I know I don't update often, leave me alone! I am working on putting back up the Big Happy Chronicles! And with school, and my job and all that fun crap. Don't worry though, come summer there will be many more updates! And possibly a new story here or there! Love you all!
You know, I was watching mad TV today and something was said that made me laugh really hard. And here I will share it to you…
"I don't give a McDamn who you are."
~~~
We spent the next few hours tied up on deck until I looked across the horizon and noticed a tiny spit of land.
Before I knew what was going on, Elizabeth, Jack, and I were dragged forward with our hands bound. One of the pirates pushed Elizabeth forward and onto the ships plank. "Time to take a little swim lovey?"
Elizabeth scowled at him and walked forward.
The rat Barbossa had tricked Will. It was never specified where or when we were to be let go so Barbossa took advantage of that mistake to let us go on the same island he had marooned Jack on all those years ago.
I struggled against the pirate who had my arms and turned to face Will. "Barbossa you lying bastard!" He yelled, struggling against the pirates holding him.
"Don't you dare impugn me honor boy. If ye notice I am letting your lasses go just like you asked. It's not my fault if you failed to specify where or when I do so isn't it?" Barbossa replied grinning evilly. He waved his hand to the pirate holding Will who promptly gagged him with a dirty rag.
Barbossa smiled again and turned to Elizabeth. "Hmm." He mumbled, rubbing his chin. Elizabeth looked back at him with narrowed eyes. "Miss, I think I'll be requestin' that dress back." He finished finally.
Elizabeth's face turned a shade of purple as she angrily unclasped the dress and tossed it to Barbossa. "It would look better on you anyway."
"Oh, the lady has a bit of a tongue does she?" He said with an amused smile. The rest of the crew laughed uncertainly as if they were relying on Barbossa's reaction on how to act. "Now JUMP!" He barked.
Slowly Elizabeth turned around and looked down at the water. Her hands were shaking a little as she took a tentative step forward.
"Please lass, this is really taking too long, we don't have all day." Barbossa said. He nodded to a giant black man standing next to the plank. The man smiled and nodded as he stomped on the edge of the plank causing Elizabeth to trip and fall into the water.
"Well, now that she's gone. It's your turn lass." Barbossa said turning to me. The pirate holding my arms shoved me onto the plank and started giggling. I turned around quickly and faced Will.
He looked back at me with sad eyes. I could hear his voice in my head telling me to be careful. With a sudden burst of foolish courage, I found my voice and shouted to Barbossa. "Barbossa, I don't know you very well, and I thank the lord for that. The little I do know about you is enough to prove to me that you are the vilest, most ugliest creature inhabiting this earth. Not to mention you smell. It is amazing that your mother didn't strike you dead the moment you came out. I pity her and anyone else you have come in contact with during your sad, pathetic life!" I stopped and took a deep breath, then continued. "I hope you die a horrible, un-honorable death and that the most fiery pits of hell is saved just for you!" And with that I shot up my middle finger at him and jumped off the plank before anyone could respond. Except for Jack, whom I distinctly heard laughing.
~
I staggered onto the beach after swimming from the ship, Elizabeth had arrived before and Jack was not to far behind me.
"I can NOT believe we are here right now!" Elizabeth screamed balling her fists. "This-this is all YOUR FAULT!!" She screamed pointing to Jack.
"MY FAULT?!" He yelled back. "No, no love. Let's remember who was the one that was kidnapped by blood thirsty pirates in the first place shall we? If it's anyone's fault, it's HERS!" Jack pointed at me as I stood on the beach, jaw on the ground.
"MY fault?! How is it my fault?! I haven't done anything!!" I screeched stomping up to him.
"Love, love." He said putting his hands on my shoulders. "If it gets the blame off me, it can be the trees fault for all I care."
Anger swelled in my chest. "Do you remember what it felt like when I hit you earlier?" I seethed.
Jack let go of my shoulders and recoiled a bit. "Did I ever tell you how pretty you are when you are angry?"
I bared my teeth at him and just as I was about to say something Elizabeth said, "So what are we going to do?"
Jack grinned at me and turned around to face Elizabeth. I heard him take a breath like he was about to speak, but instead he walked off and started knocking on trees.
I gave Elizabeth a quizzical look but she just shrugged and followed him. I sighed and started to trudge after her. "What are you doing?" Elizabeth asked Jack as he knocked on his third tree.
Instead of answering however, Jack nodded his head and started walking north taking three long steps. He stopped and jumped up and down twice.
"Ah HA!" He cried bending over. Brushing sand aside Jack found a rope and pulled. It turns out the rope the handle of a trap door. He pulled up sending sand everywhere.
"What is that?" I asked walking around next to him to see what was below.
"This, lass, is a rum cellar." Jack replied lowering himself down. "So lucky I remembered this." He mumbled.
I looked over to Elizabeth who was glaring down at Jack. After a moment Jack came back up carrying three bottles of alcohol.
"Excuse me Jack, can I ask you a question?" Elizabeth asked once he had stood up.
"Please." He answered waving his hand.
"How did you get off the island last time you were here?" She asked, putting her hands on her hips.
I looked over at Jack wondering what exactly his answer was going to be.
"Last time…last time I was here…oh yes. Well you see-" He looked up at Elizabeth curiously. "Last time I was here I got off the island…ahh… by bartering. A passing ship came by and I bartered for a ride home."
"How long?" I asked.
Jack jumped and looked down at me, "Are all the bloody woman gangin' up on me or somethin'?" he grumbled.
"How long?" I asked again.
Jack looked over to Elizabeth then back at me. He dropped his shoulders and mumbled into his chest. "Three days."
Elizabeth blew up.
"THREE DAYS?!? YOU SPENT THREE DAYS ON THIS ISLAND!? WHAT ABOUT THE STORY-WITH THE TURTLES?! I MEAN, I HAD A FEELING THAT ONE WASN'T TRUE BUT WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?! HOW MANY OF THEM ARE LIES?! I CANNOT BELIVE THAT YOU SPENT THREE DAYS LYING ON A BEACH DRINKING RUM!!!"
Jack furrowed his eyebrows and then grinned. "Welcome to the Caribbean love." He said waving the bottle of rum in front of her face.
Elizabeth grabbed the bottle out of his hand and glared at it. "Lass, you want some too?" Jack said turning and waving another bottle at me.
"Give it." I said taking it from him.
"That's my kind of lass." Jack said with a grin on his face.
I pulled the cork out and took a long swig as Elizabeth did the same. As the rum slowly burned its way down my throat, I knew that night would either be the best or the worst night of my life.
~
It was well after nightfall before we all were good and drunk. It had taken Jack that long to get a fire lit, and that was only because he kept falling over into the wood and then rolling back out again, he was that drunk.
"WE'RE DEVILS, BLACK SHEEP, AND REALLY BAD EGGS! DRINK UP ME 'EARTIES YO HO!" We all screamed dancing around the fire.
"THIS IS MY NEWEST FAVORITE SONG! WHEN I GET THE SHIP BACK EVERYONE IS GOING TO LEARN IT!" Jack screamed waving his bottle around.
Elizabeth and I dropped to the ground laughing like there was no tomorrow.
It felt so good being drunk; it felt like nothing could hurt me. The possibility of Will being dead hadn't haunted me at all. I never wanted to not be like it again.
"ELIZABETH!" I screeched jumping up. "Dance with me!"
She jumped up and grabbed my wrists. We started whirling around in circles and screaming as Jack plopped on the ground and watched us with a stupid grin on his face.
"I have never had so much fun!" Elizabeth screamed as she let go causing us both to fall in separate directions. Elizabeth went crashing into Jack and I landed on my back a foot away from the fire. I stared at it for a moment and wondered what made the flames so red.
I sat up, shook the sand out of my hair, and looked around for my bottle. Upon finding it I took another long drink from it and looked over to see Elizabeth and Jack being all cuddly together.
I crawled over to them and sprawled myself across their laps. "Whatcha DOOOOIN?!" I asked taking another swig.
"Well-Miss Elizabeth 'ere says that I am going to be the most feared pirate in the whole Spanish Main!" Jack slurred. He pointed over to Elizabeth and spilled rum on my dress. "But in my opinion, I am going to be the most feared pirated in the whole OCEAN!" He swung his arm around and spilled more rum on me.
"You got rum on me." I whispered menacingly as I sat up. "You got rum on my dress! This isn't even my dress! IT'S MY UNDERDRESS!" I screamed. Seconds later I emptied the remaining bit of alcohol I had in my bottle on his head. "THERE! Now there is rum on you!"
Jack blew out of his mouth spraying rum everywhere. "AACK!" I yelped wiping my face.
Elizabeth however, was somewhere else entirely. "A toast!" She yelled raising her bottle. I raised my empty bottle and Jack raised his half full one. "To the Black Pearl, for without her, we wouldn't be on this island drinking our woes away!"
"No.No.No. To the rum. For without the rum, we wouldn't have anything to drink our woes away with." Jack yelled waving his bottle around.
"I got one!" I cried standing up. "To the Pirates of the Caribbean! For without them we would have no Black Pearl, cursed medallions, rum, maroons, or anything of that sort!"
Elizabeth and Jack let out a loud, "Aye!" and drank down their bottles. I went to go take a swig of mine only then realizing that it was all gone. I threw the bottle aside and grabbed Jack's from his hand. Throwing back my head I took a long drink and fell to the ground. I giggled for three seconds before I hit the sand, dead unconscious.
~~~
There you are people, until next time! Remember to keep your noses clean!