A/N : Thanx to; Culf, helaine, rubi-elektra, Spuffyluvr, Spuffyfan4eva, BtVS-and-PotC-Fan, Rachel, Lady Starlight, SweetBitter, SlayGal, Stacy75, krazy4spike. I really do appreciate all the commentsand I'm sorry thay I keep making you all cry! This story was not supposed to be so entirely depressing but I guess it's unavoidable when you kill the characters! Honestly, I do like Angel, hence the fact they are all being nice about his death. Anyway, here's the next chapter...

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 11

"You know you really don't have to rush off so soon" Wesley told the Slayer immediately after her 'I'm leaving' speech to him, "We're quite happy to have you stay here as long as you want" he assured her, wondering what had promoted this sudden wish to get away.

Buffy stood on the other side of his desk, fiddling with the objects on the edge, and keeping her eyes down until she finally spoke.

"I know Wes and I appreciate it really" she told him with a small smile, before her expression shifted, "but there's nothing to keep me here" she said somewhat sadly, wishing of course that a certain vampire had given her a reason to stay.

"Not even Spike?" the ex-Watcher dared to ask, knowing he shouldn't but also so very aware of how much Buffy meant to the souled vamp.

"Is that your business?!" the Slayer snapped, immediately regretting being so harsh as Wesley practically hit the ceiling "I'm sorry" she apologised, "I didn't mean to..."

"No, you're right" he interrupted "I shouldn't have asked"

The two stood either side of the desk in silence for a moment before he spoke again.

"If you're set on leaving so soon at least let us supply the transportation. We have private jets, you could choose your time, and travel back in relative luxury"

After the cramped and stuffy conditions of her flight over, Buffy couldn't help but accept with a smile.

"What time should I tell the pilot to be ready for?" was Wesley's next question as he reached for the phone on his desk.

"Well, that all depends" the man frowned at Buffy's response, looking at her with a questioning glance "if it's okay with you" the Slayer explained "there's one more thing I'd like to do before I go"

"Name it" Wesley nodded once, waiting to hear her request. It wasn't quite what he'd expected.

- - - - - - - -

From the balcony, Fred could see through the glass into Wesley's office and also down below to where Spike paced around, clearly agitated. She'd managed to get half an explanation out of him as to the reason for his strange mood. Buffy was leaving. The young woman had gone to find the Slayer after that, not sure what she would say to her - she didn't like to put her opinion in where it wasn't needed or wanted, but she'd spent five years getting to know Spike, she had an affection for him, and she knew how hurt he would be when Buffy walked out those doors.

On her way up to the staff quarters, Fred had spotted the Slayer going into Wesley's office. Her lip reading skills weren't too bad and from the balcony she found she could make out about half of what was being said in the nearby room, and at the same time she could keep an eye on Spike.

"Lookin' pretty serious in there, ain't it?" Gunn appeared behind her, his voice making her jump slightly as she was concentrating so hard on another (silent) conversation "What's the deal?" the man asked as he leant on the rail beside her.

"She's leaving" Fred told him sadly, eyes still fixed on the pair "as soon as possible"

"Why so fast?" Gunn frowned "I thought she and Spike were pretty tight"

"Seems we were wrong" Fred sighed, finally shifting her gaze back down to the blond vamp "I know he loves her but I just don't know about her feelings for him...I don't think it helped that he's kept away all this time, or that Angel..." her voice trailed away as her eyes filled with tears, it was still so hard to think that he was gone.

"Maybe they just weren't destined to be together" Gunn considered, a double meaning to his words and Fred knew it when he added "it happens to us all"

"It does" she agreed, catching his eye for a second, before taking one final glance over the balcony and then walking silently away.

- - - - - - - - -

Buffy followed Wesley across the Wolfram & Hart building to the far side where it seemed hardly anyone was authorised to go. A key card opened a first door and a code was required for a second entrance. Outside the third and final door, the ex-Watcher stopped and turned to the Slayer.

"Are you sure about this?" he checked and Buffy slowly nodded into her response.

"You said she can probably hear me" she reminded him "And she deserves the truth ...and the words he wanted her to know"

Wesley nodded as he opened the door and gestured for her to go in.

"I'll wait out here" he told her and she nodded as she slipped past, hearing the door click shut behind her.

It was different to how she'd imagined, the Slayer thought as she surveyed the room. Pictures, some photographs and some drawings, adorned the walls. Flowers were in the vase by the bed and fairy lights twinkled from the ceiling above. It was a cross between a child's fairytale bedroom and a memorial, and in the centre was the bed in which Cordelia lay, not dead but still as comatose as she had been five years ago.

On Buffy's last visit to LA, right after the apocalypse, she'd been told that a demon had taken over Cordelia's body and when it had emerged she'd been left in this state. All kinds of tests had been run and spells had been cast but as yet she remained unconscious but stable.

"Hey Cordy, it's me, Buffy" the blonde smiled as she sat down on the edge of the bed. It was true that they were never the greatest of friends but Buffy couldn't help the tears that formed in her eyes as she thought of all that had happened to this young woman and all the life she was missing now. There was no guarantee that she would ever wake up and that was the worst part of all. "Well, it's been a while since we last talked...A lot's happened, and not all of it good" she said quietly, reaching to pick up one of the other woman's hands in hers "Cordelia, I have to tell you" she struggled to find the words "Angel's dead, and I know how much that must hurt you, he told me how close you two were getting before" Buffy was surprised that it didn't hurt to think Cordy and Angel getting closer, what was really painful was knowing they'd never get a chance to be happy together now "anyway" she sniffed, trying to keep her composure as she let go of Cordelia's hand and opened up the envelope she held "he wrote letters for all of us for when he had to go, and I thought you deserved to hear the words he meant for you...I hope you can hear this..." she took a deep breath as her eyes scanned the first few words and she began to read aloud. Through her deep sleep Cordelia heard a faraway voice that started out as Buffy's but soon became male, deep, and familiar - her Angel.

'Dearest Cordelia,

I remember when we first met, back in Sunnydale, I thought you were just another silly teenage girl, but I was wrong, and these past few years you've proved to me just how much. You've been my co-worker, my friend, and one of the most important people in my life. I know one day you'll wake up, you're a fighter. I know if you're reading this it means I was already gone when it happened, but Cordy I'll still be there. I'll be in your heart, as you will always be in mine, beyond this reality and all others. Your strength lies there too, deep in your heart where I will be, and I hope that will help you as I always tried to do.

Take care of yourself Cordy, you're an incredible woman and you deserve a wonderful life, I hope you get that.

Love always

Angel x'

Buffy finished reading the letter, two tears making tracks down her cheeks as she re-folded the paper and pushed it back into the envelope. She placed it under the unconscious woman's right hand and stood up, leaning over her friend.

"Goodbye Cordy" she practically whispered, pushing the other woman's hair from her face and hoping that someday she would wake again and not be too saddened by the world she found.

As she exited the room, Buffy closed the door behind herself as Wesley asked;

"Are you okay?"

He didn't need a verbal answer as the Slayer turned to face him, tears cascading down her face like a water-fall. Wesley took her in his arms and held her whilst she sobbed. He knew how distressing this must all be for her, he was feeling Angels' loss himself as well as Cordelia's despite the fact she wasn't truly gone.

A few moments later, Buffy and Wesley emerged from the corridor that led to Cordelia's room, his arm still around her as she tried to calm herself. They shared a few words and Spike watched from afar as the woman he loved most in the world went into the arms of his mate one more time for a friendly hug before she finally walked away and rode the elevator to her room.

Spike waited until she was gone before he approached Wesley.

"She saw Cordelia?" he guessed as his fellow Englishman nodded.

"She read Angel's letter to her, in the vain hope she heard" he explained, "She said she wanted to see her once more before she left"

Spike frowned and looked away. He hated that she was leaving but like she said she had no real reason to stay. Clearly he meant even less to her now than he had back then in Sunnydale. She'd moved on, he understood that, he'd guessed she probably would, but a tiny part of him had hoped...well, it didn't matter now, it was over.

"You have a few hours" Wesley told him, a hand on his shoulder, "Perhaps if you talk to her..."

"Tried talking" Spike shrugged, dislodging his friends hand and moving to walk away, "Too afraid to try anything else" he added quietly to himself. All this time but still memories of what he'd once been, what he'd once done, to her especially, it haunted him. A soul wasn't all moonbeams and penny-whistles, just like he'd told her, it was also about self-loathing, and though he didn't hate himself as much as perhaps he should, he truly hated what he'd been and what he'd done, to his precious Slayer in particular. Now he was left with just those memories, the bad times and fortunately a little bit of good too. Memories was all he would have soon, after she left tonight. It was doubtful that she'd ever return.

- - - - - - - - -

"Well, I guess this is it" Buffy sighed as she stood in Wesley's office with the rest of the gang.

"Do you really have to go so soon?" Fred asked a little tearfully. She really liked Buffy and appreciated the female company, plus she knew how much it was killing Spike to let her go again. He wasn't in the room with them, no-one had been able to find him yet.

"I have a job to do back in England" she reminded the Texan as they hugged, "but I might come and visit again soon" she half-lied, feeling pretty certain she wouldn't be back unless she really had to be, "Or you could come visit me, I'm sure you'd love it"

"Perhaps when things are less busy" Wesley agreed, taking his turn to hug the blonde, "I should like to see the mother country again, it's been a fair while"

"Take care of yourself, girl" Gunn smiled as Buffy moved on to him.

"Always do" she promised as she came out of his embrace and straight into Lorne's who looked like he might cry at any second.

"It was fantabulous to have you here, peach pie" he told her, squeezing her tight, "Maybe next time you'll come for a real vacation, we'll do the road trip to Vegas thing or something"

"Sounds like fun" Buffy laughed a little at the demon she had such an affection for. He was in some ways like a green version on Clem who she'd known in Sunnydale. A few years ago, when she'd first become the Slayer, she never would have believed she could make friends with any kind of demon, now it was perfectly normal to her.

"I should be going" Buffy managed a small smile at the group as she opened the door and two men waiting outside of it grabbed her cases and bags to take down to the limo that would drive her to the private jet.

She walked down the stairs to the foyer below with Fred at her side and the three men close behind. Spike waited at the foot of the steps, already looking like he was fighting with his emotions.

"Spike" Buffy managed half a smile, "We couldn't find you"

"Was busy is all" he shrugged like it didn't matter, truth was he'd been hiding until the last minute, he couldn't bear a long goodbye, any type was likely to hurt like hell but he figured the shorter the better.

Fred, Gunn, Wesley, and Lorne backed off leaving the pair alone in the foyer. It was late in the evening and hardly any W&H staff were still around.

"Guess this is it then" Spike shuffled his feet awkwardly, keeping his eyes mainly on his boots.

"Yeah, I guess so" she agreed softly, unable to look directly at him either, "It was so great to see you Spike" she told him, thinking 'he'll never know how great'.

"You too, pet" he smiled slightly as they both looked up at the same time. He couldn't bear to keep their gazes locked too long, the urge to kiss her and blurt out all he felt for her was almost overwhelming, "Er, give my regards to the mother country for me" he smiled, "and your mates obviously"

"I will" she nodded, knowing she had a lot of explaining to do when she got back. She'd called home again today to tell them she'd be coming home very soon and to further elaborate on Angel's death and Spike being back. Still, there would be more questions when she arrived back in England, especially since the gang would have had many hours to think of more stuff to ask.

"Oh, would it be okay if Dawn called you?" she asked, "She was so excited when she found out you were back, I have a feeling she might want to"

"Sure" he answered fast, "It'd be great to hear her voice again. You have no idea how much you'll miss someone until they're gone from your life" he didn't just mean Dawn of course and Buffy caught the double side to his words. She'd missed him terribly too and now she had to go back and do it all again, this time knowing he was just across the ocean.

"Spike..." she said, not sure where to go once his name had passed her lips. He waited hoping against hope she was about to change her mind or tell him she still cared for him but the moment was broken by a young man bursting in through the door. He marched up to the counter and spoke quite abruptly to the receptionist.

"I'm looking for Angel. Is he here?"

Spike frowned as he looked over at the boy, definitely younger than Buffy, maybe in his early twenties. The young man turned at the sound of the vampires voice.

"Who wants to know, mate?"

He eyed Spike warily before walking the two or three steps to him and answering the question.

"My name is Steven Jameson" he said uncertainly "at least I thought it was but I..."

"But now you know the real truth" Spike interrupted, suddenly sensing who this boy really was, "Isn't that right...Connor?" he checked and the boy looked astonished as he nodded his head slowly.

Spike stared at him for a second before turning back to the blonde beside him.

"Buffy, I want you to meet Connor" he paused as the pair shared a bemused look, before adding "he's Angel's son"

To Be Continued...