Chapter 9: The Survivors Reunite

Please give the authors a few moments to figure out which characters they have been ignoring. This might take a while, so have some music while you wait.

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Oh. You can't hear it. Let's continue the story then, shall we?

~*~

Merry and Pippin, mentally scarred for life, were being dragged along by the Orcs. Fortunately, or unfortunately, the Orcs appeared to be lost, and were traveling in circles.

"Haven't we seen that rock before?" an Orc asked, pointing to one with its top sawed off. The others all turned to look, and one by one, slammed into the tree.

Merry and Pippin, deliriously happy at being free, began running around in giddy circles. "Who cares if we're always mentioned as one entity? We're free!"

They ran into the tree.

~*~

Sam and Frodo continued walking. They were a bit miffed that their guide would not be showing up for a while, but figured that if they got lost, they wouldn't have to continue making appearances in this demented fic.

~*~

Kaiba and Yami, on the Curse of Dragon, and Aragorn, on a Nazgul-ian dragon, peered anxiously at the pile. "I can see Joey!" Yami called, "and both the Bakurae, too!"

"That means that we're the only survivors!" Kaiba shouted. "There is only one thing to do at a time like this!" Kaiba straightened his postured, cupped his hands around his mouth, and bellowed, "HAHA!!!"

Aragorn studied the pile. "Frodo and Sam are missing!"

"Who?"

"We must look for them," Aragorn shouted, and tried turned the Nazgul-ian dragon around, for whatever reason. Perhaps because it looked dramatic. The dragon, instead, flipped Aragorn off, so that, a few perilous moments later, he was clutching desperately onto the dragon's throat.

~*~

Frodo and Sam stepped out of Burger King ®, each munching contentedly on their 10th burger.

"Look, Sam! I got a toy!"

"Me too, Master Frodo!"

"Eh, these are ugly. They don't even do anything cool. Let's ditch 'em."

"Agreed."

The two walked off, leaving behind some wrappers, and action figures of the Ring-bearer and his gardener.

~*~

The authors paused (again) to see who had yet to whack into the tree, who hadn't been eaten, and who had been ignored. As they scanned this list, they realized that the Mystical Elf, the Giant Soldier, and the Celtic Guardian seem to have disappeared. Oops! We'll just assumed they managed to get home somehow, and are now wreaking havoc. Muahaha…

~*~

MerryandPippin woke up and began to skip happily through the woods.

"Oi, look at that, Pip!"

"What?"

"Our name is ALL ONE WORD!"

"Oh. Cool!"

MerryandPippin continued cheerfully. They didn't seem to notice that they were out of the woods, and skipping across a large plateau. They didn't even notice when they re-entered some woods, though not the original one. "Three bottles of ale on the wall, three bottles of ale! Take one down, pass it around, two bottles of ale on the wall!" MerryandPippin sang loudly as they continued through this new forest. It was much darker and creepier than the original one, but the skipping hobbits failed to notice.

"Negative-twelve-bottles of ale on the wall, negative-twelve-bottles of ale! Take one down…"

Their gleeful (and a bit wistful) singing was suddenly interrupted by a monsterous booming. A deep, powerful voice slowly roared out, "Fye-fee-fum-foe, I hear the singing of—"

"You mean 'fee-fye-foe-fum,'" MerryandPipping said matter-of-factly.

"Eh?" The monsterous voice grunted.

"You said, 'fye-fee-fun-foe' but it's SUPPOSED to be 'fee-fye-foe-fum'. Everyone knows that!" MerryandPippin sighed, then added, "Duh!"

Just then, a gigantic tree on legs emerged from the brush. "Thank you. It's been a while since I've said that," it said. And that is how MerryandPippin met Treebeard, the Ent.

"Ah, look at that, Pip! A talking tree!" The two circled Treebeard, making appreciative noises. "It doesn't look too happy, does it?"

"-It- can speak for –itself-, thanks," Treebeard muttered, annoyed.

"Of course! Of course the talking tree can speak for itself." MerryandPippin nodded.

"My name…" Treebeard began, regaining his original slowness.

"Your name!" MerryandPippin cried. "You've got a name! Do tell, do tell! Come on, let's hear it!"

Treebeard looked annoyed. "My name… is…"

"Fine, don't tell us! We don't care much," MerryandPippin said in injured tones.

"I SAID…!" Treebeard boomed, glare silencing the hyperactive hobbits. "My name… is Treebeard!"

"Trees have beards?" MerryandPippin asked. "How curious."

"So! What can I do for you?" Treebeard asked, spitting out the 'you' like poison.

"…Do? Oh! Y'know, there was this crazy tree back there somewhere--" (MerryandPippin pointed in four different directions) "—He knocked us out!"

"Really…? Well, good for him! I should promote him into Ent-hood!"

"Oh, but you don't understand! He's insane! We had to dig our way out from under a whole PILE of people! There were Orcs and Nazgul and an elf and a dwarf and…"

Treebeard only nodded and smiled, feeling inwardly that the tree was deserving of much honor. Especially if the other people it had not out were as annoying as MerryandPippin.

~*~

"Come, Aragorn!" Yami called, peering up at him from the ground. Aragorn still clutched the dragon's long, scaly throat.

"Noo! Somebody help! I'm gonna fall! I'm gonna fall!"

The authors paused, deciding to give Aragorn some privacy at this embarrassing time.

~*~

"Let's save our friends!" Yami suggested, pointing to the heap.

"How?"

"Universal Law #289: Any foe who has hurt a friend or friends will agree to a duel, and upon losing, will always have the power to restore said friends to their original, healthy condition."

"…So?"

"So we duel!"

"…With a TREE?"

Just then, Treebeard conveniently worked his tree-ish magic, and the tree in question became an Ent. "Yes? Yes!" The newly made Ent began dancing around.

"Wait right there, tree!" Yami called, putting a hand on his deck and pointing the other dramatically at the Ent. "I challenge you to a duel!"

"Here, take my sword," Aragorn offered magnanimously.

"Your sword? Why would I want that?"

"You're dueling, are you not?"

"So?"

"In my world, we duel with swords!"

"Swords? The only proper way to duel is with cards!"

Aragorn paled as he had a suddenly clear vision of Yami chucking cards at the tree until it laughed to death. But it was too late, for Yami was already bounding towards the Ent, hyper at the prospect of another duel.

"What is your name, tree?"

"My name… is Smasher."