Disclaimer: I own Malek's accent, and all of the jokes so far except the poor Kain under Moe one. Long live whoever the
hell Amy Hennig is!
ORPHEUMZERO: Yes I will. Review again or face pain.
Dark-Sephy: Nice to see new blood. I think we all know what he's going to do.
Concept of a DEMON: Human Ariel, when she still had 'the' ass!
Trysten: No prob, and agreed!
Hope to see more! Please r&r!
If you have any problems with my story or just don't like me, you know where to go. No, that was not a threat. Oh, and on a
huge note, Meechan Studios has joined forces with another. We are now... (dramatically) Derasp-Meechan Studios.
[insert applause here]
Now if you don't mind, we present...
A Derasp-Meechan Studios presentation...
Legacy of Kain: Not as Defiant as I hoped...
Chapter 1: Caught between Heaven and Hell. I can't remember the name of my damn planet
Raziel's cry of terror shook the entire Stronghold. Birds took off in fright, and the ice outside shattered. The old Time
Streamer approached him slowly, the same grin spread out on his wrinkled, ass ugly features. Raziel looked left and right,
hoping beyond hope to find an escape. He found nothing.
"Oh don't worry, I'm not as fast as I was in my younger years." The evil, evil Moebius said. Raziel felt his entire stomach
turn. Funny, as he no longer had one. In an act of desperation he struggled with all his notable might.
"I'd rather be gang raped by my brothers than be caught here by you! I will see you in hell!" He exclaimed, before shifting
into the spectral realm. The shackles that held him were incapable of preventing him from escaping in this realm, as
Melchiah's gift allowed him to easily phase through. He did so.
Now unbound, the Soul Reaver made a decision. He was getting where his blue ass once was out of that unholy place, and
into safe grounds. He ran to the door, pausing only momentarily to phase through it. He felt every iron bar pass through him
as if it wasn't there, and entered the main chamber, with an open roof. He stalked over to the center of the room and stood
over the conduit to the physical realm. He steadied himself, and activated the Shift Glyph. To but it simply... shit happened.
"You have got to be shitting me!" the blue man (well he was a man, does the phrase I got my balls burned off in the abyss
come to play here?) cried out in despair. He tried again and again, to no effect. Realizing his terrible fate, he slumped down
to his knees. He knew what had happened, and who had seen it done.
A detached voice spoke to him. "You see the fate of those who defy me?" it asked. Raziel's anger rose to the point of
shattering his composure, his hatred for the God to whom the Sarafan served overwhelming him... until his despair
overwhelmed that, and he let his head hang limp.
"You cannot merely sit there for all eternity, can you? Oh, how boring life shall become for me if-"
"Shut the hell up you goddamn squid!" Raziel snapped, then leapt up to his feet. "Isn't Moebius expecting you by six? I
really wouldn't waste my time were I in your stead!"
The Elder God was amused. "And what would you do?" he taunted.
"I would burn myself to an ash and hope he didn't rape my corpse! Damn do I hate that bald old geezer! Faithful servant
my ass, he's your bitch!" Raziel exploded.
"I find two things wrong with what you said." Raziel quirked a destroyed eyebrow, and listened. "First, it would be
impossible for Moebius to be my bitch, and you have no ass." It (most likely a he) finished.
"Then kiss where it used to be!" Raz retorted.
"I have a better idea; why don't you jump into the abyss in a desperate attempt to find you balls, you transsexual freak!"
Raziel vibrated with anger after that offense. "Who the hell are you calling a transsexual freak?! At least I wasn't born of
the neutral gender you suction cup covered asswipe!!" He screamed. A silence hung between the two for an instant. Then
another. Then Raz was forced back into the physical realm. This, may I add, confused him.
"At least I'm not a sore loser." the ancient squid like God's voice muttered. Raz would have grinned, if he could have.
"I can't say the same about me and winning. Some things Kain passed on!! I won and you lost, I'm gonna go kill Hylden!"
Raziel mocked in a singsong voice, skipping around and just plain enjoying life. The Elder was too surprised to make a
comeback, even though he was supposedly all powerful.
Raz happily continued his dance out the door, and into the long, cold winter night ahead.
***
Three men stared deep into each others faces, pausing momentarily from their vicious battled. The three war scarred men
of power, Kain, Vorador and Malek, prepared themselves for what was to come... with each breath they drew in they feared
it to their last, and exhaled it in a white mist. The air of competition hung... and they awaited the latest move...
Kain slammed his hand down onto the circular table and presented his victory. "Read them and weep, suckers!" he
exclaimed.
"All four aces?! What the hell?!" Malek demanded, his jaw hung as low as Vorador's. The poker match was going in
Kain's favor, and quickly. All three rounds went to him so far, and Vorador was wearing no more than red and white
boxers. Malek could feel himself sweat under his armor, and prayed to anyone, including Kain himself, that Vorardor's
boxers weren't going anywhere.
Kain turned and faced Malek. "Lose the helmet, tin man." he ordered. The light brown skinned man didn't bother to
protest, too relieved to care. At least that wanker ain't showing his stuff off, he thought himself as he placed his helmet on
the table. Kain grabbed it by the braided plume of vampire hair and threw it on the pile of won clothing behind him.
Vorador's eyes shifted between Malek and Kain, ever suspicious that they could be cheating. He hadn't noticed the breeze
that plagued his domain before... well except for that one time he got drunk and ran around bare ass, then pranked the shit
out of the Sarafan Stronghold the previous new years. Mortanius still had panic attacks. One thing stood above all else in
the ancient vampire lord's mind. What the hell was Kain going to do with all his clothing?
Kain mentally cackled, and grinned inwardly. A couple more rounds like this and he was going to have two new Halloween
costumes. A voice shook the corridors of the ancient mansion, derailing Kain's train of thought.
***
"Hello? Anyone home? Vorador? KAIN?!" Raziel screamed as he marched down the halls. He opened the door to his
immediate left, and saw the most evil scene he could ever imagine. Malek, his father and Vorador were sitting around a
circular table, Kain having to turn around to see him. For one reason Raz couldn't even imagine, Vorador was wearing the
most disturbing pair of boxers since Dumah painted his crotch and said that he was wearing boxers. Unfortunately for all of
Nosgoth, crayola markers fade. Fast.
Wordlessly, the blue avenger stepped back and closed the door. He was going to need therapy, and soon. That was about as
bad as the time Kain and Ariel were having phone sex in the same room. No, Raziel decided, that was much worse than
what he had just seen.
***
The Death Guardian rolled across the floor, before curling up into a ball and whimpering. Moebius could do no more than
shake his head in disgust, and one of the three surviving Sarafan looked over his shoulder to get a view of the disturbing
scene.
"Lord Moebius?" the warrior-priest timidly asked.
"He's having another panic attack. Seeing Vorador's bare green ass knocked a few screws loose in his head."
"Oh..."
***
The two vampire, the Soul Reaver and the newly fired Paladin sat in the living room. After explaining the situation to Raz,
they decided to knock back a few and relax, before continuing the secret plan, approved in seven cities of Nosgoth, to
assassinate all remaining Hylden. Somehow (I wonder how?) the Hylden caught wind of this super secret, publically
approved plan. Raz was mildly miffed. He couldn't drink if he tried.
"Sure you don't want one?" Malek tried. Raziel slowly turned his head towards Malek and glared at him menacingly. After
a few seconds of that, he made his decision verbal.
"I'll pass."
"Suit yourself." The bottle was popped open, and a good deal of it's contents downed by the one human in the area. After
porn, beer, taking leeks and porn, the guys got cabin fever.
Kain broke the seven hour straight silence with a statement. "I wanna kill something."
"Me too." Malek threw in.
"It's better than seeing the human me bang Ariel." Raz said.
"I'll hold down the fort. You guys go have fun." Said Vorador.
***
The Sarafan Stronghold appeared quite desolate in the moonlight, with only five inhabitants. Well, five welcome
inhabitants. Raziel stalked the corridors, looking for any unlucky bastard to cross his path. One did so. One of the
remaining three Sarafan priests attempted to sneak out and have a smoke break. Unfortunately for him, and to our blue
hero's delight, he made a bad turn.
"Hello."
The was surprised to see him, to say the least. Well, type the least. Aren't I a lazy sob? "Yeah... hi..." He slowly reached
down for his sword, hoping to catch Raz off guard.
Raz had other plans.
"OMFG! Ariel's stripping!"
The poor man actually fell for it. He swung around to see the spectacle, and felt an odd pain in his chest. He looked down
and saw three claws piercing him. "That, I somehow find, doesn't look good."
"Well, were you expecting me to hand you a condom?"
"Well actually- I mean, no."
"Shouldn't you be dead by now?"
"Will Graham took worse in Red Dragon."
"The book, or the movie? The Author's been through both."
"He's only fifteen! Sick little monkey!
"
Growing tired of the conversation, Raz took his hand out and snapped the man's head around 180 degrees. The head now
faced him.
"I see you!." It exclaimed.
Raz did not react well. "AAAAIIEEEEEEE!!"
In the distance sirens went off, and Moebius told everybody to shut the hell up.
***
Malek, stripped of armor, prowled behind the Celebrity Inn. Bastards didn't think he was famous enough, just a dumb
figurehead to enter. He was going to enjoy this.
And that's the bottom line, cuz I'm the goddamn Author.
He leaned his back against the wall, and peeked around the corner. He saw shit. Literally. The cheap owner only gave them
an outhouse. Well, that was pretty good for the times. He was starting to have regrets about sneaking in the basement. And
then it hit him. He could teleport. Then something else hit him. The smell.
"Dear, sweet Kain does that ever smell like Moebius' room! I'm outta here!"
Purple light bathed the dark room, and left no trace of the man with the Iron Pike. Yes, that was a weak Bond pun.
And he returned in another flash of purple, inside Brittany Spears II bedroom. His jaw dropped and his eyes sparkled. There
was no doubt in his mind, he was in heaven. His next thought was insidious. Panty raid. He dashed over to the nearest
closet and threw it open. A thousand bra's and thongs flew down to greet him in slow motion. The door opened and the
owner of said articles of clothing walked in.
She saw hi there, his head and shoulders still covered with her undergarments.
"I didn't do it." He said flatly.
"Security!!"
"Oh shit!"
A dozen three and a half foot tall men ran into the room, wearing similar merchandise. She hired avid fan-midgets as
bodyguards. He said the only thing that came to mind.
"What the f**k?"
"Sick 'em!" She yelled.
All twelve leapt at him, and he cut three out of mid air with a mighty slash. The other nine tackled him to the ground and
clung onto his arms and legs.
"You'll never take me alive!" he cried.
As one, they began to tickle him in all his sensitive areas. He struggled and shouted, and begged for mercy, and still they
tortured him. His laughing face became serious for a moment and he disappeared in a purple flash.
They swung around immediately and the three on the far left fell in a different direction then their bodies. The last three
ran at him, head down. He cut two of them down, but one of them reached him. Without slowing might I add. Malek
staggered back, and dropped onto his knees, caressing his nearly popped crotch.
"You monster!" He spat in an unusually high voice. The little bastard made a second run at him, and Malek brought his
Pike up in defense. The poor cretin impaled himself on the spear, and was flicked off it towards Brittany. They connected,
and went though the window together, and landed in a garbage bin, causing it to slam shut. Then, for no reason at all, it
exploded in a bloody mess.
"Thanks." Malek muttered.
Not a problem, I assure you.
***
Kain charged screaming into the Hylden city, Soul Reaver drawn. The Hylden didn't see it coming, and fell by the digit.
Two of them, one with a monocle, sat in comfortable chairs sipping tea, and watching the massacre.
"I must say, that vampire is in quite a rush."
"Indubitably!"
"What say you that we fight?" he turned to his friend, and saw him cleaved in two, with Kain standing over him.
"Vae Victus!"
"You know, it's pronounced Vigh Victus."
"Vigh Victus this!" He said, before lopping off the Hylden's head. He proceeded to charge towards the front gate, and tore
the massive door off it's hinges. A dozen warriors, with massive bone claws awaited him on the other side, standing side by
side. As one, they charged.
Kain fell to the defensive, and used his unsurpassed telekinesis to throw the first one into a torch on the wall, its sharp
protruding stand caught the warrior through a sensitive spot. His last words were 'My testies!'
The second one was sent into the third, who went over the edge of the small walkway. Kain brandished the Reaver before
him, and waited for them. In a heartbeat the fourth reached him and was swatted away. The fifth and sixth fell to similar
fates, save the sixth managed to stay on solid ground, certain parts of his body that should never leave his body laying nest
to him. Think the starting of Saving Private Ryan.
The next one came leaping, and Kain caught him in midair, then slashed away the one following him. He shattered the spin
then discarded the dead body before turning to face the last three, standing shoulder to shoulder. He took advantage of their
stances and punched air, sending a telekinetic bursts into the middle one. He crouched and dove forward, cleaving the one
on the left in half with a great arc, then deflected a blow from the last.
He reached out and caught him by the neck. With great ease he lifted him off his feet, and greeted his neck with unhuman
fangs. The Hylden's eyes went wide and, slowly, his body became limp. Now finished feeding, Kain discarded the corpse
over the edge and cracked his neck.
"They taste like Zephon's whiskey. Moutain Dew with liquor."
***
Kain sat down in Vorador's couch and clicked on the news. It seemed that the remaining three Sarafan died, Mortanius had
a heart attack, Brittany Spears, Marilyn Manson, Steven Seagull and Nicholas Cage were murdered in their suites. Then, in
an act of racism, someone nearly eradicated the poor Hylden minority.
"All in all I say it was a good day."
'Agreed." A deep voice rumbled from behind him.
"Vorador. Since you're up could you get me a beer?"
"They're balanced on your crotch."
"Then remind me to go buy a new case." Malek said while entering the room, his white undershirt now a red undershirt
with an orange stain.
"I don't mind, drinking is physically impossible for me." The blue avenger said. At least I assume he says it, he doesn't
have the necessary organs to speak.
Vorador made his way in front of the television. "So your all home. Good, I have an important mission for you."
Raziel was the only one who was interested. "Oh?"
The master of Termagant Forest nodded. "That demonic bastard Hash'ak'gik stole all my harem!"
Kain and Malek's response were the same and immediate.
"NOOO!!!"
Raziel's eyes rolled. Well, he thinks they did. In actuality they were the size of raisins at th very bottom of the abyss. "Here
we go again."
TO BE CONTINUED!
All right, one more down. Please read, review and for God's sake criticize!
hell Amy Hennig is!
ORPHEUMZERO: Yes I will. Review again or face pain.
Dark-Sephy: Nice to see new blood. I think we all know what he's going to do.
Concept of a DEMON: Human Ariel, when she still had 'the' ass!
Trysten: No prob, and agreed!
Hope to see more! Please r&r!
If you have any problems with my story or just don't like me, you know where to go. No, that was not a threat. Oh, and on a
huge note, Meechan Studios has joined forces with another. We are now... (dramatically) Derasp-Meechan Studios.
[insert applause here]
Now if you don't mind, we present...
A Derasp-Meechan Studios presentation...
Legacy of Kain: Not as Defiant as I hoped...
Chapter 1: Caught between Heaven and Hell. I can't remember the name of my damn planet
Raziel's cry of terror shook the entire Stronghold. Birds took off in fright, and the ice outside shattered. The old Time
Streamer approached him slowly, the same grin spread out on his wrinkled, ass ugly features. Raziel looked left and right,
hoping beyond hope to find an escape. He found nothing.
"Oh don't worry, I'm not as fast as I was in my younger years." The evil, evil Moebius said. Raziel felt his entire stomach
turn. Funny, as he no longer had one. In an act of desperation he struggled with all his notable might.
"I'd rather be gang raped by my brothers than be caught here by you! I will see you in hell!" He exclaimed, before shifting
into the spectral realm. The shackles that held him were incapable of preventing him from escaping in this realm, as
Melchiah's gift allowed him to easily phase through. He did so.
Now unbound, the Soul Reaver made a decision. He was getting where his blue ass once was out of that unholy place, and
into safe grounds. He ran to the door, pausing only momentarily to phase through it. He felt every iron bar pass through him
as if it wasn't there, and entered the main chamber, with an open roof. He stalked over to the center of the room and stood
over the conduit to the physical realm. He steadied himself, and activated the Shift Glyph. To but it simply... shit happened.
"You have got to be shitting me!" the blue man (well he was a man, does the phrase I got my balls burned off in the abyss
come to play here?) cried out in despair. He tried again and again, to no effect. Realizing his terrible fate, he slumped down
to his knees. He knew what had happened, and who had seen it done.
A detached voice spoke to him. "You see the fate of those who defy me?" it asked. Raziel's anger rose to the point of
shattering his composure, his hatred for the God to whom the Sarafan served overwhelming him... until his despair
overwhelmed that, and he let his head hang limp.
"You cannot merely sit there for all eternity, can you? Oh, how boring life shall become for me if-"
"Shut the hell up you goddamn squid!" Raziel snapped, then leapt up to his feet. "Isn't Moebius expecting you by six? I
really wouldn't waste my time were I in your stead!"
The Elder God was amused. "And what would you do?" he taunted.
"I would burn myself to an ash and hope he didn't rape my corpse! Damn do I hate that bald old geezer! Faithful servant
my ass, he's your bitch!" Raziel exploded.
"I find two things wrong with what you said." Raziel quirked a destroyed eyebrow, and listened. "First, it would be
impossible for Moebius to be my bitch, and you have no ass." It (most likely a he) finished.
"Then kiss where it used to be!" Raz retorted.
"I have a better idea; why don't you jump into the abyss in a desperate attempt to find you balls, you transsexual freak!"
Raziel vibrated with anger after that offense. "Who the hell are you calling a transsexual freak?! At least I wasn't born of
the neutral gender you suction cup covered asswipe!!" He screamed. A silence hung between the two for an instant. Then
another. Then Raz was forced back into the physical realm. This, may I add, confused him.
"At least I'm not a sore loser." the ancient squid like God's voice muttered. Raz would have grinned, if he could have.
"I can't say the same about me and winning. Some things Kain passed on!! I won and you lost, I'm gonna go kill Hylden!"
Raziel mocked in a singsong voice, skipping around and just plain enjoying life. The Elder was too surprised to make a
comeback, even though he was supposedly all powerful.
Raz happily continued his dance out the door, and into the long, cold winter night ahead.
***
Three men stared deep into each others faces, pausing momentarily from their vicious battled. The three war scarred men
of power, Kain, Vorador and Malek, prepared themselves for what was to come... with each breath they drew in they feared
it to their last, and exhaled it in a white mist. The air of competition hung... and they awaited the latest move...
Kain slammed his hand down onto the circular table and presented his victory. "Read them and weep, suckers!" he
exclaimed.
"All four aces?! What the hell?!" Malek demanded, his jaw hung as low as Vorador's. The poker match was going in
Kain's favor, and quickly. All three rounds went to him so far, and Vorador was wearing no more than red and white
boxers. Malek could feel himself sweat under his armor, and prayed to anyone, including Kain himself, that Vorardor's
boxers weren't going anywhere.
Kain turned and faced Malek. "Lose the helmet, tin man." he ordered. The light brown skinned man didn't bother to
protest, too relieved to care. At least that wanker ain't showing his stuff off, he thought himself as he placed his helmet on
the table. Kain grabbed it by the braided plume of vampire hair and threw it on the pile of won clothing behind him.
Vorador's eyes shifted between Malek and Kain, ever suspicious that they could be cheating. He hadn't noticed the breeze
that plagued his domain before... well except for that one time he got drunk and ran around bare ass, then pranked the shit
out of the Sarafan Stronghold the previous new years. Mortanius still had panic attacks. One thing stood above all else in
the ancient vampire lord's mind. What the hell was Kain going to do with all his clothing?
Kain mentally cackled, and grinned inwardly. A couple more rounds like this and he was going to have two new Halloween
costumes. A voice shook the corridors of the ancient mansion, derailing Kain's train of thought.
***
"Hello? Anyone home? Vorador? KAIN?!" Raziel screamed as he marched down the halls. He opened the door to his
immediate left, and saw the most evil scene he could ever imagine. Malek, his father and Vorador were sitting around a
circular table, Kain having to turn around to see him. For one reason Raz couldn't even imagine, Vorador was wearing the
most disturbing pair of boxers since Dumah painted his crotch and said that he was wearing boxers. Unfortunately for all of
Nosgoth, crayola markers fade. Fast.
Wordlessly, the blue avenger stepped back and closed the door. He was going to need therapy, and soon. That was about as
bad as the time Kain and Ariel were having phone sex in the same room. No, Raziel decided, that was much worse than
what he had just seen.
***
The Death Guardian rolled across the floor, before curling up into a ball and whimpering. Moebius could do no more than
shake his head in disgust, and one of the three surviving Sarafan looked over his shoulder to get a view of the disturbing
scene.
"Lord Moebius?" the warrior-priest timidly asked.
"He's having another panic attack. Seeing Vorador's bare green ass knocked a few screws loose in his head."
"Oh..."
***
The two vampire, the Soul Reaver and the newly fired Paladin sat in the living room. After explaining the situation to Raz,
they decided to knock back a few and relax, before continuing the secret plan, approved in seven cities of Nosgoth, to
assassinate all remaining Hylden. Somehow (I wonder how?) the Hylden caught wind of this super secret, publically
approved plan. Raz was mildly miffed. He couldn't drink if he tried.
"Sure you don't want one?" Malek tried. Raziel slowly turned his head towards Malek and glared at him menacingly. After
a few seconds of that, he made his decision verbal.
"I'll pass."
"Suit yourself." The bottle was popped open, and a good deal of it's contents downed by the one human in the area. After
porn, beer, taking leeks and porn, the guys got cabin fever.
Kain broke the seven hour straight silence with a statement. "I wanna kill something."
"Me too." Malek threw in.
"It's better than seeing the human me bang Ariel." Raz said.
"I'll hold down the fort. You guys go have fun." Said Vorador.
***
The Sarafan Stronghold appeared quite desolate in the moonlight, with only five inhabitants. Well, five welcome
inhabitants. Raziel stalked the corridors, looking for any unlucky bastard to cross his path. One did so. One of the
remaining three Sarafan priests attempted to sneak out and have a smoke break. Unfortunately for him, and to our blue
hero's delight, he made a bad turn.
"Hello."
The was surprised to see him, to say the least. Well, type the least. Aren't I a lazy sob? "Yeah... hi..." He slowly reached
down for his sword, hoping to catch Raz off guard.
Raz had other plans.
"OMFG! Ariel's stripping!"
The poor man actually fell for it. He swung around to see the spectacle, and felt an odd pain in his chest. He looked down
and saw three claws piercing him. "That, I somehow find, doesn't look good."
"Well, were you expecting me to hand you a condom?"
"Well actually- I mean, no."
"Shouldn't you be dead by now?"
"Will Graham took worse in Red Dragon."
"The book, or the movie? The Author's been through both."
"He's only fifteen! Sick little monkey!
"
Growing tired of the conversation, Raz took his hand out and snapped the man's head around 180 degrees. The head now
faced him.
"I see you!." It exclaimed.
Raz did not react well. "AAAAIIEEEEEEE!!"
In the distance sirens went off, and Moebius told everybody to shut the hell up.
***
Malek, stripped of armor, prowled behind the Celebrity Inn. Bastards didn't think he was famous enough, just a dumb
figurehead to enter. He was going to enjoy this.
And that's the bottom line, cuz I'm the goddamn Author.
He leaned his back against the wall, and peeked around the corner. He saw shit. Literally. The cheap owner only gave them
an outhouse. Well, that was pretty good for the times. He was starting to have regrets about sneaking in the basement. And
then it hit him. He could teleport. Then something else hit him. The smell.
"Dear, sweet Kain does that ever smell like Moebius' room! I'm outta here!"
Purple light bathed the dark room, and left no trace of the man with the Iron Pike. Yes, that was a weak Bond pun.
And he returned in another flash of purple, inside Brittany Spears II bedroom. His jaw dropped and his eyes sparkled. There
was no doubt in his mind, he was in heaven. His next thought was insidious. Panty raid. He dashed over to the nearest
closet and threw it open. A thousand bra's and thongs flew down to greet him in slow motion. The door opened and the
owner of said articles of clothing walked in.
She saw hi there, his head and shoulders still covered with her undergarments.
"I didn't do it." He said flatly.
"Security!!"
"Oh shit!"
A dozen three and a half foot tall men ran into the room, wearing similar merchandise. She hired avid fan-midgets as
bodyguards. He said the only thing that came to mind.
"What the f**k?"
"Sick 'em!" She yelled.
All twelve leapt at him, and he cut three out of mid air with a mighty slash. The other nine tackled him to the ground and
clung onto his arms and legs.
"You'll never take me alive!" he cried.
As one, they began to tickle him in all his sensitive areas. He struggled and shouted, and begged for mercy, and still they
tortured him. His laughing face became serious for a moment and he disappeared in a purple flash.
They swung around immediately and the three on the far left fell in a different direction then their bodies. The last three
ran at him, head down. He cut two of them down, but one of them reached him. Without slowing might I add. Malek
staggered back, and dropped onto his knees, caressing his nearly popped crotch.
"You monster!" He spat in an unusually high voice. The little bastard made a second run at him, and Malek brought his
Pike up in defense. The poor cretin impaled himself on the spear, and was flicked off it towards Brittany. They connected,
and went though the window together, and landed in a garbage bin, causing it to slam shut. Then, for no reason at all, it
exploded in a bloody mess.
"Thanks." Malek muttered.
Not a problem, I assure you.
***
Kain charged screaming into the Hylden city, Soul Reaver drawn. The Hylden didn't see it coming, and fell by the digit.
Two of them, one with a monocle, sat in comfortable chairs sipping tea, and watching the massacre.
"I must say, that vampire is in quite a rush."
"Indubitably!"
"What say you that we fight?" he turned to his friend, and saw him cleaved in two, with Kain standing over him.
"Vae Victus!"
"You know, it's pronounced Vigh Victus."
"Vigh Victus this!" He said, before lopping off the Hylden's head. He proceeded to charge towards the front gate, and tore
the massive door off it's hinges. A dozen warriors, with massive bone claws awaited him on the other side, standing side by
side. As one, they charged.
Kain fell to the defensive, and used his unsurpassed telekinesis to throw the first one into a torch on the wall, its sharp
protruding stand caught the warrior through a sensitive spot. His last words were 'My testies!'
The second one was sent into the third, who went over the edge of the small walkway. Kain brandished the Reaver before
him, and waited for them. In a heartbeat the fourth reached him and was swatted away. The fifth and sixth fell to similar
fates, save the sixth managed to stay on solid ground, certain parts of his body that should never leave his body laying nest
to him. Think the starting of Saving Private Ryan.
The next one came leaping, and Kain caught him in midair, then slashed away the one following him. He shattered the spin
then discarded the dead body before turning to face the last three, standing shoulder to shoulder. He took advantage of their
stances and punched air, sending a telekinetic bursts into the middle one. He crouched and dove forward, cleaving the one
on the left in half with a great arc, then deflected a blow from the last.
He reached out and caught him by the neck. With great ease he lifted him off his feet, and greeted his neck with unhuman
fangs. The Hylden's eyes went wide and, slowly, his body became limp. Now finished feeding, Kain discarded the corpse
over the edge and cracked his neck.
"They taste like Zephon's whiskey. Moutain Dew with liquor."
***
Kain sat down in Vorador's couch and clicked on the news. It seemed that the remaining three Sarafan died, Mortanius had
a heart attack, Brittany Spears, Marilyn Manson, Steven Seagull and Nicholas Cage were murdered in their suites. Then, in
an act of racism, someone nearly eradicated the poor Hylden minority.
"All in all I say it was a good day."
'Agreed." A deep voice rumbled from behind him.
"Vorador. Since you're up could you get me a beer?"
"They're balanced on your crotch."
"Then remind me to go buy a new case." Malek said while entering the room, his white undershirt now a red undershirt
with an orange stain.
"I don't mind, drinking is physically impossible for me." The blue avenger said. At least I assume he says it, he doesn't
have the necessary organs to speak.
Vorador made his way in front of the television. "So your all home. Good, I have an important mission for you."
Raziel was the only one who was interested. "Oh?"
The master of Termagant Forest nodded. "That demonic bastard Hash'ak'gik stole all my harem!"
Kain and Malek's response were the same and immediate.
"NOOO!!!"
Raziel's eyes rolled. Well, he thinks they did. In actuality they were the size of raisins at th very bottom of the abyss. "Here
we go again."
TO BE CONTINUED!
All right, one more down. Please read, review and for God's sake criticize!