The breaking Point
My alarm goes off. The blaring noise does not scare me or shake me from a pleasent dream. I am already awake. I pull myself out of bed. I am already wearing my uniform. I never took it off for bed. I never really take it off. I walk over to the replicator, I order myself a coffee. The doctor thinks I'm over-tired, drained, thats why I seem t oinhale the suspension. He's right it is addiction.But not the kind he's familiar with. Its comforting, having this drink, comforting, things are normal as long as I have a cup in my hands. I wont give it up. I learn to hide it.
I leave my quaters its too early to head up to the bridge. I walk around my deck. The lights are still set to night time. Its always nighttime in space, and yet we must terranize it, make it seem like there's a night and day. There isn't its always night here.
I'm frightened, no, concerned, of whats foing to happen next. If I enter the bridge something will happen. An alien race will attack us, the warp core will malfunction, will be sucked into some strange anomaly. There's always something. I change my direction, away from the bridge. It bothers me this...something. This knowledge that as soon as I enter the bridge I will have to save the crew, come up with a daring plan,be the captain. I'm getting to old for this.
Its time for my shift. I'm being irrational about the bridge. Accidents don't happen because I'm on the bridge, they happen because I'm in the delta quadrant. Still I am taking the long way.
I enter the turbolift there is so no avoiding it. I must go, Chakotay will worry. Pain grips my heart. My thought un-ravel. I become anxious, the turbo speeds to the bridge. I don't want THIS, I never wanted THIS. I wanted a life. Not a job. I wanted to be loved. Not worshipped. I stop the turbolift.
I try to calm myself. I must go, I must do my duty, I must put on my captain's mask.
I wish, I wish a lot of things. Things I cannot hope for, things that weren't meant for me. I steel myself, another day another disaster, and I, the smiling captain through all.
I command the turbolift to continue. I pull myself up, my shoulders back, chin lifted. A warm smile on my face. A lie.
I enter the bridge.
My alarm goes off. The blaring noise does not scare me or shake me from a pleasent dream. I am already awake. I pull myself out of bed. I am already wearing my uniform. I never took it off for bed. I never really take it off. I walk over to the replicator, I order myself a coffee. The doctor thinks I'm over-tired, drained, thats why I seem t oinhale the suspension. He's right it is addiction.But not the kind he's familiar with. Its comforting, having this drink, comforting, things are normal as long as I have a cup in my hands. I wont give it up. I learn to hide it.
I leave my quaters its too early to head up to the bridge. I walk around my deck. The lights are still set to night time. Its always nighttime in space, and yet we must terranize it, make it seem like there's a night and day. There isn't its always night here.
I'm frightened, no, concerned, of whats foing to happen next. If I enter the bridge something will happen. An alien race will attack us, the warp core will malfunction, will be sucked into some strange anomaly. There's always something. I change my direction, away from the bridge. It bothers me this...something. This knowledge that as soon as I enter the bridge I will have to save the crew, come up with a daring plan,be the captain. I'm getting to old for this.
Its time for my shift. I'm being irrational about the bridge. Accidents don't happen because I'm on the bridge, they happen because I'm in the delta quadrant. Still I am taking the long way.
I enter the turbolift there is so no avoiding it. I must go, Chakotay will worry. Pain grips my heart. My thought un-ravel. I become anxious, the turbo speeds to the bridge. I don't want THIS, I never wanted THIS. I wanted a life. Not a job. I wanted to be loved. Not worshipped. I stop the turbolift.
I try to calm myself. I must go, I must do my duty, I must put on my captain's mask.
I wish, I wish a lot of things. Things I cannot hope for, things that weren't meant for me. I steel myself, another day another disaster, and I, the smiling captain through all.
I command the turbolift to continue. I pull myself up, my shoulders back, chin lifted. A warm smile on my face. A lie.
I enter the bridge.