Tawny stood still and looked up at me, since I was a good bit taller than
her. "Um...should we go down and stop them?"
I nodded, taking a deep breath afterward, then following her back toward the stairs. I was very glad that she didn't ask me why I was uneager to touch her suddenly.
"Hey! Everybody!" She stood at the top, and yelled down, attempting to get their attention.
I didn't know what to say or do. There were three naked people, laying in confusion, one taking off his pants, and one clothed, standing and just watching everyone else, "Don't have any more sex!"
Larry stopped with his pants at his knees and looked up. Thank God he still had his boxers on. "Huh?"
"Everyone put your clothes on, now!" I screamed.
"No fun..." He grumbled, pulling his pants up.
"Just get out! All of you that are going home tonight, go! Now!"
"But it's only 11..." Mona whined, and stretched on the floor by Louis.
"Shut up and go. Put your clothes on first." I avoided looking at her.
Monique scrambled to find her clothes, when she realized what was happening. Louis quickly followed her example.
"What's all the yelling for?" I turned, and saw that Donnie had ventured out of his room, and joined Tawny and myself at the top of the stairs. I didn't hear him.
I sighed loudly. I want out of here, and away from all of these people and everything. I leaned against the rail, and didn't look down at the naked people below, instead I just looked at my bare feet.
Donnie noticed that I was upset or something, and wasn't as out of it as I thought he was. "I'll clean everything up, Ren." He said, and he made his way down the stairs, saying to everyone else, "Hey, before you go, let's move everything back and clean up the trash..."
"Thanks." I mumbled, not knowing if he heard me. Larry started picking up beer cans, "Larry you're taking Mona with you, right?" I asked.
He nodded.
"Well go, please, as soon as you're done. Both of you."
Mona rolled her eyes, and watched Larry stumble, drunkenly to get his stuff. She got hers and then they both left without saying anything else. Monique and Ruby sat on the couch that Donnie had moved back, ashamed of their behavior. Monique especially, who was had propped herself up on her arm, and covered her face. Ruby just sat with her hands in her lap.
"Sorry about this..." Twitty said apologetically, coming out of Donnie's room, and then he went down the stairs to assist, I guess.
Tawny went down the stairs as Louis was heading up them. When he passed her he said something, and she didn't respond. I couldn't hear what he said.
"Can I talk to you?" Ruby asked me, turning around.
I nodded, and she got up and we went into the dining room. I slowly descended the stairs and followed her. "What is it?"
"Can I brush my teeth?"
I blinked, "Um...yeah..." The mental pictures came back and I winced. I had almost forgotten about them. Almost. "Why'd you have to ask me?"
She shrugged. "Do you like Tawny?"
I froze. Why'd she have to go and ask me that now? I was doing good not thinking about for like two minutes. "I...I..."
"Ren, I'm serious. I'm not going to get mad at your or anything like that. I just...I want to know. I've been being a complete jerk, and I'm sorry."
"Well..."
Ruby shook her head, "I mean like...do you like her as more than a friend?"
"I...um...no...well, maybe...I don't know...I don't know if I've really liked anyone, and I don't want to like her...it just... "
"Ok. Can we go to sleep now?" She seemed upset about something. I didn't feel like asking why.
"Yeah..." I said walking out. Then I thought of something, "Do you want my bed?"
"If you don't want it, then yeah."
"Well...I was kind of wanting me and you to sleep in my bed."
"You're not gonna like...touch me or anything are you?"
I turned and glared at her, "No."
"That was a joke...I'm sorry."
Her tone hadn't sounded like it, "Oh..." I stopped by Monique who was still on the couch, "Do you mind sleeping on the floor with Tawny?"
She shook her head with no enthusiasm whatsoever.
"Ok. You and Tawny have the floor, and me and Ruby have my bed." She yawned, then got up and followed Ruby, who was going up the stairs. I looked around and didn't see Tawny anywhere. I was starting to feel a little bad for not wanting to sleep with her, but who could blame me? She'd try to touch me. No, she wouldn't. What was I worried about? Why did I all of a sudden not want to sleep near her? I walked into the kitchen to find her along with Donnie, and Twitty. "Tawny, can I have my present now?"
"I already gave it to you...sort of, but you didn't know that it was your present." She grinned a little.
I sighed, "I'm going to bed."
"Wait. I'm coming too." She said.
I wish she hadn't said that. I wish she hadn't said a lot of things. This is stupid, really stupid. All of it. I don't like her like that. I was confused. We made it to my room without saying a word. My door was open a little, and I pushed it in. Ruby was curled up on the left side of my bed and Monique was at the foot of it on the floor, already asleep. I felt even worse for not wanting to sleep with Tawny. She had no idea that I didn't want to, and probably thought that I was going to.
She came in right after me, and said, "I'm gonna go and put my pajamas on..."
I figure she was telling me for some reason, so I nodded, but didn't say anything. I continued to stand there until she had her clothes and took them out of the room to the bathroom. I sat on my bed, opposite of Ruby. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't yet. I got back up, and rummaged in my closet for some blankets for Tawny. She came back is as I was spreading one out. I looked up and acknowledged her presence, then went back to what I was doing. If I wasn't sleep with her I could at least fix her a place to sleep. That would make up for it.
"Ren?"
"Hm?" I grabbed one of the extra pillows from my bed, and tossed it onto the floor.
Tawny looked at the single pillow, "You don't wanna sleep with me, do you?"
She knew. She always knew everything. "I do, but..."
"It's ok." She stuffed the clothes she had been wearing into her bag, and sat on the floor.
"I'm sorry." I said sleepily, throwing an extra blanket at her, and I got under the covers of my bed. I glanced over at Ruby. She had fallen asleep now too.
"I said it was ok."
I looked over the edge of my bed, "Tawny, I'm really tired, and I wanna just sleep, ok? Let's talk tomorrow...I need to think, but first I need to sleep."
"Did you figure out what my present was?" She asked me, and started to adjust her blanket.
"No...I wanna go to sleep..."
She scooted up closer to the bed, "Are you afraid I'm gonna rape you?"
I squinted, "Maybe..."
"Ok. You don't trust me." She said sadly, and laid down.
She made me feel even worse, "Damn, girl, move over." She gathered her pillow, and squirmed to the far part of the blanket on my floor. I got my pillow from my bed and got down next to her, "I do trust you...just don't touch me..."
"I won't." She was facing away from me.
I reached up to my bed and snatched Mr. Pookie down, and stuck him under my arm. I still had the dumb thing. He gave me some sense of security. I looked up at the ceiling, and whispered to Tawny, "I am so confused about you right now..."
"Do you think I'm not?"
"I know, I know."
What would other people think? What would my parents think? That had never occurred to me. Maybe these were just normal impulses? What the fuck am I thinking? It's not normal to be attracted to your little brother's ex- girlfriend that you barely know. I guess I do know her. We talk. She was always really sweet. How the hell did this happen though? Yeah, I had steered away from boys, but that doesn't mean I steered toward girls. So confusing. I wanna go to sleep and stop thinking!
"I'm not gonna hurt you or force you to do anything." She whispered. "I wouldn't do that to anyone."
I looked at her. I knew that. I don't know why I was so afraid to sleep with her. She had rolled over, "Let's talk in the morning. I'm really tired..."
She reached her hand out to touch me, but stopped, and pulled it back, "Ok."
I smiled. She remembered that I didn't want her to touch me, of course. She always remembered everything. She was cute, very cute, and smart, and her poetry was wonderful, to me at least. How long had she liked me? I wondered. I sure had no clue she did or ever would. I rolled over onto my side and looked at her. Her eyes were closed and she was looking peaceful. I don't know if she was asleep or not, but she was really adorable laying there. What exactly was I afraid of? Maybe I just needed sleep. I felt the urge to touch her face, but I didn't. I wanted to cuddle with her like I did Mr. Pookie, but I didn't and I couldn't.
I can't have feelings for her. No. This was far too scary for me, and far too risky. What real harm would it cause though? It was probably just some phase I was going through. Spite for boys because I'd been hurt so many times, that's what I was. Was I ever really hurt before? Being with Tawny made me feel like I was starting over and I wasn't afraid of being hurt by her. She seemed like she liked me, and I didn't want to hurt her. That was what I was scared of, I was scared of hurting her because I just might be going through a weird temporary something.
I nodded, taking a deep breath afterward, then following her back toward the stairs. I was very glad that she didn't ask me why I was uneager to touch her suddenly.
"Hey! Everybody!" She stood at the top, and yelled down, attempting to get their attention.
I didn't know what to say or do. There were three naked people, laying in confusion, one taking off his pants, and one clothed, standing and just watching everyone else, "Don't have any more sex!"
Larry stopped with his pants at his knees and looked up. Thank God he still had his boxers on. "Huh?"
"Everyone put your clothes on, now!" I screamed.
"No fun..." He grumbled, pulling his pants up.
"Just get out! All of you that are going home tonight, go! Now!"
"But it's only 11..." Mona whined, and stretched on the floor by Louis.
"Shut up and go. Put your clothes on first." I avoided looking at her.
Monique scrambled to find her clothes, when she realized what was happening. Louis quickly followed her example.
"What's all the yelling for?" I turned, and saw that Donnie had ventured out of his room, and joined Tawny and myself at the top of the stairs. I didn't hear him.
I sighed loudly. I want out of here, and away from all of these people and everything. I leaned against the rail, and didn't look down at the naked people below, instead I just looked at my bare feet.
Donnie noticed that I was upset or something, and wasn't as out of it as I thought he was. "I'll clean everything up, Ren." He said, and he made his way down the stairs, saying to everyone else, "Hey, before you go, let's move everything back and clean up the trash..."
"Thanks." I mumbled, not knowing if he heard me. Larry started picking up beer cans, "Larry you're taking Mona with you, right?" I asked.
He nodded.
"Well go, please, as soon as you're done. Both of you."
Mona rolled her eyes, and watched Larry stumble, drunkenly to get his stuff. She got hers and then they both left without saying anything else. Monique and Ruby sat on the couch that Donnie had moved back, ashamed of their behavior. Monique especially, who was had propped herself up on her arm, and covered her face. Ruby just sat with her hands in her lap.
"Sorry about this..." Twitty said apologetically, coming out of Donnie's room, and then he went down the stairs to assist, I guess.
Tawny went down the stairs as Louis was heading up them. When he passed her he said something, and she didn't respond. I couldn't hear what he said.
"Can I talk to you?" Ruby asked me, turning around.
I nodded, and she got up and we went into the dining room. I slowly descended the stairs and followed her. "What is it?"
"Can I brush my teeth?"
I blinked, "Um...yeah..." The mental pictures came back and I winced. I had almost forgotten about them. Almost. "Why'd you have to ask me?"
She shrugged. "Do you like Tawny?"
I froze. Why'd she have to go and ask me that now? I was doing good not thinking about for like two minutes. "I...I..."
"Ren, I'm serious. I'm not going to get mad at your or anything like that. I just...I want to know. I've been being a complete jerk, and I'm sorry."
"Well..."
Ruby shook her head, "I mean like...do you like her as more than a friend?"
"I...um...no...well, maybe...I don't know...I don't know if I've really liked anyone, and I don't want to like her...it just... "
"Ok. Can we go to sleep now?" She seemed upset about something. I didn't feel like asking why.
"Yeah..." I said walking out. Then I thought of something, "Do you want my bed?"
"If you don't want it, then yeah."
"Well...I was kind of wanting me and you to sleep in my bed."
"You're not gonna like...touch me or anything are you?"
I turned and glared at her, "No."
"That was a joke...I'm sorry."
Her tone hadn't sounded like it, "Oh..." I stopped by Monique who was still on the couch, "Do you mind sleeping on the floor with Tawny?"
She shook her head with no enthusiasm whatsoever.
"Ok. You and Tawny have the floor, and me and Ruby have my bed." She yawned, then got up and followed Ruby, who was going up the stairs. I looked around and didn't see Tawny anywhere. I was starting to feel a little bad for not wanting to sleep with her, but who could blame me? She'd try to touch me. No, she wouldn't. What was I worried about? Why did I all of a sudden not want to sleep near her? I walked into the kitchen to find her along with Donnie, and Twitty. "Tawny, can I have my present now?"
"I already gave it to you...sort of, but you didn't know that it was your present." She grinned a little.
I sighed, "I'm going to bed."
"Wait. I'm coming too." She said.
I wish she hadn't said that. I wish she hadn't said a lot of things. This is stupid, really stupid. All of it. I don't like her like that. I was confused. We made it to my room without saying a word. My door was open a little, and I pushed it in. Ruby was curled up on the left side of my bed and Monique was at the foot of it on the floor, already asleep. I felt even worse for not wanting to sleep with Tawny. She had no idea that I didn't want to, and probably thought that I was going to.
She came in right after me, and said, "I'm gonna go and put my pajamas on..."
I figure she was telling me for some reason, so I nodded, but didn't say anything. I continued to stand there until she had her clothes and took them out of the room to the bathroom. I sat on my bed, opposite of Ruby. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't yet. I got back up, and rummaged in my closet for some blankets for Tawny. She came back is as I was spreading one out. I looked up and acknowledged her presence, then went back to what I was doing. If I wasn't sleep with her I could at least fix her a place to sleep. That would make up for it.
"Ren?"
"Hm?" I grabbed one of the extra pillows from my bed, and tossed it onto the floor.
Tawny looked at the single pillow, "You don't wanna sleep with me, do you?"
She knew. She always knew everything. "I do, but..."
"It's ok." She stuffed the clothes she had been wearing into her bag, and sat on the floor.
"I'm sorry." I said sleepily, throwing an extra blanket at her, and I got under the covers of my bed. I glanced over at Ruby. She had fallen asleep now too.
"I said it was ok."
I looked over the edge of my bed, "Tawny, I'm really tired, and I wanna just sleep, ok? Let's talk tomorrow...I need to think, but first I need to sleep."
"Did you figure out what my present was?" She asked me, and started to adjust her blanket.
"No...I wanna go to sleep..."
She scooted up closer to the bed, "Are you afraid I'm gonna rape you?"
I squinted, "Maybe..."
"Ok. You don't trust me." She said sadly, and laid down.
She made me feel even worse, "Damn, girl, move over." She gathered her pillow, and squirmed to the far part of the blanket on my floor. I got my pillow from my bed and got down next to her, "I do trust you...just don't touch me..."
"I won't." She was facing away from me.
I reached up to my bed and snatched Mr. Pookie down, and stuck him under my arm. I still had the dumb thing. He gave me some sense of security. I looked up at the ceiling, and whispered to Tawny, "I am so confused about you right now..."
"Do you think I'm not?"
"I know, I know."
What would other people think? What would my parents think? That had never occurred to me. Maybe these were just normal impulses? What the fuck am I thinking? It's not normal to be attracted to your little brother's ex- girlfriend that you barely know. I guess I do know her. We talk. She was always really sweet. How the hell did this happen though? Yeah, I had steered away from boys, but that doesn't mean I steered toward girls. So confusing. I wanna go to sleep and stop thinking!
"I'm not gonna hurt you or force you to do anything." She whispered. "I wouldn't do that to anyone."
I looked at her. I knew that. I don't know why I was so afraid to sleep with her. She had rolled over, "Let's talk in the morning. I'm really tired..."
She reached her hand out to touch me, but stopped, and pulled it back, "Ok."
I smiled. She remembered that I didn't want her to touch me, of course. She always remembered everything. She was cute, very cute, and smart, and her poetry was wonderful, to me at least. How long had she liked me? I wondered. I sure had no clue she did or ever would. I rolled over onto my side and looked at her. Her eyes were closed and she was looking peaceful. I don't know if she was asleep or not, but she was really adorable laying there. What exactly was I afraid of? Maybe I just needed sleep. I felt the urge to touch her face, but I didn't. I wanted to cuddle with her like I did Mr. Pookie, but I didn't and I couldn't.
I can't have feelings for her. No. This was far too scary for me, and far too risky. What real harm would it cause though? It was probably just some phase I was going through. Spite for boys because I'd been hurt so many times, that's what I was. Was I ever really hurt before? Being with Tawny made me feel like I was starting over and I wasn't afraid of being hurt by her. She seemed like she liked me, and I didn't want to hurt her. That was what I was scared of, I was scared of hurting her because I just might be going through a weird temporary something.