Someone please warn me if the characters are starting to sound OOC; I have a bad feeling about it.
Part 5: Past Bitterness
Come out...you've been summoned. A voiceless command stirred in Sakuragi's consciousness. Huh? What was that? Once again, the blackness fell away like a curtain, and he found himself in that same room he was imprisoned in.
"What am I doing here, again...?" he wondered, and saw a dark outline of a boy standing in front of him. Youhei? Has he come back to visit me after all? So heaven DID hear my wishes!
"Hey, Youhei buddy! Boy, am I glad you made it back here so soon! What's up? " The redhead greeted cheerily.
The figure stayed silent. Then he slowly made his way toward the dim light.
"...? Come on man, stop freaking me out! You know, you're acting so much like..." Huh? You must be kidding...is it really...!
"Rukawa?!"
"Do'aho..." The raven head greeted simply.
"Hey, just a second, fox! Are you deaf or forgetful beyond help?! I remember we agreed not too long ago that you'll never show up in my damn face again!!"
Rukawa shot a coldly defiant glare at him. "And I remember that you just as much owe me a proper explanation..."
"What..." Sakuragi paused in a moment of confusion before resuming to his state of fury. "What explanation, you freaking liar?!"
"I just remembered a moment ago...because I realized you didn't fully explain that question about interfering with my fate."
"I told you...!!"
"You were lying."
"Huh?"
Rukawa leaned closer to the redhead, the look in his eyes hardening like steel. They seemed to be penetrating through Sakuragi's very own, almost as if trying to scrutinize his mind. Sakuragi took a step back, feeling peculiarly intimidated by that expression. He had to fight the urge to avert his eyes, lest he appear vulnerable before his enemy. Why the hell am I shrinking away?! It's only that stupid fox, for god's sake!!
"...there's more to it. Everything that goes through your impossibly simple mind shows right on your face."
"Look Rukawa, just freaking stay away from me, okay?! You're making me goddamn sick!!"
"After you tell me the goddamn truth."
Sakuragi suddenly looked down. "Rukawa...just leave me alone." He said, anger suddenly fading from his voice.
"Unless I get a good answer, then hell no." The raven head replied with rigid coldness.
The redhead took a long, deep breath, feeling turmoil build up within him...not from his anger toward Rukawa, but something else. "All right, you freaking bastard...if that's what it takes to get you out of here. The reason I made that stupid sacrifice was because..." His steady voice was trembling, intense emotions threatening to spill out. "...because my oyajii was dying right before my eyes, and I didn't save him. I...just let him die like that!" He gasped out painfully, as if confessing his unbearable guilt to himself.
Unable to stop the tears flowing down his cheeks, Sakuragi quickly turned away. Not aware that the other boy's eyes were no longer cold and hard, nor emotionless...
"I...and maybe that's why...I never want to witness anyone dying ever again, especially if I could've done something...it reminds me so much of the pain!" He coughed out, desperately trying to choke back his sobs. The redhead forgot about Rukawa's existence for one moment, lost in his own self- realization. So that's the whole truth...he never dug for the answer, until the raven head forced him to. All those years of suppressed grief finally released...overtly gushing through the redhead's eyes. "That's the goddamn truth for you, fox! Can you leave now?!!" he yelled, openly crying.
Rukawa, surprisingly taken aback, felt his guarded composure crumbling; those eyes almost seemed to contain all the sadness in the world. The brunette suddenly felt something shattering that impenetrable barrier he built around himself for so many years, felt a piercing jab inside his heart. It was unbearably painful and unfamiliar...completely different from the depressing emptiness. For that moment, Rukawa felt he'd give up anything in the world just so he can lay a comforting hand on the redhead...but instead, he stood there and waited for Sakuragi to calm down.
Neither of them spoke for a while after the redhead finally stopped. Then, "I'm...sorry for making you feel like this." Rukawa's voice was almost down to a whisper. He started to leave quietly.
Still overwhelmed and sniffling, Sakuragi jerked his head up. The boy's tone sounded so different, somewhat unsettling to him...he actually sounded guilty...and sincere?
"Wait." He called. The raven head paused.
"Why...did you want to know so badly, fox?"
Rukawa was speechless for a moment, the tables having turned on him. He couldn't just say "I don't know" at this point, however true it was.
"Because it...kept on bothering me."
"Why was it bothering you?" Sakuragi pressed, not knowing why.
"........" All I know is...no matter how much I refuse to believe so, it almost felt like I was the one who killed him...
"Perhaps it's because he actually feels somewhat guilty...and he should be, lying to me about the hidden amulet." Youhei's voice interrupted his thoughts. The boy had just entered the room, with Kimura accompanying him. "Good thing Ms. Kimura had an extra one, so I won't have to wrench it from him."
Slightly chagrined, Rukawa spun around and glanced icily at Sakuragi's friend.
Ha, sometimes the thoughts of the so-called ice king aren't too hard to de- mystify after all. He thought as the silent basketball player ignored his smug expression. Then he caught sight of his red-eyed best friend. "Hanamichi...you okay?" He asked worriedly.
"Yeah...don't look at me right now, okay?" The redhead muttered, turning his head to the side.
Damn. He looked as if he'd been crying all night. Could it be...? "Hey, you...!" Youhei suddenly stomped towards the raven head and grabbed him by the lapels. "Just what kind of bull shit did you say to my friend now?! Haven't you put him through enough?!"
"Nothing that concerns you. And FYI, it was far from bullshit." Came the monotonous answer.
"What?! You're really asking for..."
"Hey Youhei...c'mon, it's nothing important!" Sakuragi spoke up hastily. Youhei turned to him in surprise; he's actually speaking up for Rukawa?! Now something's definitely wrong... "He...he just said something that, uh, reminded me of...of Haruko chan, that's all. You can't help it, a stupid fox will always be a stupid fox!" Youhei stared at him, his eyebrows slightly raised. Then he released the taller boy. Huh? Why did I just lie to my best friend? The redhead wondered, suddenly struck by guilt.
Youhei briefly scrutinized the redhead's face with skepticism, then sighed as the redhead tried to avoid his gaze. "Hana, we should do about your eyes, cause they look really swollen and painful. I don't know if there's a remedy for ghosts like you..."
"Don't worry, remember I told you?" Kimura spoke up. "Those eyes of his are just a projected illusion created to better display his emotions to you. He can feel no physical discomfort, and they'll wear out soon enough." Then she gave them a stern look. "And if I see any more scuffles like that in my house, I'm afraid I'll have to call the cops to throw you lot out... "
Huh. Youhei snorted under his breath. That bitch acts damn cool about killing someone and stealing his body, yet she makes such a big freaking deal about little things like this...
"...and to help prevent that from happening, I'm going to let Sakuragi wander along with whomever holds the amulet; mind though, after 12 hours, he must return here." Youhei raised his eyebrows. "That way, you two can work things out somewhere else." He's not going to be happy about this, but oh well...
Huh. She may have a shred of decency after all. He went to Sakuragi to engage a quiet personal conversation. "Hey Hana, I have good news for you. That weird woman is actually gonna let you stroll around...for 12 hours."
"Are you freaking serious, Youhei?!! Just when I thought I'd suffocate to death!" The redhead could not contain his excitement.
"...yeah, but if it's okay with you, maybe you'd want to stick around with Rukawa more."
Sakuragi's eyes widened with disbelief. "Huh? I don't think I heard you right, pal. You're not suggesting..."
"Look, Hanamichi...I need to get some serious info about this psychic thing. Aren't you looking for a way to revive yourself, too?'
"I am, but hanging out with that dull-as-hell fox may be worse than staying in this stuffy black joint!" Sakuragi retorted stubbornly.
"Come on...at least there's gonna be more to see...and besides, you should give Rukawa a chance to repay what he's done for you!"
"You expect me to be satisfied by forcing me to live his meaningless life? Dream on, Youhei! Besides, we already came up with a pact about repayment!" Then uncertainty crossed Sakuragi's face. "But then again, I think I want to alter it a little, now..." he faltered.
Youhei let out a sigh. Yeah, he'd probably be somewhat happier if I dragged him along to the public library. But then, I won't get any research done, him having nothing better to do than bug me. God know how hard it is for me to concentrate to start with...I guess I'd better do some flattering at this point.
"Hana, do you know what'll make Haruko really, really impressed?" The redhead looked up instantly. "You have Rukawa promise to live his life well on behalf of yours, and make sure he does so...then you can rightfully boast about when we get you back to life."
"...live well on behalf of me? What's that supposed to mean?" Sakuragi was clueless.
"That means Rukawa has an obligation to live his life as happily as you'd live yours!"
What? Having Rukawa live the life I always wanted to live?? "Whoa, that's a weird suggestion...though it sounds like an idea." I don't get why the hell I'd do that, but since I'm a tensai, I'll be sure to discover the meaning of it soon after trying!
Youhei felt relieved. Whew. I was worried he'd perceive the idiotic simplicity behind my suggestion...guess he's still too dense about such things.
The redhead then narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "And it better not be some kind of trick, Youhei...or else I swear you'll feel my best head bash yet when you bring me to life!"
==
"So you seriously agree to do it, Rukawa?
"...yeah."
I know it is plain cruelty to leave Hana with his worst arch enemy, especially the one who caused his death. But I have to find some answers before Kimura decides to do something...
"Oh, and before you leave, I'd like to give out some parting advice." Kimura stopped Rukawa. "Rukawa, I never thought Sakuragi would go so far to save you, his worst rival...but for everyone's sake, you'd better not develop any positive rapport between him." She lowered her voice. "Contrary to what his friend Mito may think, there is no way to restore Sakuragi back to life...and it's impossible to maintain a happy relationship with a non- earthly being. You'd just end up causing more unhappiness."
Rukawa gave her a disparaging glance, as if she was stating a stupidly obvious fact. "I have no need to, anyways."
Youhei overhead their conversation. Ch...she expects me to trust her on that, huh? Well, I won't give up till I find out with my own eyes!
Sakuragi tagged along with the raven head to his house, as Youhei took a different direction to the public library. Forgetting everything else at the moment, the redhead gazed at the colorful surroundings with pure bliss. He's free! "Ahhhh...fresh air at last!" he exclaimed.
Rukawa sighed. "You can't breathe do'aho. You're dead, remember?"
Moment ruined, Sakuragi gave the offender a condemning glare. "Grrr...why'd have to be such a killjoy, you damn fox?! Just remember, I'm forced to tag along with you because Youhei has ten times more important stuff to do!!"
"...and I stupidly agreed to play caretaker for a loudmouth idiot who's just as noisy even though he's dead already."
"Why you...!"
They bickered all the way until Rukawa reached his house. By passers looked at what looked like a self-conversing raven head with bewilderment and pity. They finally got to their destination, a two-story house, almost spotless from cracks or dirt and more than three times the size of the redhead's. A well-tended garden laced the surroundings. Sakuragi was stunned in awe.
"Don't kid me...what's a miserable fox like you living in such a luxury? Hey...if you're so rich, why didn't you get a car, or at least a motorbike like Youhei?!"
"I don't need to depend on my parent's money like that." Rukawa replied curtly.
The front door opened, and out came Rena, the old maid. "Good thing you've decided to return early today, Kaede san. Your mother plans to stay overnight today."
Like it makes a difference, Rukawa thought sardonically. "Hey...that's your mother?! She looks older than Youhei's grandma...!" Sakuragi exclaimed in disbelief.
Feeling oddly offended, "She's not my mother, you idiot!" Rukawa retorted. Rena gave him a sharp look. "Mrs. Rukawa will not tolerate talk like that, Kaede san." She chastised in a warning tone.
"I...sorry Rena." He turned to the innocently curious redhead. "She's our maid, you do'aho." He muttered under his breath.
Oh. How was I supposed to know? Ch, no wonder the fox is so wrongfully vain; he even has someone at home to cater to all his needs...The redhead thought enviously. "Huh. Never thought you'd be such a spoiled S.O.B., Rukawa." He couldn't help taunting.
Rukawa stopped walking. "She only cooks for me, do'aho." He said quietly without turning around.
Yeah right. Wow, this place is so clean and fancy it almost looks like the downtown mall! What gives that selfish bastard the right to live such a life?!
Rukawa entered his room—spacious, yet just as plain and messy, save some sports idol posters, as Sakuragi's own because he forbid Rena to touch anything in there—and flopped down onto his bed.
Sakuragi frowned. "Hey...it's hardly dark outside, you lazy fox! What am I supposed to do while your napping?!"
"Find something to do on your own, do'aho. You're not my baby brother."
"There's no shit to do in here, all you've got is textbooks and dirty clothes!" Just like me. "And I can't wander away from you because of that stupid confining curse!"
"Is that my damn problem, do'aho? You tag along with me, you have to bear how I live my life." He stuck his disc man headphones in his ears to tune out the redhead's accusing yells, and soon drifted off to sleep.
God, what I'd give to wallop this bastard senseless right now!! He stared at the snoring figure with helpless fury, when there was a soft knock on the door, accompanied by a woman's voice.
"Kaede...I'm coming in."
Rukawa opened one eye. Shit. She's back already?
The door opened and in came an attractive woman in her forties, dressed in formal business attire. Her eyes searched the room disapprovingly. "It looks much more like a pigsty since I've last visited, Kaede. If you're too lazy to pick up after yourself, you should at least let Rena..."
"She's not setting foot into my room, and that's final."
The older woman sighed tiredly, and took a seat on her son's bed. "I wish to talk to you, Kaede. Get up, will you?"
"I can hear you fine like this."
"No; you've fallen asleep on me enough times. And turn off that disc man."
Grunting, Rukawa sat up grudgingly, and took off his headphones.
She regarded him with a stern look. "I heard about that incident involving with your basketball teammate...Sakuragi, was that his name? You've at least offered condolence to his family, haven't you?"
"Well, this is touching...my mother actually found time to show concern for her son." He muttered with noticeable mocking tone.
"Kaede, I was so worried when I heard of that accident..."
"Hey, you can't speak to your own mother like that! Who'd think you are, ungrateful fox?!" The redhead suddenly interrupted angrily.
"Mind your own damn business..." the raven head muttered.
Mrs. Rukawa stopped. "Excuse me? You know better than to talk to me that way."
Shit. "I was only talking to myself, mom." He threw a dirty glare at invisible redhead, who jeered back with his ha-ha-serves-you-right look.
"...as I was saying, I wanted to check on you personally right when the news of the accident reached me, but that meeting with the CEO of Hitachi was just too critical..."
"...so the all-so-independent Rukawa is actually a mommy's boy, eh? Needing his parents to check up on him every time he gets hurt!"
"If you have nothing sensible to say, do'aho, then just cut the crap!" Rukawa snapped, quite fed up.
"Young man..." his mother started in a severe tone. "One more word like that and expect a generous reduction from your sports equipment allowance!"
Dismayed that his face was already starting to tense with anger, the raven head silently fought to maintain his neutral disposition. I'm almost as idiotically immature as that do'aho, losing control over such a stupid matter. Just block out that redhead's hysterical snickering, as if it were your sensei's voice...
"Listen, son." Mrs. Rukawa murmured with sudden gentleness. "I know I wasn't there when you needed me the most...but there were just too many things to be stressed about after my divorce with your father, I would've gone insane if..."
"...if you didn't leave your seven year old son in the care of some stranger, and take a four year vacation with that boyfriend of yours." Rukawa finished nonchalantly.
His mother looked away. "Maybe...I was being too selfish about my own pride. Maybe I should have surrendered you to your father's care...but then again, I was worried about that fifteen year old druggy prostitute he kept in his apartment. I tried to compensate for my mistakes, but you never allowed me to, focusing all your time and attention on basketball."
"And I'm all grown up right now, mom...so there's no need to try anymore."
Mrs. Rukawa quickly wiped away her tears, and struggled to keep the grieving remorse from taking over her. "I understand...why you've grown to be autistic as you are, Kaede...and there's nothing I can do. I don't have the capacity nor the right to ask to be that special person...the one who you'd reveal your true self and deepest secrets to. Yuuichiro was that special person to me, as I felt he was the only one who could shed light on my shadowy past, only through him did I find my true self...and realize I was born to love him forever." She suddenly looked ashamed. "Unfortunately, I neglected you—my very special person too--because you hated him so much. As much as I wish I'm given another opportunity to understand your life, I can only hope that you'll find that person someday, and open your heart to her..."
"Can we continue this sometime else? I haven't sleep well in days." Rukawa had already slipped into a resting position.
Sniffling, his mother stood up. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be pouring out my own regrets, especially not on you." She then reached out and combed back his bangs from his forehead. "But please son, know that I've always loved you the same since you were born, and definitely will be there for you now..."
"I know."
"Well...see you in the morning." She left and closed the door behind her.
Taking a deep breath, Rukawa was about to resume his sleep when the redhead spoke up again, in a somewhat hushed voice.
"Rukawa...did she really leave you in some stranger house?"
Rukawa blinked. Why would he be concerned about such a thing? "Not really a stranger...just her half-brother she never met."
"...and you're still able to live with her, knowing that fact? That's the very reason my mom left home when she was our age..."
The brunette's eyes widened briefly at the question. "I don't hold pointless grudges, and there was no where else to go. They haven't been the best parents, but they're still my parents..." Rukawa shifted to look at the redhead, not expecting at all to see the anger and sadness in those eyes...as if someone had done serious wrong to the raven head, and he wished to provide justice. "What about yourself, do'aho? Your parents have passed away in your very house, yet you still there...all alone."
It was the redhead's turn to be surprised. "Not all the time...Youhei and the gundan stay overnight whenever they get into trouble at home...and that is real often." The conversation ended after that, but a question lingered in the redhead's mind: is it more painful to have your parents gone, knowing in your heart they loved you more than anything...or having them well by your side, but living with the fact that they abandoned you for someone else?
Even though he was prying, Rukawa had helped the redhead vent his grief from all those years--with all the pain spilt out, the redhead felt relieved from a heavy burden. He'd never imagine the raven head had such a bitter past of his own. If there was something he could say or do to help...
==
"...you freaking let him go?!"
"What was I supposed to do? I never thought Rukawa Kaede was the type to use such underhand threats. It could've been worse if he didn't agree so; I may have been forced to leak your identity and motive." Kimura replied irately to the man in front of her.
"Hmph...well, I'll make sure they won't get too far with this. If they do, I'll have to make a personal appearance to my 'beloved' Kaede very soon."
TBC