A/N : The problem with this story is I keep making myself wanna cry when I re-read parts of it! This chapter especially has several emotional moments...if you care that Angel's dead that is, I know some people don't, lol. Thanks for the great reviews - Courtney37, SweetBitter, rubi-elektra, Malfeus, Spuffyfan4eva, Spikes Bint (glad you finally got caught up!), Alliegirl, Spuffyluvr, Rachel, SinisterChic HeatherMartin, Selena Style, SlayGal, Tasha Carol Williams, Tikkika - I appreciate every single one of your complimentary words :-) Sorry this chapter is a bit short but I hope you appreciate it all the same. Oh, for anyone that's interested I am also updating 'Innocence' tonight.

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 9

"We are here today to pay tribute and to say goodbye to our friend, Angel" Wesley began, swallowing hard as the emotion of the occasion caught up with him, "He meant something to all of us here, he was a great friend as well as a great warrior and he will be greatly missed..." he trailed off as he looked at those standing before him, Buffy in the centre with Spike to one side and Fred the other, Lorne and Gunn flanking them. Everyone looked so sombre and still, not at all how they usually appeared.

"I would like to take the first opportunity in thanking the Powers That Be for giving us the chance to know him and work alongside him" Wesley continued eventually, "You will be missed Angel" he said towards a framed photograph that had been placed on the desk, "but you will also be forever remembered"

With a silent sigh, the ex-Watcher walked over to Fred's side and Gunn took his turn to stand before the group.

"I'm not good with the fancy speeches" he admitted, "and as y'all know I wasn't that much of a vamp fan to start with, even the souled variety, but Angel proved to me that anyone can be good if they really want to be, if they're willing to try...You were a hell of a guy to know, man" he told the photo just as Wes had done, "Rest in peace, bro"

He joined the line of friends again and Fred took her turn, glad of the way Wesley squeezed her hand before she stepped up. Tears were already in her eyes before she even began to speak.

"When I got lost in Pylea, I thought that was all my life would ever be...because of Angel, I was saved from that place and brought here" her voice cracked with emotion and tears rolled down her face as she continued, "I've found friends, and people I love, and I've made a life that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world, I wanna thank you for that Angel and for being a great friend to all of us" she ended by placing a red rose on the desk by the photograph before going back to Wesley's side and crying on his shoulder.

Spike encouraged Lorne to step up next, since he needed to be last and figured Buffy wasn't quite ready to face this yet, if she ever would be. The green demon nodded and took the stage as it were, taking a deep breath before he began.

"Well, you know me Angel-cakes" he half-smiled at the picture, "there's only one way I know to communicate...I know this one of your favourites so, this ones for you sweetie" he managed a smile before he started to sing.

"I remember all my life, raining down as cold as ice, shadows of a man, a face through the window, crying in the night..."

No-one could supress a smile or a tear at the song Angel had such affection for, even Buffy seemed to understand the relevance of it. Spike shook his head, almost laughing. It was a beautifully humorous way to send off his grande-sire.

As Lorne returned to his place in the line a few minutes later, the Slayer knew it was now her turn. Spike's hand on her shoulder right before she stepped forward helped a little but this was still one of the hardest things she would ever have to do, say goodbye to her first true love. She swallowed hard as she glanced at the picture of him before turning to face his friends.

"Angel was the first man I ever truly loved" she began somewhat shakily, "I knew deep down it would never work out between us, too much stood in our way, but I still loved him and I always will" she choked out, tears rolling down her face in waves and she fought to say all she wanted to, "I wish I'd have had the courage to come here before, and see how happy he was working alongside his friends. I wish a lot of things, but it's too late for that. I have to say goodbye now, however much it hurts" her voice cracked again on the word 'goodbye' but she struggled on regardless, turning back to the photograph and running a finger around the frame, "You will always be in my heart" she promised, before kissing her fingers and placing them on the picture. With one last glance at it, she turned back and went to stand between Spike and Fred again, noticing that she had caused just about everyone else to cry as well as herself. She was perhaps most shocked to see the vampire wipe away a tear or two.

Now it was his turn, and Spike found he was a lot more nervous than he normally would be about anything. A conversation he'd had with Angel, one day years ago when they'd had a fight about Buffy and then they'd both got more than slightly drunk. The fight had been about Buffy as most of their disagreements had, but the liquor brought out emotions afterwards that made the older vamp divulge a secret that he'd never told anyone before...

"What can I say that hasn't already been said?" Spike asked rhetorically as he stood before the gang, "Angel and me, we weren't the best of friends, but by the end, well, we had some kind of understanding. I wouldn't exist the way I do if not for him" he reminded them, as memories of being the Scourge of Europe bounced around in his mind, "He was family, in a funny sort of way, and we had more in common that we ever cared to admit" he smiled slightly, as he looked pointedly at Buffy before turning to the photograph on the desk, "There's no denying we pissed each other off a whole lot of the time, but maybe we helped each other too. Today, I'll keep the promise I made years ago" he fought to keep his composure as he walked over to a painting that hung on the wall and removed it, before pushing a button he found there, "I know you will have made it" he continued to speak as if to Angel as a section of the wall shifted up into the ceiling, "to whatever place the good guys go in the end...rest in peace mate" he finished as he stepped aside to reveal to the group what had been hidden in the wall, "you've earned it"

Silently the old Angel Investigations squad and the Slayer stared at Spike at the space in the wall where a safe resided. None of them ever knew it was there or what it held, but Spike knew and had done for quite some time. Today was the day that he explained.

"Not long after I arrived here" he began again, "Me and Angel had a...well, it was one helluva fight and after that there was a lot of alcohol and we talked things over, a lot of things that aren't important now...but he told me something that I swore to keep a secret until the day came when..." he trailed off finding it hard to explain this. He gave up with words, instead turning to actions and opening the safe with a code he'd had memorised for almost five years but had never used.

Eventually the door clicked open and reaching inside Spike produced a pile of envelopes. He walked towards the group with them in his hand, stopping just a pace or so away. From the top of the pile of envelopes he took a single sheet of paper and read aloud from it. The friends all guessed it was Angels words that he spoke.

"Eventually we all have to leave this world, and it's always hardest on those we leave behind. I know that fighting the good fight like I do means I'm risking myself all the time. I don't want to go without getting a chance to say goodbye to the people that matter to me so I am writing my final words to you now, in the hope that it is a long time before you ever need to read them, Angel" Spike ended with tears in his eyes as he put down the piece of paper and carefully handed out the envelopes, each one with their name on in Angels flowing hand-writing. At the end there were three left without owners.

"This one says Cordelia on it" he told them, "this one Faith, and this one..." he trailed off as the gang waited expectantly for the other name, but he couldn't tell them, it was too much to explain right now and he didn't have the strength, "this one is something else" he shook his head, indicating it didn't matter as he stuffed the final envelope into his duster pocket - the one that read simply 'Connor'.

- - - - - - - - -

Buffy was alone in her room again, this time cradling an envelope in her hands, tracing the pattern of her name in Angels handwriting with her finger across the paper surface. This was his final words to her, his last goodbye and as much as she wanted to know what he had to tell her, she was afraid of what it might say. If she did this, opened up the letter and read the words, he'd truly be gone, there'd be nothing left.

On the other hand, she realised, it would then be over. The ceremony was done, she'd said her goodbye, once she'd given Angel the chance to do the same, then this chapter of her life could begin it's close and she could move on as she had before when Spike had left her, but now he was back and that was a whole other thing that she couldn't quite deal with yet.

With a deep breath she decided she owed Angel this much. She must read the words he wanted her to know. With shaking hands she pulled out the single sheet of paper and began to read;

'Buffy,

It's hard to know where to start a letter like this. If you're reading this it means I'm gone from this world, but there's no way of me knowing how far into your future you are. As I write this it is the Summer of 2006, and this is a new version of something I have written so many times before. I started doing this not long after I came to LA, knowing that my time could be up at any moment and that I didn't want to go without telling you a few things. Of course our lives are constantly changing so I often feel the need to re-write what went before.

First I want you to know that I love you, I always have, and nothing will ever change that not even my final death. I want you to remember me and the good times we had. Don't cry too much over my passing, I want you to move on with your life and live happily ever after somehow, it's all I ever wanted for you, Buffy.

Second I have to make a confession. I was part of the reason that Spike never came to find you. When he first arrived there was a lot of confusion and he wasn't sure whether coming to find you was for the best or not. I helped to convince him to leave you alone, and if I made the wrong decision then I'm truly sorry, but I only wanted what was best for you.

Lastly, I want to wish you the happiest life you can possibly have. You deserve the best Buffy, the happiness and the love, and I hope you get that. I could say a million things to you, but there is no point now. I am gone from your life, hopefully gone but not forgotten, but still I want you to live now, in a way you never could have done with me.

Love you always Buffy

Angel'

With tears already pouring down her cheeks, the Slayer laid down on her bed, letting the paper slip from her fingers as she cried her heart out. She was crying for the loss of a vampire she loved so dearly. She cried because he'd loved her so much. She cried because despite the darkness his death caused her to be in, she felt guilty, as she looked up and saw Spike in her doorway, and realised there was a light at the end of the tunnel...

To Be Continued...