After the Final Show/Down
Part 2
When Sydney and Gage arrived at work Monday morning, waiting on both their desks were memos about appointments with the Company psychologist, scheduled for later that day.
"Did you get one of these Gage?" Syd asked, her voice even and her manner with Gage as typical as it had ever been. She gave no visible sign that she had spent all day Sunday in turmoil, wrestling with her feelings for Gage and struggling to understand what had happened between them at Angela's homecoming party. Only the dark circles under her eyes gave any indication that she was not as well rested as one might expect after a weekend off work.
"Yeah. 10:00 this morning. You?"
"11:00. Hey Jimmy, does Walker want you to see the psychologist too?" Syd called to Trivette who had just walked in.
"Umm..nope, not today. Of course, I didn't tickle my partner during his baby's welcome-home party." Trivette flashed them a victorious grin, confident that those two would not be coming up with any more schemes to embarrass him anytime soon.
Sydney and Gage both flushed and looked down at their desks, Gage looking like for once he found paperwork very stimulating. Sneaking a peak over at Syd, Gage could see that her hands were shaking. It might not be visible to an average bystander, but Gage had studied Syd's delicate but strong hands on more than one occasion, and they only shook when she was trying hard to suppress her emotions.
Syd sat down at her desk and tried to enter some figures into the computer database but found typing impossible, her hands were shaking so severely. She sneaked a look over at Gage. His face was still flushed from Jimmy's comment, but the colour was slowly turning back to normal. He really is good-looking, she thought to herself and smiled. As she studied him Gage looked up and met her gaze, giving her a dazzling grin. Syd's smile immediately turned into something that looked more like a grimace, and she felt red heat returning to her face. She looked quickly away, feeling like a young school girl with her first crush who had been caught staring across the classroom at the cutest boy in class.
When Walker walked in a moment later, Syd found the distraction she had been hoping for and an easy place to channel all her nervous energy. Picking up the memo about the psychologist she stormed over to Walker's desk.
"Walker? I need to talk to you about this."
Nodding silently, Walker motioned for Syd to come and sit down with him.
Gage tried surreptitiously to hear what Syd was saying to Walker. He saw her stand up a couple of times; even crumple the paper in her hands. He could hear the frustration in her voice, even though he could not catch the words. Walker just sat across from her calmly, nodding his head a few times and shaking it some others. Finally Syd stood up and practically stomped away from Walker's desk, returning to her own and throwing the appointment memo in her garbage bin.
"Couldn't get out of it, huh?" Gage asked his partner.
"I have no idea why Walker thinks that I need to see the Company psychologist!" Syd exploded, throwing her hands up in frustration. "There is nothing wrong with me! I am not upset about anything except having to see the psychologist!"
"I guess he's just worried about us, that's all. It's been a tough few weeks, for everyone. It can hurt to go, Syd." And then in quiet voice, he added. "Maybe it will make you feel better."
"I KNOW what will make me feel better Gage. Believe me, it isn't a visit to the psychologist."
Gage wished he knew what would make Syd feel better. He'd do anything for her. He absolutely hated seeing her like this, so out of control. He could only imagine what it must be doing to her, to her self-confidence. In truth, he didn't think a visit to the psychologist was such a bad idea, for either of them. He had several things on his mind that he hoped discussion with an impartial party might help him to clarify.
Syd returned to her paperwork, her outburst at least having vented enough steam that she could now type. When Gage got up a few minutes later to head down the hallway to his psychologist appointment, Syd was sitting with a stiff back in her chair, typing efficiently, her lips pursed so tightly they were turning white. She did not look up when he walked past her desk and headed out the door.
When Gage returned about 45 minutes later, he felt remarkably better. Oh, he was still as confused as ever about some things but it had felt really great to get some things off his chest. He must remember to thank Walker for booking him the appointment.
Syd looked up briefly as Gage entered the room and could not believe it. He was smiling as he headed for the coffee pot and looking visibly relaxed, which she admitted wasn't too hard. Gage often looked pretty unperturbed on the exterior, but it was evident that this more than surface-worry gone, he truly did look refreshed after his appointment. She did not understand how that was possible. Nothing good ever came out of visits to people who liked to talk about feelings and emotions.
At 11:00 sharp Syd closed the file she was working on, stood up, pushed her chair in and marched out of the room. Watching her go, Gage sent silent good wishes her way that this appointment would help to reach a better understanding of the trauma they had all just survived.
When his partner returned less than a half-hour later, Gage could see that his good wishes had had little effect. Syd was as tightly wound as before, maybe even more so. As she stormed into the room she slammed the main door, and after opening her desk drawer to grab her gym bag, she slammed it too.
"I am going to workout." She announced loudly. "I'll be at the gym if you need me."
Gage and Jimmy exchanged looks of 'Uh oh, pissed off Texas Ranger on the loose' while Walker watched the situation with concern. This was not good at all; one of his best Rangers looked like she was headed straight for the deep-end and without a life-jacket.
Walker's concerns proved founded when the Company psychologist came to see him that afternoon.
"Obviously I can't divulge any particulars of Ranger Gage or Ranger Cooke's discussions with me; however it is my duty to share with you my professional opinion of the mental and emotional state of the Rangers on your team. I'll start with the good news. Ranger Gage seems to be handling the trauma of the last few weeks with relative ease and I do not see any reason for him to be changed from his current assignment. Ranger Cooke on the other hand, is a different matter."
"I thought as much." Walker replied, sharing a knowing grim look with the psychologist.
"Ranger Cooke..." she began, "...is, to put it bluntly, not dealing with it at all. She was very resistant to discussion and does not appear to be willing to admit that recent events have had an emotional toll on her psyche. As well, in my limited discussion with her this morning, I felt that she was also troubled by some major concerns in her personal life."
"That sounds right." Walker conceded, wondering if what Alex had witnessed between Gage and Syd in the kitchen on Saturday was part of Sydney's 'personal' issues. "What is your recommendation?"
"I don't believe that Ranger Cooke is in fit emotional condition to be on active duty. I would recommend temporarily reassigning her to a desk job where she is not responsible for the safety of her partner or other team members. I would also recommend that she be scheduled into regular counselling sessions either with me or a private psychologist if she prefers, until such time as she is willing to admit that she has been adversely affected by these traumatic on the job events."
Walker nodded again. He hated to break Sydney and Gage up, they were an excellent team. He hoped that Sydney would be able to work through her problems soon, if she didn't he knew she might not ever make it back to active duty again. He had seen more than one good Texas Ranger just give up after being removed from active duty.
"Thank you, Dr. Smythe."
"My pleasure, and congratulations - I hear that you are a proud new father. Please send my best wishes to Mrs. Cahill-Walker."
Walker beamed. "I certainly will. Thanks again."
About 3:00 that afternoon, Walker called Sydney and Gage to his desk. He had debated the merits of speaking to them individually or as a team, and had determined that latter was better. Trivette watched the two of them sit down at Walker's desk with more than casual interest.
"I'd like to thank both of you for attending your sessions with Dr. Smythe this morning. She has made some recommendations, which I doubt that either of you will like, but I agree with her findings and am duty bound to comply. Effective immediately Sydney, you are removed from active duty and have been re-assigned to Company D, research and archives. Gage, you will remain at Company B and by tomorrow morning a new partner will have be located for you."
Walker's announcement was met with silence. Gage's mouth dropped open slightly and then he turned and looked at his, now former, partner. Syd straightened her back, even more than it had been earlier if that was possible, and simply stared straight ahead – her dark eyes focussing on some point behind Walker. They sat there like that for at least a minute, Syd's expression unreadable and Gage's face obviously full of concern only for his partner.
Finally Syd spoke. It was in a quiet and unwavering voice. "I'll go clean out my desk." And then she stood up and resolutely strode over to her desk. Gage followed her weakly, feeling like the ground underneath him had just been swept away and he was dangling in mid-air.
"Syd..." Gage finally spoke, reaching forward and touching her on the shoulder. She shook his hand away and continued working. He began again, this time keeping his hand to himself. "Syd..."
"I knew nothing good could come from meeting with a psychologist. I just knew it." Syd's voice was remarkably calm, as if she had been holding her breath all day and could now breathe easily.
"Let me go talk to Walker, this is just a terrible misunderstanding. Dr. Smythe must have gotten the wrong impression from you. You can go back and talk through things with her; she'll see that she's made a big mistake. And she'll talk to Walker and this will all be cleared up by the morning. Okay Syd? You'll go see her again?"
"Gage." Syd stopped packing and looked Gage square in the eyes. "It's not going to change anything. The decision has been made. Just go back to work; you've got a new partner to get ready for."
"I don't want a new partner Syd. I just want you." The last statement was made with such devotion that Syd could have sworn that Gage was talking about more than just their working relationship. She stopped looking at him for a moment as she felt tears well up in her eyes, but when she looked up a second later they were gone.
"Thank you Gage. I appreciate that." Syd reached over and caught Gage in an affectionate embrace, whispering in his ear "More than you'll ever know" as his arms reached up and held her close.
Gage felt his heart swell and constrict all at the same time when she whispered in his ear. He had longed for what seemed like forever to receive some sign from her that she understood how special their friendship was, but now – just as their partnership was being ripped apart? He held her closer, uncaring what Trivette or any of the other Rangers in the office might be thinking. He wanted to hold onto her forever, to show her and to tell her how much she means to him. But then she was gone, letting go of him and moving back to her desk. He had no choice but to stand back and watch her leave, a slightly overstuffed duffel bag in hand.
When Syd got to the door she turned and looked back, not over the whole room, but just at Gage. He stood there looking like a lost puppy dog, staring back at her with a myriad of emotions in his eyes. Sadness, confusion, even affection – they were all there as she had anticipated. But the one emotion that she hadn't expected to find there was hurt, and that was the one sentiment that caused her to open the door and practically run out of the building.
Part 2
When Sydney and Gage arrived at work Monday morning, waiting on both their desks were memos about appointments with the Company psychologist, scheduled for later that day.
"Did you get one of these Gage?" Syd asked, her voice even and her manner with Gage as typical as it had ever been. She gave no visible sign that she had spent all day Sunday in turmoil, wrestling with her feelings for Gage and struggling to understand what had happened between them at Angela's homecoming party. Only the dark circles under her eyes gave any indication that she was not as well rested as one might expect after a weekend off work.
"Yeah. 10:00 this morning. You?"
"11:00. Hey Jimmy, does Walker want you to see the psychologist too?" Syd called to Trivette who had just walked in.
"Umm..nope, not today. Of course, I didn't tickle my partner during his baby's welcome-home party." Trivette flashed them a victorious grin, confident that those two would not be coming up with any more schemes to embarrass him anytime soon.
Sydney and Gage both flushed and looked down at their desks, Gage looking like for once he found paperwork very stimulating. Sneaking a peak over at Syd, Gage could see that her hands were shaking. It might not be visible to an average bystander, but Gage had studied Syd's delicate but strong hands on more than one occasion, and they only shook when she was trying hard to suppress her emotions.
Syd sat down at her desk and tried to enter some figures into the computer database but found typing impossible, her hands were shaking so severely. She sneaked a look over at Gage. His face was still flushed from Jimmy's comment, but the colour was slowly turning back to normal. He really is good-looking, she thought to herself and smiled. As she studied him Gage looked up and met her gaze, giving her a dazzling grin. Syd's smile immediately turned into something that looked more like a grimace, and she felt red heat returning to her face. She looked quickly away, feeling like a young school girl with her first crush who had been caught staring across the classroom at the cutest boy in class.
When Walker walked in a moment later, Syd found the distraction she had been hoping for and an easy place to channel all her nervous energy. Picking up the memo about the psychologist she stormed over to Walker's desk.
"Walker? I need to talk to you about this."
Nodding silently, Walker motioned for Syd to come and sit down with him.
Gage tried surreptitiously to hear what Syd was saying to Walker. He saw her stand up a couple of times; even crumple the paper in her hands. He could hear the frustration in her voice, even though he could not catch the words. Walker just sat across from her calmly, nodding his head a few times and shaking it some others. Finally Syd stood up and practically stomped away from Walker's desk, returning to her own and throwing the appointment memo in her garbage bin.
"Couldn't get out of it, huh?" Gage asked his partner.
"I have no idea why Walker thinks that I need to see the Company psychologist!" Syd exploded, throwing her hands up in frustration. "There is nothing wrong with me! I am not upset about anything except having to see the psychologist!"
"I guess he's just worried about us, that's all. It's been a tough few weeks, for everyone. It can hurt to go, Syd." And then in quiet voice, he added. "Maybe it will make you feel better."
"I KNOW what will make me feel better Gage. Believe me, it isn't a visit to the psychologist."
Gage wished he knew what would make Syd feel better. He'd do anything for her. He absolutely hated seeing her like this, so out of control. He could only imagine what it must be doing to her, to her self-confidence. In truth, he didn't think a visit to the psychologist was such a bad idea, for either of them. He had several things on his mind that he hoped discussion with an impartial party might help him to clarify.
Syd returned to her paperwork, her outburst at least having vented enough steam that she could now type. When Gage got up a few minutes later to head down the hallway to his psychologist appointment, Syd was sitting with a stiff back in her chair, typing efficiently, her lips pursed so tightly they were turning white. She did not look up when he walked past her desk and headed out the door.
When Gage returned about 45 minutes later, he felt remarkably better. Oh, he was still as confused as ever about some things but it had felt really great to get some things off his chest. He must remember to thank Walker for booking him the appointment.
Syd looked up briefly as Gage entered the room and could not believe it. He was smiling as he headed for the coffee pot and looking visibly relaxed, which she admitted wasn't too hard. Gage often looked pretty unperturbed on the exterior, but it was evident that this more than surface-worry gone, he truly did look refreshed after his appointment. She did not understand how that was possible. Nothing good ever came out of visits to people who liked to talk about feelings and emotions.
At 11:00 sharp Syd closed the file she was working on, stood up, pushed her chair in and marched out of the room. Watching her go, Gage sent silent good wishes her way that this appointment would help to reach a better understanding of the trauma they had all just survived.
When his partner returned less than a half-hour later, Gage could see that his good wishes had had little effect. Syd was as tightly wound as before, maybe even more so. As she stormed into the room she slammed the main door, and after opening her desk drawer to grab her gym bag, she slammed it too.
"I am going to workout." She announced loudly. "I'll be at the gym if you need me."
Gage and Jimmy exchanged looks of 'Uh oh, pissed off Texas Ranger on the loose' while Walker watched the situation with concern. This was not good at all; one of his best Rangers looked like she was headed straight for the deep-end and without a life-jacket.
Walker's concerns proved founded when the Company psychologist came to see him that afternoon.
"Obviously I can't divulge any particulars of Ranger Gage or Ranger Cooke's discussions with me; however it is my duty to share with you my professional opinion of the mental and emotional state of the Rangers on your team. I'll start with the good news. Ranger Gage seems to be handling the trauma of the last few weeks with relative ease and I do not see any reason for him to be changed from his current assignment. Ranger Cooke on the other hand, is a different matter."
"I thought as much." Walker replied, sharing a knowing grim look with the psychologist.
"Ranger Cooke..." she began, "...is, to put it bluntly, not dealing with it at all. She was very resistant to discussion and does not appear to be willing to admit that recent events have had an emotional toll on her psyche. As well, in my limited discussion with her this morning, I felt that she was also troubled by some major concerns in her personal life."
"That sounds right." Walker conceded, wondering if what Alex had witnessed between Gage and Syd in the kitchen on Saturday was part of Sydney's 'personal' issues. "What is your recommendation?"
"I don't believe that Ranger Cooke is in fit emotional condition to be on active duty. I would recommend temporarily reassigning her to a desk job where she is not responsible for the safety of her partner or other team members. I would also recommend that she be scheduled into regular counselling sessions either with me or a private psychologist if she prefers, until such time as she is willing to admit that she has been adversely affected by these traumatic on the job events."
Walker nodded again. He hated to break Sydney and Gage up, they were an excellent team. He hoped that Sydney would be able to work through her problems soon, if she didn't he knew she might not ever make it back to active duty again. He had seen more than one good Texas Ranger just give up after being removed from active duty.
"Thank you, Dr. Smythe."
"My pleasure, and congratulations - I hear that you are a proud new father. Please send my best wishes to Mrs. Cahill-Walker."
Walker beamed. "I certainly will. Thanks again."
About 3:00 that afternoon, Walker called Sydney and Gage to his desk. He had debated the merits of speaking to them individually or as a team, and had determined that latter was better. Trivette watched the two of them sit down at Walker's desk with more than casual interest.
"I'd like to thank both of you for attending your sessions with Dr. Smythe this morning. She has made some recommendations, which I doubt that either of you will like, but I agree with her findings and am duty bound to comply. Effective immediately Sydney, you are removed from active duty and have been re-assigned to Company D, research and archives. Gage, you will remain at Company B and by tomorrow morning a new partner will have be located for you."
Walker's announcement was met with silence. Gage's mouth dropped open slightly and then he turned and looked at his, now former, partner. Syd straightened her back, even more than it had been earlier if that was possible, and simply stared straight ahead – her dark eyes focussing on some point behind Walker. They sat there like that for at least a minute, Syd's expression unreadable and Gage's face obviously full of concern only for his partner.
Finally Syd spoke. It was in a quiet and unwavering voice. "I'll go clean out my desk." And then she stood up and resolutely strode over to her desk. Gage followed her weakly, feeling like the ground underneath him had just been swept away and he was dangling in mid-air.
"Syd..." Gage finally spoke, reaching forward and touching her on the shoulder. She shook his hand away and continued working. He began again, this time keeping his hand to himself. "Syd..."
"I knew nothing good could come from meeting with a psychologist. I just knew it." Syd's voice was remarkably calm, as if she had been holding her breath all day and could now breathe easily.
"Let me go talk to Walker, this is just a terrible misunderstanding. Dr. Smythe must have gotten the wrong impression from you. You can go back and talk through things with her; she'll see that she's made a big mistake. And she'll talk to Walker and this will all be cleared up by the morning. Okay Syd? You'll go see her again?"
"Gage." Syd stopped packing and looked Gage square in the eyes. "It's not going to change anything. The decision has been made. Just go back to work; you've got a new partner to get ready for."
"I don't want a new partner Syd. I just want you." The last statement was made with such devotion that Syd could have sworn that Gage was talking about more than just their working relationship. She stopped looking at him for a moment as she felt tears well up in her eyes, but when she looked up a second later they were gone.
"Thank you Gage. I appreciate that." Syd reached over and caught Gage in an affectionate embrace, whispering in his ear "More than you'll ever know" as his arms reached up and held her close.
Gage felt his heart swell and constrict all at the same time when she whispered in his ear. He had longed for what seemed like forever to receive some sign from her that she understood how special their friendship was, but now – just as their partnership was being ripped apart? He held her closer, uncaring what Trivette or any of the other Rangers in the office might be thinking. He wanted to hold onto her forever, to show her and to tell her how much she means to him. But then she was gone, letting go of him and moving back to her desk. He had no choice but to stand back and watch her leave, a slightly overstuffed duffel bag in hand.
When Syd got to the door she turned and looked back, not over the whole room, but just at Gage. He stood there looking like a lost puppy dog, staring back at her with a myriad of emotions in his eyes. Sadness, confusion, even affection – they were all there as she had anticipated. But the one emotion that she hadn't expected to find there was hurt, and that was the one sentiment that caused her to open the door and practically run out of the building.