Thank you once again to M-python-girl for your character and question ideas.

Dear SiriousB1,

My life is horrible. I'm doomed to hide in this room with the door locked and the window shades down. Even now I am being very careful; I'm using only a small flashlight to get the light that I need to write this letter. You see, if I use too much light, they'll know that I'm here and they'll try to break into the house. They're always outside, waiting for the day when I'll have to go out for food or fresh air. But I never will. Shifts under the blanket It would be so much easier if they weren't there. Then all this secrecy wouldn't be necessary. I could lead a normal life in a normal community in a normal world. But, alas! I was made an anime character and have been destined to writing letters to advice columnists in the dead of night underneath the blanket as to dim the light of a small flashlight. Even now I can hear them outside. They're pitching their tents and fighting over spaces on the lawn. Oh, those evil fangirls! At first the idea of a Fan Club dedicated to me seemed like a good idea, but now I realize my mistake. It seems that all of the girls who joined it came to believe that if I had let them start a Fan Club, that I would indeed let them into my house. Of course, that is a load of rubbish. I would never let a girl into my house that stomp around with posters of my face stuck on a stick. And then, of course, there are the more extreme fangirls who feel the need to take pictures of my face and sew them onto their underwear and parade around with no pants on. (That's always amusing, yet very embarrassing if anyone I know sees it.) But then there are the REALLY scary fangirls who feel the need to cross over to the land of Yaoi. I never really understood why they feel that Hiei and myself make such a nice mystery to me. But, anyway, what I need from you is advice on how to get rid of all these fangirls. They stalk me (well, I'm always in my room, so technically they just camp outside) all day and all night! Please, tell me how to forever leave the world of Crazed Fangirls and how to dismember the Kurama Fan Club!

Cordially,
Very Scared Kitsune

Dear Very Scared Kitsune,

Yeah, um, maybe I'm not the right one to be asking. You see, um, let me just say that I don't put pictures of you on my panties (that's just wrong...), but, um, I do have a, um, rather large collection of, um, pictures of you. So, maybe you should just send a note like this to, um, Gabby or someone and they can suddenly gets pushed by a girl wearing a YYH shirt with a lipstick heart around Kurama Hey! Watch where you're going, bitch! This is my camp spot, go find your own! Stupid girl...Right, so anyway, as I was saying, maybe you should ask someone who is not camped out right beneath your window. I...very suddenly, a large group of girls and one guy come up and try to move SiriousB1's tent and place their own underneath Kurama's window HEY!!! YOU ASSHOLES!! THIS IS MY SPOT!! GO FIND YOUR OWN!! What do you mean, you were here earlier? I've been here my whole fucking life! I saw you get here last week! What was that? My mama's so fat that when she walks down the street in a red dress everyone yells, "Kool-Aid!"? Was that what you said? It was! Well...YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMSTER AND YOUR FATHER SMELT OF ELDERBERRIES!!! Now get the fuck outta' here! Kicks all of their asses with her fake rose whip Right, as I was saying...maybe you should ask a Hiei obsessed fangirl instead of one who is obsessed with you...I TOLD YOU TO GET AWAY!!!!!

Sincerely,
SiriousB1

Thank you to The Raven for your character and question. For all of you out there who are deeply disturbed by this...it goes along with a story that she wrote called "The Wilted Rose." It's really good story and it kind of goes along with this.

Dear SiriousB1,

I don't even know writing to an advice column shit, but whatever. Let me tell you first, I am right now about to kill myself. I hate my life. My sister loves an idiot, my best friend has gone insane, and I have feelings for a hanyou who is dating a human. I hope you can figure out who this people/demons are; I don't feel like naming names. I'm just very depressed; I have nothing left to live for. I mean, it isn't like anyone would care if I die, right? I guess my question is, what should I really do. I'm torn between death and living, but death seems very nice right now. Also, I have some demons after me because I stole some drugs from them. The drugs hide the pain I feel. I'm afraid to say I'm too weak to fight them. I guess what this really is, is a cry for help. If you want to help, you should hurry before the next question comes from someone named "A Girl Whose Brother Killed Himself."

Signed,

A Very Tired Demon

Dear A Very Tired Demon,

Okay, first thing's first...STEP AWAY FROM ANY SHARP OBJECTS, FIREARMS, LEDGES, ROPES, HEAVY OBJECTS, POISONS, AND WINDOWS...and whatever other suicide possibilities there are that I can't think of. Suicide is NEVER the answer. Trust me, my cousin did it. It is a good thing that you wrote to me because advice is just what you need. I am not a doctor so I can't get you back to your best state of mental health, but I can sure as hell try. You need to go see a psychiatrist as soon as possible. They'll be able to provide you medications to help you get out of your depression state. I know whom all the people that you're talking about are, and may I just say that, no matter what's happened to them, they would not want you to die. They will NEVER want you to die. Your sister is in love with an idiot? You love whom you love, and you've got to accept it. Unless, of course, he hurts her and then you have to talk her out of any sort of love interest of that sort. You yourself are in love with someone who is dating...talk to them about it. See what they say. And, lastly, your best friend has gone crazy. That is hard and there is nothing that you can do to make him better except to continue to provide support for him. Now, stealing was bad idea in the first place, but what's done is done. Get some help from your friends; I'm sure that they'd be glad to help you. No one wants to see you die. If you think the people around you are having trouble now...killing yourself will just make it worse. Get a psychiatrist and talk things over.

Sincerely,

SiriousB1