A/N : I hope you like this chapter, there were parts of it where I wasn't totally sure it was working but I've got such great responses to this fic that I'm determined to keep going, I have what I hope are some interetsing ideas for it, but writing them is more complicated than just thinking about them! Thanks to those who reviewed; Alliegirl, Shansuedluvsbitch, Turn off the Tide, Rachel, msu, fashiongrrl, aphelant. Here's the next chapter...

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 6

"It's getting late, luv" Spike softly told the woman he still held in his arms "and after your journey and all, we should find you a place to sleep" he said sensibly, intentionally not elaborating on the 'and all'. It had been several hours since she'd arrived and most of the time since she had spent crying all over him. Of all things he hated, her tears were what he abhorred the most, but being given the chance to have her be willingly held by him, that was a sort of heaven, the kind of which he knew he'd never find anywhere else in the multi-verse.
"Top two floors here are all apartments now" he told her as she finally moved away from him, wiping her cheeks free of tears with her hands again "we had it converted" he rambled on as he kept a hold of her hand and turned to walk towards the door. She didn't move and he turned to see why.

"Tomorrow" she said, voice hoarse from so much crying "will you tell me?"

"Tell you what, pet?" he asked, head tilted as he observed her with a slight frown.

"How you got here" came her answer "the whole story"

"Sure luv" he nodded slowly "it's as clear in my mind as anything ever has been, even after five years" he said with a far away look, before coming back to the present and looking right at her again "I'll tell you the tale, if you want to hear it"

"I do" she said softly, wondering how she would bear to have him recall his not-so-permanent death, but desperate to know how he'd ended up back here.

They walked hand in hand from the small office, Spike leading the way to an elevator at the far end of the corridor. The building was almost silent, just a few lights left on here and there for those staff that were working after hours. Buffy had barely been aware just how long she'd been at Wolfram and Hart, in that one room just talking and crying, but it seemed it had been dark for a couple of hours at least.

The only sounds she could hear as the elevator travelled up many floors was the hum of the machine itself and her own breath. Spike seemed to be avoiding looking directly at her as they waited to reach their destination. She wondered what his life, or unlife at least, had been like since he'd returned. There's so much she wanted to know, but she couldn't find the words or the energy to ask right now.

Then there was Angel, who she could hardly let herself think of for fear of bursting into noisy sobs all over again. She wanted to be strong, but it hurt so much to know he was gone, and then there was guilt that she was glad to have Spike here, because she felt she should be a hundred percent sad for her old lovers death and not at all happy about anything...

"Here we are" Spike's voice broke the silence, but just barely as Buffy noticed the doors of the elevator had opened onto a floor that looked different to what you would normally see in an office block. It looked decidedly like a floor in an apartment block. Several fancy wooden doors stood around each with it's own number.

"We keep a couple of spare places up here, for special cases, clients in danger and such..." Spike rambled on, not knowing what else to do or say and finding the silence only made things worse. He led Buffy to a door and unlocked it with a key card from his pocket. Opening the door, he hit a button on the wall right inside, lighting up the large living space/kitchen and two doors through which you could see an equally large bedroom and bathroom "What do you think?" the bleached blond asked her nervously.

Buffy swallowed hard and replied;

"It's...nice"

"You sure?" Spike frowned, pretty sure she was lying, or at least being economical with the truth.

"Yeah" the young woman nodded slightly as she went further into the room, glancing toward the huge windows that looked out over the city "it's just so big and empty..."

'Like my life' she couldn't help adding in her head, before her hand went to her face and she began to cry all over again, she just couldn't help it. Of course she had her family and friends and this great life back in England, but Angel's death left such a huge void in her heart that she wasn't sure how to deal with yet.

"Oh come here luv" Spike sighed, walking over to her and hugging her close, "Y'know I can't bear to see you cry" he whispered into her hair "never could" he told her, kissing the top of her head. After a few moments she brought her head up from his chest, looking up at him so lost and desolate. All that she'd done to this man all those years ago and now he was being so nice, she didn't deserve it.

"I'm sorry" she cried "I should've done something..."

"Now stop that right now" he cut her off forcefully, holding her by the upper arms and making her look at him "You don't have a damn thing to feel sorry about. What happened to Angel was a nasty twist of fate..."

"I don't mean Angel" she said weakly "I mean you"

"You're sorry for me?" he frowned, searching her face for the explanation that seemed unwillingly to come from her lips. He always had trouble reading her properly. So often he'd looked into her eyes and thought he saw something, only to be told he was wrong. Sometimes he'd wondered if she just disagreed with him because she felt like it, but that was then and this was now. So much had changed for both of them, he wasn't willing to make any assumptions.

"Those last few days in Sunnydale" she choked out, looking right into his eyes "you were so good to me and when Angel came...I was so pleased to see him and so awful to you" she steeled herself against further tears until she'd finished saying what she must "and I got all confused, then you left me and I couldn't tell you because you were gone" her voice disappeared completely as she went back into the circle of his arms and cried some more.

"It's okay sweetheart" Spike soothed, eyes closed as a whole flood of half-memories came back to him all at once "We were all mixed up back then, a lot going on, death lurking round every corner" he recalled, rubbing Buffy's back and wishing she'd stop crying so much because God help him he was going to join her in a sea of salt water if he wasn't careful "We don't have to talk about it now" he said, hoping she'd take the hint, but of course his Slayer never did that.

"But we do Spike" she protested, pulling back to look at him again "I have so much I have to say" she told him, taking herself completely out of his embrace and walking away a few steps. Staying there only made her cry for so many reasons and right now she needed to tell him a few things, "There's a lot I need to figure out and I have a whole bunch of questions about what happened with you and with Angel" she told him, pacing a little "I have a hundred thoughts and feelings swimming around inside of me that I can't begin to identify never mind organise" she whirled around and faced him again "but I do know that I should have treated you better on so many occasions and I want to say that I'm sorry for letting you go too easily" she said, sincerely as he'd ever heard her say anything.

"Well, I'm here now" he all but whispered as he caught her gaze with his again "and I don't plan on going anywhere"

She managed half a smile at that thought as he did. There was a whole lot of darkness settled in their hearts right now, but a light shone at the end of a very nasty tunnel. They had each other back in their lives. Somehow that made things just that tiny bit easier to bear.

"I really think you need some sleep" Spike said, tearing his eyes away from her at last, knowing if he didn't he would never leave that room tonight. That would only lead to talking about a lot of things that he wasn't quite prepared for yet, a fight that he really couldn't handle right now or option number three which is a place they'd both been so many times before, none of those times had ever ended well. He shuddered as a few nasty memories shot through his head.

"I'm just next door" he told Buffy, shaking his head to clear thoughts of things he couldn't deal with right now "You need anything at all and you just yell, I'll come running" he smiled slightly, knowing how true it was - that Slayer's lapdog, always was and always would be.

Buffy nodded believing the same, and thinking how alike it was to back in Sunnydale. He always had her back. If she yelled, he really always did come running, every time, even when she hadn't really wanted him to.

"Thankyou Spike" she said softly moving up close to him and daring to place a kiss on his cheek. Such a simple gesture, but it meant the world to him, just as the first real kiss she had given him had done, back when he'd taken torture from Glory so the hellgod never found out Dawn was the Key she so wanted.

"I'll see you in the morning pet" he said as he left her alone at last. The door clicked shut and Buffy whispered a small 'Goodnight' behind him before turning back to survey the 'apartment' she was in.

With a deep breath that turned into a sigh, she wandered through to the bedroom and flopped onto the king size bed she found there. Burying her head amongst the soft pillows, she thought of the only two souled vampires that had ever existed. She thought of Angel and the time they had spent together, the love, the hate, a million things, and now he was gone. Then there was Spike and the same pattern seemed to fit, except he was back, and she didn't know what to think about that either.

Buffy used to think that being the Slayer made her hard on the inside, unable to love and feel as she should, but on the contrary she'd started to find she fell in love too hard when it came to certain men, and as for feelings, well, she was so overwhelmed by those, there was no doubt in her mind she was no harder on the inside than the pillow she now rested her head on.

* * * * *

Buffy stirred slightly when she felt a hand on her head, stroking her hair back from her face. Her eyes fluttered open and she rolled over towards whomever was there.

"Angel" she gasped when she saw him, half-sitting, half-laying on the bed beside her, "Oh my God" she sat up and flung herself across him, arms holding him as close as she could, "I thought you were dead" she whispered into his shoulder.

"I am" he whispered back, "I have been for a long time" he smiled playfully as she pulled back to look at him. She didn't look at all amused.

"Angel, don't joke about this" she cried and he brought a hand up to her face to wipe away her tears.

"I'm sorry Buffy" he said sincerely, "I just, this is hard for me"

"It can't be any harder than it is for me" she shook her head, making more tears fall from her eyes, "I love you so much and now you're gone"

"I was already gone, baby" he whispered, tucking strands of hair behind her ear, "I know you love me, and I'll always love you, but our time was over a long time ago"

"Don't say that" Buffy sobbed, "Please, I..."

"It's too late" Angel interrupted, taking hold of her wrist and showing her her own hand. She was shocked to see a stake was there in her fingers.

"I don't understand" she cried, and Angel shook his head in agreement.

"No, you really don't" he said, turning her wrist with his hand, "but you will" he added as he pulled on her arm, driving the stake through his own heart.

"No!" Buffy screamed like it was she that had taken the fatal blow to her own heart as she watched her lover fall as dust before her eyes...

"Buffy!" Spike yelled as he ran into the room and found her writhing on the bed, screaming and crying inside a nightmare, "Buffy, luv, wake up" he urged as he sat down on the edge of the bed and reached over to her, attempting to shake her out of her dream-state, "Buffy, come on, wake up"

Sucking in a sharp breath, she finally sat up sharply and looked over to her other side, expecting to find the remains of her old lover. Of course she found nothing.

"Buffy?" Spike repeated her name, unsure as yet is she were as awake as she looked.

"Spike" she suddenly realised he was there, holding her arms and looking at her with a fairly panicked expression, "Oh God, it was my fault" she told him, falling into his arms and crying all over him. It seemed it was becoming a habit today, but what else could he really expect her to do but cry?

"Ssh pet, it's okay, it was just a nightmare, not real" he assured her as he rocked her in his arms and held her tight. She continued to cry for a while longer, before bringing her head up from his shoulder and swallowing hard, trying to find her voice.

"But it is real Spike" she said sadly "He's really gone forever, isn't he?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

Spike reached up to wipe away her latest tears, knowing it was pointless for each one would be replaced by ten more before long. He knew precisely what she was asking, though she'd managed to not mention his name.

"Yes luv" he said, voice a little shaky by now "Angel's really gone...forever"

Buffy nodded and swallowed hard again, desperate to stem the flow of salt water from her eyes. It did no good. He wasn't coming back, but she had one thing left to cling to, another who meant so much to her.

"Please Spike" she said looking so much like a lost little girl "promise me you'll never leave me again" she begged, running her fingers across his forehead and down his cheek, taking in a face she'd dreamt of so many times, sure she would never see again. His eyes fluttered closed at her touch, something he thought he'd never feel in his existence again. Breathing shakily despite the fact he was aware of the fact that he didn't need to do it at all, he made his vow to her.

"I'll be here for as long as you need me, Buffy"

"Promise me" she said immediately and his eyes opened to look directly into hers.

"I promise" he nodded solemnly.

It was several moments before they looked away from each other again and it occurred to Buffy she had been sleeping fully clothed. She did no have the energy to change now, she just wanted to sleep but without the nightmares. For a change, this protector of the innocent needed someone to protect her, not from demons and evil creatures, but from painful thought, feelings, and memories.

"Stay with me" she whispered, not daring to look at him as she asked, "Just hold me" She was ashamed to ask any favours of him after the way she had treated him before, all those years ago, back in Sunnydale.

"Of course, pet" he agreed just as softly, standing to move around to the other side of the bed. He still wore his shirt and pants too, since he'd had no intention of sleeping when he'd left her. Pulling off her shoes and jacket, Buffy climbed back onto the bed next to him.

For a second they looked at each other, unsure as to how this would work, nervous just being so close to each other, on a bed. In one movement his arm slipped round her shoulders and she leaned against him, the two of them fitting together perfectly like they always did, like they'd been made to hold each other like this. There was a lot that need discussing in the morning, a whole lot of questions to be asked and answered, but right now was her time to sleep and his to watch over, just as they had done once before...

To Be Continued...