He sat outside of her house. He had been there for an hour trying to get the guts to walk up and knock on the door. It had been a long week and a long day. All he wanted to do was curl up with someone he felt like his old self with and forget the past year. He wanted to tell her everything he had done, and how horrible he felt. He needed to let the feelings out, but he knew it would hurt her. He had to keep them to himself, allow them to haunt him so that she would not be hurt by what he did. He walked up to the house and he could hear the music through her door. He could hear her lovely voice come over too.
Sometimes I watch the world go by
I wonder what it's like
To wake up ever single day
Smile on your face you never tried
We both know
We can't change it
But we both know
We'll just have to face it
You just bring down
So I'm counting my tears
Till I get over you
If only I could give you what
Jack was not sure if he should proceed. He really wanted to. After almost loosing everything again he took the time to look at himself in the mirror and he did not like the man looking back. He did not recognize him, he was not he same Jack Bauer from what seemed like so many years ago. He was not even a shell of the person he use to be. He hoped that maybe she would help him find himself again. He needed someone to help him.
He grunted to himself about this. He needed someone to help him. What would his father had said? Probably would have laughed at him saying, "Boy there is not time to find yourself. You work hard and provide for your family. Other than that there is nothing else to find out about yourself." Jack had been able to deal with some of these pearls of wisdom that still haunted him and made him feel worthless at times, but it all changed when he lost Teri. He had failed on that part of his job as a "man", to protect his family. He was ready to leave Teri after they separated. He could not open up to her like she wanted, he knew it was for her own good but she would not understand. He tried to explain to her once that if he told her everything he had ever done it would be the equivalent of telling a mother who abandoned her child early in life, but came back later how lousy of a parent she was. It would hurt her, and he did not want to hurt her. She never accepted this. At the same time he was mad because she would chastise him for the relationship he had outside while they were separated, he never brought up the fact that he knew about the doctor or psychiatrist she had hooked up with while they were separated. He held it inside like everything else and let it boil till he wanted to explode, like the lid off a soda that had been shaken up to much and the carbon dioxide wanted to get escape.
He knocked on the door. His hand slightly shaking as he brought it up to knock. He was worried Kate would tell him to go to hell. After all he had done to her he half expected it. He stood in the doorway for a minute and waited for her to open the door. His mind was telling him, "You fool she looked out the peep hole saw it was you and sad fuck it. If you were on fire right now she would not have wasted the water to put you out because of how you treated her."
With that thought the door opened. She said in a cold voice that he had expected, "Jack. Nice to see you." She did not even feign actually caring.
"Hi. Uhm." He looked down at his feet, this was hard for him to do. "Can we talk for a minute?"
"I have someone coming over in a few minutes. How about we do this later?" She wasn't lying she did have her new "friend" coming over and she could only guess how he would react to see Jack standing there.
"Oh sorry." He looked down again. His mind screaming at him, "I told you so. You stupid fool. She doesn't want you anymore. No one wants you. No one ever would want someone as pathetic as you."
She noticed the flower in his hands and she figured he was trying to get back into her life. She almost smiled at the thought.
"Here I got these for you. Sort of sorry for how I broke it off with you. I better get going anyways work to do." Jack said handing her the flowers and than walking away quickly trying to find some dignity to hold on too. When he reached the driveway he was almost hit by a black Lexus that came speeding into it. He looked up and saw a guy behind the wheel of the car. His heart sank lower, she had moved on.
The man got out and said, "Sorry about that."
Jack smiled at him and said, "It's ok." Jack continued down the driveway. He could feel the mans eyes on him as he walked to his SUV across the street. He knew what the man was thinking, Sucker. When he reached the SUV he got in and sped off down the quiet suburban road towards his loud city apartment.
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Kate was surprised that he had showed up. She had heard his name in the new earlier for breaking Ramon Salazar out of prison and than taking down the mad man Steven Saunders that haunted L.A. with the virus, but she did not expect him to stop by. A part of her wish he would so she could show him she had moved on, even if it was a lie to herself and him. She still thought of him every night and would roll over some nights hoping he was next to her in bed like he had been for those few months, but every night she was disappointed again.
When she saw him it hurt her to see him like that, but she knew she added to it with her cold demeanor. It made her mad that he thought he could just come back into her life whenever he wanted and leave again when he needed to. That was not what she wanted. She wanted a man who wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him. After he left she walked into the kitchen where she had dinner cooking for her dinner date tonight. She grabbed a vase out of the cabnet and put the flowers in it. Part of her wanted to throw them on the ground and jump on them, but another part of her urged her to read the card. She heard a knock on the door. Her heart jumped, could it be him coming back not taking her answer. She walked to the door pulse racing, she opened it and there was Harlod. She smiled and said "Hello. Come on it. I'm almost don't cooking."
Harold walked in and asked, "Who was that out there just now?"
Her heart sank he had seen him. Would Jack do anything now, she doubted it. "Uhm Jack Bauer." She answered. Harold knew who Jack was because he had been there for Kate as a friend at first after her and Jack broke up.
"Oh." He said. "What did he want?" Trying to figure out if he was going to have to go head to head with Jack for Kate.
"He just stopped by to say sorry. He wanted to let me know he made it back on too. Just being nice. Nothing more." She lied. There had been more and she hoped secretly that there would be more.
Harold was not stupid. He knew Kate wanted Jack back again. She acted like she didn't, but in the end Jack was a hard man to fight against. He was the secret agent man all women dreamed of, Jack had been the night in shinning armor for Kate, and you can't go against that, especially for a hopeless romantic like Kate. "Kate We need to talk." Harold would tell her before she could tell him.
"Ok. Let me go turn the oven off." Kate thought she knew what was coming and was worried about what it might do to her or there friendship because she had always cherished him as a friend, and knew the minute they got involved it was wrong to do so.
When she came back out Harold stood in the door way still. "Kate I know you still want to be with Jack and I don't want to stand in the way. I know you to well for you to try to lie to me. Just tell him if he hurts you again I don't care who or what he knows I will hurt him. You have been my best friends since we meant, and we both know we could not be much else without ruining the friendship. So let's just be friends, and you try to get that man straightened out for yourself." Harold said goodbye and left Kate standing with a huge dinner cooked and no one to eat it with.
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Kate took the food out of the oven and thought about taking it over to Jack's, but she was not going to give in. She had to listen to her head on this one. Instead she made herself a plate and walked out to her CD player. Her friend Monica had made her a CD entitled The Post Break Up Music: He was a loser anyways. Monica had told her that it was meant for every break up and would give any women enough strength to see it was just another mistake.
Kate flipped through the songs passing by Survivor by Desinty Child and kept flipping through till she reached the one she wanted to hear.
Can you see me
Floating above your head
As you lay in bed
Thinking about everything
That you did not do
Cause saying I love you
Has nothing to meaning it
She felt better by hearing the worlds. She knew her heart was not the only one aching tonight. Harold and Jack could join in with the misery. Misery always loved company, and it had a trio tonight. She hated hurting Harold, but he was right as long as she thought of Jack she should not have been with him. It was not fear to either of them. She hated Jack at the moment because he was still there, even though he left her so many months ago. She could hear it in his voice earlier in the day. She had wanted him to come over, she had given him a chance and he shrugged her off. He would send someone to pick it up, as if it were to unbearable to come himself. And now the day was over, and surely he had done a lot of the things that tormented his soul, he would run to her for the night and leave again in the morning. She thought, "Not this time Jack. I'm not going to let you do it to me again."
And I don't trust you
Cause every time you're here
Your intentions are unclear
I spend every hour waiting for a phone call
That I know will never come
I used to think you were the one
Now I'm sick of thinking anything at all
Kate put her food down, no longer hungry. She walked over to the bar and poured herself a stiff scotch. She drank it down and poured another. She laughed to herself as she thought, You always will have the scotch to keep you company. The scotch he bought you. She took the bottle and threw it outside. She studied the flowers he had brought her. As if that were enough to mend the broken heart he caused her. She took them out of the vase and walked over to the garbage can throwing them inside, and walked away. She grabbed her cordless phone and walked out of the room to call her friend Monica.
You aint ever coming back to me
That's not how things were supposed to be
You take my hand just to give it back
No other lover has ever done that
Monica answered the phone and she could tell Kate was distressed about something, "What's wrong?"
"He came over."
"Harold was suppose to come over." Monica said not understanding who he was. She could hear the CD she made for Kate after Jack left her again, playing in the background. "Did Harold break up with you?" Monica asked.
"Yes, but that's not the he I was talking about."
Monica finally getting the point said, "OHHHHHHH!!!"
"Yeah."
"That arshole." Monica said for support. She knew Jack, and she did not think he was an arshole, just a prick some times.
"I still miss him. But I'm not going to run back to him. He'll only hurt me again, I can't let him do this to me. He can't just walk into my life every time he has a bad day, or when he feels like it. I'm not his doormat." Kate said knowing the alcohol was talking with her.
"Kate. Listen to me for a moment. Forget him. You have to find a way to let him go. You know he is really not from our world, and he tried so hard, but he couldn't' do it. Kate he loves his job, he was very upfront with you on that subject. You tried to change him, but he wouldn't. Now forget about him. Tomorrow night we are going out together and we will find Mr. Right for you, or we can go see a romantic comedy and dream of actually having that happen."
"Romantic comedy sounds good. Girls night out. We don't need no stinking men." Kate said. It had been a tradition with them every time one of their hearts got broken to have a few girls night out where the broken hearted and the other could get together and both agree they didn't need no stinking men.
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Do you remember
The way we used to melt
Do you remember how it felt
When I touched you
Oh cause I remember very well
Jack was in his car outside the liquor store. He had just went in and bought himself a twelve pack of Corona bottles, and a bottle of tequila. He knew what his night would consist of: drinking tequila shots and chasing it with corona until he passed out or was to numb to feel his heart breaking. He was agitated by the music on the radio. What ever station he turned on it had some song about a fool who left a great woman and was now regretting it. This station wasn't any different, but he had already went through all his other stations so he just settled on the song.
And how long has it been
Since someone you let in
Has given what I gave to you
And at night when you sleep
Do you dream I would be there
Just for a minute or two do you?
He pulled inside his drive way when his cell phone rang. He hoped it was Kim with news on Chase. He knew Chase had gotten out of surgery and was stable, but had not woke up yet. Kim said she would call him when Chase woke up. He looked at the caller id and saw it was his office phone, which meant it was someone from CTU and more specifically Brad Hammond.
"Bauer?" Jack answered his phone.
"Jack where the hell are you? You were suppose to come back and interrogate one of the curriers. Where the hell are you?" Hammond screamed over the phone.
"I had to make a quick stop somewhere. I'll be there in a few minutes." Jack answered back, trying to keep himself from getting pissed. He had been working for over 24 hours, knocked out twice, killed his boss, lived through withdrawal, and other things just to have this new arshole screaming at him. Jack felt his head start to pound and he said, "I'll be there as soon as possible."
Hammond wanted to wring Jack's neck at the moment. He was already down two agents as Michelle had left work, and Tony was going to prison, he needed more people to work. "Get here now." Hammond said into the phone.
Jack felt like asking, "Or What?" But he knew he was in enough trouble with the prison break, riot, Nina's death, lying to the President, Chases hand, and Ryan's death. "I should be there in ten minutes." Jack said into the phone. He noticed his hand start to shake slightly and he knew the drug was wearing off Ramon had given him. He did not look forward to the withdrawal symptoms again. He was tempted to shoot up before he went back to work, but he did not have any of the drug, and he promised himself.
You ain't ever coming back to me
That's how things were supposed to be
You take my hand just to give it back
No other lover has ever done that
He needed the drug with all that had gone on, and now being shrugged off by Kate, and her new boyfriend. Her new boyfriend. He was a dweeb looking mug, Jack thought to himself. Seriously how could she be attracted to him. He was rich, that he had on Jack, but really what else could there be.
Heartache Heartache I just have so much
A simple love with a complex touch
There is nothing you can say or do
I called to let you know I'm through with you
Jack pulled into CUT. He was ready to go to sleep or anything at the moment, he did not want to work more. He got out of his SUV and walked inside. Some people looked at him in shock, the word that he was a drug addicted that killed Nina Myers, and just chopped of Chase Edmunds hand off had gotten through CTU already. Jack would not be surprised if the story was that he had done it to Chase because she was sleeping with Kim, and not because Chase had a deadly virus attached to his hand. He would not be at least bit shocked if the story was that he had connected the device to Chase's hand and than without a thought chopped it off, and Chase begged and pleaded for him not to do it. Jack felt horrible again for doing it, and for his own problems. He felt his stomach tighten in pain as he walked up the steps to his office where Hammond awaited him.