Jack could not stand the silence he needed some noise something to keep his mind occupied so he would not think about what he really wanted. He turned on the radio and flipped through the stations till he found a rock station.
Occasionally I feel like the walls around are closing in on me
Physically I feel sometimes I need seclusion to be free
The irony at last I see reality is my perception
And my personality is my reflection
The song spoke to him, he didn't know the group and the lead singer sounded like he was whining, but the rest was great. He listened to it and felt what they were singing about. He felt the irony of needing to be alone, but when he was alone the wall closed in on him and no matter what he does it all is the same. He was distracted when he saw a car pull up outside of the hotel. He got up and watched as a man walked into the front office. Jack stood in the open doorway, the warm air coming in bring a freshness to the room.
I must eliminate and change yesterday's
Yesterday's pains today
I must eliminate and change yesterday's
Yesterday's pains today
He saw Amber hug the man, and part of Jack felt bad about that. Amber seemed like a sweet person and yet he didn't know this guy, but a part of him knew they were not good together, just by the chemistry between them. He saw Amber and the man exit the front office and start walking towards the room. Jack continued to stand in the door way breathing in the fresh air hoping his stomach would stay under control .
I need to be set free from the smiles that are scarring my skin sarcastically
And ?? seems to comfort and freeze in full around me mentally
The irony at last I see reality is my deception
And my personality is my deflection
"Hey Jack this is my friend Scott. He just wanted to check to make sure you were still alive. He was worried the other night he got the saline to help hydrate you again."
Jack felt like a circus freak everyone watching him. "Hi. Thanks." Jack said unsure of what to do he felt uncomfortable another person knew his problem and what did he think? Jack was a junky, Hammond had that right, and now this complete stranger knew also.
Amber sensed Jack was uncomfortable and said to Scott to get him away, "Why don't we go hang out in the office for awhile."
Jack felt relived knowing he was going away. When they left Jack sat on the bed and thought about leaving. He could just get up and drive away. The worse part was over with, now all he had to deal with was the stomach craps and occasional puking, with the cold sweats and other things he already was becoming accustom to.
He was packing what he had brought when Francis stopped by to check on him.
"What are you doing?" She asked shocking Jack because he did not hear her coming.
"Packing" Jack said looking up at her.
"You most certainly are not. You came here to get rid of your little problem and I'm not letting you leave till you do. So just sit down." Francis scolded.
Jack looked at her defiantly, he knew he could take her and almost laughed at thinking he would actually have to take her to leave, he was a customer not a hostage. He finished packing and looked at her.
"Listen to me Jack." Francis began, "You can't do everything by yourself. I don't know much about you, but I know you think you can and when you can't you blame yourself, I'm guessing. You need to stay here awhile and accept some help, otherwise you are just going to go back to your old ways."
Jack looked at her, he knew why he wanted to leave and felt childish all of the sudden for the reason. He set his bad down and sat down on the bed in defeat.
"Good." Francis said walking in sitting next to him. "Why don't you tell me a little about yourself Jack."
"What is there to say?"
"Do you have a wife?" She asked looking at him.
"No." He said looking down. He still wore the chain with his wedding ring on it. It was the only thing he had left of Teri.
"Have you ever been married?" Francis said knowing she would have to drag out any information from him.
"Yes." He answered.
"Do you know any other words other than yes and no?"
"Sure." He said smiling at he.
"What happened between you and . ." She paused to wait for Jack to fill in the name.
"Teri." Jack said.
"What happened between you and Teri?"
"She died." He said in a distant voice the memory coming back of him holding her dead body in his arms.
"Oh I'm sorry." Francis said. "I lost my husband about ten years ago. It's hard to accept it." She said to let him know she knew where he was coming from. She continued with her questions, "Where do you work?"
"I worked for the government. A branch in the CIA. Counter Terrorism Unit."
Francis studied him, she had been a news junkie. She read the newspaper faithfully every day and caught all the news programs throughout the day. "I thought you looked familiar." She said looking at him.
"Huh?" Jack said confused.
"A few years ago you saved President Palmer he was a senator than. Last year you helped bring down the business tycoon who was behind the nuclear attack too." She said looking at him.
Most people had forgotten about it or never equated him with the man he use to be.
"Jack if you don't mind me asking how did your wife die?" Francis prodded knowing that he needed to face his past, trying to find what would make a man like him turn to heroin.
"She was murdered." Jack said, he tried to change the subject, "So does Amber work with Scott?"
"Murdered by who?" Francis said out of shock ignoring Jack's attempt to change the subject.
"A friend of mine. She was working for the other side we just didn't know it till it was to late." Jack answered politely without giving too much detail away.
Noticing his uneasiness Francis changed the subject, "That's a weird tattoo for a person to have." She said referring to the tattoo on his arm.
"I got it while I was undercover last year." Jack answered again being polite to his host.
"Is that when you became addicted?"
"Yes."
"Is that why?" She asked looking in his eyes.
"I'd like to believe it was the only reason why." Jack said his mind thinking of exactly what made him think it was ever a great idea. His usual wall of defense were down in his weaken state.
"Jack I'm going to give you some advice so listen up. When life deals you a bad hand of cards you have two options, you can trade your cards in or fold. Either way it's gonna be hard and theirs nothing that will make it easier. When we try to take short cuts we only make life harder." Francis patted Jack on the back and left the room, leaving Jack to think about what she said.
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Tony had been searching everywhere and anywhere for Jack. He even made up fliers with Jack's picture on it, and posted them around town so if Jack were just out being by himself he would know people were worried about him. Tony called Jack's phone along with Kim almost every hour leaving voice mails, yet he never called back. He was about ready to just give up when he got a call.
"Almeida?" He answered his new cell phone because his old one was taken back by CTU after he was rightly fired.
"Mr. Almeida I'm with the Poe Dunk police department. We received an APB for a Jack Bauer. We might have found his SUV at one our local hotels." The redneck police officer said.
"Great. I'll drive there if you would please send a squad out to check and see if it's him. He's not dangerous or anything just a missing person."
"He must be an important missing person to get an APB put out on him by the federal government." The redneck police officer stated.
Tony left the house excited he didn't want to let Kim know yet incase it was a false alarm. He drove quickly to Poe Dunk, it took about a half hour to get there and when he did he thought he arrived on another planet because the town was so small to be in California. He found the police station and the only police officer on duty sitting inside.
"Mr. Almeida?" The police officer voice matched the man Tony had talked too.
"Can we go to the hotel and see if it's him?" Tony said skipping any and all introductions ready to find Jack again and make sure he was alive before Hammond and his goons found him. Hammond was pissed at Jack's disappearing in the middle of a murder investigation among other investigations concerning Jack's actions.
"Sure. It's just across the street." The police officer led Tony across the street .
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Francis left Jack to be alone for awhile. She knew that sometimes the best thing for a person was to be left alone to think. She would bother him for more information later. She went back to the front office and turned on the TV to watch the latest episode of Reno 911. She enjoyed the show and laughed to herself when she could actually pin point police officers she knew, most of which were local, as being just like a character.
Jack sat on the bed staring at the wall thinking about what Francis had told him, and then thinking about what got him to this point. He hoped this was rock bottom because any farther down he worried he might not ever make it back up.
The silence became eerie again. He was not used to the quiet there never really was any peace in L.A. Always some noise to take the silent moment up. It made the hair on his neck stand up. He turned the alarm clock radio on and turned to a station to have the music take up the silent moments.
Take the way home
Leave back to Sullivan Street
Were all the bodies hang on the air
She remembers
She hides it whenever we meet
The way down I don't really care
Cuz I'm gone from there
I'm almost drowning in her sea
She's nearly crawling on her knees
He was happy the silence was gone, he could hide from his thoughts when there was noise. And that was his plan hide from them long enough to be off the drug and than move back to his life. He was not looking to break the cycle that caused the addiction, there was no need. To break the cycle would be worthless because the same things that made him live were the same things that made him want the drug. He needed those demons to help him through the days and nights. He needed the demons to keep living otherwise there was nothing left. He had accepted this a long time ago and was willing to live with it. It was funny how people learned to accept things and just live with them, even when it was something horrible.
Amber walked into the room she saw the blues on Jack's face. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah thanks. I feel much better." Jack answered.
"You want to talk about it?"
"Not really." Jack answered.
"Fine I'll talk to you. Minds as well tell you the story, you must wonder about it, and my mom will eventually getting a few of the details wrong along the way." Amber sat down on the bed next to him.
"A few years ago I meant this man. He seemed to be perfect, but than I was younger and naive. We got married and everything was great until he cheated on me and left me. It hurt me, and I had this other friend who turned me on to drugs. They helped dull all the pain in life. All the failures I had it seemed like this would help. I guess I failed again. Than one day I was on the corner ready to sell myself for the drug when a cop pulled up and arrested me. I think that was the best thing ever. My mom pleaded to the judge to just put me in rehab and no jail time. The judge was nice enough to give me community service and a mandatory month of rehab. That month wasn't enough. When I got back out I went back to my old ways till my father died. It hit me hard he had been so disappointed in me at the end. So after the funeral my mom helped me. I stayed in a room here and she watched over me while I fixed my problem. After that I went back to college and somehow managed to get a job as an EMT with them knowing my past. They have been really great about it." She added to let him know people would not always hold it against him, there was always the select few, but the majority were supportive.
"How long has it been?" Jack asked surprising Amber who thought he might not have been listening to her.
"About six years now. I'm not going to lie to you it hasn't been easy but you have to reach a point where you are ready to deal with it all."
Jack wasn't sure why he started to talk, part of him felt compelled to open up to her since she told her story. "I was a federal agent. I went undercover to bring down a drug cartel. The best way in was drugs. Part of me did it for that, but the real reason was because I was tired of living in pain. About four years ago during the last presidential race there was an assassination plot against, then, Senator Palmer. In the end it turned out to be a simple plot of revenge. Palmer had given the order for a mission in Kosovo to take out Victor Drazen, a man suspected of genocide and other war crimes. He was killing people by the hundreds and had to be stopped." Jack paused not sure how much she could handle knowing. He looked at her and she sat interested still, not passing judgment noticeably, but a part of him knew she was judging him.
"I was asked to go back to Delta then. I had been a Captain in the army a part of a Delta team, I left to work for CTU. But they asked me to go back and I did because I knew what was at stake. I hand picked the men to go on the mission. All we had to do was get into Kosovo confirm Victor Drazen was at the compound and than paint it with a laser. It didn't work out that way. In the end, all of my team was dead, and I found out that day that we didn't kill Victor Drazen but his family, his wife and daughter. He was a prisoner of the DOD, and his sons came back to break him out and seek revenge on Palmer and me. Someone gave them our names."
Amber had many question but did not want to interrupt him, she could tell he needed to tell her the story.
"I think it was the same someone who set the team up to fail. But that day they kidnapped my wife and daughter. I got them back and had to go back out in the field. I should have stayed behind, but work was always important. I found a mole in CTU too late. It was a woman I had been seeing while my wife and I were separated because she couldn't take me being distant after I came back from Kosovo. I found out that she was pregnant an hour before she died. The woman I had been seeing, the mole killed her. I caught back up with her a few days ago, and I killed her. She was going to kill my daughter again and had killed a few other Agents while trying to escape custody again. Than just a few days ago come to find out I wasn't the only survivor. A British agent had survived and was held captive for awhile. He warned me they would turn their backs on me, and I always knew it would happen, but I never expected it still. I stopped him with all means necessary even endangering his daughters life to stop him. I looked at myself in the mirror and didn't recognize myself. They turned their backs on me and here I am." Jack was tired from letting it all out. He looked at Amber who was holding tears back, she felt for him.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. Why haven't you fallen apart yet? If I were you I would be curled up in a little ball somewhere crying my eyes out if I was even still alive." Amber said unable to express her feelings they were anything but thinking Jack was a monster. She felt for him.
"And the worse thing of it all my daughter has been through all of it with me and now this. And there was a good friend in there I have treated horribly."
"All you have to do is ask them for forgiveness. If they are both as good as you say they are they will forgive you. Everyone deals with things on their own terms.
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Tony was excited he finally found Jack. When he saw the SUV his heart sank. It wasn't Jack's not even close. "That's not his." He said disenchanted and angry that the idiot cop could even think it was.
"Looks like it to me."
"it's not his." Tony said walking away. He called Michelle on the way back to see if she had gotten anything on Jack's whereabouts.
"Still nothing Tony. Do you think he's out there just getting his head together or something else?"
"I'm not sure. Hopefully he'll turn up soon." Tony said mad at himself for not finding Jack. How hard was it to find one man. But than it was Jack.
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Jack awoke the next morning having trouble sleeping the night before. Tossing and turning mixed in with nausea. He awoke when he heard a voice, a woman's voice singing along with music.
It's been awhile
Since I could
Hold my head up high
It's been awhile since I first saw you
It's been awhile since I could stand
On my own two feet again
And it's been awhile since I could call you
He left his room in search of the voice it was so sad and yet held a happiness to it. He had heard the song before but it never sounded this beautiful and with such a sad tone to it. He walked to the first room by the front office. He stood outside the door as he watched Amber cleaning the room singing the song. He stood at the door in fear of shocking her and she would stop singing.
And everything I can't remember
As fu(ked up as it all may seem
The consequences that are rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means
Amber continued cleaning she was thinking about all she had learned about Jack the night before. She understood most of them, but at the same time she never went through any of it so she couldn't really understand what it felt like. She wondered how he survived so long on his own. It sounded like he had a few people, but he was unable and unwilling to open up to them. Why did she care for this man? He was just another stranger, yes he had some things in common with her, but really she didn't know anything about him.
It's been awhile
Since I could
Say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I could say I love myself as well as
It's been awhile since I've gone
and fu(ked thing up just like I always do
She looked behind her and jumped when she saw Jack in the door way, "How long have you been there?"
"Not very long." Jack lied not wanting to make her think he was a stalker or anything like that. "You have a nice voice."
"Thanks. I was never a big fan of the band till that song. It just felt so personal to me. And ever since, even after the radio played the song to death I still love it."
Jack smiled understanding her, sometimes there were just songs that told your life story that felt so right to you and nothing could make you stop liking them. Jack's smile faded when he turned around.
Brad Hammond and two police officers came walking towards him, "Jack." Brad called in a cold voice.
Jack knew whatever this was, was now over. They came and he had to go back to his world. He cursed himself for leaving the SUV where he was at.
Brad had tracked Jack through his car. A friend of a police officer, an EMT told him about this guy who was staying at the motel with the old lady Francis. The police officer took interest and checked the plates of the SUV. "Jack your under arrest."
"What?" Jack said confused to as to why he would be under arrest.
"While Jack you fled. Your under arrest for the murder of Nina Myers."
Jack saw the look on Amber face and his heart sank, she knew the truth now. He had told her the truth, but she knew her truth now. He killed someone in cold blood and was running from the police that's all she could understand. That's all most people would perceive.
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Kim sat in the office of CTU still worried about her father who had not return a single call. She had all but lost her hope he would be coming back. She was almost sure an evil terrorist had captured him and was either torturing him or burying his dead body. She could barely think about work, though it wasn't a problem because nothing big was happening. No major terrorist plot to end the U.S. or kill millions upon millions of people. By CTU definition it was a boring day, nothing was happening. She thought about seeing if Chase wanted to go out after work, he wasn't able to drink yet because of medication he was on, but since he was out of the hospital now he could go out to dinner. Maybe even be the designated driver because that was always important to have the one person who couldn't drink come with so you could get home without calling a taxi that stopped running hours ago.
Michelle walked up to Kim's desk she hated to tell Kim the good and yet bad news but she had too. "Kim we found Jack. Hammond is bringing him in now."
"Great news, but you don't look so happy."
"Hammond is pressing for charges against him since he pretty much disappeared. He is going to try to say Jack was running from the incident with Nina."
Kim began to protest, "But I'm sure that wasn't the reason. He probably just needed to clear his head."
"I know, but Hammond is pissed because your father called in a favor to help Tony. Someone had to go down, and Jack is the man right now."
"That is so unfair though. They both have done so much for this country why won't they just leave them alone. Why won't they just leave him alone? Wasn't everything he had done good enough? No because they always want more don't they. You give them everything and they always want more out of you. They will continue to want more out of him till there is nothing left to take, and then they will leave him with nothing. They were going to do that just now. After they found out about the drug addiction, but they saw there was still a little left to take so they had to go for it."
--------------------------------
The drive back to CTU was in silence both men pissed at the other. Hammond didn't really want to bother Jack, he knew he was only out to clear his head and get back on track, but the higher ups wanted it and you had to do what your boss wanted if you want to keep your job. Hammond would let everyone think it was him in order to keep the peace, but in the end he understood Jack more than most would think. He had been there before not the exact situation, but he was a field op's man once, and he understood in order to get things done sometimes you had to throw the book out.
Jack thought about returning back to it all. He knew he wasn't ready and as they drove he felt his stomach roll and the symptoms of the withdrawal come back. Part of the problem with it was his surroundings. He was at peace, or as close as he could get at the hotel. He liked the company even Francis who he knew as the nosy owner, but she was still there to talk to him and encourage him. No one there wanted him to change, just evolve to learn to live with his problems, not solve them. Solving problems never helps because you just find new ones to deal with, so why not keep the same old problems and adapt to them? He knew the drugs were a major problem he had to solve but the depression and hatred were more than enough to help him stay afloat in the world.
He regretted killing Nina because he no longer had a nemesis to fight. He had to find someone new to blame is troubles on. A part of him missed her too because she understood his situation more than most because she had lived it. If she had never of killed Teri he might have been able to live with the betrayal.
When they reached CTU everyone stared as Hammond walked him through CTU to one of the holding cells. Hammond put Jack in the one that they had Marie in when they caught her. Jack sat in the chair his stomach rolling and the nausea kicking in. He knew soon the vomiting would continue and life would be one great big sh!t ball again.