SICK
What are these feelings through me?
How'd you get these thoughts in my mind?
Everything that lies around me
Is a joke for me to criticize
You've taken everything from me
Taken everything that I need
And now that everything's gone
There's nothing left for me
Toboe POV
In most stories there is a always a happy ending. There is always happily even after. There is always love at first sight for both parties. There is always one of these persons almost getting killed for the other person. For some unknown reason that person always lives, then they utter those three words and kiss while soft music plays in the background.
After years of the stories and tales and what you actually you actually believe that bull shit. You actually think that if you say you love this person they will return their feeling and everything will work out.
Then you are rejected.
Your heart feels like it ripped into two. You never believe it would happened, you never believe that you would be rejected. Where have you seen a person rejected? The stories never said anything like that.
Then you all those years were a lie…one big fucking lie.
The depression
How could someone I love so much just turn away? How could they not care.
You start to look in a mirror. Your losing most of self-esteem. You mush be ugly. You must be a disgusting creature. Soon everything is wrong with you.
Everything.
Including that fact that you are a man that loves another man….
Can't you see the ones in need?
This isn't over
I'm sick of all this pain
So I take it all away
Alone here on this earth
Until my eyes close and die
Maybe that's it why he hates me, because I am male as well. Tears are falling from your eyes now, the pain is too much for you handle…even worse than replaying your loves rejecting. Over and over again in your mind. Each time more worse than the last. Your mind sick you say, cause it causes you so much pain , never wanting you to move on.
FLASHBACK
"Tsume, can I talk to you for a minute" I asked I nervously moved from one foot to another. Waiting for him to answer.
"yeah what do you want runt" tsume only seemed to be paying half attention to me. His arms crossed and a bored face on. I kicked a rock, ordering the words in head, making it does not sound stupid.
"Tsume I-I love you." I smile up at him waiting to hear his 'I love you too' reply. I did not know his face was set into disgust. I did not know he would push me so hard I would fall to the ground.
"Are you so kind of sick fuck!" he gave me one more disgusted look before he walked away.
END FLASHBACK
So I'm some sick fuck now. I put my nails over skin on my arm and made three fine wounds. It's funny how I didn't feel the pain, even when the blood flowed. I sat down at the cliff and wrapped my arms around my legs. I rocked back and front and tears flowed from my eyes and blood flowed on my pants.
never thought I'd ever see
A day like this would ever come
And now we all need to stand
Stand high all as one
Take a look around you
Thanks to all you have
Cause it can all be gone just like that
I made it back to the others. I avoided Tsume stare, I had feeling he had the 'sick' look on again.
"Did you find any food?" I look at Hige and Kiba over, I completely forgot that I was suppose to be looking for food.
"no"
"What happened to your arm?'" Tsume asked.
"Oh I just slipped on some rocks." I lied as I looked at behind Tsume. I will never be able to meet his eyes again.
"Does it hurt?" kiba asked.
"no I am alright" I lied thought my teeth. They just don't know how far from the truth that was. How much I'm not alright right now. How much I wish this was over.
"well lets just stop for the night then." Kiba said. I knobbed my head. I realized how well I was acting like everything was okay. Like I was not just rejected by Tsume. How I was not really a 'sick fuck'.
That night while I acted like I was sleeping. I looked up at the stars. What should I do? I can't act like Tsume is not brothering me forever. I can't have him around me every day. I know for sure he doesn't want me here.
I slowly stood up. I quickly wrote something in the dirt where I was laying and left.
I run in my wolf form until I came to the cliff I was laying at before.
I howled at the moon with all my soul, and changed back into human form. And cried until no more tears would come back, I cried till my throat was sore.
I made up my mind.
I walked to the edge of the cliff looked how far it went. It would surely kill me.
"goodbye tsume…..I truly did love you." that was my very my last words as I jumped to my death.
How the…can you just go and take someone's life from under
them? I hope you die, I hope you rot in hell
If not I'll show you pain
I'm sick of all this pain
So I take it all away
Alone here on this earth
Till my eyes close and die
"HEY you guys Toboe gone!" Hige yelled panic clearly in his voice.
Both Kiba and Tsume rain next to Hige, and looked at the ground.
GOODBYE has written in big letters.
8How the…can you just take someone's life away?
The wolfs run towards where Hige faintly smelled Toboe scent.
"we have to find him, he only a runt" Kiba said as he quicken his pace.
Hige was about to response but realized they were at a cliff. They all went to human form.
"this is where the sent ends…" Hige said as he looked over the cliff and jumped back.
"What is it?!" Kiba and Tsume said.
"Loo- look over the cliff." was all Hige said as a tear fell from his eye.
The quickly looked when they realized the effect it had on Hige.
There at the bottom lay a lifeless toboe, you could see all the blood around.
He was dead.
They both back up and Tsume dropped to his knees.
"He killed himself…" was all kiba said as a tear fell from his eye.
" he killed himself because of me." Tsume said he lifted his tear stained face to look at them .
"he told me he loved me….I turned him down."
"Did you know he was going to do this!!?" Kiba said as he graded Tsume skirt and pulled him off the ground.
"no…I never got to tell him…I love him too."
I'm sick of all this pain
So I take it all away
Alone here on this earth
Till my eyes close and die