READ THIS OR YOU WILL BE VERY CONFUSED! Hey ppl! This is my first fic, so please be nice! Ok, this is loosely based on LOTR(the plot) and Gollum is a major character. or at least he will be later. every character in this who isn't LOTR is a modern version of a specific LOTR character! you will understand as the story continues. but for your reference... (IMPORTANT!) Spell=Frodo, Pan= Sam, Cel=Aragorn, Tano= Gandalf, Lee and Lang= Gimli and Legolas, Read=Boromir(boo hoo she's gonna die) and Rea and Van=merry and pip!

ok then, now that all that is settled... I do NOT own Gollum, Elrond, Elrohir, Legolas, Ron Weasley, Lothlorien, Rivendell or any elves. Except for Cel. And I do not own the whole you know who thing, or the idea of destroying the ring. which is in this case, a medallion.

Enjoy! PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!! I like nice, happy reviews, but CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is greatly appreciated. and so are new ideas! but trust me, it will eventually get easier to understand. OK then, I dont wanna bore anyone, so AU REVIOR!!!!!

YESS PRECIOUSSS REVIEW!!!!!!!!

Chapter 1: The Calling

Beep... beep... beep- "Shut that thing UP Lang!!!" screamed Agent Tano. Lang hurried to see why his computer was making such a fuss. When he tried to turn on his computer, he saw nothing but static. "Oh Einstein's thumbs! I payed $2000 for that laptop and it's already screwing up! Oh Lee, I hope this isn't a big disappointment to you!" Agent Lee scuttled over to Lang and wrapped her arms around him. "Nothing is a disappointment as long as you're with me, dearest Lang!" she whispered.

"Love is simply a state of mind, child... and Tano, do not go about hating your coworkers so, it will lead to despair... and besides, hate is simply love angered! And you know much about love, do you not?"

Tano turned to face none other than Agent Cel. "How did you know how much I hate these annoying people- wait a minute, when did you get here! What, did you just walk through the wall or something?" Cel rolled her eyes. "I walked through the door like any normal person would... just I actually know how to be quiet. Now, what is all the fuss about?"

"My laptop has an urgent message, but it wont work! This must be a sign from the heathen gods of math that I haven't... haven't... THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN A GOOD ENOUGH STUDENT!" Lang flung himself on the floor, tears streaming down his face.

"More like a sign from the heathen gods of the computer repair shop, saying that they want your money..." Tano mumbled. "Hush boy! There's enough mourning in here without you being murdered by Lee, so don't give her a reason to! Now I'll just log on to Lang's account through my computer and then all will be fine again! Seriously, you mortals are soo helpless."

Tano hurried to Cel's side as she checked her computer. "OK, log on, Agent- ooh! There's a new issue of Witch Weekly! I'll soo have to tell Read and Van! NO- don't get off topic Cel! Umm where was I? Oh yes, log on as agent Lang... check info messages... Future Band Directors of the World Unite... no that's not it. Wanna be the next Einstein... nope. Nerds Nightly... that's not it either. Score! I found it! Ok open..."

Lee and Lang hurried over to Agent Cel. "What does it say?" asked Lee as she fondled Lang's bow-tie.

"There is an evil moo-monster in Houston. He is heading here! Ooh, they want US to help? HA! SDPM to the rescue! Hey, that kinda has a ring to it..."

Lang hurried to his magic calculator of dangerously large equations. "According to my calculations," he said as he pressed a bunch of buttons, "That moo thing should be here in two days! Oh this is so terrifying! I NEED MY INHALER!!!"

Agent Lee ran to their bedroom and found his inhaler. As she handed it to him she trembled and clutched his arm, which she will end up doing A LOT. "Oh agent Lang babe... I'm scared!" Tano rolled his eyes at the band-loving couple and scanned the skies and the grounds surrounding the headquarters. "We need the Spellmans' so we can figure out what to do! Oh, where are they when we need them?"

Meanwhile, in the Band Hall...

"Oh Spell, how much do you love me?" Pansy Spellman whispered into Spell's ear. Spellman moaned and held her closer to him. "I love you to the moon and back, and then have Lang multiply that to the power of all the stars in the sky and I still love you even more!" He blushed as he felt Pan's hand sliding down his pants. I hope she doesn't find that fish that me and Gollum were sharing!

"Do you love me more than anyone else?" Pan inquired. Spellman bit the corner of his lip. "Well yes, with some exceptions. Ya know... like family stuff." Pansy giggled. How sweet! He's so family oriented! Spellman smirked. Gollum HAS to count as family! Like... when we come together as one in the sea... with the fish as our children... yea, family.

As Pan smiled up at Spellman, he quickly wiped the smirk off his face. "What was that all about?" she asked. "Umm... It's kinda weird with my dad in here watching us..." he mumbled, looking for an excuse to get away from the Hobbit's lovey-doveyness. "Why don't we go back to the headquarters?"

Back at the HEADquarters

"Hey Tano, Spell and Pan are coming back!" yelled Lang when he saw them hurrying up to the entrance. Tano rolled his eyes and walked down to greet them, glaring.

The two lovers stepped in front of the eye scanner and exchanged worried glances as Tano shot them an evil look. "You're late. We have very important, no, dangerous, issues to discuss. First of all, Lang's brand new Lothlorien laptop is broken, and everyone knows that nothing can beat Lothlorien computers in their power and reliability! Obviously something didn't want him opening that urgent message that he received!"

Pan gasped. "What urgent message? Did we miss something? Oh, this is terrible! Hug me, Spell, my love!" Spell slowly put an arm around her. "You see, dearest? We cannot go wander off together anymore, or else more terrible things could happen. We must hurry and meet with the others!" But I of course, should still wander off with Gollum...

When Tano, Pan, and Spell were all in the common room, Cel stood up. "As you all hopefully know by now, there is an evil moo-monster in Houston. We, unfortunately, have been asked to stop it. So... everyone needs to work together so we can find a way to stop this thing. The rest of the agents should be here shortly, as well as some of our junior members."

Lang sighed and placed his hand on Lee's shoulder. "I sure hope this doesn't mean we have to miss our Band Queers Incorporated meeting tomorrow!

Later, in the Common Room...

"Ok Cel, who all is here?" asked Tano. "Umm, so far we have you, me, Av, Pan, Lee, Lang, Read, and FluteBoy. Van and Rea are out somewhere, probably finding weapons. Or stalking Legolas and Ron. Dud and Corpse are probably preparing for the BQI meeting tomorrow, and that's about all I know."

"What about Gollum?" asked Spell as he walked past Cel and Tano. "Oh, hey Spellman. I don't think that Gollum will really be able to help much... but you can still help. Why don't you fly over the forest and look out for anything suspicious?"

Spellman gasped. "But Cel... the forest is forbidden!!! Who knows what's in there! Werewolves, vampires, MONSTERS-" Cel sighed. "It's only forbidden for junior members... and it's not like you have to go in it. Just fly above it."

Agent Spell sighed and turned around. Oh, will I ever see Gollum again? I must destroy this moo-monster before it destroys me! But where is it's power- Spell screamed as he ran into the door. Tano sighed. "And I thought he would be helpful..."

As Spellman walked out of the HEADquarters, he thought of Pansy, and how he had been neglecting her lately. "Maybe I should buy her a loincloth!" he mumbled as he took flight over the forest.

While he was flying over the trees, something shiny caught his eye. "Oh!" he whispered. "That's probably jewelry! I can give it to Gollum- I mean Pan! Or... maybe I should keep it for myself! Yes, I'll do that! But... how will I get it? Oh, I guess I'd better find Cel!" And then he flew back to the HEADquarters.

"Cel! Cel, I think I found something!" yelled Spellman as he ran into the common room. Cel stood up and handed her laptop to Tano. "What is it?" Spellman looked at the floor. "Well... I don't know. It's in the forest- and I thought, well... I thought that you should get it! It could be dangerous in the hands of someone like me!"

Cel nodded. "So in other words, you're scared." Spell blushed. "Well, no... I mean it's just that... ok, you're right. I'm scared." Cel patted his shoulder. "Come on, just show me where it is and I'll get it for ya."

As Spellman and Cel walked outside, Spell grabbed Cel's arm and shot up above the trees.

Cel shrieked. "Holy Hippogriffs, Avadaar, what do ya think you're doing!!!" Spellman laughed. "You asked me to show you what I saw, now do you wanna see it or not?" Cel sighed. "How the hell does Agent Pan put up with you?"

"Who knows- hey look! There it is! See that shiny thing down there? That's what I saw! Can you come down there with me to get it?" Cel glared at him. "You brought me here, for some bloody jewelry? You little- ughh!!! Just get down there, ok?"

Spellman scanned the forest and finally found a nice place to land. As they hit the ground, Cel slowly backed away from him. "I am never, ever, flying with you again! After you get that thing, I am walking back to the headquarters! Oh damn, my arm hurts!"

Spellman reached past a tree and froze. "There it is!" he gasped. "It's a medallion! Cel, look!" Cel looked over Spellmans shoulder and shrieked. "Av! Don't you know what that is! It's the medallion of- of- Sourbun!" Spellman screamed. "Don't say that name! Oh Cel, what are we supposed to do?"

Cel closed her eyes and picked up the medallion. As she held out her palm, it shook. "Agent Spell, I cannot take this medallion for you. You found it. Now you must take it, cuz it was you who woke it. Keep it secret, keep it safe.(A/N: hehe Gandalf quote! sorry, I'm really caffienated right now...) Go! You must go back to the headquarters, it's not safe here! FLY!"(A/N: Gandalf quote again... 'Fly, you fools!' ok hyper....)

Spellman trembled and took the medallion from her. "I don't- why me?!" he asked. Cel shook her head. "Go." she said as she handed him her bow. "Take this. Only shoot at what you can hit."(A/N: sorry, had to throw in a BHD quote...) Spellman nodded and flew away.

THIS FIC IS DEDICATED TO PRONGSIE! AKA MY BESTEST FRIEND! LUV YA GIRL! PADFOOT

Ok, that's all for now! in case you didn't notice, this fic has references to HP, Black Hawk Down, and Pearl Harbor. Dont ask why...

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