Author's note: Chapter revised to conform to no NC-17 rule.

Warning recap: Bad language, male / male romance

Crash and Burn

Chapter 17 – In Love and War

Drake frowned at the paperwork in his hands one last time before he dropped it back into his 'In' tray and headed for the door. Through the glass panelling he could see that Rose wasn't in his office and he swore before a movement on the stairs behind him caught his eye, and he turned to see the man in question about to go up to the fifth floor.

"Commissioner Rose!" he called out, hurrying after the blond, determined not to let him get away. The other man seemed to be avoiding his colleagues on the fourth floor like the plague lately, including the email Drake had sent him saying he specifically wanted to speak to him.

"What is it, Drake?" Rose snapped, not bothering to pause, indicating that he didn't plan on stopping to talk. "I'm very busy right now."

Drake forced his face into a smile although internally he felt like knocking Rose's glasses off and shoving them up his… "No problem, Sir, I was just wondering if I could have a copy of Dee's statement."

For a split second Rose looked flustered, before he buried the look behind an expression that seemed to say he found this whole conversation extremely tedious. The younger man saw it and frowned. "You did go to see him right?" he asked, not appreciating the way the commissioner was looking at him.

"Yes," Rose replied, but neglected to elaborate.

Drake fixed him with a hard stare, sensing his senior was being evasive. "The DA's office is collecting evidence for the prosecution. Naturally Dee's statement is vital. They've been on the phone several times. I did email you about it Sir," he said accusingly. Rose took a deep breath sensing he wasn't going to wriggle his way out of this.

"I didn't take his statement," he said finally, pushing his glasses up his nose and matching Drake's stare with a defiant one of his own. "Ryo was right; he wasn't ready to give his statement. I spoke to him for a bit and then left. Someone else will have to do it."

Before Drake could formulate a response, Rose had disappeared up the stairs, not waiting to see if the other man needed him for anything else. Drake stared at the spot Rose had just vacated before he shook his head and muttered 'weird' under his breath. He turned around to see Ryo just disappearing into their office, obviously having just arrived from dropping Dee off at the hospital. Drake shot after him, catching his arm before he could close the door. The blond offered him a nervous smile, his dark eyes flicking around the room, clearly looking for the commissioner. "Hey Drake, Rose didn't realise I wasn't in, did he?"

The other man shook his head, watching as Ryo's tired features flooded with relief. "Thank God," he replied, flopping into his chair and rubbing his eyes for a moment. When he ceased the action he automatically looked across to the desk where Dee normally sat, noting that someone had tidied it and emptied his 'In' tray. Clearly they knew his lover wouldn't be back in work any time soon. Finally he turned to Drake, seeing the other man's frown and wondering whether it was possible for anything else to go wrong. "What's up?" he said eventually, knowing it was likely to be something he needed to know about.

Drake sank into one of the spare seats across from Ryo before he turned to check the door was shut. "I dunno. I just had a weird conversation with Rose."

"Weird how?"

"Weird in that when I asked him for Dee's statement he said he never took one."

Ryo frowned and sat forward in his chair. "But he did go to see him right?"

"Apparently," Drake replied, "Did Dee not say anything to you when you went to see him? I thought you went there that day?"

Ryo thought back to the day he had rushed to the hospital after Drake had warned him Rose was there. He realised Dee had never mentioned anything and he had never asked but then he had been pretty distracted… "I forgot to ask him," Ryo said somewhat sheepishly, "I uh… I had other things on my mind by then."

Drake raised an eyebrow at the blush that had swept across Ryo's fair cheeks. "Oh yeah?" he said interestedly. "You didn't, did you? I mean, not in hospital, anyone could have walked in!"

Ryo frowned before the penny dropped and he realised what Drake thought he had meant by his last comment. "Not that!" he spluttered, his dark eyes wide from the misunderstanding. "Oh Jeez…"

Sensing Ryo wasn't going to elaborate on what he'd really meant, Drake turned his thoughts back to the situation with Rose. "Don't you think it's strange that he went to supposedly take a statement but came back without one? He said he hadn't taken it because Dee wasn't ready but it's not like him to be so sensitive; hell, if he was, he wouldn't have gone in the first place like you told him not to."

Ryo nodded grimly, now worried as to why Dee had never said anything. Drake seemed to sense the blond's thoughts were with the man he loved so much, and he changed the subject. "So how is he?" he asked, thinking for not the first time that Ryo looked in need of a vacation.

"Dee?" Ryo said, startled from his daydream, "He's… variable. You know Dee; he doesn't talk much about how he really feels." He stopped as he flicked a cake crumb off his desk. "He gets really angry about the slightest thing. I just can't seem to stop putting my foot in it."

"Like what?" Drake asked, not sure he understood.

Ryo sighed. "He got upset because I cooked something we'd never had before. He knew it was because of his diabetes and freaked out. He just keeps saying he doesn't want things to be different."

Drake nodded. "That makes sense. I told you, my cousin was exactly the same for a long time. She thought every time that someone did something they hadn't done before it was because they had an ulterior, diabetes-related motive."

"But things are different," Ryo said, understanding what Drake meant but worrying just the same. "I know Dee and his tendency to sweep things he doesn't want to deal with under the carpet. He needs to look after himself, not pretend that nothing's changed."

"And I'm sure he will," Drake said reassuringly. "Just give him time to adjust."

Ryo nodded, suddenly feeling guilty that he was expecting so much so soon from his over-burdened lover. "Thanks for talking, Drake," he said sincerely. "It's hard to know what to do. Normally I'd talk to Dee about things like this."

"No problem," Drake replied. "There'll be lots of support available to Dee but you need to be able to talk about things too. I'll be here for you if you need me." He offered Ryo a reassuring smile, and then seeing that the other man was in danger of becoming emotional, threw a small stack of files across the desk. "Here," he said, the smile morphing into a grin. "I was gonna do these but seeing as you're here now…"

"Yeah, yeah," Ryo chuckled, the glassiness of his eyes fading slightly as Drake cajoled him towards a better mood. "Next thing you're going to tell me is you've saved all your filing too." The other man laughed as he shook his head.

"No seriously, it's only chasing up phone calls and stuff. The DA's office want to get their case together pretty quickly." Drake rolled his eyes. "You know what it's like when they've got something that's making the headlines."

Ryo nodded as he picked up the phone to start straight away. Before he began to dial the first number he looked up at Drake who was just about to start on his own mountain of paperwork. "D'you think I should say something to Dee, about his statement I mean?" Drake pondered this for a moment. "Yeah, I think you should. It might get him talking about why Rose went to see him the other day. You can also find out if he's got any preferences as to who will take his statement, although I have a feeling the DA's office will insist on doing it themselves since it hasn't been done already and now the case is officially in their hands."

The morning passed quickly and soon Ryo had to leave to pick Dee up. He was relieved that his lover hadn't phoned, begging him to collect him sooner, but he was still a little anxious as to how he might have faired. His last appointment had been with the diabetes specialist and so Ryo headed to the appropriate department on reaching the medical facility. The large waiting area was warm and welcoming, its interior designed to appeal to both children and adults. Ryo took a seat and idly flicked through a magazine pausing only when a family consisting of mother, father and a girl who looked no older than six emerged from one of the consulting rooms and walked past him towards the exit. A few minutes after that, another door opened and Dee came out on his crutches followed immediately by the diabetes consultant Dr Stephens. He saw Ryo and smiled tiredly, clearly wearied by the morning's events. The two made their way across the room to Ryo, who stood and placed the magazine back in the rack.

"Hey," he said as Dee drew close. "Good morning?"

"Not bad," Dee replied, resting heavily on one crutch. He looked pale and weary and Ryo knew instantly that he needed to get home and rest.

"He's done really well again," Dr Stephens said, smiling broadly at the two men before she turned to address Ryo. "But I've said I think you need to come along to the next appointment. It's important that family members know exactly what to do as well. Is there anyone else that would benefit from knowing more about diabetes?"

Ryo glanced across at Dee before he spoke. "I have an adopted thirteen year old son that lives with us. He knows Dee is diabetic but I don't think he knows much about the condition itself. Should he come along too?"

"Not to the next appointment," she answered "Just you and Dee will be fine. We do a special session for younger relatives which would be more suitable for your son and I have a feeling we're about to run a group within the next couple of weeks. I'll give you the date at the next appointment, which is tomorrow at three pm, and you can bring him along to that."

Ryo nodded, noting Dee swaying slightly with fatigue. "Well thank you Dr Stephens, we'll see you tomorrow."

The two men bid her farewell before they started towards the exit, Ryo staying very close to Dee, worried in case he became too exhausted to continue. The cap and glasses were back in place, making it difficult for the blond man to read his lover's expression but his silence as they made their way out to the car was enough to tell Ryo that now was not the time to talk about the statement they needed. Thankfully, there were no reporters around as they crossed the parking lot and climbed into Ryo's Dodge, the blond helping Dee into his seat before he made his way around the car and got in on the driver's side. They'd barely been in motion for a couple of minutes before the sound of soft snoring reached Ryo's ears and he smiled and glanced across at the sleeping man, his head lolling against the back of the seat. He was worn out; a stark reminder of just how vulnerable he was at that time.

When they arrived back home, Ryo all but carried his drained lover inside the apartment, allowing Dee to stay half asleep as they rode the elevator up to their floor. He managed to get Dee inside and onto the couch before he went back down to the car to fetch his briefcase and Dee's crutches, suddenly feeling very tired himself. When he got back up to the apartment, Dee was still fast asleep, his expression pinched with tension, even in slumber. Ryo stood and watched him for a while before the phone started to ring and he rushed to pick it up, before its shrill tones woke up the resting man.

"Aunt Elena," Ryo said in response to the familiar 'hello' as he stepped into the kitchen, still keeping his voice low. "Yes, it's true. Dee's safe." She expressed her delight at this news, although mildly chastising her nephew for not ringing himself. However she understood his reasons for forgetting to make the call and accepted his repeated apologies, claiming she was just pleased that there had been a positive ending to the terrifying drama. She enquired after Dee's condition and he told her some of the details, leaving out the unexpected diagnosis he had received as a result of routine hospital tests. She then asked him again if Dee was okay, which Ryo correctly took to mean that she was wondering how he was fairing psychologically. His aunt was a perceptive lady; after all she had taken care of him when he had fallen apart after his parents' deaths. There was no point pretending everything was okay.

Glancing through into the living room to check Dee was still sleeping, he proceeded to share his fears for his lover's psychological wellbeing with a sympathetic ear. He told her about the panic attack he had had that morning and how even little things seemed to make him overly anxious. The Dee he had known before was so far removed from the man lying on his couch that he was frightened they could never be one and the same again. Saying something to that effect out loud seemed to touch a nerve within the tired detective, and he found he couldn't hold back the tears as he sank into the nearest chair and cradled his head in his hands. Elena was instantly worried and offered to come straight over but Ryo reassured her he would be okay; it was just tiredness talking. He promised her they would still be coming to Carrie's wedding three months from now, desperately needing to convince himself that things would be nearer normal by then. He then ended the call, promising to ring if he needed to talk before putting his head down and promptly falling asleep, half lying across the kitchen table as his mind and body's protests for him to rest were finally acknowledged.

Several hours later he awoke, sitting up and wincing at the painful crick in his neck caused by sleeping in such an odd position. It took him a couple of minutes to realise that the phone was ringing again even though the handset was right next to his ear and he snatched it up, muttering 'hello' in a heavy, sleep-laden voice.

"Hey Ryo, it's Drake. Sorry, were you sleeping?"

"No, not really," Ryo lied, "I just put my head done on the table for a few moments. Guess I must have dozed off."

"Sorry," Drake repeated, sounding genuinely apologetic, "I thought I should just give you a ring to let you know the DA's office have been on the phone. They want to come and take Dee's statement tomorrow."

"Just like we thought," Ryo said before the final part filtered through. "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Drake replied, "I tried to put them off but you know what they're like. They have your home number and will probably call you later to arrange a time to come round. I just thought I should warn you."

"Thanks," Ryo said gratefully, hanging up the phone and wondering how he was going to break this to Dee. His thoughts were interrupted by a husky sleep-filled voice from the living room. "Ryo? Are you in there? I think the phone was just ringing."

Ryo stood and headed quickly into the other room, ignoring the ache in his neck and lower back. "Yeah, it's okay love, I got it." He moved to sit on the couch as Dee sat up, making him space. Dee then lay back down, his head resting across Ryo's legs as the blond man began to gently stroke his hair. For a moment, the ebony haired detective looked contented before he frowned slightly and said, "So who was on the phone?"

The slight falter in Ryo's soothing movements was enough to tell Dee it wasn't good. "What is it?" he asked, searching Ryo's handsome face for answers.

"Nothing," Ryo said instinctively wanting to protect his vulnerable lover, before he resigned himself to the truth, "Well okay, it is something. The district attorney's office want to push on with the case against your kidnapper and his accomplice so they need your statement. Drake tried to put them off but they're insisting that they want to see you tomorrow." He pushed some hair away from Dee's eyes so he could see the green orbs clearly. "How'd you feel about that, love?"

Dee sighed and turned slightly to stare across the room. "I don't know. I guess I have to do it sooner or later."

"Yeah," Ryo replied, wondering whether it was tempting fate to think that Dee was taking this news quite well. "D'you want me to be here when they come?" He asked the question anyway, even though he was certain of the answer. It was a surprise therefore when Dee said quite firmly, "No, it's okay. I'd rather do it on my own."

"Are you sure?" Ryo said, looking down at him in disbelief. "I really don't mind and I'm sure they'll let me sit in with you."

"No," Dee said suddenly and a little too forcefully, before he softened. "I'll be fine, really." He reached up and squeezed Ryo's hand as the other nodded reluctantly. "Okay… but if you change your mind…"

"I know," Dee replied, ending the conversation there. They sat in silence as the minutes ticked by, enjoying each other's closeness as if such a moment of quiet was a rare luxury in their hectic and troubled lives. Looking down at his lover's handsome and yet wearied face, Ryo couldn't help but lean in and kiss his pale lips, savouring the taste before Dee opened his mouth, allowing him greater access. There was passion in Dee's response and Ryo was all the bolder for it. He shifted slightly so that he was more lying than sitting, cupping Dee's face gently in his strong hands to ensure the kiss wasn't broken during the motion. He felt Dee's arms wrap around his back and his heart and passion soared as his fingers moved to explore the firm chest beneath him. Before long, his hand strayed lower and although he felt Dee tense slightly, the other man did not tell him to stop.

Five minutes and one missed phone call later, the two men found themselves smiling at each other, happy and sated.

"Jesus, Ryo, are you sure you've never done that before?" Dee said, chuckling slightly.

Ryo blushed a dark shade of crimson, although he looked pleased by the compliment. He was spared any awkwardness however as the telephone started ringing again and he jumped up to go and answer it. From the couch, Dee could hear Ryo's side of the conversation as he spoke to whoever the caller was.

"Yes I heard it ringing," he heard Ryo say. "I was just in the bathroom and didn't get to the phone in time." Dee chuckled to himself at the lie as he set about pulling up his pants. He looked up from his horizontal struggle as Ryo appeared; his expression serious as he held his hand across the mouthpiece on the phone's handset. "It's the DA's office," he said quietly. "They want to speak to you."

Fully dressed again, Dee nodded, holding out his hand for the device. "Detective Latener speaking," he said as he took the phone from Ryo, leaving the other man to watch anxiously. "Tomorrow?" he said into the phone, not looking up at Ryo as he spoke. "Sure, what time because I have hospital appointments in the afternoon. Ten o'clock? Fine. See you then."

He pressed the disconnect button and handed the phone back to Ryo who put it on the coffee table before coming to sit on the floor in front of him. "Are you sure Dee?" he said, resting his chin on the other's arm. "I know you said you wanted to do it on your own but I won't even be in the apartment when they come. I have to work in the morning; it was the only way Rose would let me have the time off to take you to your hospital appointments."

Dee grimaced; hating the feeling that he was some kind of burden to his beloved partner. "I'll be fine," he assured him, stroking the dark blond hair in slow movements. "I'll just be glad to get it out of the way." Seeing Ryo's anxious expression, he offered the other man a reassuring smile despite his own reservations about his readiness to re-visit his traumatic ordeal. More recently, he'd started to experience flashbacks of his time in captivity, which left him dazed and on edge for several hours after each occurrence. So far, he'd managed to hide this new misery from his lover, feeling the other man was overburdened with both caring for him and trying to hold down his job. He could only hope that giving his statement would prove to be a cathartic experience that would ease the strain of these dark days and allow them both a little well-deserved happiness.

TBC…