Disclaimer:
Chances are, it's not mine. Chiho Saito/J.K.Rowling—pick one. (Chiho Saito's series "Love Stories," short-story in vol. 4) And...yeah. Okay I'm done.

Chapter 3: The Farce Begins

James was distinctly disturbed the next Monday morning at seeing Sirius zoom by his desk with a manic grin on his face. Such an expression could only mean two things—1)Sirius had found a new and ingenious way to torture Snape and/or various authoritative figures, or 2)Sirius had gotten in good with a member of the female species—human or mechanical (as he was known to get quite worked up over his flying motorbike). Neither of which boded well for the rest of the population.

It turned out to be the latter.

"Looks like I've struck it big FINALLY," Sirius panted, as he skidded to a halt just past James's desk and lounged against a partition. His hair was uncharacteristically mussed, though not rivaling James's untidy mop, and he still wore that frightening bordering-on-sanity's-edge expression. Coworkers kept their distance.

"Eh?" James blinked up at his best friend with a puzzled look. He took his glasses off to wipe the lenses and peered at Sirius's now blurry form with more sinking wariness than friendly curiosity.

"Oh yes. Just been called—guess where? Carruuutherrrssss'sss offiiiicccce!" Sirius practically sang. He ran a hand through his hair, causing it to settle back into its usual sleekness.

The simple motion somehow managed to irritate James beyond words. He had to sit, seething, for several seconds before he could recover control of his vocal chords. He dropped his glasses and hit his head on the table while looking for them, which added to his happy jolly dandy mood.

Sirius didn't notice, as he was preoccupied with checking his appearance in a small hand-mirror that had, it seemed, materialized out of nowhere.

 "So?" James finally spat, turning back to his paperwork. Without looking up, he continued along the same tones. "Is that all? I'd thought you'd gotten a promotion finally or managed to dig up some juicy tidbits 'bout McGonagall at the very least. Sirius, you ought to go back to work. You waste FAR too much time."

"Oh don't be such a spoilsport," Sirius whinged, crossing his arms over his chest. James realized yet again that from an objective point of view, Sirius was quite good-looking, if one liked the daredevil sort of look. Which he didn't. What were the women thinking anyway?

"Since Terrence is reportedly still at home, guess who's in the office?"

"Who?" asked James dryly, after a lengthy pause during which he decided he REALLY didn't want to know.

"Lily Evannssss!" Sirius gave another rendition of his manic grin accompanied by some tricky eyebrow work.

"Why would you want anything to do with her?" James nearly yelled. A few heads turned to stare and he lowered his voice. "She's nothing special. She's bad news. Stay away from her, Padfoot."

"I believe you're just jeeealouuus," taunted Sirius, and took off once more, laughing a bit madly. James shook his head slowly and watched Sirius disappear from sight with a creased brow. Bloody wanker.

The next half-hour found James squirming around in his seat and flinging bits of tattered quills about as though they'd done him personal injury. He spent a good ten minutes searching for his glasses once again, which were—as always—on his nose. Then he made a great mess of his desk by thumping dusty reference tomes on it and upsetting a cup of tea one of his many admirers at the office had thoughtfully left for him. This reminder of his numerous admirers had something of a calming influence on him, and he stopped throwing things about long enough to down the remainder of his tea in one gulp.

Sirius was walking down the corridor from Carruthers's office, whistling blithely and twirling his wand. (James suddenly choked on his tea.) He wandered toward his own desk area without turning to look at anyone else (a first for Sirius). James had to restrain himself from peering over the office partitions. He was glad he hadn't, a second later, when Sirius reemerged victoriously holding a thick roll of parchment. Still whistling, he headed back to the office. James released a breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding after the door slammed behind Sirius's back.

A lengthy period of time later (well, more like twelve minutes and forty-three point six seven seconds by James's old Muggle pocketwatch, but really, that was just an estimate), Sirius emerged from the office looking pensive—a look Sirius didn't often sport and which scared James rather badly. As he meandered along the corridor past James's desk, James reached out and grabbed the back of his robes. Sirius turned to arch an eyebrow at him.

 "What?"

 "What'd you two talk about for so long?"

Sirius gave James a withering, disdainful look. "I don't believe I'll tell you."

 "What??" James cried, jaw dropping.

"Well you've been un-supportive of my going to see her and so generally GRUMPY that I don't feel like talking to you at all." Sirius stuck his tongue out childishly and walked off with a decided spring in his step. "She does have a smashing figure though, doesn't she?"

He'd disappeared before James could get another word in. James sat in silence, pondering what Sirius had said and trying to read into it for unspoken meanings, when he heard a distinct tapping noise behind him. Spinning round, he found one of his least favorite people at the moment leaning against his desk, an angrily triumphant look on her face.

 "I see how it is," Meghan hissed through clenched teeth. She stopped tapping her foot on the ground, turned sharply on her heel, and walked off, flicking her blonde curls out of her eyes. Once again, James was left without a word to put in edgewise. Once again, it threw him off. He was just turning numbly back to his work when a shadow fell over his desk.

 "What, what, WHAAAAT?" he demanded, looking up.

Lily smiled her usual winning smile; it didn't take a genius to notice that it didn't extend to her eyes. She turned away without saying anything and began to walk off, only to bump into Sirius, who had come back round the corner. She gave him a brilliant smile, which he returned with one of his most dashing. He gallantly held out an arm, which she took, and led her off. James watched as they paused in her office doorway, heads huddled together, obviously in the midst of some deep discussion. As they finally parted ways, James caught Lily's words of parting and inadvertently dropped a stack of folders onto his tea (magically refilled!).

"Thanks so much Sirius—you don't know what this means to me!"

***

Thanks to Carruthers's quick recovery, the whole of Dark Force Defense turned out for a feast Lily was giving in his honor. The small banquet room of the Carruthers residence was brimming with activity as people ate, talked, and mingled. Low music played in the background, accompanying the tinkling of glass and muted voices of the guests.

James was standing off in a corner near the grand entrance sipping gillywater when a sudden hush fell over the room. Turning, he felt his own breath catch in his throat. Practically glowing in a deep gray silk, Lily had her hair pulled loosely from her face in a smooth sheath of red threaded with gold. The tamed curls gave her an austere look, softened only by expressive green eyes that sparkled in appreciation at the sight of so many well-wishers. James shrank back into his corner, wary of coming in contact with the hostess, when a sudden movement on her part forced him out into the open.

Sneaky cracks in the floor. Always catch a person's toes unaware.

He caught her just before she would have hit the ground. The unexpectedness of it all made him burst out with the first thing that came to mind. "Would you be more careful??" he said in a low voice, helping her regain her footing. "You've got two lives in your hands now, not just one."

"Then it's lucky that I've apparently got your Chaser reflexes on my side, now isn't it?" she answered coolly, shrugging off his touch. He moved away immediately, crossing his arms over his chest in a familiar defensive gesture.

There was an awkward silence as Lily gave him an unreadable look.

James hated awkward silences.

 "What were you and Sirius talking about that day in the office?" he blurted, wanting to smack himself repeatedly over the head until he passed out even as he said it. "You didn't try to run the contract by him, did you? Don't get Sirius involved in this—"

 "You've already washed your hands of this affair, haven't you?" Lily said sweetly. Her face was very pale but her eyes were flashing fire. "Let. Go."

James released his hold on her arm—he hadn't even realized he'd been gripping it. She moved away as someone called to her from the crowd. Plunging into the group of people almost recklessly, her expression turned into one of smiling delight. She was really good at playing hostess and handling "situations"—James realized it was probably one of the qualities she possessed that had made Dumbledore give her the title of Head Girl. Not that he cared. As he closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall he could still see with odd clarity her bright hair flickering across the room.

***

In the place of honor, Terrence Carruthers sat surrounded by his employees. Most of those clustered around him waiting to serve him tea and whatever delicacies his recuperating stomach would demand were attractive and female—a fact that would surely have brought messy gossip upon his head had they not all been competent workers as well. It wasn't his fault, he often reminded himself, that he'd gotten the best of the best.

He smiled as someone cracked a joke. His smile widened as he observed Lily weaving through the room of people, talking to them, laughing, and generally playing the part of the model hostess. She was beautiful, the gray of her dress somehow setting off the green in her eyes just so. A surge of protectiveness welled up in him as he followed her slim form across the room...at times like these, he really missed his wife and daughter. While he loved Lily like he would have loved another daughter, the both of them knew that neither would ever fill the gaps left by their own real families.

"Sir?"

He turned to realize that some of the people surrounding him had cleared a pathway for a figure with honey-gold hair and rose-hued robes.

"Yes?" he replied, pleasantly enough.

 "I have something to tell you about Miss Evans..."

***

"Prongs, old friend!" an arm draped itself unceremoniously over James's shoulder and proceeded to nearly block his windpipe as it wrapped around his neck with a vise-like grip. James's eyes bulged out behind his glasses. "Having fun? And don't Lily look stunning?"

Sirius had been drinking more than usual, if the slurred words were to be taken as evidence of anything.

 "Geroff," gasped James, yanking Sirius's arm away from his throat so he could breathe.

 "Whas yer proooblem?" Sirius laughed uproariously.

Without further ado, James reached behind and cuffed Sirius over the head soundly. Grabbing the collar of his friend's dress robes, he pulled in and very nearly yelled in his face.

 "WHAT DID YOU AND LILY TALK ABOUT?"

"Oh, is that what you're on about?" Sirius mumbled indistinctly, his cheeks flushed. His eyes were unfocused. "When did I talk to Lily?"

"At the office," James said through gritted teeth. "Last week, you sodding prat."

"Ohhhhh," Sirius said, leaning heavily on James's shoulder. "Oh, this and that. Mostly she just wanted to know about American hospitals and the like...since I'd just taken care of that case in Salem she asked me if I'd heard anything..."

James dropped Sirius like a piece of hot coal.

"OW!" Padfoot landed in a heap against the wall. "Not s'hard, James, not s'hard..."

"Sirius?" Morgan approached the friends with a concerned look. "Terrence wants a word with you in his study. It looks serious...he's got Lily in there, and he's talking about calling off this whole party..."

"Eh?" Sirius blinked slowly, cocking his head to the side.

James threw a glass of cold water in his friend's face.

"What? What? What?" Sirius exclaimed, sober all at once.

"Terrence's study. Now." James waved to Morgan and propelled Sirius from the room.

***

Lily turned around from welcoming a small, balding wizard just in time to notice her father's retreating figure let itself out the door to the kitchens. She frowned slightly. Terrence was supposed to stay at least until they'd had a chance to make a toast to him...

Just then she felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around.

Morgan frowned down at her. "Your father wants to see you in his study."

Lily's head swiveled around quickly to face the door again.

 "It looks serious, Lily," Morgan warned. "You'd better go—I'll handle the party. I think Terrence said something about calling it off..."

 "Oh no...." Lily shoved her full glass into Morgan's chest and hurried off.

***

Terrence Carruthers could be an extremely blockheaded person when the mood took him.

By all appearances, the mood had taken him.

He wore a stony expression that practically screamed "I WILL NOT LISTEN TO REASON." Lily sighed tiredly before she had even found out what had happened. Shutting the door carefully behind her, she turned to him with a worried look on her face. Before she could say anything, Terrence began to speak.

"What's this I hear, Lily?" he growled. "This—this—this witch has just told me that YOU are PREGNANT." He indicated the corner behind him where Meghan stood leaning against a shelf. She had the grace to look a little embarrassed at Terrence's accusation but stood her ground nonetheless. "Why would anyone want to spread these sorts of lies about you?? Tell her she's been misled." He turned back towards Meghan. "And YOU! After today, you'd better start looking for another job. You're fired."

 "I'm not lying!!" shrieked Meghan, her face paling when she realized where this whole episode had landed her. "It's the truth! She asked Sirius Black to look up American hospital records for her! She used the fireplaces at work to call some of them!"

Lily's eyes had widened at first when the woman had begun speaking, and she had swayed slightly on her feet as though she were about to faint. Slowly she sank into a chair, took a deep breath, and squared her shoulders. Terrence had turned to her and she looked him directly in the eye. "I should have mentioned this before, I see. All right."

Sirius and James burst into the room just as Lily stated clearly: "I'm going on three months pregnant."

Carruthers visibly wilted from shock.

Sirius and James shrank back to the doorway.

Lily took another deep breath. "And for various reasons, the baby's father—"

"Is Sirius Black!!!" cried Meghan, pointing.

"WHAT?" at least three voices yelled.

Sirius looked entirely shocked and turned to James. He began yelling in his friend's face. "ME??!?! Why me?!?!? It's not me!!!! All I did was look up hospitals for her!!!"

Lily continued mechanically, ignoring—or not noticing—all the outbursts. "I planned to go to America, without your knowledge, to have my baby, because I knew you'd—what are you doing???"

Terrence had pulled his wand from his pocket and was now brandishing it threateningly at Sirius, the Look of Doom on his face. "You—you—you!!! You planned to USE my daughter and ABANDON her in her time of need??? You HURT Lily????" He raised his wand—

Lily jumped in front of him just as James rushed over to grab Terrence's arms and hold him down.

"YOU'VE GOT IT ALL WRONG! HE'S NOT THE FATHER!" Lily yelled.

"THEN WHO IS IT?" Terrence yelled back.

Meghan was looking far too happy about the whole escapade.

"I CAN'T TELL YOU!" Lily sat back down, taking deep breaths rapidly. Her eyes were bright as she continued. "Even if no one helps me, I'm still going to have my baby. I'll do it by myself if I have to. I knew I would end up having a fight with you..."

Terrence turned to the doorway, which slammed shut quickly. "I know you're there, Morgan. Start calling hospitals for me right now." He faced Lily again. "You're going to have an abortion. You won't even tell me who the father is—that says to me that he's most likely married, with children of his own! It would be better for such a child not to be born—he'll be unlucky all his life!"

James drew a sharp intake of breath. Nobody heard him through the tension.

"NO!" yelled Lily, through tears now. "This isn't your choice to make, Terrence. It's mine! And I've decided to HAVE this baby!"

"When I found out I was pregnant, I had a huge fight with my father—your grandfather. He turned me out of the house without a knut to my name. I had no one to turn to—I didn't have many close friends, and your father—well, he had his own family to worry about. At one point I thought that perhaps it wasn't worthwhile to live—I despaired of taking on this new life by myself. I was walking along the Thames, wondering what it would be like to just jump in and sink beneath the surface, and whether I really wanted to live so badly—when I felt you kick inside. It was the first time. And then I realized—well, maybe that's what the baby is trying to tell me—that he wants to live."

"It's so good to be alive...you've often had that thought, haven't you?"

"Why is such a child born unlucky?" Lily was asking, not even bothering to wipe the tears that were streaming down her face. "Why doesn't he deserve to be born?" She was sobbing now, quietly. As she looked up her eyes caught with James's and held them for a long moment.

"Maybe," James said suddenly, his voice so low and articulate that it carried across the room. It sounded as though he was answering some unspoken question. He was no longer looking at Lily—his eyes were unclear. "Your baby—the one growing inside of you—maybe that baby is me...."

With a swift movement James went to stand in front of Lily and turned to face Terrence. The room was now completely silent.

"It's me," James said fiercely. "I'm the father." He made eye contact with Terrence and held it. "I'm the one responsible. Now that you know it, will you let Lily have the baby?"

Terrence had calmed considerably—he'd always had a soft spot for James. "James...if it's you...why did you have to hide it...?"

Lily began to interrupt. "James, you didn't have to—"

"Shut up," James muttered at her. "You want to have this baby, don't you?"

"But—"

Carruthers glared at James again. "Are you willing to marry her, young man?"

 "Yes!" James returned the look.

"What about you, Lily?" demanded Carruthers.

"Now wait a second, I—" She was cut off as James grasped her face in his hands and kissed her, hard. The sound of jaws dropping could be heard echoing off the walls.

 "Just say 'Yes,'" James whispered against her mouth. He opened his eyes to look straight into hers—emerald green swimming in tears. "We'll just go by your contract, all right? Just say 'Yes.'"

Very, very slowly, her eyes softened, and her eyelids fluttered down. "Yes," she sighed as she reached up to pull him closer to deepen the contact. "Yes!"

***

"And so the glad-you're-better party for Terrence turned into a congratulations party for you and Lily, eh," Sirius said later, collapsing onto the floor of James's flat.

 "Yea," James said noncommittally.

"Never thought you had it in you, Prongs," Sirius laughed slightly, before sighing. "Never thought you'd be the first of us to go."

James merely shrugged. He was remembering the way Lily had smiled at everyone as the toasts were offered. The girl was smooth—she looked like a perfectly happy bride-to-be. He really had to hand it to her for superb acting skills. No one would know that her "champagne" was actually apple cider.

"But wait, wait a second—" Sirius stood up and stared hard at his friend. "That would mean you'd have had to been going with Lily a lot longer than I'd thought...she's three months pregnant, almost? That means you'd have to have been with her since...oh...November? You were in France in November, Prongs!"

"Yea, yea I was," James said. Shit. "Extended business...there for two months last year..."

"Right, so...." Sirius looked extremely confused. "Weren't you involved with...what's her name? Cèline? She works for the French Ministry, doesn't she?"

 "She works for the French Ministry, yes, Cèline does," James agreed slowly.

"I thought you two had an on-again, off-again thing going!" Sirius exclaimed, pointing a finger accusingly at James. "James, you were NEVER the type to be doing two girls at once!!"

"Well, I'm not seeing Cèline anymore! We broke up back in France..."

"I should HOPE so!!! If Terrence found out about Cèline he'd have you castrated faster than you could say 'Merlin!'" Sirius was pacing the room now, talking to himself whilst rubbing his chin thoughtfully with one hand. "But Lily was in France around that time too if I recall...she went there to check out some underground groups that'd been practicing Dark Arts, or so I remember...and then she up and disappeared for a month. Terrence was practically ripping out his hair! But then she turned up back in England looking just fine, and that was it...so that's when you met, and you didn't tell me anything...."

Sirius suddenly turned to James with a scary gleam in his eye. "I never thought you had it in you, James! Way to go...and you were lecturing me about not using protection, honestly.... What were you thinking?"

James really couldn't come up with an answer to that.