Finally about half way done; I'm planning to start the de-mystifying with the other half of this story. Hopefully, nothing sounds like far-fetched BS so far! Please continue reading!
Part 7: Change
With his gym bag slung over his shoulder, Rukawa Kaede was about to head out for his routine practice, when something stopped him. It still feels like something real important is missing. He sighed; this is so not like him. Better check again...water bottle, towel, basketball, disc man, keys...all in the bag. And I did remember to put on shorts, shirt, elbow brace, and...amulet chain. That's it. The redhead? Absent mindedly, he fished out the chained coin around his neck, and started rubbing it with his thumb. Why the hell do I feel so urgent to have him by my side? I wouldn't even notice him during my play. He tried telling himself, but his feet just refused to budge. Because you're tired of being alone, Kaede. Don't lie to yourself. A tiny voice answered him.
Shut it. I never was lonely before he came, can't possibly be now.
Heh. The voice laughed at him mockingly. Are you really sure you want to go practice right now? Indulging in an obsession and sleeping off are good ways to forget your troubles...but there WERE days when you wished you weren't tied down solely on these two activities, wished you can take up those childhood joys before the whole basketball craze...now stop being such a freaking coward, and face the truth!
Rukawa stood still. Then he closed his eyes, and wished. When he had opened them again, the redhead had fully materialized in front of him. As if just awakening, Sakuragi blinked several times and shook his head before gaining full awareness. He greeted his summoner with a scowl. "What's this, Rukawa?! I thought you wanted to continue your dull-ass life without my interference."
Rukawa dropped his gym bag to the floor and started changing into blue jeans. "You're coming with me, do'aho." He replied curtly.
"And watch you play all day?! I'd rather stay in...!"
"I'm not gonna play today. I need to buy some new clothes anyway and maybe a few CDs too."
"What, I'm not your mother! And who the hell wants to see you dress and undress?!"
"Shut up, do'aho. You're coming, and that's final." With that, the redhead was forced to tag along like a dog on a leash, yelling threats and insults along the way.
==
In the department store:
Rukawa emerged from the dresser room with a Levi's brand top on. The over zealous sales woman had practically shoved 10 different styles of sporty shirts right into his arms. "Which of the t-shirts fit me best?"
"I don't give a shit, Rukawa. Leave me alone." Leaning on a mirror, Sakuragi sulkily looked the other way. Not as if I can try anything on...
"Do'aho, if you have nothing better to do, you might as well help out."
"All right, you disgustingly narcissist fox, you look absolutely stunning in each and every one of those goddamn tops! I could see all those chicks around you practically drooling their saliva dry! Happy?!" He snapped. Then another thought occurred to him. "Hey Rukawa...why'd you never try on those dress shirts and open collar polo tops, like those popular pretty boys at our school?"
"...I don't dress to impress anyone."
"Except for yourself? But you just asked my opinion about how you looked."
Shit. I can't believe that total imbecile actually caught my mistake. "A do'aho's opinion means nothing." He quickly retorted without thinking.
"F--- you, Rukawa!" The redhead exploded. "If you think my opinion doesn't mean shit, why the hell did you drag me here?! I'd thought you'd be too wrapped up in yourself to purposely piss people off!!"
The raven head stood there, stumped on what to say...and the guilt hit his stomach. Your pride...stop letting your stupid pride get in the way of honesty. That tiny voice suddenly popped up again, chastising him.
Silently, Rukawa paid for all ten t-shirts. Then he walked towards a Ralph- Lauren section. The redhead's rants died down. "Hey...why are we looking at such fancy stuff, now?"
"You're gonna help me pick out some polos and dress shirts, do'aho. And nothing crappy, or else."
Caught completely off guard at the brunette's sudden change of heart, he faltered in a rather small voice, "Um, hey fox...I wasn't...wasn't indicating that you should waste your money on stuff you really don't want..."
"Cut the crap, do'aho. I'll eventually find use of it somehow." Don't know what I'm doing...but it felt good that the do'aho tried to give me a sincerely helpful suggestion for a change.
After an hour or two of meticulous choosing and try-ons, Rukawa ended up buying a lot more of the "fancy stuff" than he'd anticipated. Oh well, he's not paying for his credit card bills anyways. The raven head resented himself for feeling so conceited, but seeing how well those new styles brought out his prideful features gave him a sense of excitement he hadn't felt for a long time. Now, just where can he wear these things without being harassed by girls...?
Then he noticed that Sakuragi was grumbling. "What the hell's with you now, do'aho?"
The redhead shrugged. "Well, first of all, Mr. Spend thrift, you've just spent all that money in front of someone too broke to even buy a pair of sneakers, like it was nothing! And the worse part is you fit all-so- perfectly in anything, no matter what you buy! People like you just take these things for granted...!" he vented, then, oh crap, why in the world did I just admit out loud that the fox looks good wearing anything?! Arrgh! Now even my pride is stone dead!!
Mercifully, the raven head stayed silent for a minute or two. Then he mused, "I think that dark navy polo would look better on you, do'aho."
Sakuragi gave him a skeptical look. "Are you mocking me, fox? That's the priciest one you bought!"
"It'll bring out your skin tone really well...and make your frame look as wide as it really is. You'd also want to expose more of that collar and chest. If you ever come back as yourself, remind me to make an exchange for your size." Rukawa went on objectively.
"Don't look down on the tensai, Rukawa. Even though I've much less to spend than you do, I still have..."
"Shut up and accept it, do'aho. If nothing else, take it as the birthday present I never gave you last year." And his glare told the redhead, do as I say, or else.
Damn it! Why does the stupid fox have to be so nice all of the sudden?! Now I feel obligated to withhold my meanness!! He cursed his confused feelings, wishing he could somehow avoid the changing attitudes. "So...are we done now, fox? Going back to practice?"
"No...I need some new CDs for my disc man."
==
Sakuragi shifted impatiently as Rukawa took his time trial-listening to the fifteen or so music albums stacked beside him. "Since you have all that money, why don't you just buy them all?"
"I don't waste my money on stuff I won't use."
"Errr..." Not that I know anything about music, but... "What kind of music do you listen to anyways, fox?"
Without breaking his concentration, he answered, "Stuff with a steady, solid beat. It helps me set up a rhythm in my head when I play basketball." He picked up another CD case. "Occasionally, I like to listen to heavy metal stuff, too. Unlike most people, I vent my penned up anger by listening more than physically expressing it." The redhead blinked. Damn, I have no clue what he's talking about. Hope he doesn't ask.
The raven head suddenly asked, "You don't really listen to anything, do you, do'aho? Given that you don't have money to buy a pair of sneakers, much less a disc man or..."
Damn! "So what?! My life was happy enough without all that luxurious shit...!"
"I remember you were eyeing my disc man a few times in practice. All you had to do was ask for one."
Sakuragi snorted. "Stop trying to pretend you were so much more generous than you are, fox. Any retard would've known your damn cold response..."
"I'd make an exception for you, do'aho...if giving your best on the team required virtually all your money, there's nothing wrong with being provided some other simple necessities." Since you're working so hard on court, you deserve some better means of relaxation.
That surprised the redhead into silence. Did something in Rukawa's head snap, causing a 180 degree turn in his personality? Sakuragi was still speechless when Rukawa purchased the albums he wanted, headed out the door, and stopped for lunch at the soba shop in the food court. Finally, the redhead mumbled something. Rukawa looked up. "What was that, do'aho?"
"I'm sorry...and thank you, Rukawa."
The raven head slowly ceased slurping his noodles, and gazed strangely at the boy in front of him.
"You...apologized to me and actually said that 'please' word. I know your pride is just as steely as mine...even though the tensai has ten times the reasons to be proud." He quickly added at the end. "You didn't need to; I've always treated you like a dangerous rival."
"........" All the raven head could think was: And neither of us would probably ever have had the nerves to drop that superficial enmity, if...
Reddened face turned away, "I don't like saying this a bit... but I gotta thank you, like you were a really good friend like Youhei or...Haruko chan." He admitted gruffly, but the genuine gratitude was inescapable in his tone. "I don't know a lot of guys who actually take out their own time to try and help me out." He suddenly lurched forward. "Just one thing, Rukawa. Mind calling me 'Sakuragi' from now on like everyone else, instead of do'aho? Since we've kinda stopped fighting so much...maybe...uh..."
"...I mind." Rukawa replied flatly.
Sakuragi wasn't sure he heard right. "What?"
"I want to call you do'aho, and there's nothing you can do." 'Do'aho' was always the special nickname only I was privileged to call you...if I start using your surname like everyone else I'd be just someone else to you...right?
The redhead scowled, angrily surprised. "Now you're carrying this too damn far, you vicious fox. Even I'm..."
"I have the right to call you whatever the hell I want, do'aho." The raven head said curtly. His face was a strange mix of bewilderment and stubbornness, thinking, after all those deep personal things we've made known to each other, do you see me just as another acquaintance...?
Sakuragi was so mad he didn't know what to say for a moment or two. Then, "...if you still wanna taunt me, then call me Hana...or Hanamichi, you damn fox." He offered quietly. "No one else calls me that anymore, save five people. Only the gundan and Ryochin call me that, and without making fun of the 'Hana' part. But your spiteful self can laugh all you want inside your head."
Both boys were quietly still for the moment. "Hana...Hanamichi." Rukawa started repeated to himself slowly, as if trying to learn a foreign word. Never could stop wondering about it every time captain or his best friend mentioned it. Seems so unfit for that bullying do'aho at first glance, but on the second thought... he lifted his eyes to meet the redhead's. "The name's too good to be laughed at." his stoic voice had a note of gentle persuasion.
Sakuragi's eyes followed the other boy as he got up from the table. I always kinda wished I could somehow read that fox's mind...never had a hint why he acts the way he does. "...so it's agreed then, fox?"
The brunette gave him a perfunctory nod. "Let's go, do'a—Hana."
==
In a small coffee shop a few blocks from Ryonan High, Sendoh Akira leaned forward and rested his chin on his palm. "Before we start anything, Mito, be so nice to tell just who provided you my home address and phone number?" he asked the freshman in front of him.
Youhei gave a mischievous grin. "Who else other than your nosy little manager, Aida Hikoichi? I guessed someone so obsessive compulsive would be hanging out in the gym all the time."
"You didn't hurt that kid, did you?" Anyone who had the nerve to tease Sakuragi Hanamichi like that couldn't be overly mild-mannered himself.
"Hey, don't worry man...it wasn't anything physical." All Youhei had to do was dangle that stupid little notebook out of his reach and over an open gutter.
Sendoh sighed a took a sip of his ice coffee. "So...you're still trying to help out Sakuragi, huh? I can tell you a little bit more about psychic powers." He asked, with a small smile.
Youhei gaped. "How...how...?"
"Well..." the spiky haired boy's smile turned knowing. "It seems that Sakuragi had passed away less than a week ago, yet his very best friend's preoccupied with researching supernatural stuff, without a trace of depression. C'mon, anyone would've been suspicious."
God, I swear the first time I saw him, this guy seemed to be omniscient... "I thought you said that stuff was crap."
"I believed it was...but after thinking over how you're taking it, I might convince myself to be a bit superstitious." The smile didn't leave his face. "Unless you've gone insane...but I can usually tell if someone is ."
The shorter brunette slumped in his chair. Great...now I've inadvertently brought in an outsider. Fortunately, it doesn't seem Sendoh's the type to cause trouble.
"Of course, I'm totally clueless about the exact situation, and have no purpose to pry myself into it. Just think it might be helpful to tell you a few things...first of all, remember those preserved souls I was telling you about the other day? My big sis told me they possess supernatural powers of their own, like being able to read people's thoughts."
"And also able to foresee the future?"
"That I can't say for sure...it's possible." He took another drink. "And I also heard that they're able to convey their special abilities to another non-psychic. You may take advantage of that, Mito, if it's doable at all."
Good stuff to know about. But there is just one thing that still confuses me like hell... "Since you know the bulk of our situation anyway, wouldn't matter if I told you a little more. Give me your opinion on this..." Youhei retold the story of meeting Kimura before the incident occurred, and how reality produced a different outcome than the vision transferred to Sakuragi. "...it could've been a fake vision, right?"
Sendoh scrunched up his forehead in deep thought. "You know...it sounds more like he produced an alternate reality."
"Alternate reality? What the hell is that?"
"I don't know how off my supposition is, but I'm hypothesizing that the first vision was entirely accurate, that Rukawa was supposed to be killed...except some unnatural intervention got in the way, namely Sakuragi being foretold about it. This interference and your best friend's resulting decision derailed their normal course of fate, branching out into multiple paths different possible outcomes." The older boy paused suddenly. "But then again, I've no logical guess why'd that psychic even bother informing Sakuragi if she really wanted Rukawa dead..."
As Youhei was listening to Sendoh, something clicked in his brain. Wait. I remember when we first stopped by Kimura's house...she was telling Rukawa about someone completely ordinary, yet able to determine his future. Ability to time travel. Alternate realities, caused by unnatural interventions. This may be going somewhere...! "So...those foretelling visions may not complete happen if something out of the ordinary somehow got in the way." Come to think of it, just when did Kimura and that other man start manipulating their fate? Probably impossible to tell, unless we ask her...
Sendoh held up a finger. "One more little detail I remember...those capable of prophesizing the future can also perceive those different alternate realities that were meant to have happened, but prevented."
Meanwhile, Youhei was lost in his own thoughts. This may just be a wild guess, but could that Aka actually have come from the future, and is trying to prevent from happening? But just who is he? Could he be anyone we happen to know in the present...?
"Well...that's all I can provide you, Mito." Sendoh stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder. "Good luck with helping Sakuragi...and the bill's on you, right?"
"Huh?" That snapped him out of his contemplation. "Hey...I didn't promise anything about treating you!" Youhei complained.
"C'mon, I just saved you a bunch of research time...gotta expect something in return, don't I?" He flashed his junior a super charming smile and a wink, throwing the latter off guard with his totally cool response.
Geez...this guy could freaking get away with anything, looking all so cool and sweet... "Oh, all right...whatever." Youhei grumbled, to his own chagrin.
==
"Now are you going to practice?" The redhead tried again as both boys strolled down the road.
"Not yet. I have something to show you." Rukawa replied impassively.
Something to show me?? Just what in the world would compel him to...? Sakuragi was wondering, when his companion suddenly stopped and stooped down. "Huh? That's what you want to show me?" he asked skeptically, raising one eyebrow.
Rukawa tickled a black and white stray kitten gently with his forefinger. "No, do'aho...I was just moving her away from the main road, so she won't be run down by cars."
"Heh...so you like cats, don't you?" Hey, they fit his personality, too...but he still looks more like a fox. "Too bad you weren't born one yourself, naturally freaky and egotistical like them..."
"They're only freaky to simple-minded do'ahos...and at least they're much more peaceful company to have around than you." He retorted. But then added quietly. "Peaceful, but not the best company when you're really depressed." And I never realized that until...
"...kittens...they're...just like kittens to me?" The redhead suddenly uttered, his eyes large with revelation. Rukawa turned to him with a questioning look. "Girls, I mean." The way Mr. Stone Man was so uncharacteristically adoring these kitten...it so reminds me of that feeling whenever I see a cute, petite girl. "No, that's impossible! There must be hell of a lot more than that!" But then again...why fifty rejections in just three years? He recalled the caustic fact. Why did I switch from girl to girl so quickly? Shit. Ever since the damn existence of homosexuality was brought into light, I've been freaking paranoid about my attraction toward females.
Rukawa did not remove his gaze from the brooding boy. Wrong...that's how deep the affection runs, do'aho. The expression in your eyes when that Akagi Haruko is present matches exactly how I feel these kittens, no more or less...or even the excitement and adoration of some silly girls over a very expensive dress or a piece of jewelry. The real reason you want them is cause they're cute and sweet, and you think everyone else has them.
They shortly resumed on their way in silence, when Sakuragi again spoke up. "Hey Rukawa...since you're so cool about gay stuff, do you know how it's like loving another guy like that? But you said you've also had a crush on a female."
"You can't always tell from the start, D—Hana...michi." The raven head answered promptly. "And you can also be bisexual and attracted to both sexes."
"Wow...never imagined anything so bizarre..." Then the redhead frowned. "Wait a minute...just how do you know if you're gay or not?"
Rukawa drew a deep, uncomfortable breath. "Use your common sense, do'aho. You'd get excited around a guy and have those damn sexual fantasies about him."
"Sexual fantasies about a guy?! Well...no, the tensai never had any of that crap. That means I'm not gay, right? Ha ha ha!" Then again...I was never that into reading the playboy stuff like the other gundan, or fantasies about naked girls...nah, it's because I'm just too decent of a guy!!
The raven head didn't answer, but led the way onto the city bus.
When they finally got off, the redhead found themselves in an isolated, mountainous forest area. "Hey...just what is this place?!"
Rukawa headed towards a series of stone steps leading up to one of the mountain tops. "Get climbing, do'aho."
==
About an hour or so of climbing, the redhead was getting impatient. "Geez, just how long is this stupid hike gonna last?!"
Sweating and slightly panting, the brunette turned to him. "You're the last one who should be complaining do'aho...you can't feel an ounce of fatigue."
Yeah, but it's so damn boring! What could possibly be up there worth showing me?!
"Do...Hanamichi." Rukawa unexpectedly started. "I told you before, there's nothing wrong with liking another guy, if it's genuine."
Huh, not again! Of all people, why is HE so unwilling to let this freaking issue go, so persistent in persuading me?!
"If you're so smart, you shouldn't always follow the main stream beliefs."
"What...are you insulting my intelligence, fox?!"
"Take it however you want, do'aho...but don't prejudge." He shot back; the sudden heatedness in his voice startled the redhead.
"...Don't you order me around, Rukawa." He muttered angrily, but he was thinking, I've always despised those senseis and classmates who looked down on me because of my naturally red hair...am I no better off then them, if...?
Youhei's voice suddenly popped up in Sakuragi's head. "Freedom's always been your best quality, Hana. You like to bend or break the rules, for better or for worse...but it's always better in the long run, cause you never blindly follow them like so many others around you." Blindly following the rules set by those old idiots...
"We're there." After the last step, the redhead found himself standing on a steep hill peak. He couldn't help gasp at the breathtaking sight before him.
"It's...beautiful." Was all Sakuragi could manage as his awed eyes took in the gentle sunset rays seeping through the misty woods below them.
"I'd always come here to this one place whenever I wanted to be cut off from everyone else." Rukawa told him quietly. He's the first I've every taken here, and hopefully he'd be the last.
Sakuragi caught sight of his companion—still as a statue, breeze ruffling his silky black hair, and eyes staring far into the distance. It feels like one of those special moments, when you really want to do or say something memorable or else the significance will be lost forever. But just what...
Reach out and touch his heart.
Huh? Who said that? The redhead spun around, but there was no one except for Rukawa, eyes closed and too absorbed in his own world to speak.
This is the moment. Put your hand on his chest, and you will know. Wait a minute. This voice is...coming from my own head! It's the same voice I hear before I'm transported to Youhei or Rukawa! Should I...?
As if spellbound, Sakuragi slowly approached the unsuspecting raven head, and pressed one incorporeal palm onto the other boy's chest. All of the sudden, the redhead felt as if he were sucked right into the raven head's own body.
Rukawa's eyes flew open in shock and he stared at the redhead. "What the...the hell are you doing, do'aho?" A frantic tone had broken through his always calm, monotonous voice. He tried to step away, but was gripped tightly into position by some unknown bond. Meanwhile, images started to flood into Sakuragi's head; images of Rukawa living at his half-uncle's house. "NO!" the raven head could no longer hide his mounting fear. "Stop! Don't...don't make me remember...Stop it!!" He stooped down and dug his fingers into his hair. But the redhead couldn't...something inside urged that he just had to know. Amidst the obvious anguish of his rival, Sakuragi excavated those secret, unwanted memories.
And there they were: a eight or nine year old Rukawa Kaede, all...naked and bruised, and tied up. A sixteen year old boy looked on, grinning with perversion at the little boy. "Should be glad you're pleasing, runt. You're mother never wanted you, and neither did my dad. You'd better thank me, cause I was kind enough to out of my way to convince him." With that, the older boy viciously grabbed little Rukawa Kaede and satisfied his own needs with brutal roughness. The redhead could see the tears running down the kid's little cheeks, face twisted with agony and humiliation, painful cries muffled by masking tape. And the teenager went on with his torture almost every day, even twice a day sometimes...and the seven year old would slink silently in the corner of the house, with no one bothering to pay attention. Little Rukawa eventually ceased showing so much pain and tears on his face, expression replaced by a blank numbness. This appeared to displease the older boy. "So...think you're getting braver, huh, runt?! Well, I'm gonna break your stupid pride!" And the older boy's tactics became increasingly sadistic and demeaning each day, but cautious enough not to leave an apparent bruise or signs of mutilation. Each time after the teenager had his fill, he'd sneer at the little boy lying motionlessly on the floor. "You can tattle tell all you want, Kaede...but no one's ever gonna believe you. I'm too perfect of a student and son in their eyes, and they're just gonna view you as a disgusting brat with an abnormally perverse imagination."
Back in the present, tears started to run down Rukawa's cheeks as he lost complete inhibition of himself. "Stop it. Stop it...you're killing me." He moaned helplessly.
Sakuragi was almost speechless, appalled by the atrocity of the ordeal, but set by a firm determination. No...I gotta finish it. "Hang in there...you have to let it out, Rukawa. You helped me, and I'm now gonna help you vent..." he managed to whisper encouragingly.
The redhead focused again, and saw...little Rukawa was finally driven over the edge by the mistreatment; he took a piece of the torture device and jabbed it deep into his older cousin's leg. Moments later, the little boy was being beaten viciously by his half-uncle, not uttering a sound the whole time. Finally, his panting uncle hissed, "You keep far away from my kid, you little f---. You and your worthless self was never welcome in my household, and I would've thrown you out now if my son hadn't pleaded for me not to."
The scene changed to young Rukawa, shoulders being held by his mother. "Kaede...why did you hurt that psychiatrist? He was only trying to help you! And why...just why are you not speaking anymore?! Answer me, goddamit!" She cried tearfully to the quiet little boy who stared emotionlessly back at her.
...and the vision ended. Still dazed, the redhead looked down at Rukawa, slumped down and sobbing quietly. His whole childhood was destroyed by such unspeakable experiences. An overwhelming pain plunged into his heart, but he managed to fight off the wetness that was forming in his eyes. I so want to cry for him...but I can't. I have to be strong, so he won't feel so helpless and alone.
"Rukawa..." Sakuragi started, but then silenced himself. Finally calmed down a bit, Sakuragi's thoughts started to penetrate the raven head's consciousness as well. If only...I was somehow there, maybe I could've done something, prevented one less day of that horrible torture. I've been so proud of myself for fighting off harm with my own hands, but what good will that do when I can't help protect those in need?!! Rukawa stopped crying all together. He lifted his tear stained eyes, and saw Sakuragi trembling with fury and grief. The redhead's suffering eyes seemed to mirror own heart, blatantly reflecting every bit of the immense pain he felt inside.
He turned to the raven head, the pain suddenly mixed with pure hatred. "I swear, Rukawa...the moment I get my body back, we'll track down that f---ing bastard together, and I'll make him apologize in front of you that he was ever born...!" Sakuragi promised intensely. Speechless, a lone tear trickled down Rukawa cheek, not because of grief, but because he almost felt...touched. Here was the do'aho who hated and ridiculed him all his life, yet now hating and grieving so much just for him? He turned away and replied softly, "I did try to track him down by myself two years ago...but he and his family disappeared entirely. His habits probably got exposed at some point."
"Doesn't make a damn difference...he's gonna pay, if it takes the rest of our lives!"
The anger and determination had not subsided in the redhead's eyes. Thank you, do'a—Hana. Really. Then he chuckled inwardly. But you got the roles reversed. You're the one who needs the protection...someone so innocently naive like you. There's no way I'd forget the pain and humiliation during that time no matter how I take revenge, but seeing the way you're standing up for me...
They quietly headed back thereafter. "So you're finally going to practice, huh?"
"No. I'm gonna take a nap for today."
==
Rukawa tossed himself onto the bed and slipped the covers over himself. Ten minutes had passed, yet there was still no sound of snoring.
Sitting on his desk, Sakuragi frowned slightly. Is he sleeping to escape from what just happened? "Hey Rukawa...do you hate me at all for what I just did? Be honest." Silence. "I know you're still awake! Answer me!" The redhead was getting frantic. "Please?!"
"...do I have the right to? I did the same thing to you." Rukawa finally replied.
"....." Yeah, but that was different. I actually intruded into your personal thoughts...I was just trying to help him, have him share his pain. Then the question suddenly hit him: Why? Why try to be such a big part of Rukawa's life, know so much about him? Sure, he's proven himself a little more decent of a guy than previously thought, but that's no reason...someone, something tell me, what exactly are we to each other NOW?? Someone please just let me know somehow, goddamit!!
As if his plea was answered, Sakuragi fell into another trance preceding those visions. This time he was brought to a...night club dance floor? The club was overcrowded and wild, bodies convulsing to the beat, lights dancing all over the dimly lit arena.
"Woohooooo!! You are sure missing out, fox!" The redhead's eyes traced to the source of the familiar voice, and yep...there was himself again. Wait...isn't that the dark navy polo Rukawa promised to send him earlier that day? The envisioning redhead watched in dumbfounded silence. Hey, who taught me to dance like that?! I never bothered learning! And isn't that Micchy, Ryochin, and Youhei dancing right with me?! The four companions were bumping and grinding their sweaty bodies against each other, as well as some other dancers on the floor, when a strong, pale arm shot out from nowhere and grabbed hold of the dancing Sakuragi's, pulling him through the crowd and out the door. "What, not again! Kaede, you're being a real kill joy!!" Sakuragi tried to yell above the deafening music.
?! Did he just call Rukawa KAEDE?!
Sakuragi followed the couple all the way into an apartment...the same one he saw in that second vision! The raven head threw Sakuragi on to the bed and slammed the door. He stared at the flustered redhead, suddenly crinkling his nose. "Go take a shower, Hana. Now."
Sakuragi scowled back at him. "Look Kaede...I did nothing wrong! I was simply having some fun with our old friends, and you, for no apparent reason, dragged me all the way home without even letting me say goodbye! And now you're bossing me around like Gori used to...!"
"Talk about this later. Just get your butt in the shower." He stopped, appearing to change his mind. "Actually...I'd better go in and clean you up myself. Move it."
Sakuragi's face turned has crimson as his hair. "You what?! No way, I'm a grown man now, Kaede! You gotta save me my damn dignity...!" His complaints seemed to have fallen on deaf ears as he was once again forcefully led into the bathroom.
"Ow—ow—ow...you're scalding me, stupid fox!" A clotheless redhead protested as the equally undressed Rukawa poured a tub of warm water onto his back.
"It's supposed to help you relax, do'aho...and clean off all the germs and dirt from those other dancers bumping into you." The raven head answered curtly.
"It was just for fun, Kaede...I know you're not as touchy as...hey!" the redhead gave a surprised yelp as Rukawa started to...run his tongue all over his neck.
Has that fox gone pervertedly insane?!! Horrified shock filled the watching redhead, but was quickly taken over by an intriguing curiosity.
"I'm...going to lick you clean of their touches, Hana." The tall brunette whispered almost breathlessly. His cold expression suddenly melted into a desiring gaze.
Sakuragi watched himself lean back so his head lay on the raven head's shoulder. Oh shit...not me too...!! But for some reason, it looks...kinda comfortable and cute lying on the fox's shoulders like that?!
"Uh...hold on fox. You wanted to tell me something...this morning." The redhead sighed, his eyes closed, face blissfully eased. Rukawa's mouth was now traveling down his spine, making him gasp. "Ahh...tell me...now, before you forget. We can always continue this later." The raven head withdrew his mouth and gently turned Sakuragi around to face him. A solemn expression resumed itself on his face.
"Hana, remember that incident about my older cousin, Kajii?"
At the mention of the name, a burning glare immediately replaced the redhead's dazed eyes. "Why...have you seen the asshole around or something?!!" He growled menacingly, grabbing Rukawa's shoulders.
"Shhh...that's not it, Hana." The raven head gave the boy a reassuring look, yet a glint of pleasure did not escape Sakuragi's attention. He's actually glad that I'm so worked up for him...
"Good. I gave that bastard the best I've ever got...there's no way he'd ever leave the hospital."
"And I had to step in to exculpate you from the charges of assault, with a little bribery, do'aho. I knew I never should've told you, no matter how hard you pressed me to."
"And I would've never forgiven you if I had to learn it from someone else, Kaede. I knew you had some trouble dealing with the police, but no need to have blown your head off at me like that. It was so worth it I'd be willing to serve jail time for ten years."
Rukawa's expression suddenly hardened like stone and he grabbed the startled redhead's chin tightly. "Don't you ever goddamn say or even think that, Hana! I'll massacre all the police officers and prison guards before you set even a foot into a prison cell! Besides..." the raven head's face filled with anger and agonizing worry as he recalled the moment. "God knows what that bastard Kajii would've done if he'd the chance to lay his disgusting hands on your naïve self, Hana. I was scared to death when I heard you'd gone to find him on your own! I didn't sleep, eat, I hardly breathed until we finally found you!"
The redhead's features suddenly softened, filled with guilt. He soothingly wrapped his arms around Rukawa, running his fingers through the boy's hair. "I'm so sorry, Kaede...I promise never to stray out of your sight without telling you."
"...and I'll make sure you never stray out of my sight, period." The raven head uttered with a chilling sternness, but his body was no longer tense with anger and anxiety. He sighed contentedly, burrowing his face deep into Sakuragi's shoulder. "What I had to tell you this morning was...how you freed me from his relentless grasp on my being, not by taking vengeance but by being close to me...and by being yourself." He suddenly took Sakuragi's wrist and brushed the latter's palm on his lips. "First, you loosened my lips, so I can talk about my true feelings to someone else...even if it's just to you, Hana." he murmured the words with an extreme delicately, as if chanting a sacred prayer.
"Kaede..." The redhead whispered gently.
Next, he pressed the hand onto his chest. "Secondly, you freed me from that barrier I built around me. I had thought I could never trust or love anyone else without getting hurt...many times I even hated my own self. But you broke that vicious cycle, giving back my self-respect...and someone to trust and love with all my heart. It feels again because of you." The unrestrained love and gratitude in his eyes matched his words. "Finally..." He guided Sakuragi's hand lower and lower...down to his crotch. Mortified, the redhead tried to pull free, but Rukawa held on tight.
"Ka—Kaede, that's enough...!" The redhead spluttered, his face red and steamy as a boiled tomato.
"...you set me free from that fear of being touched, or even being loved. It had never left me since I was in third grade...but after having you by my side, it seemed almost none existent. Your warm, sweet body erases the marks his slimy, disgusting mouth made." The raven head was getting visibly excited from the touch of the other boy. Sakuragi himself appeared to follow along, however, and had stopped struggling; both were slowly relaxing their eye lids, their breathing increasingly audible and quick. After a minute or so, Rukawa opened his eyes, still not letting the hand budge from its spot. "I can desire and love another like any other man now, Hana."
With that, he jerked the redhead to his feet, led him out of the bathroom, and onto the bed. "Hey...we're still wet! At least we should towel off first, you perverted fox!" Sakuragi laughingly protested. His protests were cut off by the raven head's most passionate soul-kiss he'd ever seen; at the same time, Rukawa's hands were everywhere on his exposed body, with no ounce of inhibition...
"Why are you staring in space like the do'aho you are?" A voice cut in his awareness.
Before he knew it, he found himself back in reality. Rukawa glanced at him with an eyebrow raised before sliding out of bed and into the bathroom. So I'm...a homosexual? No! Just when are those messed up visions ever gonna stop??!
Just guess. You know what to do. It's that same voice again.
Sakuragi closed his eyes and searched deep within his own heart, and finally made up his mind. Shit. It doesn't make sense at all! But if it's the only goddamn way to find out... He passed through the bathroom door and saw the raven head drying off his face with a towel. Rukawa glimpsed at the redhead and paused. "What do you want?" He asked, bewildered.
Sakuragi did not reply, but steadily approached the boy with an unreadable expression. What do I want? I don't know either, Rukawa. But I do know I'm through being shocked and utterly confused by those damn visions. Maybe...if I do this, I'll finally know what's happening to me, if they're actually true or not. Don't think at all, don't think at all. Just do it—quickly. Stopping right in front of the perplexed raven head, Sakuragi leaned forward and pecked his intangible lips against the other boy's warm, solid ones. The realization of his action hit him immediately, and he withdrew like lightning. Rukawa's eyes were wide with shock. "Just what...?"
The redhead covered his mouth with his fingers. "N—nothing! I just wanted to show you I'm not discriminating against homosexuality, anymore...ha ha ha! It doesn't matter, cause I'm not really alive, and I didn't really do it!" He grinned frantically. To his surprise, he felt a pang of disappointment, as if he'd woken up in the middle of a great dream.
Rukawa, still too stunned, unconsciously started to caress his own lips. "Do'aho—I mean Hanamichi..."
Sakuragi suddenly felt a throbbing pain in his heart as he stared into the raven head's eyes. Then it seemed like his heart was skipping every other beat. What is happening...? I...shit! I...! He quickly spun around. "That meant nothing! You hear me?! Freaking nothing!! I was just trying to prove to you...!" To his horror, tears started spilling out his eyes, and his heart beat just pounded faster and faster. He quickly sprinted out of the room. Rukawa threw open the door and followed him.
Hurt flooded the tall brunette's eyes as well, and...he was now gazing at the scurrying redhead's back with an entirely foreign expression, one he'd never laid upon anyone else in his life. "Hana...wait!" He called.
"SHUT UP!! I've just tricked you into believing I had feelings for you, huh, stupid fox?!! Ha ha ha! I did it! I freaking won! You must really hate me now! I'm just one of those damn people who abandoned you, played with your emotions!" God, I don't know what the hell I'm saying...I just want to get away from him, before...before...! The redhead tried to sound as haughty and mean as he could, but his voice was too thick with the uncontrollable feelings. He stopped running, fell onto his hands and knees, and started laughing helplessly.
Rukawa crouched beside the boy, bending down to look at him. He caught the tears streaming down the redhead's face, and the confused pain in his features.
Sakuragi's laughter suddenly transformed into choking sobs, he murmured. "Messed up...I'm so freaking messed up."
Rukawa looked on as the sobbing figure vented his frustration and confusion towards his own feelings. Finally, he whispered firmly, "Stop crying, do'aho. Or else you're really gonna get it from me."
Eyes burning, Sakuragi snapped his head up. "What in hell do you care, Rukawa?!"
"I care...cause it feels so painful seeing you cry like this." The redhead stopped sobbing abruptly, because his rival was gazing at him all so differently, eyes filled with unmistakable warmth and...loving concern.
Hypnotized by the unbelievably gentle look, Sakuragi's mind slowly put together the whole situation: when he looked into the raven head's eyes right after the kiss, he felt an intense, strange feeling...a longing, so strong that it started to hurt—bad enough to make him cry unwillingly.
Rukawa reached out and placed his hand soothingly on the redhead's illusionary cheeks. You had no idea, do'aho...how I had to keep that same pain and confusion you were feeling hidden from not only you, but myself, way before that accident that took away your life...but just scared that you'd be totally disgusted. Who in hell would've thought...you'd be the one to make the move.
Warm knowing eyes met truthful yet uncertain ones, generating an emotional gravity that neither could defy, drawing their faces closer and closer, bit by bit. At the same time, the answer became crystal clear to the redhead: he'd always yearned something from the pale young man in front of him...something that transcended any boundaries of gender notions, deeply rooted rationality, and even the physical world.
Finally grasped with certainty, Sakuragi lowered his eyelids and whispered, "You know what, fox? I don't think I'd mind being gay at all."
The corners of Rukawa's lips suddenly curved—curved into a small yet loving smile. "Of course you don't, do'aho." He replied, as if he'd somehow known all along. Two sets of eyes closed, distance between the boy's lips vanished. Sakuragi could feel neither the warmth nor softness of his rival- turned-lover's lips, and the raven head was kissing thin air. But they both felt the moment in their hearts, felt that the whole world had shrunk down to just them two, and time had frozen, preserving them forever in the amorous gesture. After a long silence, they finally withdrew, still gazing intently in each other's eyes.
"Hey, Rukawa..."
"Kaede...unless I'm still nothing more than a teammate to you."
"Oh...Kaede." Sakuragi reddened again. Why do I feel so damn timid in front of him all of the sudden?! He used to be my pummel partner, for god sake! "...I think I just went berserk into self-denial...because I was so afraid you'd be my 52nd rejecter."
"...if I didn't want you too, I wouldn't have bothered to follow you out the bathroom."
==
Unknown by the two preoccupied boys, man with a red cloth masking his face emerged from behind the tree trunk in front of Rukawa's house. He slammed his fist on the wood, screaming "Why?!! Why, despite all my efforts?! Why have they still...?! Never mind. I'll change that very soon." Still trembling with anger, the man took out a photo of Sakuragi and Rukawa standing side by side; Sakuragi was grinning from ear to ear at the camera with his arm hugging the raven head's shoulder, while Rukawa had turned his head a little to gaze affectionately at the redhead.
Heh. I know you better than yourself, Rukawa...your gay cousin Kajii's prolonged abuse incapacitated your ability to freely release physical desires...causing involuntary repression of carnal needs. Although you're good at hiding it, I can tell your self-control is waning fast from all that penned up desire.
He tore off the half with Rukawa's image, shredded it, and let the pieces flutter away with the wind. Rukawa Kaede, your deepest weaknesses, desires, and fears all are in my very grasp. And the person you love now has absolutely has no means to satisfy your hunger, him being no more than a shadow...there's no way you can resist me!
TBC