a/n: I don't know about this one. I am giving a warning about serious
angst and something that I'm not 100% sure is PG-13. I really tried but
I'm not 100% sure. There is a warning on this chapter that it might, just
maybe, be a little R for some suggestive themes (you'll know when it's
coming). Please don't warn the site!
I didn't wake up until about 10:45 the next day. It would be another day with an early lunch. I was tired still so I decide not to get up. I know that the Oracle wouldn't approve, but I don't care. I'm not killing myself so she shouldn't be worried. Then I remember that Seraph is there. I can feel his eyes on my back. I wonder if he can tell that I am awake. I'm not too sure, but I bet that he can.
I pretend that I'm still asleep but that doesn't work.
"Good day," Seraph says, business like as usual, "you have slept a long time. The Oracle said that you would, she did not say how long though. You have slept passed what I thought you would."
"Did I disappoint you?" I moan out, sounding too human like for my comfort.
"No," he replies shortly.
"Good," at least I can keep someone semi-happy.
I sit up and look around.
"You have any books around here?" I know that prying is bad, but I enjoy to read, to learn about these weak creatures.
"No, but I can get some later, I am taking Sati shopping. Any preferences?" he actually bothered to ask me.
"Anything long," I know it isn't asking much, but I still don't like to make such preferences. I am, well was, an agent. We do not hinder each other with preferences, we just get what we get and be thankful for it, no matter if we like it or not.
"Thank you," I add before I forget.
"I haven't done anything."
"You saved me twice and you hinder yourself to shop for me."
"It is only a book or two, it is nothing big. Saving lives it was I am programmed to do. I served my purpose and saved you. Think nothing large of it."
"Still, thank you," I felt so awkward. At one time Seraph would have killed me and vise versa. We were mortal enemies. Now I am thanking him for saving my life.
I hear the door squeak on its hinges as it's opened.
"Oh good, you're awake," I hear the Oracle's voice.
"Yes," I reply, feeling the need to say something, but only making myself feel more awkward.
"You can relax," she knows that I am tense. Not only can she hear it but my body is stiff. I can't prevent this, I still haven't adjusted.
"No, I can't. I never will be able to either," it's the truth.
"Oh, I'm sure you will eventually," she says. She is always so nice, too emotional for me. I could never be like her, like a human. But come to think of it, I already am.
She crosses the room.
"You may leave, Seraph, I think Sati is ready to leave."
"Yes Oracle," he leaves quickly, he knows something that I don't.
I hear the door close and Seraph softly scold Sati. She had been listening to the whole conversation. A few seconds later the apartment door closes. Now I am left alone with the Oracle, my Matrix mother, and I have been stripped of all power.
I feel like I am on a stage, naked, being tested by all these people in front of me. They ridicule me and laugh. She is the audience and I am the idiot that is on stage naked.
She sighs. "You gave me quite a scare yesterday," she starts.
I lower my head like a scolded child and whisper, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," she answers firmly.
I look up and meet her eyes. She is full of strength, where I am not. "Why not?"
"Because, I put myself in your shoes afterwards and I realized something."
"What?" now I am totally lost. I am now completely exposed to her in the audience.
"I would have done the same thing." She gets up and walks to the door.
"What!" I yell.
She turns back to me. "I would have tried to die too. I can't blame you for your feelings. You've never felt this way before, you have no powers. You question your purpose. Why live without that? You try to get rid of your meaningless life. I understand that."
"How?" I am so confused.
"Because I felt that way once. I was thrown here with no purpose, only this power. I did try to kill myself but Seraph found me and took me in. He helped me, and I am determined to help you."
She walks back to me now.
I look at her, "How? I'm nothing. I have no power, and I'm wanted by the system. Why help me."
"Because I choose to," she responds. I know that Mr. Anderson said that once. In his final battle against my clone, this person in front of me, he said that.
I lower my head again and she sighs. She slowly puts her fingers under my chin and lifts it to make me look at her. Then she slowly moves her other hand to remove my sunglasses.
"Please no," I plead, but she will not listen.
She pulls them off of me so gentle. She folds them and places them on the desk next to the bed.
"My son," she begins, "I love you. I don't care what you have done in the past. I love you. I want you alive because of that. I want to help you because I am your mother and I always will be. As a mother I love you. I may not always support you, but I will always love you."
I stare at her. She speaks to me about human emotion. It's as if the crowd has stormed the stage and started to touch my bare skin. It's like poison in my veins. The audience is doing something that I can't stop, that I don't want but have no control over. They push and pull just to touch me. My bare skin feels numb. They touch and touch. They shove me and hurt me. I can't take it and either can they. They try and touch lower. They go down and touch every last inch of me, even places that I try and stop them from touching it. (a/n please tell me that you think that that was PG-13, I really tried)
I hate this feeling. I want them to go away. She gets up, sensing this, and leaves without another word. Sitting on the bed I just stare.
Eventually I curl up on my side, in a little ball, where the audience can't get me. I fall into my own world where the audience can't find me. I don't stay long, just long enough that the audience leaves for the moment.
a/n short I know, and I really REALLY hope that that one part is still considered PG-13. If not please don't warn the site, I really did try! Please review!
I didn't wake up until about 10:45 the next day. It would be another day with an early lunch. I was tired still so I decide not to get up. I know that the Oracle wouldn't approve, but I don't care. I'm not killing myself so she shouldn't be worried. Then I remember that Seraph is there. I can feel his eyes on my back. I wonder if he can tell that I am awake. I'm not too sure, but I bet that he can.
I pretend that I'm still asleep but that doesn't work.
"Good day," Seraph says, business like as usual, "you have slept a long time. The Oracle said that you would, she did not say how long though. You have slept passed what I thought you would."
"Did I disappoint you?" I moan out, sounding too human like for my comfort.
"No," he replies shortly.
"Good," at least I can keep someone semi-happy.
I sit up and look around.
"You have any books around here?" I know that prying is bad, but I enjoy to read, to learn about these weak creatures.
"No, but I can get some later, I am taking Sati shopping. Any preferences?" he actually bothered to ask me.
"Anything long," I know it isn't asking much, but I still don't like to make such preferences. I am, well was, an agent. We do not hinder each other with preferences, we just get what we get and be thankful for it, no matter if we like it or not.
"Thank you," I add before I forget.
"I haven't done anything."
"You saved me twice and you hinder yourself to shop for me."
"It is only a book or two, it is nothing big. Saving lives it was I am programmed to do. I served my purpose and saved you. Think nothing large of it."
"Still, thank you," I felt so awkward. At one time Seraph would have killed me and vise versa. We were mortal enemies. Now I am thanking him for saving my life.
I hear the door squeak on its hinges as it's opened.
"Oh good, you're awake," I hear the Oracle's voice.
"Yes," I reply, feeling the need to say something, but only making myself feel more awkward.
"You can relax," she knows that I am tense. Not only can she hear it but my body is stiff. I can't prevent this, I still haven't adjusted.
"No, I can't. I never will be able to either," it's the truth.
"Oh, I'm sure you will eventually," she says. She is always so nice, too emotional for me. I could never be like her, like a human. But come to think of it, I already am.
She crosses the room.
"You may leave, Seraph, I think Sati is ready to leave."
"Yes Oracle," he leaves quickly, he knows something that I don't.
I hear the door close and Seraph softly scold Sati. She had been listening to the whole conversation. A few seconds later the apartment door closes. Now I am left alone with the Oracle, my Matrix mother, and I have been stripped of all power.
I feel like I am on a stage, naked, being tested by all these people in front of me. They ridicule me and laugh. She is the audience and I am the idiot that is on stage naked.
She sighs. "You gave me quite a scare yesterday," she starts.
I lower my head like a scolded child and whisper, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," she answers firmly.
I look up and meet her eyes. She is full of strength, where I am not. "Why not?"
"Because, I put myself in your shoes afterwards and I realized something."
"What?" now I am totally lost. I am now completely exposed to her in the audience.
"I would have done the same thing." She gets up and walks to the door.
"What!" I yell.
She turns back to me. "I would have tried to die too. I can't blame you for your feelings. You've never felt this way before, you have no powers. You question your purpose. Why live without that? You try to get rid of your meaningless life. I understand that."
"How?" I am so confused.
"Because I felt that way once. I was thrown here with no purpose, only this power. I did try to kill myself but Seraph found me and took me in. He helped me, and I am determined to help you."
She walks back to me now.
I look at her, "How? I'm nothing. I have no power, and I'm wanted by the system. Why help me."
"Because I choose to," she responds. I know that Mr. Anderson said that once. In his final battle against my clone, this person in front of me, he said that.
I lower my head again and she sighs. She slowly puts her fingers under my chin and lifts it to make me look at her. Then she slowly moves her other hand to remove my sunglasses.
"Please no," I plead, but she will not listen.
She pulls them off of me so gentle. She folds them and places them on the desk next to the bed.
"My son," she begins, "I love you. I don't care what you have done in the past. I love you. I want you alive because of that. I want to help you because I am your mother and I always will be. As a mother I love you. I may not always support you, but I will always love you."
I stare at her. She speaks to me about human emotion. It's as if the crowd has stormed the stage and started to touch my bare skin. It's like poison in my veins. The audience is doing something that I can't stop, that I don't want but have no control over. They push and pull just to touch me. My bare skin feels numb. They touch and touch. They shove me and hurt me. I can't take it and either can they. They try and touch lower. They go down and touch every last inch of me, even places that I try and stop them from touching it. (a/n please tell me that you think that that was PG-13, I really tried)
I hate this feeling. I want them to go away. She gets up, sensing this, and leaves without another word. Sitting on the bed I just stare.
Eventually I curl up on my side, in a little ball, where the audience can't get me. I fall into my own world where the audience can't find me. I don't stay long, just long enough that the audience leaves for the moment.
a/n short I know, and I really REALLY hope that that one part is still considered PG-13. If not please don't warn the site, I really did try! Please review!