Right... this didn't turn out quite as I expected it to... But anyway here it is! Thank you so much, all of you, for reading and reviewing this story!!! Sorry this chapter might be a bit long... but it's necessary. Oh yeah before I forget, don't hesitate pointing out the mistakes! Ramona-Eline: Mary Sue means perfect in all possible ways (at least I think so). Like special powers, sweet tempered, friends with Dumbledore etc... Some people can't stand them, but I don't really mind.

Disclaimer: same as usual.

Thanks to my beta-reader Rain Warrior!

The Missing Spirit

For the hundredth time my reflection peered at me in the mirror, turning this way and that inspecting me from all angles. Her long shiny, silk, turquoise gown fitted perfectly, making me look thin and elegant, or at least so I hoped.

I have never been so self-conscience in my entire life, something must have really got to my head, maybe because it was the last year at Hogwarts, so the last Dance and so the last time for everything to be perfect... Or maybe it was Severus.... Nah, I stuffed that thought in the back of my head as I spun around in front of the mirror, my curls danced around on my shoulders and swirled as I kept spinning and spinning. I was dizzy and lightheaded, but a smile played across my face. It felt good. But then somebody poked me hard in the ribs and I squealed and turned around to grab Hazel.

"Honestly!" She said in an annoyed tone, "You look like a lunatic!!!"

I grasped, covering my mouth with my hand and using the other to smooth my gown. "Really?"

"No!" Narcissa said kindly and tied my hair back with a few locks of my hair, "Of course not, Hazel was just being mean. You look gorgeous!"

I sighted and fell back onto my bed with a huge smile on my face. "So what time is it?" I asked by the way, seeing Hazel's impatient frown. Hazel used her temper to hide everything. Especially when it came to Regelus... she didn't really know how to express it to us. I smiled and shrugged, shaking my head dreamily. It was just too tempting, I just had to annoy Hazel and her back for all the times when she teased me!

"TIME TO GO!!!" Hazel snapped, grabbing her shawl and dragging Narcissa along, "Pyscia! GET. UP!"

"No..." I said sleepily, "Too dizzy, you two go first! I'll follow after!"

"Whatever!" Hazel said, slamming the door behind her.

"Just make sure you do come, alright!" Narcissa said anxiously. "Don't keep Severus waiting!" She added with a cheeky grin, before following Hazel out.

I nodded and sighed. It was times like these that brought back memories.... things were so confusing, my whole life flashed before my eyes.

I was throwing water at a seven-year-old Sirius.

Hazel and I put on our first make up, Sirius came in and made a gagging noise, we pinned him down and put lipstick on him.

Sirius stuffed a fist full of snow done my jacket; I turned around and stuffed my snowball in his face.

Mum told me Erique was at some kid's place.

Erique called me and introduced me to some skinny, whiny, greasy, black- haired kid, I smiled, then ran of to throw Sirius of the broomstick.

I chased Sirius screaming at him to give back my doll, he yelled back and I pelted a stone at him. I ran into that greasy kid again, I knocked him over and told him to get out of my way.

Hazel, Sirius and I spied as Erique and his greasy friend sat peering over a small silver cauldron, Sirius picked up a small piece of gravel and threw it into the green liquid that was bubbling and spiting, Hazel and I went hysteric with giggles as we made a run for it. Erique and his greasy friend ran after us roaring with anger and cursing us. We his under a bush, I was so scared, I had never seen my brother that mad before, that I cried. Sirius put an arm around me and told me things would be ok. I asked him if he promised, he said yes...

The sun was dying, my brother was calling me again, he told me that his greasy friend Severus would look after me in Hogwarts. I snapped at him and nearly told him that I didn't need him too and that Sirius would look after me. But I didn't and he joined us in our broom-race.

Sirius got sorted into a different house, I cried myself to sleep. Narcissa comforted me.

Severus sat next to me in Potions, Sirius's new friends teased me because I was so small. Severus punched him. Sirius stood and watched.

My memories, some happy, some sad, some confused were all floating up again. I could feel the adrenalin slowly flow out of me... I couldn't think of what happened next... I just couldn't. Suddenly I felt very depressed. I hated Sirius now. I loathed him. I still do. More memories came....

"Hey Py!" Sirius threw some hay at me, we were lying on top of the hay stack at my uncle's farm.

"What!" I asked annoyed, I had been looking out for Hazel across the field. She had got into trouble by scaring the cows off, now she had to clean out the chicken pen.

"You know at the end of school?" he began.

"What school?" I snapped. Covering my eyes with my hand hoping to see Hazel running back.

"Hogwarts dummy!" he said sounding slightly frustrated, and rolled over so that he was facing the sky. The soft red tinge reflected of his eyes making him look mystical, as if he were made out of smoke.

"Yeah what about it?" I asked vaguely, still peering out for Hazel.

"At our last year there, there's this dance my cousin always talks about. Will you go with me?"

"Yeah...." I said absentmindedly.

"Promise?" he asked, so shocked that I gave in so quickly.

"Uh-huh.... HAZEL!!! DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO LICK THE POOP OFF THE FLOOR LIKE AUNTY BETTY SAID YOU WOULD!?!"

I felt so sad... Like something was missing... Why did my stupid reminiscences have to come back at this particular moment and ruin everything! I bolted up again and stood in front of the mirror once more. I turned this way and that hoping my thoughts would leave me. But they didn't.

"At our last year there... there's this dance my cousin always talks about. Will you go with me? Will you go with me? Will you go with me? Will you go with me? Will you go with me?" It echoed through my head.

I narrowed my eyes. "You are not letting this come back to you!" I spat at my reflection. "What is done is done!" And I patted my hair and smiled at my reflection before running down the steps into the common room were Severus stood waiting for me.

He looked absolutely handsome, in his blue velvet robes. He smiled. Something he never does.... I smiled back and realized for the first time how good looking he was. I muttered something about sorry for being late, but he just smiled and I blushed as he held out his arm.

"Ready to go?" I nodded and gratefully took his arm. My thoughts vanished and I was occupied in blushing and muttering things as we made our way out of the room. I even shoed Sebastian, my owl, off when he flew down at top speed picking at my hair to deliver something.

I checked my watch for the hundredth time; Hazel and Narcissa had gone ten minutes ago... what took her so long? I was about to call, when the door burst open and she came rushing down the steps, apologizing for taking so long. She was so pretty, her blue dress suited her perfectly, her black curls flowing behind her and she rushed up to me. She smiled and I smiled back, offering her my arm. She took it and we made our way to the over- crowded, people stinking hall.

It was already full with the music roaring over our heads. And people standing around the edge of the dim hall, most of them were losers, like Pettigrew and other rejects. Normally I would be one of them looking on jealously as Lucius danced with all the girls, but not this time. And I smirked arrogantly and some of them stared at me in disbelief.

"Merlin! That isn't Snivellus Snape is it?"

"How the hell did he get a girl?!"

"And a good looking one too!"

I smirked and turned to Pyscia, who was glaring at them.

"Ignore them, Py!" I said gently, "They're not worth it!"

"Do you know what they called you?" She asked angrily, turning to me with an angry face.

"No, but I don't want it to spoil your evening." I said smoothly. Her face softened and muttered, "Yeah you're right... just getting a bit too over- excited."

I nodded and walked to the center of the room, pulling her along. We stood there for a while, before I realized how stupid I was.

"So do you want to dance?" I asked her nervously.

"What else did you come here for then Severus Snape?" she retorted with a grin.

"To be with you?" I asked, shrugging.

"Fair enough!" she said cheekily and pulled me onto the dance floor. She held my hand and guided me most of the dance. Laughing, whenever I did something wrong or made a fool of myself. I always hated dancing, and I still do. But somehow... dancing was interesting with Pyscia... we laughed and bumped into other people. Her hair swung freely around her pink flushed faced, she was smiling all the time and her eyes were like little waves dancing about in the sea.

She looked so happy; I couldn't help smiling at her... Ok I was beaming at her. I couldn't stop myself, all my troubles, all my fears seemed to have vanished. Then, I just wished for it to last forever the music died down and was replaced by a soft melody. Couples around us started moving in towards each other and the atmosphere completely changed.

Yuck, it was like one of those things Narcissa would say, "Love is in the air..." Pyscia looked around her, wondering whether to sit down or not, she turned around about to leave when I plucked up all my courage and placed my hand on her small hips. She looked up at me and gave me a grateful smile placing her arms around my neck. I didn't move in any closer, I didn't want to push her. I had observed many other men do so before. Trying to get close to her during a slow-dance. She just pushed them off, telling them she didn't feel like dancing, or that she was too hot. I didn't want to do that to her. I didn't want to hurt her. I was contended to just dance with her like that, a distance apart. She needed her time. But to my surprise she made another step and laid her head on my shoulders, her whole body pressed up against mine. I could feel her soft breath on my neck and her small hand curled around my neck. I slowly wrapped my arms around her waist waiting for her reaction. None came and so I shuffled from foot to foot. She sighed and looked up at me, her eyes a soft pale blue, "I wish this could go on forever..." she whispered. "Me too..." I replied giving her a kiss on the forehead. Everything was going the way I planned. For once in my life I was truly happy, like I have never been before. Then the darned bloody music faded away and I nearly cursed out loud.

"You want to dance some more?" she asked. I could see she didn't want to, so I shook my head and wrapped my arm around her waist as we made our way through the crowd. Her waist was so small that my hand was resting on her stomach, the place where one day our child would be... But for now, things had to be taken slowly... I didn't want to loose what I had. I lead her to a small bench and she sat down next to me her head resting on my chest, I wrapped my arm around her and just sat there. After a while I felt stupid... Did I forget something? Suddenly I remembered.

"Do you want a drink?" I asked as coolly as I could. She nodded and I stood up.

The second he was gone, I could have kicked myself for wanting a drink. Even if I did get a sore throat, nothing was better than having his arm wrapped around me. I felt so safe, so comfortable in his arms. The way his chest rose with every breath he took and the way he kept smiling down at me. He never smiled, but when he did he seemed a totally different person. Severus always looked worried or angry about something. It seemed that he always had a grouch. When I first met him I thought he must be the most unpleasant person I could have the misfortune of meeting. But then I slowly learned that his childhood wasn't as good as mine had been, and that he had all the reason to be grouchy and bad tempered.

I searched the dancing crowd for Hazel and Narcissa. I soon Hazel and Regelus dancing hand in hand, laughing at some probably obscene joke, knowing Regelus. They were so perfect together, I couldn't help smiling. Hazel with her hot-headed temper and sarcasm and Regelus with the male- version of it.

Narcissa and Lucius were somewhat harder to find, but eventually I spotted them shuffling arm in arm and staring adoringly into each other eyes. Satisfied that I had seen my friends, I turned back just to stare aimlessly at the crowd in front of me, when the most horrible thing stood appeared in front of me. Now if just the thought of Sirius Black could rue the day, then what could the sight and the sound of him be? Obnoxious! He was talking to me, but I hardly heard him as I was still trying to recover from my rather unpleasant shock.

"Sorry Black, but what did you say!" I demanded in a meanest voice I could muster.

"I was wondering if I could have a dance with my fiancée!" He asked in a rather loud annoyed tone. Fiancée? Who the hell did he mean? But he looked at me meaningfully and held out his hand.

"Don't need to shout!" I spat, "And, NO! You may not dance with me! By the looks of it you're drunk, so will you please go away!"

Luckily Severus came back at that moment or Black would have been sorry he ever lived.

"What's wrong Py?" He asked handing me my drink, "What's that doing here?" He added throwing a disgusted look at Black.

I shrugged, taking a long sip of my drink.

"Black if you have no business here... Will you kindly get lost!" He asked politely, but with a cold tone, sitting down and putting a protective arm around me.

"I have business here..." He said coolly, "I was just wondering if my fiancée cared to have a dance with me."

I laughed nearly choking on my drink, but abruptly stopped as I saw the seriousness in his face.

"If you don't belief me check your owl!" Sirius Black said frustrated before turning around and disappearing in the crowd.

Sometimes I can be so thick! This was one of those times. I just shook my head in disbelief and sipped at my drink.

Suddenly she threw down her glass and ran out of the room, leaving a bewildered Severus behind. It was as if the clock had struck twelve and Cinderella had to run back home or her coach would turn back into an orange garden vegetable and her coach-men into household pests.

She ran out of the room, not seeing anything. Just blindly running. Away from fear, away from reality, she just wanted nothing more than to keep running.

Soon Severus got over his shock and he too, like an idiot ran after her, shouting her name and gathering quite a few onlookers.

He found her at the foot of the staircase with her hands covering her face, sobbing hysterically. Her breath came in haggard grasps and her face was a mess. She shook her head furiously in disbelief and moaned, "No, no! This cannot be... no... no..."

He gathered her into his arms and asked her what was wrong, but she was beyond words and just kept on sobbing into his shoulder, making a damp patch on his robes with her tears.

Her eyes were red and swollen and huge tears ran down her face. I hugged her and demanded to know what caused all this, but she just shook her head and continued sobbing. I ran my hand over her back in circles, hoping to calm her down.

"It's ok! Everything will be alright..." I whispered softly. But it didn't have the desired effect.

"NO!" she screamed pushing away from me, "Things will not be ok! Things will not be alright! You DON'T UNDERSTAND, Severus!!!"

"THEN MAYBE IF YOU TELL ME I COULD!!!" I spat back, immediately regretting what I had done. "Sorry... I didn't mean to shout Py, but please tell me!"

"It's a long story..." she said shaking her head and sitting down against the wall.

"I don't care." I said seating myself down next to her.

"When-- Sirius and I were best friends before we entered Hogwarts," she began, not sure where to start, "our parents were good friends and we knew each other from the day we were born... We played together a lot as you might have seen on a few occasions. Well we got on so well that one day jokingly his parents suggested getting us betrothed, so that when I was older, my parents didn't need to look after me all the time and make sure I was going out with the right men. My farther laughed and said it would be a good idea. That was the end of it... Or so we thought. The next year, around Christmas time his parents got on the subject again, this time seriously and well they agreed to formally betroth us. Now, we knew about it but it was more like "we're going to marry!" "fun huh!". We never thought of it in any other way."

A wave of nausea belted over me, I didn't feel like vomiting... But definitely something close to it. Perhaps it was that hope that Black really was drunk. She sighed deeply and looked away from me, I knew what was coming next.

"Then when Sirius got sorted into Gryffindor..." She stopped, it probably was a painful memory for her. But I urged her to continue.

"I met him one day in the corridor and I said, "this betrothal thing... is it still-" he interrupted and said something like "You bet it is not!" and smirked. I thought it was really true. I never hated him more than that day. I thought he'd make sure that it was cancelled totally. Looks like he never did..."

"But why the hell would he think that it's still on?" I demanded.

"Our parents... It's part of a plan perhaps. A plan to get Sirius back into "better society". I had quite a bit of influence on him, I think they hope that that is still the case."

"Then how do you know it's not one of his stupid pranks?" I asked in a hopefully.

"Because, he told me to check my owl. And he's right, my parents did send me a letter, Sebastian was trying to deliver it to me but I was in a rush to go..."

"Well then, go read the letter!" I said dragging her up and pushing her unwillingly into the common room. Upon entry, Sebastian swooped down and dropped a letter at Py's feet. She picked it up and went over to the sofa sitting down and tearing open the envelope.

She didn't read it but handed it to me. "Please, you read it! I can't..." And she placed her head in her hands.

But I took it and sat down next to her reading it aloud.

"Dearest Pyscia, We are overjoyed to announce your official engagement to Sirius Black!..." Stunned she looked up in front of her. Her face was pale and ghostly.

"It's a joke right?" I hoped lamely. She shook her head as silent tears fell from her dark blue eyes.

"WHAT!" I jumped up, rage and disbelief rushed over me. I thought it was a prank to hurt Pyscia. Well I got one part right.

"No... no... no. NO!!!" In fury I kicked a small table, sending it flying against the wall. This did no good as it only made Py cry louder and I rushed over to comfort her.

My life never goes the way I want it to. Never.

A/N: Please review! And thanks to all those who do, it really means a lot to me!!!
Pax be to all!