After the Final Show/Down
Part 4
Gage returned upstairs to the office and Trivette miraculously managed to keep Kelly occupied at the computer so that she didn't have a chance to ask him about his classified mission.
"I've got to leave a little bit early tonight Walker, is that okay?"
"That research you were doing turn up something valuable?"
Gage looked at Walker – he knew! How could he know? But then again, Walker always seemed to know things long before others. He played along, hoping Walker would understand his veiled comments. "Uhh...yeah, I had a very productive research session but it turns out that this case will need a lot of my attention this weekend and maybe even into next week. The main suspect is, umm, not in good health. I'll need to move quickly to ensure that we don't lose them."
"Your extra time and effort will pay off Gage. Take all the time you need."
"Thank you Walker." He looked intensely at his boss, knowing somehow that Walker understood how important Syd was to him, and to all of them for that matter. "See you later Trivette, Kelly."
"Bye Gage!!!" Kelly called out to him, while Trivette waved to his young friend.
His goodbyes done Gage headed back downstairs, a little afraid that Syd would be gone, but she wasn't. She stood there at the door waiting for him, a subdued version of the fierce Sydney that he once knew. He smiled at her, even though he thought she looked like she might just collapse while standing there.
"I rode my bike today Syd. Maybe we should take your car."
"I didn't bring my car."
"Is there something wrong with it? Syd, you should have told me – you know I would have tried to fix it or at least get you a good deal with my mechanic friend."
"No, there's nothing wrong with it Gage. I've decided to walk to work."
"Syd! Your place is at least 10 miles from here! Do you mean to tell me that you have been walking to and from work, 10 miles each way, all week long?"
"Well, since Tuesday. It's been good – a nice brisk walk to clear my head before and after work."
"Syd, that's crazy, what were you thinking? I bet you've been working out here too, on top of all that. No wonder you look so worn out."
"Double-time this week. It's been good for me; I was getting a bit pudgy."
Gage shook his head, Syd – pudgy? She was just right, or at least had been until a few days ago. The more she spoke the more he couldn't believe he was talking to the same woman he'd known for years. Syd always took good care of herself, but it sounded like this week she had been pushing her body to beyond its limits and for no good reason. 'I guess in some ways, she's not the same person.' Gage thought. 'None of us are given recent events, but its like she can't handle that things are out of her control. So she is controlling the one thing she can be in charge of, what she does with her body.'
"Okay Syd, well I am not up for the 8 mile hike to my place, so it'll have to be my bike."
"You just want to get me on the back of your bike again." Syd smiled, remembering how her heart had fluttered when he had told her that on the movie set.
"I do like you there Syd."
They rode home, Syd clinging to Gage with every ounce of strength that she had left. Gage had asked her about eating earlier. She hadn't answered him then because she knew he wouldn't like the answer. She had been eating very little. Her stomach had been in knots most of the time and when it wasn't she didn't feel much like eating, never mind having lost the energy to prepare food in her quest to think about anything and everything but the issues that Dr. Smythe wanted her to think about. For some, eating would have been a great distraction but instead Syd had channelled her resources into exercising.
When they got to Gage's place and Syd stood up she had to hold onto the bike for support. As Gage was dismounted and was removing his helmet he turned to look at Syd. Her face was practically white, emphasizing the dark circles under her eyes. And then, as Gage summoned a smile to try and convince her that nothing was wrong, she began to sway and it was only his quick reflexes that prevented her from crashing to the ground.
Gage's heart was racing as he easily swept Syd into his arms but relaxed a bit as he could feel her breath, albeit shallow, against his neck. She was so light. He recalled the last time he had needed to carry her. He had her sheltered in his arms that day, running away from the crystal meth lab just as it blew up. He remembered being terrified that he wouldn't be able to get her out in time and as she lay in his arms that day, weak and nearly unconscious; he had been reminded of how fragile and precious life was. It was about that time that he had started dropping hints to Syd, in his own casual way that he cared about her. But then he had lost his hearing and nothing had been right since.
He knew only too well the reality of someone you love being taken from you before you get the chance to tell them. As an adult, that was now one of Gage's biggest regrets about his parent's untimely deaths. He had taken for granted that they loved him and he loved them, but to this day he was not really sure if he had ever told them that. As a young child he had never doubted that his parents wouldn't be there the next morning when he woke up. But that fateful day did come. And now Gage swore that he would never let that happen with Syd. He was going to tell her that he loved her before it was too late.
As he carried Syd upstairs and managed to open the locked doors even with her passed out in his arms, he couldn't believe what he had just admitted to himself. I love Syd! Well, of course I do. Now that he had actually 'spoken' the thought aloud in his head, it made perfectly good sense and he wondered what had been the big deal in coming to that conclusion. It was almost painfully obvious now. The way he loved to be with her and to look at her; the way he felt the need to protect her all the time but gave her the space she needed; the way he felt truly free when he was with Syd.
They had missed so much time! Of course, Gage suddenly realized coming down a little from the natural high, he wasn't sure if Syd loved him. He had reached the sofa in his apartment and he set his precious cargo down. She was still breathing fine; she actually looked like she was sleeping. He went to the bathroom and wet a facecloth with cool water, and returning to her side he gently placed it on her forehead.
"Syd!" he gently shook her. He'd let her go back to sleep if she wanted, but he needed to check that she was okay before he did that. "Syd, honey, wake up."
"Gage?" she finally came to, her voice sounding frail. "Where am I? What happened? Are you hurt?" She suddenly tried to sit up but found that she was incredibly dizzy. She reached her hands up to hold her head.
"No Syd, I'm fine." He helped her sit back in the sofa. "Here, just relax. You're at my place. Remember, we rode my bike here from work. But when you got off it in the parking lot, you collapsed and I had to carry you up here."
Syd almost laughed. "It's getting to be a habit, you carrying me."
"I don't mind. In fact I could get used to it." Gage gave her a big, goofy grin. He was so bursting with love for her that he felt like he surely had a large neon sign plastered to his forehead flashing that message. If he did though, Syd didn't notice it.
"Yeah well, one of these days you'll need me to carry you buster."
"I wouldn't trust the job to anyone else."
"Gage, you're making my head hurt. Why are you being so nice to me?"
"What? Aren't I always nice to you?" he feigned indignation. "Seriously Syd, I am being nice to you because you are an amazing, wonderful and remarkable woman and I love you."
Syd stopped fussing with the facecloth on her forehead, unsure that she had heard correctly. "What did you just say?"
"What? Oh, that you're an amazing, wonderful and remarkable woman?" he couldn't help just teasing her a little; it was too ingrained in their relationship. "You must know that!"
"Well, okay, but the other bit. What did you say?"
"Oh that. I love you." He grinned at her, his eyes mirroring what his mouth had just confirmed.
"You love me?" Syd voice was hushed, filled with trepidation that he might take the words back.
"Yes."
"Oh Gage - I love you too." She whispered, afraid to break the wonder of this moment.
"Yes!!!!" Gage jumped up into the air, elated by Syd's admission which matched his own.
"Oww, Gage. Stop, please." Syd clutched her head again, the solemness of their momentous exchange over.
"Oh, sorry Syd. It's just that you have made me so happy! I feel like shouting from the rooftops! I want everyone to know!"
"I feel like being sick." Syd pushed Gage away and ran, or rather stumbled, to his bathroom. Once there she emptied the remains of her meagre lunch into the toilet and was sitting on the floor clutching her head when Gage arrived seconds later.
When he reached down to brush the stray hairs from her face Gage realized that Syd was trembling. Tenderly he asked "Do you think you can stand?"
Syd nodded but then looked up at him for help. "I'm so cold Gage."
He bent down and easily supported her to feet. He could feel her shaking and could almost hear her teeth chattering. He led her over to the bathroom sink where he ran cool water and helped her to wash around her mouth and to rinse the traces of vomit away. Then he snaked his arm around her waist and eased her carefully back to the sofa.
Once there he settled her in the corner seat. He untied and removed her shoes, allowing her to raise her legs and curl up in a ball. He nestled a pillow behind her back and head, and grabbed the afghan hanging over the back. Wrapping it around her, gently tucking the edges in, he brushed the stray hairs from her face once again. He bent down and kissed her on the forehead, which felt warm.
"I'm just going to go get you some water, okay Syd?"
She nodded, almost imperceptibly, and snuggled further under the cover. He could see that she was still shaking, and that rather than being pale, her face was flushed. What had she done to herself? Gage felt angry with Walker for a moment – if he hadn't 'banished' her, to use Syd's word, Syd might not be in this state right now. Rational thought crept back in though and Gage knew that Walker had made what he considered the best possible decision for Syd's health and Gage's safety.
If only Walker knew though how badly his well-intentioned plan had misfired. Rather than the time and space giving them time to heal, it had led to an utter breakdown on Syd's part and Gage's too for that matter. His heart and mind had been distracted all week, he knew that. It was only fortunate that they had not been in any life-threatening or dangerous situations these past few days. He and Syd were a formidable team, significantly stronger together than apart. 'I just hope that we'll get the chance to be partners again' he thought, realizing that he couldn't imagine life as Texas Ranger without her at his side.
Gage returned to Syd with a glass of water, and sitting beside her and holding her head to the glass he managed to get her to swallow a few small sips.
'C'mon Syd. You need to drink this whole glass of water before I leave you alone."
"Tired and cold. J..j..j..just leave me 'lone."
"No Syd. Did you leave me alone when I needed help after I lost my hearing? No - even when I yelled at you and pushed you away and hurt you. You stayed there right by my side."
Syd looked at him through the fog that seemed to have taken over most of her connection with the conscious world. For a moment her eyes even flickered with a spark, acknowledging Gage's understanding that she had never given up on up him, accepting his apology for the way he had treated her then. Gage had hurt her but she had known even then that he meant so much to her that if a little hurt was necessary to make him well, then she would willingly pay the price.
"Course I stayed with you. H...h...hated to see you hurting." She spoke again, her teeth still chattering as if it was winter, not July.
"So, you understand Syd. C'mon, finish this water. Small sips honey." And Gage helped support her head, and bit by bit he got the whole glass into her.
"Do you think you'll want anything to eat?" he asked, pretty sure her answer would be no. She shook her head, as he had expected.
"Just wanna sleep. Everything hurts."
"Okay...shhh...I know. You pushed yourself so hard this week. You have a nap right now, but when you wake up I'll expect you to eat something."
She nodded. "Just a little nap 'kay?"
"Okay Syd, just a little nap. You comfy?"
"Mmm hmm." She murmured, her head lolling back against the sofa and her fingers pulling the afghan tight around her, her words beginning to slur. "Fanks Gage. Don't know what....I'd do wivout you..."
He left her then, sleeping on the sofa and went to his bedroom to get changed into more comfortable clothes. He checked on her as he walked back to his kitchen and she was sleeping peacefully. He smiled to himself, pleased to have her here with him and happy to know that this is where she wanted to be.
"I don't know what I'd ever do without you either Syd and I have no intention of ever finding out." He whispered, bending down and kissing her forehead again, which already felt cooler. And then straightening up he headed to the kitchen and called his sister to find out what exactly he should feed Syd when she woke up.
Part 4
Gage returned upstairs to the office and Trivette miraculously managed to keep Kelly occupied at the computer so that she didn't have a chance to ask him about his classified mission.
"I've got to leave a little bit early tonight Walker, is that okay?"
"That research you were doing turn up something valuable?"
Gage looked at Walker – he knew! How could he know? But then again, Walker always seemed to know things long before others. He played along, hoping Walker would understand his veiled comments. "Uhh...yeah, I had a very productive research session but it turns out that this case will need a lot of my attention this weekend and maybe even into next week. The main suspect is, umm, not in good health. I'll need to move quickly to ensure that we don't lose them."
"Your extra time and effort will pay off Gage. Take all the time you need."
"Thank you Walker." He looked intensely at his boss, knowing somehow that Walker understood how important Syd was to him, and to all of them for that matter. "See you later Trivette, Kelly."
"Bye Gage!!!" Kelly called out to him, while Trivette waved to his young friend.
His goodbyes done Gage headed back downstairs, a little afraid that Syd would be gone, but she wasn't. She stood there at the door waiting for him, a subdued version of the fierce Sydney that he once knew. He smiled at her, even though he thought she looked like she might just collapse while standing there.
"I rode my bike today Syd. Maybe we should take your car."
"I didn't bring my car."
"Is there something wrong with it? Syd, you should have told me – you know I would have tried to fix it or at least get you a good deal with my mechanic friend."
"No, there's nothing wrong with it Gage. I've decided to walk to work."
"Syd! Your place is at least 10 miles from here! Do you mean to tell me that you have been walking to and from work, 10 miles each way, all week long?"
"Well, since Tuesday. It's been good – a nice brisk walk to clear my head before and after work."
"Syd, that's crazy, what were you thinking? I bet you've been working out here too, on top of all that. No wonder you look so worn out."
"Double-time this week. It's been good for me; I was getting a bit pudgy."
Gage shook his head, Syd – pudgy? She was just right, or at least had been until a few days ago. The more she spoke the more he couldn't believe he was talking to the same woman he'd known for years. Syd always took good care of herself, but it sounded like this week she had been pushing her body to beyond its limits and for no good reason. 'I guess in some ways, she's not the same person.' Gage thought. 'None of us are given recent events, but its like she can't handle that things are out of her control. So she is controlling the one thing she can be in charge of, what she does with her body.'
"Okay Syd, well I am not up for the 8 mile hike to my place, so it'll have to be my bike."
"You just want to get me on the back of your bike again." Syd smiled, remembering how her heart had fluttered when he had told her that on the movie set.
"I do like you there Syd."
They rode home, Syd clinging to Gage with every ounce of strength that she had left. Gage had asked her about eating earlier. She hadn't answered him then because she knew he wouldn't like the answer. She had been eating very little. Her stomach had been in knots most of the time and when it wasn't she didn't feel much like eating, never mind having lost the energy to prepare food in her quest to think about anything and everything but the issues that Dr. Smythe wanted her to think about. For some, eating would have been a great distraction but instead Syd had channelled her resources into exercising.
When they got to Gage's place and Syd stood up she had to hold onto the bike for support. As Gage was dismounted and was removing his helmet he turned to look at Syd. Her face was practically white, emphasizing the dark circles under her eyes. And then, as Gage summoned a smile to try and convince her that nothing was wrong, she began to sway and it was only his quick reflexes that prevented her from crashing to the ground.
Gage's heart was racing as he easily swept Syd into his arms but relaxed a bit as he could feel her breath, albeit shallow, against his neck. She was so light. He recalled the last time he had needed to carry her. He had her sheltered in his arms that day, running away from the crystal meth lab just as it blew up. He remembered being terrified that he wouldn't be able to get her out in time and as she lay in his arms that day, weak and nearly unconscious; he had been reminded of how fragile and precious life was. It was about that time that he had started dropping hints to Syd, in his own casual way that he cared about her. But then he had lost his hearing and nothing had been right since.
He knew only too well the reality of someone you love being taken from you before you get the chance to tell them. As an adult, that was now one of Gage's biggest regrets about his parent's untimely deaths. He had taken for granted that they loved him and he loved them, but to this day he was not really sure if he had ever told them that. As a young child he had never doubted that his parents wouldn't be there the next morning when he woke up. But that fateful day did come. And now Gage swore that he would never let that happen with Syd. He was going to tell her that he loved her before it was too late.
As he carried Syd upstairs and managed to open the locked doors even with her passed out in his arms, he couldn't believe what he had just admitted to himself. I love Syd! Well, of course I do. Now that he had actually 'spoken' the thought aloud in his head, it made perfectly good sense and he wondered what had been the big deal in coming to that conclusion. It was almost painfully obvious now. The way he loved to be with her and to look at her; the way he felt the need to protect her all the time but gave her the space she needed; the way he felt truly free when he was with Syd.
They had missed so much time! Of course, Gage suddenly realized coming down a little from the natural high, he wasn't sure if Syd loved him. He had reached the sofa in his apartment and he set his precious cargo down. She was still breathing fine; she actually looked like she was sleeping. He went to the bathroom and wet a facecloth with cool water, and returning to her side he gently placed it on her forehead.
"Syd!" he gently shook her. He'd let her go back to sleep if she wanted, but he needed to check that she was okay before he did that. "Syd, honey, wake up."
"Gage?" she finally came to, her voice sounding frail. "Where am I? What happened? Are you hurt?" She suddenly tried to sit up but found that she was incredibly dizzy. She reached her hands up to hold her head.
"No Syd, I'm fine." He helped her sit back in the sofa. "Here, just relax. You're at my place. Remember, we rode my bike here from work. But when you got off it in the parking lot, you collapsed and I had to carry you up here."
Syd almost laughed. "It's getting to be a habit, you carrying me."
"I don't mind. In fact I could get used to it." Gage gave her a big, goofy grin. He was so bursting with love for her that he felt like he surely had a large neon sign plastered to his forehead flashing that message. If he did though, Syd didn't notice it.
"Yeah well, one of these days you'll need me to carry you buster."
"I wouldn't trust the job to anyone else."
"Gage, you're making my head hurt. Why are you being so nice to me?"
"What? Aren't I always nice to you?" he feigned indignation. "Seriously Syd, I am being nice to you because you are an amazing, wonderful and remarkable woman and I love you."
Syd stopped fussing with the facecloth on her forehead, unsure that she had heard correctly. "What did you just say?"
"What? Oh, that you're an amazing, wonderful and remarkable woman?" he couldn't help just teasing her a little; it was too ingrained in their relationship. "You must know that!"
"Well, okay, but the other bit. What did you say?"
"Oh that. I love you." He grinned at her, his eyes mirroring what his mouth had just confirmed.
"You love me?" Syd voice was hushed, filled with trepidation that he might take the words back.
"Yes."
"Oh Gage - I love you too." She whispered, afraid to break the wonder of this moment.
"Yes!!!!" Gage jumped up into the air, elated by Syd's admission which matched his own.
"Oww, Gage. Stop, please." Syd clutched her head again, the solemness of their momentous exchange over.
"Oh, sorry Syd. It's just that you have made me so happy! I feel like shouting from the rooftops! I want everyone to know!"
"I feel like being sick." Syd pushed Gage away and ran, or rather stumbled, to his bathroom. Once there she emptied the remains of her meagre lunch into the toilet and was sitting on the floor clutching her head when Gage arrived seconds later.
When he reached down to brush the stray hairs from her face Gage realized that Syd was trembling. Tenderly he asked "Do you think you can stand?"
Syd nodded but then looked up at him for help. "I'm so cold Gage."
He bent down and easily supported her to feet. He could feel her shaking and could almost hear her teeth chattering. He led her over to the bathroom sink where he ran cool water and helped her to wash around her mouth and to rinse the traces of vomit away. Then he snaked his arm around her waist and eased her carefully back to the sofa.
Once there he settled her in the corner seat. He untied and removed her shoes, allowing her to raise her legs and curl up in a ball. He nestled a pillow behind her back and head, and grabbed the afghan hanging over the back. Wrapping it around her, gently tucking the edges in, he brushed the stray hairs from her face once again. He bent down and kissed her on the forehead, which felt warm.
"I'm just going to go get you some water, okay Syd?"
She nodded, almost imperceptibly, and snuggled further under the cover. He could see that she was still shaking, and that rather than being pale, her face was flushed. What had she done to herself? Gage felt angry with Walker for a moment – if he hadn't 'banished' her, to use Syd's word, Syd might not be in this state right now. Rational thought crept back in though and Gage knew that Walker had made what he considered the best possible decision for Syd's health and Gage's safety.
If only Walker knew though how badly his well-intentioned plan had misfired. Rather than the time and space giving them time to heal, it had led to an utter breakdown on Syd's part and Gage's too for that matter. His heart and mind had been distracted all week, he knew that. It was only fortunate that they had not been in any life-threatening or dangerous situations these past few days. He and Syd were a formidable team, significantly stronger together than apart. 'I just hope that we'll get the chance to be partners again' he thought, realizing that he couldn't imagine life as Texas Ranger without her at his side.
Gage returned to Syd with a glass of water, and sitting beside her and holding her head to the glass he managed to get her to swallow a few small sips.
'C'mon Syd. You need to drink this whole glass of water before I leave you alone."
"Tired and cold. J..j..j..just leave me 'lone."
"No Syd. Did you leave me alone when I needed help after I lost my hearing? No - even when I yelled at you and pushed you away and hurt you. You stayed there right by my side."
Syd looked at him through the fog that seemed to have taken over most of her connection with the conscious world. For a moment her eyes even flickered with a spark, acknowledging Gage's understanding that she had never given up on up him, accepting his apology for the way he had treated her then. Gage had hurt her but she had known even then that he meant so much to her that if a little hurt was necessary to make him well, then she would willingly pay the price.
"Course I stayed with you. H...h...hated to see you hurting." She spoke again, her teeth still chattering as if it was winter, not July.
"So, you understand Syd. C'mon, finish this water. Small sips honey." And Gage helped support her head, and bit by bit he got the whole glass into her.
"Do you think you'll want anything to eat?" he asked, pretty sure her answer would be no. She shook her head, as he had expected.
"Just wanna sleep. Everything hurts."
"Okay...shhh...I know. You pushed yourself so hard this week. You have a nap right now, but when you wake up I'll expect you to eat something."
She nodded. "Just a little nap 'kay?"
"Okay Syd, just a little nap. You comfy?"
"Mmm hmm." She murmured, her head lolling back against the sofa and her fingers pulling the afghan tight around her, her words beginning to slur. "Fanks Gage. Don't know what....I'd do wivout you..."
He left her then, sleeping on the sofa and went to his bedroom to get changed into more comfortable clothes. He checked on her as he walked back to his kitchen and she was sleeping peacefully. He smiled to himself, pleased to have her here with him and happy to know that this is where she wanted to be.
"I don't know what I'd ever do without you either Syd and I have no intention of ever finding out." He whispered, bending down and kissing her forehead again, which already felt cooler. And then straightening up he headed to the kitchen and called his sister to find out what exactly he should feed Syd when she woke up.