, I am good!" at the same moment that Neo compliments himself.
Perhaps some misunderstanding occurs in their minds because they turn to each other and start arguing like girls.
Neo: "What are you talking about, I'm so better than you.
Seraph: "Yeah, right."
Neo: "You wanna go, 'Seraph'?"
Seraph: "Yes..." He moves into a beginning position. "I shall prove that I am indeed better than you."
Neo: "We'll see about that, Mr. Guardian Angel!" The bored camera crew pans around them with the camera as the setting behind them changes from the training room to the floor of the Zion temple. At the words "Mr. Guardian Angel" an animator in the special effects section adds angel wings on to Seraph's back. They disappear almost immediately.
Seraph and Neo start circling around. Behind the scenes, all the techies are glued to the screens, ready to watch the fight. One of them starts microwaving popcorn, and another one breaks out the beer. When it's starting to look like a good party, one of the techies (the one with the 'I heart the Matrix' T-shirt) goes to get Larry and Andy, thinking they might want to join in.
He rushes into their editing room and gasps out: "Larry, Andy...Seraph is fightin' Neo!"
Larry: "Jeez, not again."
Andy: "Oh, brother."
Larry turns to Andy with one eyebrow quirked: "What?"
Andy: "I—it—gah!! Nothing!"
Larry shakes his head: "Come on, we have to stop them...they're the only actors we've got!"
They both run out of the editing room, yelling encouragement at each other. "Run!" "Hurry up!" "Faster!" "They're gonna die!!" They reach the right doorway and use their Master-Director-Produce-WachowskiBros-Key to open the door. "Whew made it!"
They walk out into the Zion temple. Andy walks out to the edge of the speaking platform. He flings his arms up: "Enough!"
Neo and Seraph freeze in some very uncomfortable positions. They find the Wachowski brothers very scary. The bored cameramen all hold still. One of them turns his camera to look at Andy's face.
Andy: "There is a great threat to our city—I mean movie. You are the only actors we have for these epic parts...blah blah blah...you must respect and defend...blah blah blah blah...."
The personalities of Neo and Seraph are beginning to take over again.
Neo: "Who is he? What's he talking about?"
Seraph: "No idea."
Neo and Seraph: "KEEP FIGHTING!!!"
Neo: "All right, no more Mr. Pretty Boy!" He pulls out a short sharp Japanese sword.
Seraph: "Ohh—look—you have a samurai sword. Yeah well, I'm soo scared; I've got this wicked axe!" Indeed he does; it has a very long handle, with a sharp blade, and a nasty spike on the backside.
They start fighting, spinning around and flying at each other, swinging the deadly blades. They parry and block etc. etc. The cameramen are filming everything, and the techies are really getting a kick out of this. Andy isn't even aware that they've started fighting again, he's so wrapped up in his speech. And Larry is thinking about that secret he's kept to himself all these years.
Unseen by everyone (for the moment) are two programs lurking in the shadows. They both have long white dreadlocks, and good sunglasses. They look exactly alike.
They are of course, the twins.
First twin: "What do you say we break up their little party?"
Second twin: "Oh let's! I always hate it when we're not invited."
They change into their ghost forms and fly down toward the fighters.
The cameramen spot them first. They all panic and run away screaming. Some of the cameras are dropped, but most of them are left in place. Andy realizes no one is listening to him and walks back to stand with his brother. They beginning talking quietly.
Neo and Seraph stand side by side across the way from the twins. For a moment all is still. Then Neo and Seraph yell and point their fingers.
Neo and Seraph: "EVIL DO-ERS!"
All four: "DIE!!"
There is a twin on either side of Neo and Seraph. Seraph flies into the air to kick the one behind them in the face. Neo lunges forward with his sword to the other one.
They fight in pairs. Seraph regains the axe he had dropped, and starts hacking at his twin. Neo loses his sword and falls to the ground when the twin attacks him. He darts back upward and throws a big punch in the twin's stomach.
SIX HOURS LATER:
The twin Neo is fighting flies into the air and attempts to kick him in the groin. Neo grabs his leg and starts spinning him around his head. Uh oh, thinks the twin. Seraph and his twin are duking it out mano a mano.
Larry: "Jeez, I think they can keep this up all night!"
Andy: "...You're right...Hey—Neo, Seraph! Finish 'em off with a Crouching Actor, Hidden Camera!"
Neo and Seraph: "Right!!!"
They fly up faster than the twins can see, and come down with weapons ready.
Up on the temple ledge Larry turns to his brother.
Larry: "Hey, Larry!"
Andy: "What are you saying? I'm Andy, you're Larry."
Larry: "That's what you think."
Andy quirks his eyebrow.
Larry: "We were switched at birth. Or as children."
Andy begins to flip out. His eyes go wide and his mouth falls open.
Andy: "Heh, heh, you're kidding, right?"
Meanwhile, on the ground, Neo and Seraph have finished their fight with the twins. Ghosts of the twins are drifting slowly upward.
Neo: "Well, well, well. Now that those two are gone, Let's Finish This!"
They start fighting all over again. The taunts fly faster than ever.
Neo: "I can't believe you wear that boring outfit—it's entirely white!
Seraph: "Yeah, well at least I don't look like I'm auditioning for Snape in a Harry Potter movie!"
Neo: "Oh, you're gonna pay for that!"
Seraph: "Come and get me, white boy. You're kung fu is not strong!"
They fight back and forth.
Back on the ledge:
Andy: "That can't be true. Why are you saying this?"
Larry: "It is true, Larry."
Andy: "How do you know?"
All around them things are starting to come loose. The fights have destabilized the temple and now if everyone doesn't get out, they are going to die.
Larry: "I heard Mom and Dad talk about it when we were little. I didn't get all the details, but you're really Larry and I'm really Andy."
Andy: "No, no, I don't believe it!"
Rocks come crashing down and brothers have to dodge. They suddenly notice the two fighters down below still going at it.
Andy(or is it Larry?): "Those idiots, I told them to knock it off!"
Larry(or is it Andy?): "We going to have to take matters into our own hands."
Andy: "If you want something done, you have to do it yourself!"
They jump down amid the falling rocks and march over two the pair. They have very grim faces.
Larry: "Neo, Seraph, you have three seconds to get yourselves back to your chairs or else...!"
Neo and Seraph run toward their chairs. They are still very scared of the Wachowski brothers. They're almost to their chairs when SUDDENLY—several huge rocks fall out of air and trap the actors!
Andy: "Stop!" He flings his arms into the air and stares upward. Dust and debris stop falling immediately. Andy glares around as Larry calls for medics.
SEVERAL HOURS LATER:
Everyone is sitting around the studio. Techies sit next to cameramen, props and lighting people are side by side. Neo and Seraph are propped up in their chairs. Neo has a broken arm; Seraph, a broken leg. They all sit in a semi-circle around the Wachowski brothers, looking like chastised children.
Larry: "Neo, Seraph, that was very bad of you. Now we're going to be off- schedule, thanks to your stupid little tricks."
Andy: "And how dare the rest of you encourage them?!? You guys, all sitting around watching and getting drunk." He points at the hungover techies. "And you lot filming the entire thing! And you stupid props people, using up all our good styrofoam rocks!! I am very disappointed!"
Larry: "As am I. Because of your foolishness you too won't be any good for at least a month.
Andy: "Yeah, now even Carrie can fight better than you, and she's got a baby!"
Larry: "Now we are going return to what we were doing before you interrupted us. You all have to clean up this mess. And be warned—there may be much editing and job cuts!"
The two Wachowski brothers leave the room for their editing lounge. The others begin cleaning. After all, being creator-director-producers puts you about on level with God.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything Matrix, or Harry Potter.
Neo stands in front of a television set in the training room on the set of the Matrix. He watches himself fight all the Agent Smiths in a scene for Reloaded. This is what he has to say on his skills: "Man I kick butt! I am so the One!"
Seraph, is watching himself fight Neo on another screen nearby. He says, "Jeez, I am good!" at the same moment that Neo compliments himself.
Perhaps some misunderstanding occurs in their minds because they turn to each other and start arguing like girls.
Neo: "What are you talking about, I'm so better than you.
Seraph: "Yeah, right."
Neo: "You wanna go, 'Seraph'?"
Seraph: "Yes..." He moves into a beginning position. "I shall prove that I am indeed better than you."
Neo: "We'll see about that, Mr. Guardian Angel!" The bored camera crew pans around them with the camera as the setting behind them changes from the training room to the floor of the Zion temple. At the words "Mr. Guardian Angel" an animator in the special effects section adds angel wings on to Seraph's back. They disappear almost immediately.
Seraph and Neo start circling around. Behind the scenes, all the techies are glued to the screens, ready to watch the fight. One of them starts microwaving popcorn, and another one breaks out the beer. When it's starting to look like a good party, one of the techies (the one with the 'I heart the Matrix' T-shirt) goes to get Larry and Andy, thinking they might want to join in.
He rushes into their editing room and gasps out: "Larry, Andy...Seraph is fightin' Neo!"
Larry: "Jeez, not again."
Andy: "Oh, brother."
Larry turns to Andy with one eyebrow quirked: "What?"
Andy: "I—it—gah!! Nothing!"
Larry shakes his head: "Come on, we have to stop them...they're the only actors we've got!"
They both run out of the editing room, yelling encouragement at each other. "Run!" "Hurry up!" "Faster!" "They're gonna die!!" They reach the right doorway and use their Master-Director-Produce-WachowskiBros-Key to open the door. "Whew made it!"
They walk out into the Zion temple. Andy walks out to the edge of the speaking platform. He flings his arms up: "Enough!"
Neo and Seraph freeze in some very uncomfortable positions. They find the Wachowski brothers very scary. The bored cameramen all hold still. One of them turns his camera to look at Andy's face.
Andy: "There is a great threat to our city—I mean movie. You are the only actors we have for these epic parts...blah blah blah...you must respect and defend...blah blah blah blah...."
The personalities of Neo and Seraph are beginning to take over again.
Neo: "Who is he? What's he talking about?"
Seraph: "No idea."
Neo and Seraph: "KEEP FIGHTING!!!"
Neo: "All right, no more Mr. Pretty Boy!" He pulls out a short sharp Japanese sword.
Seraph: "Ohh—look—you have a samurai sword. Yeah well, I'm soo scared; I've got this wicked axe!" Indeed he does; it has a very long handle, with a sharp blade, and a nasty spike on the backside.
They start fighting, spinning around and flying at each other, swinging the deadly blades. They parry and block etc. etc. The cameramen are filming everything, and the techies are really getting a kick out of this. Andy isn't even aware that they've started fighting again, he's so wrapped up in his speech. And Larry is thinking about that secret he's kept to himself all these years.
Unseen by everyone (for the moment) are two programs lurking in the shadows. They both have long white dreadlocks, and good sunglasses. They look exactly alike.
They are of course, the twins.
First twin: "What do you say we break up their little party?"
Second twin: "Oh let's! I always hate it when we're not invited."
They change into their ghost forms and fly down toward the fighters.
The cameramen spot them first. They all panic and run away screaming. Some of the cameras are dropped, but most of them are left in place. Andy realizes no one is listening to him and walks back to stand with his brother. They beginning talking quietly.
Neo and Seraph stand side by side across the way from the twins. For a moment all is still. Then Neo and Seraph yell and point their fingers.
Neo and Seraph: "EVIL DO-ERS!"
All four: "DIE!!"
There is a twin on either side of Neo and Seraph. Seraph flies into the air to kick the one behind them in the face. Neo lunges forward with his sword to the other one.
They fight in pairs. Seraph regains the axe he had dropped, and starts hacking at his twin. Neo loses his sword and falls to the ground when the twin attacks him. He darts back upward and throws a big punch in the twin's stomach.
SIX HOURS LATER:
The twin Neo is fighting flies into the air and attempts to kick him in the groin. Neo grabs his leg and starts spinning him around his head. Uh oh, thinks the twin. Seraph and his twin are duking it out mano a mano.
Larry: "Jeez, I think they can keep this up all night!"
Andy: "...You're right...Hey—Neo, Seraph! Finish 'em off with a Crouching Actor, Hidden Camera!"
Neo and Seraph: "Right!!!"
They fly up faster than the twins can see, and come down with weapons ready.
Up on the temple ledge Larry turns to his brother.
Larry: "Hey, Larry!"
Andy: "What are you saying? I'm Andy, you're Larry."
Larry: "That's what you think."
Andy quirks his eyebrow.
Larry: "We were switched at birth. Or as children."
Andy begins to flip out. His eyes go wide and his mouth falls open.
Andy: "Heh, heh, you're kidding, right?"
Meanwhile, on the ground, Neo and Seraph have finished their fight with the twins. Ghosts of the twins are drifting slowly upward.
Neo: "Well, well, well. Now that those two are gone, Let's Finish This!"
They start fighting all over again. The taunts fly faster than ever.
Neo: "I can't believe you wear that boring outfit—it's entirely white!
Seraph: "Yeah, well at least I don't look like I'm auditioning for Snape in a Harry Potter movie!"
Neo: "Oh, you're gonna pay for that!"
Seraph: "Come and get me, white boy. You're kung fu is not strong!"
They fight back and forth.
Back on the ledge:
Andy: "That can't be true. Why are you saying this?"
Larry: "It is true, Larry."
Andy: "How do you know?"
All around them things are starting to come loose. The fights have destabilized the temple and now if everyone doesn't get out, they are going to die.
Larry: "I heard Mom and Dad talk about it when we were little. I didn't get all the details, but you're really Larry and I'm really Andy."
Andy: "No, no, I don't believe it!"
Rocks come crashing down and brothers have to dodge. They suddenly notice the two fighters down below still going at it.
Andy(or is it Larry?): "Those idiots, I told them to knock it off!"
Larry(or is it Andy?): "We going to have to take matters into our own hands."
Andy: "If you want something done, you have to do it yourself!"
They jump down amid the falling rocks and march over two the pair. They have very grim faces.
Larry: "Neo, Seraph, you have three seconds to get yourselves back to your chairs or else...!"
Neo and Seraph run toward their chairs. They are still very scared of the Wachowski brothers. They're almost to their chairs when SUDDENLY—several huge rocks fall out of air and trap the actors!
Andy: "Stop!" He flings his arms into the air and stares upward. Dust and debris stop falling immediately. Andy glares around as Larry calls for medics.
SEVERAL HOURS LATER:
Everyone is sitting around the studio. Techies sit next to cameramen, props and lighting people are side by side. Neo and Seraph are propped up in their chairs. Neo has a broken arm; Seraph, a broken leg. They all sit in a semi-circle around the Wachowski brothers, looking like chastised children.
Larry: "Neo, Seraph, that was very bad of you. Now we're going to be off- schedule, thanks to your stupid little tricks."
Andy: "And how dare the rest of you encourage them?!? You guys, all sitting around watching and getting drunk." He points at the hungover techies. "And you lot filming the entire thing! And you stupid props people, using up all our good styrofoam rocks!! I am very disappointed!"
Larry: "As am I. Because of your foolishness you too won't be any good for at least a month.
Andy: "Yeah, now even Carrie can fight better than you, and she's got a baby!"
Larry: "Now we are going return to what we were doing before you interrupted us. You all have to clean up this mess. And be warned—there may be much editing and job cuts!"
The two Wachowski brothers leave the room for their editing lounge. The others begin cleaning. After all, being creator-director-producers puts you about on level with God.