Chapter 3: I am in a Thousand Winds That Blow
The Sensei sat by his bedside as she critically examined her patient. She felt that she should have felt some sort of honour tending to a Sanzo but all she felt was a deep sense of guilt. Her patient was healing extremely well for a human being. It has almost been two days and already most of the bruises were fading. Sanzo had exhausted himself when he had first awakened. Really, the nerve of him! What was the first thing he did when he gained consciousness? Started to walk around and whacked people on their heads. No wonder he's been sleeping for two straight days. Well, it was also partly due to the medicine she has been pumping in him.
Goku had been staring at the Sensei. At first, she was checking Sanzo's injuries. Then, all of a sudden, she just sat down by his bedside and started looking through him. It was disturbing seeing a healer look at her patient with glassy eyes. The Sensei was exhausted, anyone can see that. Even her apprentice was worried about her. She had been hovering at Sanzo's bedside twenty-four seven.
She needs rest.
Goku determinedly walked up to the Sensei and tapped her shoulder. "Sensei? I can look after Sanzo. Why don't you eat something?"
She looked up and gave him a wan smile. Distractedly she told him, " Do you know that he's healing really well? It's almost miraculous. I just want to make sure there are no complications, that's all. You never know what might happen."
When he heard those words, he felt a wave of sadness and sympathy wash over him. Goku wished he could tell her that it was all right, it wasn't her fault. It was no one's fault actually. He just couldn't bring himself to say those comforting words. Because truthfully, they weren't really comforting at all. There were no words to explain it. So Goku kept silent.
"Goku, you remembered what I talked about yesterday? With Gojyo?"
He gulped and nodded him head. "About not telling Sanzo"
"I'm sorry that I'm asking you to do this. But it is important. Healing the body is one thing but the patient has to have the will to live. You cannot say anything to Sanzo when he wakes up. Not yet. Give him some time to recover ok?"
"Gojyo and I have already agreed to do this. We understand."
"Then I suppose I better go get some rest."
The sensei stopped at the doorway. " Do you know why I don't have a name? Why everyone in this village calls me Sensei? That's because I am the Sensei. I help people get better. It's who I am and what I do. Every time I lose one of my patients, I feel like I'm losing a part of myself."
Almost as if she was talking to herself, she added, "Sanzo's going to be fine. Just fine."
With that, she left, leaving Goku wide-eyed and confused in her wake.
************
He looked at where they had led him. At first he took no notice to where they were going. Regardless of what he had been saying, he was *not * fine. He started to become suspicious when he began to pant. He knew his stamina wasn't what it used to be before the incident. Thus, they couldn't have been walking far. But still, why did they have to go such a distance to see Hakkai?
When Gojyo had said that Hakkai was outside, Sanzo had thought that the redhead had meant that the green-eyed youkai was right outside the inn's doorstep. Apparently, he was wrong.
Something was nagging at him ever since they left the inn.
Why were they taking so long to get to where Hakkai was?
What in the hell was Hakkai doing so far ….
All questions, all thoughts came to a complete stop. Sanzo couldn't think. Couldn't breathe. Couldn't move. Couldn't do anything. Something within him just froze.
It couldn't be.
Goyjo and Goku were right in front of him. They had been leading the way all this time. They too had stopped and were looking at Sanzo intently. Sanzo was completely still as he stared at an object not too far away from their current position.
They waited for some sign to show that Sanzo was still among the living. They waited for one breath. And than another.
When Sanzo began to make his way to the not so distant object, Gojyo and Goku stayed behind. They didn't make a move and uttered nothing. Their eyes were averted to the ground.
The object, now that Sanzo could see it clearly, was a stone. It was smooth and grey. It was an ordinary stone. But this stone had a name etched almost lovingly on it. A name that is so familiar to him, so precious.
It was a tombstone. He touched it and it was cold.
No doubt the body that it guards over was cold too.
He looked over to his companions and asked quietly, " How long?"
Goku had his eyes steadfastly on the ground, refusing to look at him. He was probably afraid that Sanzo was mad at him. Gojyo was the one who was brave enough to answer, "Two days".
It has been two days. Only forty-eight hours since his beloved had been gone and he hadn't even noticed? What happened to all those preconceived notions that two lovers were truly two halves of one soul? That they were greater than the sum of their parts? Aren't you supposed to know when your lover is de… when your lover is gone?
And Sanzo felt nothing. Nothing.
"Go away," he told them without even looking at them.
They stayed rooted to the spot and looked at each other; not sure whether it was wise to leave Sanzo alone.
Sanzo didn't bother to repeat himself a second time. He just waited for them to get the hint and leave him alone. It was a battle of the wills and eventually, they left. None on earth can out stubborn Sanzo sama because he was obstinate and the most unyielding of them all.
He wasn't sure what he had expected himself to do. Was he going to cry? Rant at the Gods about the unfairness of everything? He didn't know. The great Genjo Sanzo Houshi Sama didn't know.
He wasn't sure if he felt anything at all. No sorrow. No pain. Just numbness.
What is one supposed to do when one is at the grave of one's beloved?
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am the thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you waken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of gentle birds in circling flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there. I did not die.
Mary Frye
Author's note: Did I kill Hakkai or did I not? Did I or didn't I? Tough question. Let's play a game shall we? Why don't y'all try and guess what happens in the next chapter? I left lots of clues. *grins *
Again thank you to all my reviewers!!! I look forward to all your feedback. You really have no idea how many times I read and re-read your reviews…
As my saying goes: If you liked it, please review it.