Disclaimer: I don't own the Star Wars universe or Star Wars KOTOR, George Lucas and Lucas Arts do. They also own all the Characters and Worlds contained therein. The characters created by me for this story are all that I own.
Leviathan
We left for Korriban the next day. We had been in hyper space for only a few hours before we were intercepted by a Sith Interdictor ship, they must have been waiting for us in the hyperspace lane. Carth said it was the Leviathan, Saul Karath's ship. Carth was talking about what all Saul had done to his family and I reminded him that he needed to make sure that his thirst for vengeance did not cloud his judgment. He assured me that it would not but if the chance came to kill Saul during our escape he would take it and nobody better get in his way.
Bastila reminded him tartly that it might be premature to talk about our escape we didn't even have a plan to get out of this mess yet. She said thoughtfully "Maybe Admiral Karath has no idea how many of us there are on board. All of us have special talents that could be used to free the others. We just have to figure out who has the best chance to avoid capture so that they can come and rescue us later. It's a long shot, but it's our only hope."
I said reluctantly "Admiral Karath will be watching the three of us very closely. One of the others is going to have to save us." I pondered who might have the best choice and decided that it was either Juhani or HK. I asked HK if he had any thoughts as to who would be better and he said that he had a reserve memory chip and back up power chip. He said that I should deactivate my main circuits and wipe his memory chip. The Sith would take him for a deactivated droid and take him to the junk heap where he could reactivate and come to our rescue. I nodded and agreed that it sounded like a good plan. If they had a Dark Jedi he would not be able to detect HK, but he would be able to find Juhani.
The Sith stormed the ship and took all of us prisoner, they ignored the disabled droid completely. They separated the three of us from our companions and took us to the ships interrogation room.
Carth and Saul exchanged uncivil greetings upon seeing one another. They talked about how Saul had destroyed Telos and Saul almost sounded like he was trying to justify himself to Carth. "In a war even the innocent must die. The Sith would not accept me until I proved I had truly turned my back on the Republic by bombing the planet." Saul said to Carth.
Carth replied angrily "My wife died in that attack, Saul. And for that, I swear I'll kill you."
Saul replied coolly, "You used to be a man of action, not of empty words. Cling to your lust for revenge if you must, but spare me your tired threats. I've heard them all before. You are an insignificant part of these events anyway. Lord Malak is far more interested in your Jedi companions. He has great plans for them."
Bastila said "We will never serve Malak or the dark side! The Sith will be destroyed, Admiral Karath... as will you if you don't turn away from this path."
Saul said "Your words are brave, Bastila, but the lure of the dark side is hard to resist - or so I've been told. I wonder if you companion is as devoted to the light as you are?" I looked at him in contempt and replied "You're wasting your time Admiral Karath." He seemed to wait for something else but I just looked calmly at him. I was working on what force senses I still had and was amazed to find out I that I was able to sense dimly all the people in the room. Bastila I could reach through our bond, I was quick to send a quiet reassurance through it and I could see her glance quickly at me.
Then he said something completely puzzling. "Your defiant, I'm certain Lord Malak will find your loyalty to the Jedi amusing. The Dark Lord would probably reward me if I just killed you once and for all. But he may want to question you given the trouble you've caused him... and the history between you."
I paused trying to figure out how the Admiral knew me and why he was implying that I had known Malak. I had some really odd guesses, had I been some type of spy? Maybe even an old lover though that sounded really odd given that I did not like men, maybe both a spy and a lover? I could almost see that. I decided to throw out a line and see if I hooked anything. I asked "History? What are you talking about?"
Saul looked at me and then said "You mean... oh, this can't be true, can it"? You really don't know what's going on here, do you? Well, I won't be the one to deprive Malak of the pleasure of telling you himself. The Dark Lord will no doubt torture you for information and for his own twisted pleasure. Eventually you will tell him everything. The Sith can be very persuasive. However Lord Malak is in another sector. It may be some time before he arrives, so I suppose I will have to fill in for him until then. Activate the torture fields." I prepared myself as best I could for the pain.
Saul called out "Enough! I don't want them to pass out before I question them. Malak will appreciate any information I can give him when he arrives." Bastila said "Don't waste your breath, Saul! We won't answer any of your questions."
Saul said to her "I'm sure you won't, however we both know your friend's loyalties have proven in the past to be somewhat... flexible." I looked at both Bastila and Saul and knew that I just did not have enough information to formulate a good guess yet. Whatever I didn't sound like a very loyal person in the past. Maybe I had been rather mercenary in my loyalties.
"What are you talking about?" I asked him once again hoping to get some decent information.
Saul snapped back "I am interrogating you, not the other way around. You will answer questions, not ask them. It is time to put your loyalty to the test. I doubt torturing you will gain me your true cooperation. Your will is too strong to be broken that way. However even the strongest of heroes has trouble watching those they care about suffering. The interrogation will begin now. Each time you refuse to answer or give me a false answer, Bastila will suffer." Saul told me.
I looked him in the eye knowing that he would torture us no matter what I said "I will not betray the Republic or the Jedi Order, even to save Bastila." I could feel Bastila's uncertainty through the bond and I sent my strength through it to her and my love. Telling the truth would not spare her, and she would not forgive me if I did.
"My pain is meaningless, tell him nothing!" said Bastila to me. I looked at her and nodded gravely.
"I tire of these games - now I want answers! On what planet is the Jedi Academy at which you were trained?" Saul asked. I looked at him and was puzzled he already knew the answer to his question I was certain of it which meant that... I sighed knowing what it meant; they had either already attacked Dantooine or were about to. I looked at him and asked "You already know the answer to the question, have you attacked yet or not is the only question I have for you."
"Once again, I am the one asking he questions here." Saul said as he tortured Bastila. I could see from the flickering of his eyes that he was wondering why the fields about us were not blocking my powers completely. Nor did he realize that I was able to help Bastila through our bond, I could not stop the pain but I let her know that I was with her through it. If she would only pass out her torture would end sooner. Saul would never risk damaging her. Saul said "Enough! You see what happens when you defy me? This first question was only test. Obviously Malak knew the Academy was on Dantooine and it has since been destroyed by our fleet! Dantooine is an empty graveyard now. Nothing remains but a smoking ruin and the charred remains of your former Masters."
I looked at him and said "One more crime you will have to pay for, Saul. You and all the Sith."
He looked at me and said "More empty threats, We Sith prefer to let our actions speak for us. Perhaps that is why we are winning this war. Now... tell me your mission. How were the Jedi planning on using you to stop Lord Malak and our Sith armada?"
I said "Once again Saul, I will not betray the Republic or the Jedi."
Saul glared at me and said "Perhaps you need another reminder of the consequences of refusing to cooperate." Again Bastila was tortured and I had to fight back my anger while offering her what support I could. Her pain was more intense this time though and I knew that she would probably pass out soon. Saul gloated and said "Listen, can you not hear her suffering? You can spare her further pain by simply answering my questions. Now, I will ask again - on what mission did the Jedi Council send you?"
I stared at him and crossed my arms and said "This accomplishes nothing, Saul. We will never betray the Republic." He said "Perhaps another lesson is in order?" With that he tortured Bastila again and this time she passed out, I was thankful.
Saul said "I am surprised she did no pass out sooner. Rarely have I seen someone withstand such punishment and remain conscious. I see I am wasting my time here. When Malak arrives you will learn my interrogation techniques are considered merciful among the Sith. I will leave you here in your cell with but a small taste of the horrors you will suffer when Lord Malak arrives." With that he left us to the hands of his subordinates.
I came too and took stock of my condition and then leapt to my feet glancing around. Bastila said "Don't try to move too quickly, you might not be fully recovered yet. Admiral Karth had his guards continue to torture you even after you passed out." I nodded and assured her I was fully recovered and she stared at me and then nodded.
Carth said "They tortured all of us, though you got the worst of it by far. Saul wanted them to make us suffer. He's become some sort of sadistic monster."
Bastila answered him "The dark side had perverted him, Carth Once you start down the tainted path it leads you further into the depths of evil. I fear he is forever lost." said Bastila. I said gently "No one is without hope of redemption, Bastila. But... I fear that there is little left in him to reach."
"Yes, hmm, I suppose you are correct. Sometimes it is easy to lose sight of that hope in the face of such unbridled cruelty. I suppose I'm taking the news of Dantooine's destruction quite hard. First Taris, now the Academy... is there no end to the killing?" Bastila asked.
I nodded my understanding and said "I know... it's hard to think they are all gone. But of course they are not really gone, there is no death..."
Bastila finished "There is only the Force." I nodded to her. "I can only hope that some of the Jedi escaped. Vrook, Vandar, Zhar... I cannot imagine all of them being gone. In any case we have lost our one place of refuge in the galaxy." said Bastila.
Carth broke in and said "None of this will matter if we don't get out of this prison before Saul gets back!"
I asked "Where is Saul Karth now?"
Carth said that "Saul mentioned that Lord Malak was on his way. I think the Admiral left to prepare for his arrival... and to report the results of the interrogation."
Bastila looked at me and said "It is fortunate you were able to resist the Admiral's questioning. The fate of the galaxy could be changed by revealing the slightest piece of vital information." She paused and then said "I have to confess something. There was a moment - just a moment - when part of me was hoping you would tell him what he wanted to know. Just to make the horrible pain stop."
I looked at her and said "I know and I'm sorry, Bastila. Watching and feeling you suffer tore me apart." I said.
Bastila said "I know you wouldn't ever do anything to intentionally cause me pain. But you did the right thing. I don't honestly know if I could have been as strong in your position. To watch you suffer like that... it might have been too much to bear." She stopped and we both felt something. Bastila said "Did you feel that? A disturbance in the Force. The Admiral has sent his message the Dark Lord knows we are here now. Malak is coming." I nodded I had picked up on the same information.
Carth said "Well then we had better hope HK-47 busts us out of here before he arrives."
I looked at the time and said "He should be arriving about right now actually" They looked at me and at that time the cell fields went down and the door opened and HK-47 said "I believe I am right on time Master." I grinned at him and said "Yes you are HK did you have fun?" HK-47 said "Yes Master, I terminated 11 meatbags while rescuing you."
Carth told us that we would have to get to the bridge to open the docking gates of the hanger so we could escape on the Ebon Hawk. Bastila said "We had better get moving. I can feel the darkness of Malak's presence approaching, and I don't want to be here when he arrives. None of us is a match for the Sith Lord." I looked at her and wondered his apprentice sure hadn't impressed me any.
I said "We will have to split up a group of us should head for the bridge and another clear the way to the Ebon Hawk." Carth said that he wanted in on the bridge group and I looked at him and nodded and of course Bastila would go with us as well. That left the others to head back to the Ebon Hawk with Canderous in the lead. We all picked up our equipment and put it on and wished each other well.
Then we headed for the bridge, Canderous called to let us know that they had made it to the Ebon Hawk, it was under heavy guard but he said for us not to worry they would take care of them. We proceeded toward the bridge taking on all the Sith that found us. The direct way to the bridge was cut off and we had to take a detour using enviro suits on the outside of the ship. Finally we arrived at the bridge door and I reminded everyone to turn on their energy shields we had a nice greeting party waiting for us. I opened the door and walked confidently on the bridge. As I had expected there was a welcoming committee there just for us.
Admiral Karath said to Carth "Very resourceful. I assume you had something part in this; you learned your lessons well from me." Carth snarled back at him "The only thing you taught me was betrayal and death, Saul." Admiral Karath told him not to be a fool, he was offering us a chance to surrender, a chance to live. He said that Lord Malak was on his way and he would be arriving any moment. If we would surrender he would ask for Malak to be merciful.
I snorted and Carth answered for all of us "I've seen enough of Sith mercy!" and the battle began. It was more of a prolonged battle than I would have liked but in the end we were alive and Admiral Karath was lying on the floor of his bridge barely alive. I told Carth not to give into his hatred and Bastila reminded him not to become what he despised.
Karth coughed out something to Carth and Carth went over to see what he had to say. I was already slicing into the computer to open the bay doors and announced that they where open about the time that Carth got up looking pale and turned around and asked Bastila "it is true, isn't it? And... and you knew! You and the whole damn Jedi Council. You knew the whole time!"
I looked at them puzzled and then knew it had something to do with my past, what could have Karath told him in such a short time to fill him in on my history? And was everyone to know my past but me, this was starting to get too irritating but now was not the time or place for this. Bastila looked at Carth and said "Carth, it's not what you think. We had no other choice! Please, you don't understand..." Carth yelled "So make me understand."
I spoke up and reminded both of them that now was not the time or place and I though it was past time by the way for me to be filled in on whatever secrets either of them knew about my past. I was getting bloody tired of everyone around me knowing about my past but me. They both stared at me astonished and I turned and without seeing if they were following I left the bridge. I felt them catch up with me a few minutes later and we worked our way back down from the bridge toward the hangar. We had just entered the hangar deck when Canderous contacted me to let us know that they had taken out the guards and were ready to go as soon as we got there.
We were almost to the Ebon Hawk when we meet Lord Malak entering the ship. Somehow upon meeting him I had the sense that I had known him for along time. I felt a sinking feeling. I didn't know my past but I had the overwhelming feeling that I was about to find out. Jolee's words returned to me "everything about you is off, like my eyes are tricking me. There is something very dark about you." How I had mastered the use of my powers in weeks, instead of years almost as if I was relearning them. I looked at Malak's face at the mask covering it and knew that he had no jaw. I felt somehow detached from what was happening filled with a calmness I was distantly amazed at.
Malak said "I hope you weren't thinking of leaving so soon, Bastila. I've spent far too much energy hunting down you and your companions to let you get away from me now. Besides I had to see for myself if it was true. Even now I can hardly believe my eyes... tell me, why did the Jedi spare you? Is it vengeance you seek at this reunion?"
A fey feeling was upon me and I replied to him "This meeting was inevitable, Malak." He paused and said "As is the outcome. I am actually surprised this confrontation did not happen sooner, given how powerful your mind once was. Even the combined power of the Jedi Council couldn't keep your true identity buried forever, could it?"
Strange flashes of memory kept distracting me, as I tried to feel my way to the truth. Of Bastila telling me how the Jedi did not believe in killing their prisoners. Zhar saying that I was a special case. The memories of all the Star Maps and how Bastila had told me that Revan had visited all these worlds in search of the Star Forge. How Vroom had been so afraid that I would be lead down an all too familiar path. How I had memories of Bastila confronting me on the bridge of my ship. Finally I had the memory of looking out over a strange landscape of removing my face mask and looking with expressionless eyes at myself. My face was marked with the signs of Dark Force power and I accepted the truth. I was Revan.
I regained my sense of where I was and noticed that I had successfully kept myself tightly shielded this entire time. I drew in a breath and felt the darkness with myself, I was what I most hated, I was Sith. How had I let myself go down that far, but now was not the time to explore the hazy new memories.
Malak said to me "You cannot hide from what you once were, Revan! Recognize that you were once the Dark Lord - and know that I have taken your place!"
I looked back at him calmly and said "Yes I know that I was Revan. I do not remember all of the details though. I'm sure you will be kind enough to fill me in Malak."
He looked at me and said "You do not yet remember Revan? The Jedi set a trap. They lured us into battle against a small Republic fleet. During the attack a team of Jedi knights boarded your ship. The Jedi strike team captured you and the Council used the Force to reprogram your mind; they wiped away your identity and turned you against your own followers."
I remembered something different from what he described, I had been waiting for Bastila to enter the bridge, I remembered something of my thoughts and feelings and was confused. How had I known Bastila? How did I know that she was headed toward me? I remembered watching her during the fight, the fight that I had seen in my dreams so many times. Now I realized that I had been looking at her lustfully. Something's hadn't changed I thought to myself amused. I had accidentally? Unthinkingly? Killed the soldier and I saw myself reflected in Bastila's eyes a monster. I had felt such pain, and despair. Had I loved her as Revan? How? Then the attack and my desperate determination that I would not let Malak kill her. There was something there about before? something had tried to kill her before? I had stopped something from killing her before, yes that was it. Before where I wondered and when?
I chuckled dryly and said "The Jedi did not attack me Malak you did."
Malak looked at me and said "I helped them, yes. I always knew that one day the title of Dark Lord would be mine! When the Jedi strike team boarded your vessel I saw my day had come. I ordered my own ships to fire on your bridge. I thought I could destroy all my enemies with a single glorious victory! I never dreamed the Jedi would take you alive from the wreckage."
I asked curious "Why did you betray... "
Malak answered "You mean why did I betray you, Revan. You are the one who taught me the ways of the Sith: the strongest must rule if we are to survive! You knew I would one day challenge you for supremacy, but you underestimated me. I acted sooner than you expected and seized the Sith throne with a single brilliant stroke!"
I turned partially toward Bastila but kept my eyes watchfully on Malak. I asked her "Bastila is this true?" I thought I knew what had happened but I wanted to hear her tell me. I could feel her trying to figure out what was going on and I carefully allowed my feelings to only flow through the bond between us.
She sighed suddenly able to tell that I had not slipped back to the dark side and said "It's true. I was part of the team sent to capture Revan... to capture you. When Malak fired on the ship you were badly injured. We thought you were dead. Your mind was destroyed, but I used the Force to preserve the flicker of life in your body. I brought you to the Jedi Council. They were the ones who healed your damaged mind."
I asked the one question that was bugging me "But why the program me with another identity?"
Bastila said "You were so badly damaged they thought you would never again be able to touch the Force, it was thought the kindest thing would be to let you live out a new life. One which you had a hand in choosing for yourself. But you regained your Force sensitivity and that is when we requested that you be assigned to my command. We were to keep and eye on you and see what developed. But then we were attacked over Taris and... well you know what happened after that. The dreams you had changed everything, suddenly there was the chance that you could lead us to the Star Forge and there was no other way to get the information."
I said to her somewhat angrily "You've been lying to me this whole time Bastila." Bastila said to me "I wanted to tell you, but the Council forbid it! They were afraid you might return to the dark side if you discovered your real identity!"
Malak said "But now you know the truth, Revan! The Council has failed in their attempt to make you their pawn! The will of a Sith Lord is not so easily manipulated!"
I told Bastila "It is alright Bastila, I understand."
Malak said angrily "Forgiveness, Revan? You are weak; I was right to betray you. You are not fit to rule the Sith!" I laughed at him and ignited my lightsabers. He ignited his and said "But now fate has given me a second chance to prove myself. Once I defeat you in combat no one will question my claim to the Sith throne; My triumph will be complete!'
I chuckled and said "Triumph, Malak? You seem to forget that I'm still alive!"
Malak replied "The Jedi Council were foolish to let you live. I won't make the same mistake. We shall finish this alone in the ancient Sith tradition: master versus apprentice, as it was meant to be!" I nodded acceptance and the he froze Bastila and Carth. I made no move to stop him for the feeling of fate was hard upon me. I was doing rather well in the fight against him, we were more evenly matched than I had believed possible and thought we each bore wounds from each other neither of us was seriously hurt. Malak finally got a force attack though my defenses and I rose rotating. This was an attack that I was prepared for though and got ready to defend myself but Malak choose to retreat away from the three of us.
I caught up with him and he ignited his lightsaber and made a gesture that said come and get me. This time I was more prepared I thought and the fight was going well I was beating him. I got too excited though and he was able to freeze me, as I struggled to break his power Bastila came around the corner and saw me frozen there. She yelled "This isn't over, Malak"
Malak said "your friends do not give up easily, Revan; you could always inspire loyalty." Bastila threw her lightsaber at Malak and wounded him and to my shame I panicked and lost precious time breaking out of the stasis.
It gave Malak time to cut us off from him and Bastila and I knew that he had captured her. I was cutting my way though the blast door but Carth was yelling at me that he was already gone, we had to find the Star Forge. I finally stopped and used my Force senses to see if it was true and I slumped, he was already gone and he had Bastila with him. I screamed then in pure anger, and Carth stepped back from me. But I controlled myself and agreed that we must find the final map and the Star Forge. I was certain that where I found the Star Forge I would find Malak and Bastila.
A few fighters followed us but I was able to quickly destroy then and we entered hyperspace headed toward Korriban. I came out of the gun turret to the center of the ship; I was not feeling at my best. What had come over me, I had been so stupidly overconfident even reckless, Malak should have never been able to paralyze me. If I had kept my head Bastila would not have gotten caught. I should have waited for Carth and Bastila to get free and the three of us go face him, I had grandstanded and look at what had happened and Bastila had paid the price.
Fate or no I had been stupid to accept his challenge to a one on one duel no matter how much I had wanted it, especially when I had still been struggling over the fact I was Revan. I had wanted to kill him, kill him for daring to strike at me, for daring to try to kill Bastila, and the dark side had been singing so seductively to me to stretch out my hand and take my old powers and use them to strike him down for thinking he could take my place. I had barely been able to stop myself from instinctively reaching out to the dark side of the force and use the terrible powers I now knew where there.
I was quickly finding out that it was one thing to turn down the dark side when you didn't know what power was there, another thing to do it when you were aware of the power that could be yours. That seductive voice had cost me precious time when I panicked knowing that Bastila was facing Malak alone, I could have used Force Lightening and part of me had been struggling to screaming that it was the only way to save her, but the part of me that was Cait wanted to have nothing to do with those powers and had been trying to break the stasis using the powers of the light. I almost felt like a split person right now, I really needed time to meditate on all that I had learned and find some way to deal with it.
Jolee asked me "Where is Bastila? What happened on that ship?"
Carth answered him "We ran into Malak. He would have killed us, but Bastila sacrificed herself so we could get away."
Mission said "You mean she's... she's dead?"
Jolee answered for me saying "Bah. Malak won't kill her, don't be foolish. He'll want to use her battle meditation against the Republic. Turn her to the dark side and the Sith will always be victorious."
I said to them "Malak will keep Bastila close to him, I'm certain that if we can find the Star Forge we will find Malak and thus Bastila."
Carth looked at me and said "No so fast. We've got a bigger issue to deal with her. They deserve to know the truth about you? Do you want to tell them what Malak said, or should I?" For a moment I was angry with him but then I calmed myself and shrugged wearily.
I said "I'll tell them. I'm Revan." It was perhaps too short an explanation but it got the point across and I was feeling too tired and beat to care.
Mission said "What... what are you talking about? Is this some kind of joke?"
Carth said "No, it's no joke. The Jedi Council captured Revan and erased the Dark Lord's mind, programming in a new identity. Saul Karath told me on the Leviathan and Bastila confirmed it!" I looked at him and wondered why he believed Saul's and Malak's lies, it wasn't like he knew.
I said "That's a lie Carth." He looked at me and started to argue but I said "They did not wipe my mind, Bastila was not lying it was damaged by the blast when Malak attacked me. And she was not lying about the second fact either they did not choose my path I choose the occupation I wanted. I think I would know what happened better than Saul or Malak. And what about you? Believing the words of the dark side before Bastila's?" I could see I had made my point as he flushed.
Everyone had watched this exchange and Mission spoke up asking me "You're Revan? This is... this is big. Do you... do you remember anything about being the Dark Lord?"
I nodded and said truthfully "Some, mostly some memories from right before I died. Though really not much more than what I had dreamed about already. I just remember being Revan now when I didn't before."
Mission said "Just a few flashes? That's it? Nothing more? Then I don't think there's a problem. It seems to me that if you don't really remember anything about being Revan, then it doesn't really matter anymore. You are who you are now. right?"
Trust Mission to see to the heart of the matter, I was indeed who I was now. Now, if I could only figure out exactly who this new person was, I was still mostly Cait but Revan's memories had brought in a new reality to the person that wore this body.
Carth spoke up saying "Of course it still matters! How do we know more memories won't come flooding back? How do we know Revan won't suddenly turn on us? The whole time we've been chasing after Malak we've had his old Sith Master right at our side; listening to our secrets; hearing our plans!"
Carth's old fears were back and in triplicate, I wasn't sure what to say to break him out of the place he was in. I settled for "I'm sorry, Carth... I wish this wasn't true." Gods how I wish this wasn't true I though to myself.
Mission came over and hugged me and said "Hey - you've got nothing to be sorry about! You didn't ask for this. Besides, I know you... you're not Revan anymore. Whatever you used to be, you're one of us now!"
Zaalbar spoke us saying "I agree with Mission. I swore a life-debt to the person you are, not to the person you were."
Mission looked at both of us and said "Big Z and I will stick by you. We owe you our lives; we won't desert you now!"
Carth was still trying to get everyone see things as he did and said "How can you say that, Mission? The Sith bombed my home world! Revan took away my family and destroyed my life!"
Canderous snorted and said "Everyone knows it was Malak who gave the order to attack your people, Carth. You can't blame Revan for that."
I swayed suddenly another memory forced itself upon me. Mission grasped me tighter and looked at my pale face and asked what the matter was. I said "I... Revan did not order that attack Carth. I was very tempted to kill Malak for that piece of stupid wastefulness. Not because I was merciful in any way but because I didn't see any use in ruling over a burned out shell of a world."
Carth looked at me stunned and then said "I... I suppose you've proven yourself to be a friend of the Republic by your actions so far... Revan. But can I trust you? Can any of us?"
I didn't directly answer him because I wasn't sure of the answer right now. I asked instead "What about you, Jolee?"
Jolee said "What about me? I already knew who you were, thought it wasn't my place to tell you. Better off that you know, if you ask me. Does it change anything? I'm not here to judge you. You'll do what you have to, and I'll help if I can."
I stared at him surprised by this revelation and then said "What do you think, Canderous?"
Canderous replied "You defeated the Mandalore clans in the war Revan. You were the only one in the galaxy who could defeat us. We had never met one like you before, and never since. How can you even ask if I will follow you? Whatever you are fighting, it will be worthy of my skill. I'm your man to the end, Revan, no matter how this plays out." I nodded to him not really surprised by his answer.
I said "What do you have to say, HK-47?"
HK said "I am... experiencing something unusual, master."
We all turned cautiously toward the droid and I asked "Why, What's happening?"
HK replied "My programming is activating my deleted memory core. I believe I have a... a homing system that is restoring it, master."
I looked at him surprised and confused and said "So this is the... stimuli you were waiting for?"
HK said "I believe so, master. I was unaware of my homing system until it had been activated. It seems that the homing system deliberately restore my deleted memory core upon... upon returning to my original master."
My jaw dropped and I said "You mean... Revan?"
HK replied "Correct, master. Sith protocols maintain that all droid knowledge be deleted before assassination missions, and restored upon return. I have returned to you, and my full functionality is now under your personal command. It is a distinct pleasure to see you again, master"
I said to HK "I'm not exactly Revan anymore, HK-47..."
HK said "That does not matter, master. I am your droid, regardless of your actions or personality."
Mission spoke up and said "Wow. What are the chances of that happening?"
Canderous said "Remember we're talking about the Force, here. At this point Malak himself could drop out of the sky and I wouldn't bat an eyelash." Almost everyone chuckled at this including me and Mission nodded and said "Good point."
I turned to Carth and said "Well, Carth - will you stand with me against Malak? And to rescue Bastila?"
Carth said "Well, the others seem to trust you... and I don't see any other way that we can stop the Sith. And I suppose that Malak is the real enemy here... I really don't have any other choice, do I?"
I shook my head and said "I'm not Revan anymore, Carth. I have too much of a life of my own as Catherine McDonald to be Revan again."
Carth looked at me searchingly and said "I want to believe you. You've proven yourself time and time again during our mission, but this is a little much for me to wrap my mind around."
I said to him "How do you think I feel?"
Carth seemed to suddenly realize I might be going through a difficult moment myself finally and said sheepishly "This must be even more of a shock to you... I don't know how you even keep going. I guess we both just have to find a way to push forward. Don't worry - I won't let my personal feelings get in the way of my assignments or this mission. But don't forget I've sworn an oath to defend the Republic!"
I said sharply "As have I Onasi!"
Carth paused and remembered that I was also a Republic soldier and said "so I guess that's it then... we keep going. We've still got one more Star Map to uncover if we're going to find that Star Forge and save Bastila, so let's do it before it's too late."
I said shakily "There are a few things that need to be addressed first but only Jolee and Juhani can assist me with these problems." Juhani and Jolee came over to me and I indicated that we should move toward the back of the ship for this discussion. Away from Carth I told them what I had remembered so far, I also told them that it was my fault that Bastila had been captured. "If I hadn't given into my anger and my desire to show him that I was still better than he, she might be here with us" I said.
Jolee looked at me and said "That might be, or it might not be. Hard to say, it's not a situation most people are called upon to handle. Are you going to continue to expect yourself to be perfect?"
I glared at him, I didn't want to be reasonable, I wanted to be at fault, and the last thing I wanted to admit was how much I felt powerless at this moment. Feeling Bastila's despair over our bond her fear, I had been trying to stay strong for her but I was having problems controlling my emotions. Juhani asked me if I could still feel her over the bond and I nodded and buried my head in my hands and started to cry. Wishing mightily that Bastila was here safe and that I would wake up and this horrible nightmare would just go away.
Juhani laid a comforting hand on my back and I could feel both of their strong supporting presences beside me, it helped I gathered myself together and continued "And I'm so very angry at the Force right now." They both paused and looked at me I think Jolee understood better than Juhani at that moment. I continued "I had been wondering how we would manage to find the Star Map on Korriban, how we would manage to move around where there were Dark Jedi without us all getting caught. Now I know I can do it, no one will question a fallen Jedi seeking the Sith. And I can definitely pass as that right now."
I suddenly attacked the floor beating my hands upon it till they bled and they both moved to restrain me. I had still not touched the Force during all of this emotional display and I know they were both afraid that I would truly fall if I did, and so was I. "I feel like a puppet I said, being lead around following its script, I had the feeling of it on the Leviathian of being controlled by something else the feeling that all of this was pre- destined. Malak, Bastila and I all following some type of path that had been laid out for all of us. This would mean that she was destined to be captured by Malak, I was destined to falter at that moment instead of killing him. What will it demand next?"
Suddenly Jolee asked "What did Revan think when Bastila entered the bridge, you said that she looked at you like you were a monster. And that affected you, which showed that you were not entirely lost to the dark side then or you would not have cared."
I looked at Jolee and said "I thought that I would give up anything just to have her come to me willingly. The title of Sith Lord, rulership of the galaxy they seemed as dross to me compared to her, I would have willing surrendered to her had she asked it of me." I think my admission stunned Juhani but Jolee looked like he had expected it.
He asked "And did you fight to show her that?"
I was confused and said "What? there was no way she would want me not with everything I had done! I knew that, I was content to die by her hand."
Jolee said "So you gave up without a fight did you? I'd say her actions since have proven that maybe you should not have."
I looked up at him and for a moment was filled with rage that he would dare say that to me. But it quickly cooled and I and realized the truth of his statement, what would have occurred if Malak hadn't attacked the ship. If I had told Bastila that I would willing go back to the Jedi with her. I had no idea but it would have probably been highly amusing to have watched her face. I realized that Revan had let herself be defeated that she had seen no easy way to get to where she wanted to be. She had decided on the obvious answer the one everyone expected of her, that she would go down fighting. Maybe it was a cowardly answer; to have tried to fight her way back from where she was would have been a task of monumental proportions. If anything the way things had turned out, though completely unexpected had given Bastila and I our best chance of coming to terms with the bond between us.
If there was anything I had learned as Cait it was that to internally admit defeat was to ensure defeat. Was I willing to give up Bastila again? to declare defeat without attempting to find a victory?
Suddenly I realized that my answer was a resounding NO! I looked up at Jolee and suddenly everything suddenly snapped into place to meld behind one goal lone goal. No matter how internally conflicted I was there was one thing that I was utterly certain of.
There were still things I needed to deal with but Jolee was right, it didn't really matter if this was the will of the Force to me, if we were just puppets being manipulated by destiny, it didn't really matter what choices I had made in the past. Here and now I was putting myself 110% behind doing what I needed to do to find Bastila. What would happen then I didn't know but I would have to take that bridge when I came to it, it was impossible to take before.
I stood and declared my determination, my gauntlet at Malak's feet and my promise to Bastila "I will NOT fail her, not this time!" my voice was resounding and utterly certain.
Everyone had come running in the room and was staring at me with wide eyes wondering what was going on. Jolee said "Well it's not any secret that your going to challenge Malak for Bastila now. I think anyone who is Force sensitive at all heard something! Haven't you ever heard of being quiet about your plans?"
I was puzzled and asked whatever did he mean? Jolee rolled his eyes and Juhani started laughing and said "You shouted that with the Force as well as your voice, it was deafening. They might have even heard that all the way to the Council on Coruscant."
I blushed and then blushed more brightly as everyone started chuckling. "Uh... opps?" I said.
Malak had efficiently punched Bastila after disarming her and she awoke with her head splitting only to find herself in a torture cell. Her wounds had been healed only the pain of a mild concussion remained. Doubtless Malak had not wanted to risk his new prize. She felt a flutter of fear knowing that only endless days of torment awaited her and the attempts to turn her to the dark side. She instinctively felt for the bond with Cait and was relieved to find it intact. She opened herself to it and could feel Cait's swirling, conflicting emotions. Anger, guilt, fear Bastila was overwhelmed for a moment and suddenly worried that Cait might be unable to deal with the revelations forced upon her, and Bastila's capture all at once. Revan's memories were awake and Cait was so very vulnerable at this time to the dark side. Would she have the strength to resist? If only the Council had allowed her to prepare Cait... but they were never supposed to have encountered Malak. This was not how it was supposed to have gone.
She remembered her fear when she came around the corner to see Cait helpless in paralysis with Malak towering over her ready to strike. She had thrown her lightsaber to distract him and had felt Cait struggling to break the paralysis, and had been willing to lay down her life to save Cait's. But things had not turned out that way she had forgotten that Malak would not kill her if he could possibly turn her to the dark side.
Sudden feelings of anger came through the bond and she could feel Cait raging about something. Then there was a wave of dark power that surged along the bond and Bastila felt despondent. Had it all been for nothing? was Revan back and ready to take back her mantle as Sith Lord. Despairing she slumped and unthinkingly sought reassurance from Cait. She almost cried when she realized what she was doing but suddenly there was a sense of utter determination along the bond. A sense of raw power neither light nor dark followed it.
Then ringing through the bond and through the Force itself came an oath "I will NOT fail you, not this time!" She straightened confused, and then felt the Malak's ship exit hyperspace and suddenly the bond was silence by strong waves of dark side power. Bastila felt suddenly alone, she hadn't realized how much she had come to depend on the comfort of knowing that Cait cared and loved her until it was suddenly gone. Bastila was confused, that had been Cait calling her but had she fallen? The call had been made through the Force and Bastila realized how powerful that call had been. Anyone with Force training would know that some message had been sent by a powerful Force adept to another. The most disturbing thing about the call was that it had been from Cait but it had not felt exactly like Cait. Bastila stilled her self and recalled it, the sense of the person behind the call was distinctly Cait, but also reminded her strongly of what she remembered of Revan. Who would she see she wondered when her rescuer came, would she see Catherine or would she see Revan?
Malak entered and she fought to maintain her peace and not shrink away from the wrath and hatred he was feeling toward her. "So Revan has challenged me for you. I will turn you to the power of the dark side Bastila and then I shall have my final revenge on Revan! But first I want to show you to your new quarters." With that she was tortured to unconsciousness and transported down to a temple on the planet below.
Leviathan
We left for Korriban the next day. We had been in hyper space for only a few hours before we were intercepted by a Sith Interdictor ship, they must have been waiting for us in the hyperspace lane. Carth said it was the Leviathan, Saul Karath's ship. Carth was talking about what all Saul had done to his family and I reminded him that he needed to make sure that his thirst for vengeance did not cloud his judgment. He assured me that it would not but if the chance came to kill Saul during our escape he would take it and nobody better get in his way.
Bastila reminded him tartly that it might be premature to talk about our escape we didn't even have a plan to get out of this mess yet. She said thoughtfully "Maybe Admiral Karath has no idea how many of us there are on board. All of us have special talents that could be used to free the others. We just have to figure out who has the best chance to avoid capture so that they can come and rescue us later. It's a long shot, but it's our only hope."
I said reluctantly "Admiral Karath will be watching the three of us very closely. One of the others is going to have to save us." I pondered who might have the best choice and decided that it was either Juhani or HK. I asked HK if he had any thoughts as to who would be better and he said that he had a reserve memory chip and back up power chip. He said that I should deactivate my main circuits and wipe his memory chip. The Sith would take him for a deactivated droid and take him to the junk heap where he could reactivate and come to our rescue. I nodded and agreed that it sounded like a good plan. If they had a Dark Jedi he would not be able to detect HK, but he would be able to find Juhani.
The Sith stormed the ship and took all of us prisoner, they ignored the disabled droid completely. They separated the three of us from our companions and took us to the ships interrogation room.
Carth and Saul exchanged uncivil greetings upon seeing one another. They talked about how Saul had destroyed Telos and Saul almost sounded like he was trying to justify himself to Carth. "In a war even the innocent must die. The Sith would not accept me until I proved I had truly turned my back on the Republic by bombing the planet." Saul said to Carth.
Carth replied angrily "My wife died in that attack, Saul. And for that, I swear I'll kill you."
Saul replied coolly, "You used to be a man of action, not of empty words. Cling to your lust for revenge if you must, but spare me your tired threats. I've heard them all before. You are an insignificant part of these events anyway. Lord Malak is far more interested in your Jedi companions. He has great plans for them."
Bastila said "We will never serve Malak or the dark side! The Sith will be destroyed, Admiral Karath... as will you if you don't turn away from this path."
Saul said "Your words are brave, Bastila, but the lure of the dark side is hard to resist - or so I've been told. I wonder if you companion is as devoted to the light as you are?" I looked at him in contempt and replied "You're wasting your time Admiral Karath." He seemed to wait for something else but I just looked calmly at him. I was working on what force senses I still had and was amazed to find out I that I was able to sense dimly all the people in the room. Bastila I could reach through our bond, I was quick to send a quiet reassurance through it and I could see her glance quickly at me.
Then he said something completely puzzling. "Your defiant, I'm certain Lord Malak will find your loyalty to the Jedi amusing. The Dark Lord would probably reward me if I just killed you once and for all. But he may want to question you given the trouble you've caused him... and the history between you."
I paused trying to figure out how the Admiral knew me and why he was implying that I had known Malak. I had some really odd guesses, had I been some type of spy? Maybe even an old lover though that sounded really odd given that I did not like men, maybe both a spy and a lover? I could almost see that. I decided to throw out a line and see if I hooked anything. I asked "History? What are you talking about?"
Saul looked at me and then said "You mean... oh, this can't be true, can it"? You really don't know what's going on here, do you? Well, I won't be the one to deprive Malak of the pleasure of telling you himself. The Dark Lord will no doubt torture you for information and for his own twisted pleasure. Eventually you will tell him everything. The Sith can be very persuasive. However Lord Malak is in another sector. It may be some time before he arrives, so I suppose I will have to fill in for him until then. Activate the torture fields." I prepared myself as best I could for the pain.
Saul called out "Enough! I don't want them to pass out before I question them. Malak will appreciate any information I can give him when he arrives." Bastila said "Don't waste your breath, Saul! We won't answer any of your questions."
Saul said to her "I'm sure you won't, however we both know your friend's loyalties have proven in the past to be somewhat... flexible." I looked at both Bastila and Saul and knew that I just did not have enough information to formulate a good guess yet. Whatever I didn't sound like a very loyal person in the past. Maybe I had been rather mercenary in my loyalties.
"What are you talking about?" I asked him once again hoping to get some decent information.
Saul snapped back "I am interrogating you, not the other way around. You will answer questions, not ask them. It is time to put your loyalty to the test. I doubt torturing you will gain me your true cooperation. Your will is too strong to be broken that way. However even the strongest of heroes has trouble watching those they care about suffering. The interrogation will begin now. Each time you refuse to answer or give me a false answer, Bastila will suffer." Saul told me.
I looked him in the eye knowing that he would torture us no matter what I said "I will not betray the Republic or the Jedi Order, even to save Bastila." I could feel Bastila's uncertainty through the bond and I sent my strength through it to her and my love. Telling the truth would not spare her, and she would not forgive me if I did.
"My pain is meaningless, tell him nothing!" said Bastila to me. I looked at her and nodded gravely.
"I tire of these games - now I want answers! On what planet is the Jedi Academy at which you were trained?" Saul asked. I looked at him and was puzzled he already knew the answer to his question I was certain of it which meant that... I sighed knowing what it meant; they had either already attacked Dantooine or were about to. I looked at him and asked "You already know the answer to the question, have you attacked yet or not is the only question I have for you."
"Once again, I am the one asking he questions here." Saul said as he tortured Bastila. I could see from the flickering of his eyes that he was wondering why the fields about us were not blocking my powers completely. Nor did he realize that I was able to help Bastila through our bond, I could not stop the pain but I let her know that I was with her through it. If she would only pass out her torture would end sooner. Saul would never risk damaging her. Saul said "Enough! You see what happens when you defy me? This first question was only test. Obviously Malak knew the Academy was on Dantooine and it has since been destroyed by our fleet! Dantooine is an empty graveyard now. Nothing remains but a smoking ruin and the charred remains of your former Masters."
I looked at him and said "One more crime you will have to pay for, Saul. You and all the Sith."
He looked at me and said "More empty threats, We Sith prefer to let our actions speak for us. Perhaps that is why we are winning this war. Now... tell me your mission. How were the Jedi planning on using you to stop Lord Malak and our Sith armada?"
I said "Once again Saul, I will not betray the Republic or the Jedi."
Saul glared at me and said "Perhaps you need another reminder of the consequences of refusing to cooperate." Again Bastila was tortured and I had to fight back my anger while offering her what support I could. Her pain was more intense this time though and I knew that she would probably pass out soon. Saul gloated and said "Listen, can you not hear her suffering? You can spare her further pain by simply answering my questions. Now, I will ask again - on what mission did the Jedi Council send you?"
I stared at him and crossed my arms and said "This accomplishes nothing, Saul. We will never betray the Republic." He said "Perhaps another lesson is in order?" With that he tortured Bastila again and this time she passed out, I was thankful.
Saul said "I am surprised she did no pass out sooner. Rarely have I seen someone withstand such punishment and remain conscious. I see I am wasting my time here. When Malak arrives you will learn my interrogation techniques are considered merciful among the Sith. I will leave you here in your cell with but a small taste of the horrors you will suffer when Lord Malak arrives." With that he left us to the hands of his subordinates.
I came too and took stock of my condition and then leapt to my feet glancing around. Bastila said "Don't try to move too quickly, you might not be fully recovered yet. Admiral Karth had his guards continue to torture you even after you passed out." I nodded and assured her I was fully recovered and she stared at me and then nodded.
Carth said "They tortured all of us, though you got the worst of it by far. Saul wanted them to make us suffer. He's become some sort of sadistic monster."
Bastila answered him "The dark side had perverted him, Carth Once you start down the tainted path it leads you further into the depths of evil. I fear he is forever lost." said Bastila. I said gently "No one is without hope of redemption, Bastila. But... I fear that there is little left in him to reach."
"Yes, hmm, I suppose you are correct. Sometimes it is easy to lose sight of that hope in the face of such unbridled cruelty. I suppose I'm taking the news of Dantooine's destruction quite hard. First Taris, now the Academy... is there no end to the killing?" Bastila asked.
I nodded my understanding and said "I know... it's hard to think they are all gone. But of course they are not really gone, there is no death..."
Bastila finished "There is only the Force." I nodded to her. "I can only hope that some of the Jedi escaped. Vrook, Vandar, Zhar... I cannot imagine all of them being gone. In any case we have lost our one place of refuge in the galaxy." said Bastila.
Carth broke in and said "None of this will matter if we don't get out of this prison before Saul gets back!"
I asked "Where is Saul Karth now?"
Carth said that "Saul mentioned that Lord Malak was on his way. I think the Admiral left to prepare for his arrival... and to report the results of the interrogation."
Bastila looked at me and said "It is fortunate you were able to resist the Admiral's questioning. The fate of the galaxy could be changed by revealing the slightest piece of vital information." She paused and then said "I have to confess something. There was a moment - just a moment - when part of me was hoping you would tell him what he wanted to know. Just to make the horrible pain stop."
I looked at her and said "I know and I'm sorry, Bastila. Watching and feeling you suffer tore me apart." I said.
Bastila said "I know you wouldn't ever do anything to intentionally cause me pain. But you did the right thing. I don't honestly know if I could have been as strong in your position. To watch you suffer like that... it might have been too much to bear." She stopped and we both felt something. Bastila said "Did you feel that? A disturbance in the Force. The Admiral has sent his message the Dark Lord knows we are here now. Malak is coming." I nodded I had picked up on the same information.
Carth said "Well then we had better hope HK-47 busts us out of here before he arrives."
I looked at the time and said "He should be arriving about right now actually" They looked at me and at that time the cell fields went down and the door opened and HK-47 said "I believe I am right on time Master." I grinned at him and said "Yes you are HK did you have fun?" HK-47 said "Yes Master, I terminated 11 meatbags while rescuing you."
Carth told us that we would have to get to the bridge to open the docking gates of the hanger so we could escape on the Ebon Hawk. Bastila said "We had better get moving. I can feel the darkness of Malak's presence approaching, and I don't want to be here when he arrives. None of us is a match for the Sith Lord." I looked at her and wondered his apprentice sure hadn't impressed me any.
I said "We will have to split up a group of us should head for the bridge and another clear the way to the Ebon Hawk." Carth said that he wanted in on the bridge group and I looked at him and nodded and of course Bastila would go with us as well. That left the others to head back to the Ebon Hawk with Canderous in the lead. We all picked up our equipment and put it on and wished each other well.
Then we headed for the bridge, Canderous called to let us know that they had made it to the Ebon Hawk, it was under heavy guard but he said for us not to worry they would take care of them. We proceeded toward the bridge taking on all the Sith that found us. The direct way to the bridge was cut off and we had to take a detour using enviro suits on the outside of the ship. Finally we arrived at the bridge door and I reminded everyone to turn on their energy shields we had a nice greeting party waiting for us. I opened the door and walked confidently on the bridge. As I had expected there was a welcoming committee there just for us.
Admiral Karath said to Carth "Very resourceful. I assume you had something part in this; you learned your lessons well from me." Carth snarled back at him "The only thing you taught me was betrayal and death, Saul." Admiral Karath told him not to be a fool, he was offering us a chance to surrender, a chance to live. He said that Lord Malak was on his way and he would be arriving any moment. If we would surrender he would ask for Malak to be merciful.
I snorted and Carth answered for all of us "I've seen enough of Sith mercy!" and the battle began. It was more of a prolonged battle than I would have liked but in the end we were alive and Admiral Karath was lying on the floor of his bridge barely alive. I told Carth not to give into his hatred and Bastila reminded him not to become what he despised.
Karth coughed out something to Carth and Carth went over to see what he had to say. I was already slicing into the computer to open the bay doors and announced that they where open about the time that Carth got up looking pale and turned around and asked Bastila "it is true, isn't it? And... and you knew! You and the whole damn Jedi Council. You knew the whole time!"
I looked at them puzzled and then knew it had something to do with my past, what could have Karath told him in such a short time to fill him in on my history? And was everyone to know my past but me, this was starting to get too irritating but now was not the time or place for this. Bastila looked at Carth and said "Carth, it's not what you think. We had no other choice! Please, you don't understand..." Carth yelled "So make me understand."
I spoke up and reminded both of them that now was not the time or place and I though it was past time by the way for me to be filled in on whatever secrets either of them knew about my past. I was getting bloody tired of everyone around me knowing about my past but me. They both stared at me astonished and I turned and without seeing if they were following I left the bridge. I felt them catch up with me a few minutes later and we worked our way back down from the bridge toward the hangar. We had just entered the hangar deck when Canderous contacted me to let us know that they had taken out the guards and were ready to go as soon as we got there.
We were almost to the Ebon Hawk when we meet Lord Malak entering the ship. Somehow upon meeting him I had the sense that I had known him for along time. I felt a sinking feeling. I didn't know my past but I had the overwhelming feeling that I was about to find out. Jolee's words returned to me "everything about you is off, like my eyes are tricking me. There is something very dark about you." How I had mastered the use of my powers in weeks, instead of years almost as if I was relearning them. I looked at Malak's face at the mask covering it and knew that he had no jaw. I felt somehow detached from what was happening filled with a calmness I was distantly amazed at.
Malak said "I hope you weren't thinking of leaving so soon, Bastila. I've spent far too much energy hunting down you and your companions to let you get away from me now. Besides I had to see for myself if it was true. Even now I can hardly believe my eyes... tell me, why did the Jedi spare you? Is it vengeance you seek at this reunion?"
A fey feeling was upon me and I replied to him "This meeting was inevitable, Malak." He paused and said "As is the outcome. I am actually surprised this confrontation did not happen sooner, given how powerful your mind once was. Even the combined power of the Jedi Council couldn't keep your true identity buried forever, could it?"
Strange flashes of memory kept distracting me, as I tried to feel my way to the truth. Of Bastila telling me how the Jedi did not believe in killing their prisoners. Zhar saying that I was a special case. The memories of all the Star Maps and how Bastila had told me that Revan had visited all these worlds in search of the Star Forge. How Vroom had been so afraid that I would be lead down an all too familiar path. How I had memories of Bastila confronting me on the bridge of my ship. Finally I had the memory of looking out over a strange landscape of removing my face mask and looking with expressionless eyes at myself. My face was marked with the signs of Dark Force power and I accepted the truth. I was Revan.
I regained my sense of where I was and noticed that I had successfully kept myself tightly shielded this entire time. I drew in a breath and felt the darkness with myself, I was what I most hated, I was Sith. How had I let myself go down that far, but now was not the time to explore the hazy new memories.
Malak said to me "You cannot hide from what you once were, Revan! Recognize that you were once the Dark Lord - and know that I have taken your place!"
I looked back at him calmly and said "Yes I know that I was Revan. I do not remember all of the details though. I'm sure you will be kind enough to fill me in Malak."
He looked at me and said "You do not yet remember Revan? The Jedi set a trap. They lured us into battle against a small Republic fleet. During the attack a team of Jedi knights boarded your ship. The Jedi strike team captured you and the Council used the Force to reprogram your mind; they wiped away your identity and turned you against your own followers."
I remembered something different from what he described, I had been waiting for Bastila to enter the bridge, I remembered something of my thoughts and feelings and was confused. How had I known Bastila? How did I know that she was headed toward me? I remembered watching her during the fight, the fight that I had seen in my dreams so many times. Now I realized that I had been looking at her lustfully. Something's hadn't changed I thought to myself amused. I had accidentally? Unthinkingly? Killed the soldier and I saw myself reflected in Bastila's eyes a monster. I had felt such pain, and despair. Had I loved her as Revan? How? Then the attack and my desperate determination that I would not let Malak kill her. There was something there about before? something had tried to kill her before? I had stopped something from killing her before, yes that was it. Before where I wondered and when?
I chuckled dryly and said "The Jedi did not attack me Malak you did."
Malak looked at me and said "I helped them, yes. I always knew that one day the title of Dark Lord would be mine! When the Jedi strike team boarded your vessel I saw my day had come. I ordered my own ships to fire on your bridge. I thought I could destroy all my enemies with a single glorious victory! I never dreamed the Jedi would take you alive from the wreckage."
I asked curious "Why did you betray... "
Malak answered "You mean why did I betray you, Revan. You are the one who taught me the ways of the Sith: the strongest must rule if we are to survive! You knew I would one day challenge you for supremacy, but you underestimated me. I acted sooner than you expected and seized the Sith throne with a single brilliant stroke!"
I turned partially toward Bastila but kept my eyes watchfully on Malak. I asked her "Bastila is this true?" I thought I knew what had happened but I wanted to hear her tell me. I could feel her trying to figure out what was going on and I carefully allowed my feelings to only flow through the bond between us.
She sighed suddenly able to tell that I had not slipped back to the dark side and said "It's true. I was part of the team sent to capture Revan... to capture you. When Malak fired on the ship you were badly injured. We thought you were dead. Your mind was destroyed, but I used the Force to preserve the flicker of life in your body. I brought you to the Jedi Council. They were the ones who healed your damaged mind."
I asked the one question that was bugging me "But why the program me with another identity?"
Bastila said "You were so badly damaged they thought you would never again be able to touch the Force, it was thought the kindest thing would be to let you live out a new life. One which you had a hand in choosing for yourself. But you regained your Force sensitivity and that is when we requested that you be assigned to my command. We were to keep and eye on you and see what developed. But then we were attacked over Taris and... well you know what happened after that. The dreams you had changed everything, suddenly there was the chance that you could lead us to the Star Forge and there was no other way to get the information."
I said to her somewhat angrily "You've been lying to me this whole time Bastila." Bastila said to me "I wanted to tell you, but the Council forbid it! They were afraid you might return to the dark side if you discovered your real identity!"
Malak said "But now you know the truth, Revan! The Council has failed in their attempt to make you their pawn! The will of a Sith Lord is not so easily manipulated!"
I told Bastila "It is alright Bastila, I understand."
Malak said angrily "Forgiveness, Revan? You are weak; I was right to betray you. You are not fit to rule the Sith!" I laughed at him and ignited my lightsabers. He ignited his and said "But now fate has given me a second chance to prove myself. Once I defeat you in combat no one will question my claim to the Sith throne; My triumph will be complete!'
I chuckled and said "Triumph, Malak? You seem to forget that I'm still alive!"
Malak replied "The Jedi Council were foolish to let you live. I won't make the same mistake. We shall finish this alone in the ancient Sith tradition: master versus apprentice, as it was meant to be!" I nodded acceptance and the he froze Bastila and Carth. I made no move to stop him for the feeling of fate was hard upon me. I was doing rather well in the fight against him, we were more evenly matched than I had believed possible and thought we each bore wounds from each other neither of us was seriously hurt. Malak finally got a force attack though my defenses and I rose rotating. This was an attack that I was prepared for though and got ready to defend myself but Malak choose to retreat away from the three of us.
I caught up with him and he ignited his lightsaber and made a gesture that said come and get me. This time I was more prepared I thought and the fight was going well I was beating him. I got too excited though and he was able to freeze me, as I struggled to break his power Bastila came around the corner and saw me frozen there. She yelled "This isn't over, Malak"
Malak said "your friends do not give up easily, Revan; you could always inspire loyalty." Bastila threw her lightsaber at Malak and wounded him and to my shame I panicked and lost precious time breaking out of the stasis.
It gave Malak time to cut us off from him and Bastila and I knew that he had captured her. I was cutting my way though the blast door but Carth was yelling at me that he was already gone, we had to find the Star Forge. I finally stopped and used my Force senses to see if it was true and I slumped, he was already gone and he had Bastila with him. I screamed then in pure anger, and Carth stepped back from me. But I controlled myself and agreed that we must find the final map and the Star Forge. I was certain that where I found the Star Forge I would find Malak and Bastila.
A few fighters followed us but I was able to quickly destroy then and we entered hyperspace headed toward Korriban. I came out of the gun turret to the center of the ship; I was not feeling at my best. What had come over me, I had been so stupidly overconfident even reckless, Malak should have never been able to paralyze me. If I had kept my head Bastila would not have gotten caught. I should have waited for Carth and Bastila to get free and the three of us go face him, I had grandstanded and look at what had happened and Bastila had paid the price.
Fate or no I had been stupid to accept his challenge to a one on one duel no matter how much I had wanted it, especially when I had still been struggling over the fact I was Revan. I had wanted to kill him, kill him for daring to strike at me, for daring to try to kill Bastila, and the dark side had been singing so seductively to me to stretch out my hand and take my old powers and use them to strike him down for thinking he could take my place. I had barely been able to stop myself from instinctively reaching out to the dark side of the force and use the terrible powers I now knew where there.
I was quickly finding out that it was one thing to turn down the dark side when you didn't know what power was there, another thing to do it when you were aware of the power that could be yours. That seductive voice had cost me precious time when I panicked knowing that Bastila was facing Malak alone, I could have used Force Lightening and part of me had been struggling to screaming that it was the only way to save her, but the part of me that was Cait wanted to have nothing to do with those powers and had been trying to break the stasis using the powers of the light. I almost felt like a split person right now, I really needed time to meditate on all that I had learned and find some way to deal with it.
Jolee asked me "Where is Bastila? What happened on that ship?"
Carth answered him "We ran into Malak. He would have killed us, but Bastila sacrificed herself so we could get away."
Mission said "You mean she's... she's dead?"
Jolee answered for me saying "Bah. Malak won't kill her, don't be foolish. He'll want to use her battle meditation against the Republic. Turn her to the dark side and the Sith will always be victorious."
I said to them "Malak will keep Bastila close to him, I'm certain that if we can find the Star Forge we will find Malak and thus Bastila."
Carth looked at me and said "No so fast. We've got a bigger issue to deal with her. They deserve to know the truth about you? Do you want to tell them what Malak said, or should I?" For a moment I was angry with him but then I calmed myself and shrugged wearily.
I said "I'll tell them. I'm Revan." It was perhaps too short an explanation but it got the point across and I was feeling too tired and beat to care.
Mission said "What... what are you talking about? Is this some kind of joke?"
Carth said "No, it's no joke. The Jedi Council captured Revan and erased the Dark Lord's mind, programming in a new identity. Saul Karath told me on the Leviathan and Bastila confirmed it!" I looked at him and wondered why he believed Saul's and Malak's lies, it wasn't like he knew.
I said "That's a lie Carth." He looked at me and started to argue but I said "They did not wipe my mind, Bastila was not lying it was damaged by the blast when Malak attacked me. And she was not lying about the second fact either they did not choose my path I choose the occupation I wanted. I think I would know what happened better than Saul or Malak. And what about you? Believing the words of the dark side before Bastila's?" I could see I had made my point as he flushed.
Everyone had watched this exchange and Mission spoke up asking me "You're Revan? This is... this is big. Do you... do you remember anything about being the Dark Lord?"
I nodded and said truthfully "Some, mostly some memories from right before I died. Though really not much more than what I had dreamed about already. I just remember being Revan now when I didn't before."
Mission said "Just a few flashes? That's it? Nothing more? Then I don't think there's a problem. It seems to me that if you don't really remember anything about being Revan, then it doesn't really matter anymore. You are who you are now. right?"
Trust Mission to see to the heart of the matter, I was indeed who I was now. Now, if I could only figure out exactly who this new person was, I was still mostly Cait but Revan's memories had brought in a new reality to the person that wore this body.
Carth spoke up saying "Of course it still matters! How do we know more memories won't come flooding back? How do we know Revan won't suddenly turn on us? The whole time we've been chasing after Malak we've had his old Sith Master right at our side; listening to our secrets; hearing our plans!"
Carth's old fears were back and in triplicate, I wasn't sure what to say to break him out of the place he was in. I settled for "I'm sorry, Carth... I wish this wasn't true." Gods how I wish this wasn't true I though to myself.
Mission came over and hugged me and said "Hey - you've got nothing to be sorry about! You didn't ask for this. Besides, I know you... you're not Revan anymore. Whatever you used to be, you're one of us now!"
Zaalbar spoke us saying "I agree with Mission. I swore a life-debt to the person you are, not to the person you were."
Mission looked at both of us and said "Big Z and I will stick by you. We owe you our lives; we won't desert you now!"
Carth was still trying to get everyone see things as he did and said "How can you say that, Mission? The Sith bombed my home world! Revan took away my family and destroyed my life!"
Canderous snorted and said "Everyone knows it was Malak who gave the order to attack your people, Carth. You can't blame Revan for that."
I swayed suddenly another memory forced itself upon me. Mission grasped me tighter and looked at my pale face and asked what the matter was. I said "I... Revan did not order that attack Carth. I was very tempted to kill Malak for that piece of stupid wastefulness. Not because I was merciful in any way but because I didn't see any use in ruling over a burned out shell of a world."
Carth looked at me stunned and then said "I... I suppose you've proven yourself to be a friend of the Republic by your actions so far... Revan. But can I trust you? Can any of us?"
I didn't directly answer him because I wasn't sure of the answer right now. I asked instead "What about you, Jolee?"
Jolee said "What about me? I already knew who you were, thought it wasn't my place to tell you. Better off that you know, if you ask me. Does it change anything? I'm not here to judge you. You'll do what you have to, and I'll help if I can."
I stared at him surprised by this revelation and then said "What do you think, Canderous?"
Canderous replied "You defeated the Mandalore clans in the war Revan. You were the only one in the galaxy who could defeat us. We had never met one like you before, and never since. How can you even ask if I will follow you? Whatever you are fighting, it will be worthy of my skill. I'm your man to the end, Revan, no matter how this plays out." I nodded to him not really surprised by his answer.
I said "What do you have to say, HK-47?"
HK said "I am... experiencing something unusual, master."
We all turned cautiously toward the droid and I asked "Why, What's happening?"
HK replied "My programming is activating my deleted memory core. I believe I have a... a homing system that is restoring it, master."
I looked at him surprised and confused and said "So this is the... stimuli you were waiting for?"
HK said "I believe so, master. I was unaware of my homing system until it had been activated. It seems that the homing system deliberately restore my deleted memory core upon... upon returning to my original master."
My jaw dropped and I said "You mean... Revan?"
HK replied "Correct, master. Sith protocols maintain that all droid knowledge be deleted before assassination missions, and restored upon return. I have returned to you, and my full functionality is now under your personal command. It is a distinct pleasure to see you again, master"
I said to HK "I'm not exactly Revan anymore, HK-47..."
HK said "That does not matter, master. I am your droid, regardless of your actions or personality."
Mission spoke up and said "Wow. What are the chances of that happening?"
Canderous said "Remember we're talking about the Force, here. At this point Malak himself could drop out of the sky and I wouldn't bat an eyelash." Almost everyone chuckled at this including me and Mission nodded and said "Good point."
I turned to Carth and said "Well, Carth - will you stand with me against Malak? And to rescue Bastila?"
Carth said "Well, the others seem to trust you... and I don't see any other way that we can stop the Sith. And I suppose that Malak is the real enemy here... I really don't have any other choice, do I?"
I shook my head and said "I'm not Revan anymore, Carth. I have too much of a life of my own as Catherine McDonald to be Revan again."
Carth looked at me searchingly and said "I want to believe you. You've proven yourself time and time again during our mission, but this is a little much for me to wrap my mind around."
I said to him "How do you think I feel?"
Carth seemed to suddenly realize I might be going through a difficult moment myself finally and said sheepishly "This must be even more of a shock to you... I don't know how you even keep going. I guess we both just have to find a way to push forward. Don't worry - I won't let my personal feelings get in the way of my assignments or this mission. But don't forget I've sworn an oath to defend the Republic!"
I said sharply "As have I Onasi!"
Carth paused and remembered that I was also a Republic soldier and said "so I guess that's it then... we keep going. We've still got one more Star Map to uncover if we're going to find that Star Forge and save Bastila, so let's do it before it's too late."
I said shakily "There are a few things that need to be addressed first but only Jolee and Juhani can assist me with these problems." Juhani and Jolee came over to me and I indicated that we should move toward the back of the ship for this discussion. Away from Carth I told them what I had remembered so far, I also told them that it was my fault that Bastila had been captured. "If I hadn't given into my anger and my desire to show him that I was still better than he, she might be here with us" I said.
Jolee looked at me and said "That might be, or it might not be. Hard to say, it's not a situation most people are called upon to handle. Are you going to continue to expect yourself to be perfect?"
I glared at him, I didn't want to be reasonable, I wanted to be at fault, and the last thing I wanted to admit was how much I felt powerless at this moment. Feeling Bastila's despair over our bond her fear, I had been trying to stay strong for her but I was having problems controlling my emotions. Juhani asked me if I could still feel her over the bond and I nodded and buried my head in my hands and started to cry. Wishing mightily that Bastila was here safe and that I would wake up and this horrible nightmare would just go away.
Juhani laid a comforting hand on my back and I could feel both of their strong supporting presences beside me, it helped I gathered myself together and continued "And I'm so very angry at the Force right now." They both paused and looked at me I think Jolee understood better than Juhani at that moment. I continued "I had been wondering how we would manage to find the Star Map on Korriban, how we would manage to move around where there were Dark Jedi without us all getting caught. Now I know I can do it, no one will question a fallen Jedi seeking the Sith. And I can definitely pass as that right now."
I suddenly attacked the floor beating my hands upon it till they bled and they both moved to restrain me. I had still not touched the Force during all of this emotional display and I know they were both afraid that I would truly fall if I did, and so was I. "I feel like a puppet I said, being lead around following its script, I had the feeling of it on the Leviathian of being controlled by something else the feeling that all of this was pre- destined. Malak, Bastila and I all following some type of path that had been laid out for all of us. This would mean that she was destined to be captured by Malak, I was destined to falter at that moment instead of killing him. What will it demand next?"
Suddenly Jolee asked "What did Revan think when Bastila entered the bridge, you said that she looked at you like you were a monster. And that affected you, which showed that you were not entirely lost to the dark side then or you would not have cared."
I looked at Jolee and said "I thought that I would give up anything just to have her come to me willingly. The title of Sith Lord, rulership of the galaxy they seemed as dross to me compared to her, I would have willing surrendered to her had she asked it of me." I think my admission stunned Juhani but Jolee looked like he had expected it.
He asked "And did you fight to show her that?"
I was confused and said "What? there was no way she would want me not with everything I had done! I knew that, I was content to die by her hand."
Jolee said "So you gave up without a fight did you? I'd say her actions since have proven that maybe you should not have."
I looked up at him and for a moment was filled with rage that he would dare say that to me. But it quickly cooled and I and realized the truth of his statement, what would have occurred if Malak hadn't attacked the ship. If I had told Bastila that I would willing go back to the Jedi with her. I had no idea but it would have probably been highly amusing to have watched her face. I realized that Revan had let herself be defeated that she had seen no easy way to get to where she wanted to be. She had decided on the obvious answer the one everyone expected of her, that she would go down fighting. Maybe it was a cowardly answer; to have tried to fight her way back from where she was would have been a task of monumental proportions. If anything the way things had turned out, though completely unexpected had given Bastila and I our best chance of coming to terms with the bond between us.
If there was anything I had learned as Cait it was that to internally admit defeat was to ensure defeat. Was I willing to give up Bastila again? to declare defeat without attempting to find a victory?
Suddenly I realized that my answer was a resounding NO! I looked up at Jolee and suddenly everything suddenly snapped into place to meld behind one goal lone goal. No matter how internally conflicted I was there was one thing that I was utterly certain of.
There were still things I needed to deal with but Jolee was right, it didn't really matter if this was the will of the Force to me, if we were just puppets being manipulated by destiny, it didn't really matter what choices I had made in the past. Here and now I was putting myself 110% behind doing what I needed to do to find Bastila. What would happen then I didn't know but I would have to take that bridge when I came to it, it was impossible to take before.
I stood and declared my determination, my gauntlet at Malak's feet and my promise to Bastila "I will NOT fail her, not this time!" my voice was resounding and utterly certain.
Everyone had come running in the room and was staring at me with wide eyes wondering what was going on. Jolee said "Well it's not any secret that your going to challenge Malak for Bastila now. I think anyone who is Force sensitive at all heard something! Haven't you ever heard of being quiet about your plans?"
I was puzzled and asked whatever did he mean? Jolee rolled his eyes and Juhani started laughing and said "You shouted that with the Force as well as your voice, it was deafening. They might have even heard that all the way to the Council on Coruscant."
I blushed and then blushed more brightly as everyone started chuckling. "Uh... opps?" I said.
Malak had efficiently punched Bastila after disarming her and she awoke with her head splitting only to find herself in a torture cell. Her wounds had been healed only the pain of a mild concussion remained. Doubtless Malak had not wanted to risk his new prize. She felt a flutter of fear knowing that only endless days of torment awaited her and the attempts to turn her to the dark side. She instinctively felt for the bond with Cait and was relieved to find it intact. She opened herself to it and could feel Cait's swirling, conflicting emotions. Anger, guilt, fear Bastila was overwhelmed for a moment and suddenly worried that Cait might be unable to deal with the revelations forced upon her, and Bastila's capture all at once. Revan's memories were awake and Cait was so very vulnerable at this time to the dark side. Would she have the strength to resist? If only the Council had allowed her to prepare Cait... but they were never supposed to have encountered Malak. This was not how it was supposed to have gone.
She remembered her fear when she came around the corner to see Cait helpless in paralysis with Malak towering over her ready to strike. She had thrown her lightsaber to distract him and had felt Cait struggling to break the paralysis, and had been willing to lay down her life to save Cait's. But things had not turned out that way she had forgotten that Malak would not kill her if he could possibly turn her to the dark side.
Sudden feelings of anger came through the bond and she could feel Cait raging about something. Then there was a wave of dark power that surged along the bond and Bastila felt despondent. Had it all been for nothing? was Revan back and ready to take back her mantle as Sith Lord. Despairing she slumped and unthinkingly sought reassurance from Cait. She almost cried when she realized what she was doing but suddenly there was a sense of utter determination along the bond. A sense of raw power neither light nor dark followed it.
Then ringing through the bond and through the Force itself came an oath "I will NOT fail you, not this time!" She straightened confused, and then felt the Malak's ship exit hyperspace and suddenly the bond was silence by strong waves of dark side power. Bastila felt suddenly alone, she hadn't realized how much she had come to depend on the comfort of knowing that Cait cared and loved her until it was suddenly gone. Bastila was confused, that had been Cait calling her but had she fallen? The call had been made through the Force and Bastila realized how powerful that call had been. Anyone with Force training would know that some message had been sent by a powerful Force adept to another. The most disturbing thing about the call was that it had been from Cait but it had not felt exactly like Cait. Bastila stilled her self and recalled it, the sense of the person behind the call was distinctly Cait, but also reminded her strongly of what she remembered of Revan. Who would she see she wondered when her rescuer came, would she see Catherine or would she see Revan?
Malak entered and she fought to maintain her peace and not shrink away from the wrath and hatred he was feeling toward her. "So Revan has challenged me for you. I will turn you to the power of the dark side Bastila and then I shall have my final revenge on Revan! But first I want to show you to your new quarters." With that she was tortured to unconsciousness and transported down to a temple on the planet below.