He drove home alone again. Sometimes he would tell himself being alone there is nothing wrong with it, it was just the way of life. People would be alone and in the end we were all alone in dying. It didn't take the feeling of dread away when he would get home late at night no one there, or when he woke up in the morning and the only thing awaiting him was another day at work, and as he walked into the house it hit him, that isn't waiting for him anymore.
He walked in dropping his coat in the entrance of the house, and taking his shoes off he walked over to the stereo and turned it on pressing play. He didn't care what CD was in he just needed something to take away the quiet reality of his life.
My eyes seek reality
My fingers seek my veins
There's a dog at your back step
He must come in from the rain
I fought cause I let go
Let me low as right away
So my eyes seek reality
And my fingers seek my veins
He lowered himself on the couch his anger catching up with him. He sacrificed everything and here he was alone with nothing to show for it. Is this all life is one big battle that no one will ever win? Saunders was right they turned their back on him, they were finished with him and no longer needed him. He no longer served them so he could just be discarded. He was all used up, no longer useful let him go on his own, and the truth was he knew this day would come, yet he still was surprised by it. Still surprised after almost forty years of life he had nothing to show for it, but Kim. In truth Kim was Terri's child. Terri was responsible for the way Kim turned out not Jack. He knew he was not around enough to contribute, the only thing he contributed was half the genetic code.
A trash fire is warm
But nowhere safe from the storm
And I can't bear to see
What I've let me be
So wicked and worn
He got off the couch the last part of the versus getting to him. And I can't bear to see, what I've let me be, so wicked and worn. Chase was smarter than Jack could ever be, Jack thought, he quit before the job got him. The job got Jack a long time ago. Caused him to become cold, cold enough to kill a man in cold blood because some terrorist said so, or just to keep his cover in tact. How many people had he killed? To many to count and to many to ever be forgiven for.
So as I write to you
Of what is done and to do
Maybe you'll understand
And won't cry for this man
Cause low man is due
He stood in his living room staring at the wall contemplating his next move. His body ached, and screamed for the drug, but he promised himself. The voice came in his head, What are you quitting for? There's nothing left for you. Kim doesn't want you anymore she has Chase, he's not cold like you. Kate she was smart enough to tell you to piss off. There's nothing left for you, so why not go out in a ball of joy.
Rage over came him and everything in his path was displaced. He flipped the couch, coffee table over, pictures on the wall knocked down, glass shattering all around him. Nothing was left in the room by the end of his rage he ran to the bathroom as a wave of nausea overcame him. Sitting on the bathroom floor his head over the toliet the voice came over again, You still have some. It is under the sink. What's one last one?
Please forgive me
My eyes seek reality
My fingers feel for fate
Touch clean with a dirty hand
I touch the clean to the ways
He crawled over to the sink and opened the cabinet underneath. After moving some of the cleaning supplies he found what he was looking for. He crawled back to the wall, his body unwilling to do much more work other than crawling. He set the vile of the drug and needle next to him on the floor. He leaned against the wall looking at it, it was calling for him. He knew it would block the pain and loneliness out, but that was only temporary it would come back, it always did.
The trash fire warm
But nowhere safe from the storm
And I can't bear to see
What I've let me be
So wicked and worn
He stared at it entranced by its magical power over him. He could beat it, he would beat it. He was not going to become another junky. He could fight it, he was Jack Bauer he could fight anything. He was not going to loose completely to them. Them being everyone who ever did wrong to him, Salazar's, Nina, CTU, the government, Saunders, God, and everything else. He would show them. The pain come through and he slumped to the floor curling himself up into a fetal position, sweat pouring off him. He tried to block the pain out. He would hold out as long as he could, maybe he could hold out indefinitely.
So as I write to you
of what is done and to do
Maybe you'll understand
And won't cry for this man
Cuz low man is due
Please forgive me
Please forgive me
Please forgive me
Kate reached Jack's apartment. She stumbled to the front door, she could hear the music through the door. She banged loudly for a few minutes, but with no answer she walked to the back of the town house where he kept a spare key for the door. She searched the back till she found the key on the frame above the door. She thought to herself, How original. And he's a federal agent. She unlocked the door and walked inside. She searched the first floor, the living room, dining room, kitchen and did not see him. She continued her search upstairs trying to yell over the music to find Jack. She stumbled up the steps. She searched the rooms right off the steps. His study, bedroom, and finally she stopped only one room left.
She walked to the end of the hall and saw Jack curled up on the floor staring at a syringe with a substance in it. She watched for a minute to see if he would see that she was there.
So low the sky is all I see
All I want from you is forgive me
So you bring this poor dog in from the rain
Though he just wants right back out again
So I cry to the alley
Confess all to the rain
But I lie, lie straight to the mirrors
The one I've broken to match my face
Jack did not hear her enter nor did he see her standing at the entrance of the bathroom. He was staring intently at the needle his mind battling to make a decision as it screeched in pain. He knew it would take it all away. All the regrets, all the sadness, and the horrible things he had done would all go away for awhile.
Kate yelled to him so he would hear her over the music, "Jack are you ok?"
Jack heard her, but his mind was to far off to respond. He did not want to break his trance with the syringe part of him afraid it would go away, and another part afraid it wouldn't go away.
Kate kneeled next to him. She hated him at the moment, but she had never seen him like this. He was covered in sweat entranced in the syringe. She could only guess what it held. She touched him causing him to jump out of the trance. Pain showing on his face at the sudden movement caused his withdrawal to kick in worse.
"Kate?" He said almost in a whisper.
She could make the word that came out of his mouth but she could not hear it because of the music. "Jack. What's wrong?" She asked not knowing exactly why he was staring at the drug so intently. She did not know about his addiction yet.
Jack almost broke down seeing Kate. The memory of what he did to her, her siter, and that entire day came rushing back. He actually told Kim to kill someone. He was a monster. "I'm sorry Kate." Jack said almost to himself.
"What?" Kate asked not hearing him.
The trash fire is warm
But nowhere safe from the storm
And I can't bear to see
What I've let me be
So wicked and worn
So as I write to you
Of what is done and to do
Maybe you'll understand
And won't cry for this man
Because low man is due
"Come on Jack. Let's get you up off the floor." Kate said grabbing his arm. As she did so she looked down at him. Her eyes full of kindness, she was still pissed at him, but he looked so horrible, and she feared for him. "Let's get you changed out of these clothes and than some food. We can talk than."
Jack got up his stomach and body wrenching in pain. He walked wearily with her to his bedroom. She sat him on the bed where he hugged himself tightly.
Kate looked at Jack and noticed how vulnerable looking he was. She hated and loved him again all at once. She grabbed new clothes for him to put on so he could get out of his sweat drenched clothes.
Jack unbuttoned his shirt and did not care if she noticed the track marks on his arm. The truth had already come out so it did not have to be hidden anymore. Jack Bauer was a weak junky, that was him.
Kate noticed the marks and her drunk mind made the logical connections it should have made earlier. She was not sure what to do. She almost gasped when she saw the marks, but instead she closed her eyes holding back tears. She felt like a horrible person at the moment. She turned her back on him earlier when he was trying to reach out to her, but than the voice came over, He didn't want help. He was the one that left you. Don't you feel bad.
Please forgive me
Please forgive me
So low the sky is all I see
All I want from you is forgive me
So you bring this poor dog in from the rain
Though he just wants right back out again
Jack felt his stomach turn and he quickly ran to the bathroom. He fell to his knees in front of the toilet and got sick. Kate walked in behind and kneeled next to him. Putting her hand on his back she gently rubbed circles as he dry heaved over the toilet. "Shhh. It's ok Jack. I'll be here with you."
After what seemed like forever he finished and sat up. "Thanks." He said to Kate. She looked at his eyes and they were not the same eyes she use to get lost in. They conveyed pain and were blood shot. She wanted to protect him again from everything, but Jack was not one to be protected. "Why don't you go lay down for awhile?" Kate said getting off the floor.
Jack didn't want her to leave, he was not sure if he could do this himself and not slip. The drug was there, all over he could get to it easily and fix his problem for the time. "Sure." He said getting up he walked into his room and lay on the bed. Kate sat next to him gently running her hands through his hair, trying to help him relax. She use to do it all the time when he would come home from CTU stressed out.
After an hour Jack's body relaxed and he fell asleep. Kate lay next to him and fell asleep next to him.
My eyes seek reality
My fingers seek my veins
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