Well, you could say that other peoples' loss is my gain. Surely some of you have heard of those fires in Southern California? I got a week off school because of them (though knowing the system bastards they'll probably have us make it up in summer. . .) so that's how I actually managed to do this chapter. Pumped it out in a day baby! It must be some kind of record for me….-_-;
Disclaimer: For entertainment only J
Forgotten Love: Part Twelve
~ ~ ~
She could see her breath in the crisp morning air, all she wore was a tank top and thin cotton pants, but the chill didn't affect her. The sky was a steel gray color, turning rosy in the east where the sun was struggling to climb the horizon. The road was a secluded one, branching out from the one that lead to Quatre's house, and it was lined with large oaks and overgrown grass on either side. She'd been out here every morning for the past week, just sitting silently and going over what had happened and trying to come to terms with her guilt. She couldn't place the blame entirely on the alcohol because she had still been semi-aware of her surroundings when Duo had kissed her. But as soon as their lips had met, her memory became a black void until those blue eyes had penetrated the darkness.
"Oh fuck. . ." Duo murmured. He sat up and looked down at Keiko's open blouse, as if realizing what had actually happened. "Holy Mary, Mother of Jesus. . ."
"Heero, Heero, I'm sorry," Keiko wept, pulling her shirt closed and barely able to talk through her tears. "God, I'm so sorry. . .I'm sorry, I'm sorry. . ." His blue eyes showed the anger that was masked from his other features and he pulled his gaze away from her.
"It wasn't her fault!" Duo exclaimed, knowing that it truly was his fault because they were drunk and he had taken advantage of the moment. "It was me! I did it! Hate me- not her!"
Heero looked up at Duo, the disgust still evident on his face. Without another word he turned and fled.
"No, wait!" Keiko cried in a croaky voice, struggling to be free. Duo moved and the she shot past him, running after Heero.
She screamed for him, he kept on running, past a bewildered Quatre and Trowa and right out the front door into the night.
"Heero!" Keiko yelled, following the sound of his harsh footsteps as they continued on at a relentless pace. She slowed, struggling to catch her breath, but continued out into the trees. Beneath her, her shuddering knees gave and she collapsed. Now everything was quite. The only sound besides her heavy breathing was the crickets chirping, completely ignorant of everything going on around them. Her eyes clouded and she let them spill over again, this time in silence.
When she'd come back, Heero's door was locked, but Trowa had been waiting for her, his face grave. Wordlessly, he took her hand and led her to a different room, where all her things had been moved, and by the looks of them, in a hurry.
Heero hadn't spoken to her since that night. At first, she'd tried to talk to him, to ask for forgiveness, but he had only sneered and turned away. Now he refused to meet her questioning eyes at all. She'd begun to give up, and since she couldn't sleep she would come and sit outside from about 3:30 to 6:30, then creep back into her room and stay in there for the remainder of the day.
Duo had left. The morning after he'd caught the first shuttle to the colonies to see Hilde, saying he would be back in about two weeks. He'd apologized profusely to her on his way out the door with damp eyes and wished her the best of luck with Heero.
Keiko brushed her face with her fingertips, clearing away the tears as more replaced the lost ones. She hated crying; it made her feel even worse. Yet here she was, weeping, for the umpteenth time. Digging her fingernails into her temples, she suppressed a scream of despair and gently rocked herself on her toes.
"Oh, God. . .It wasn't supposed to be this way. . ." she whispered, curling into a ball.
* * *
Heero lay in his bed, an arm flung over his face to block the glow from outside. He'd been waking up at the same time Keiko shuffled down the hall and walked outside. His senses were tuned into her soft step, and he couldn't figure out to turn that sense off.
It wasn't fair! Why did she have to wake him up every morning- even unintentionally? He knew she went out there to cry her little eyes out, and then shut herself up. If she thought pitying was going to convince him into talking to her, she was deeply misled. He would speak with her when he was ready. After all, he had taken a serious emotional beating too, and he didn't want to risk exploding at her.
He sat up, knowing she would be back soon, and looked out the window onto the driveway. There she was- a sorrow filled angle dressed in blue, and right on time according to his clock. His eyes followed her sullen frame as she reached the driveway, and she glanced up suddenly. Her eyes locked into his, though they seemed no more than little green specks from where he was. His hand moved as if it had a will of its own, and waved slightly before he regained control of it. She was smiling sadly, but the smile disappeared when Heero returned his attention back towards her, his eyes glaring. Keiko glanced away and hurried inside.
Heero sighed and closed his eyes. "I know you're hurting, but so am I."
* * *
Quatre was waiting for her when she walked in from outside. She glanced at him and brushed her golden hair back behind her ears nervously. "Good morning," Keiko said, putting on a fake smile.
"You're eyes are puffy," he replied in greeting, moving towards her.
"Well, you know. . .Yeah."
Quatre wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a close embrace. " It's not good to drown yourself in sadness Keiko," he stated, drawing away. " Isolating yourself isn't the key either."
She looked at the floor, then back to him. "I know. I just don't know what I should do."
"You do know, you're just a bit apprehensive about doing it," he replied. "You've got to try harder."
"How can I try harder?" she demanded. "I've already tried."
"What you've done has only been with words, and it was only a few times," Quatre said. "Actions speak louder than words."
Keiko glanced away again. "You're right," she returned slowly. "I guess I should try to do something other than mopping. . ."
Quatre nodded, swiveled and returned to reading the newspaper with his cup of coffee.
"Quatre, can I use your phone?" she called to his retreating form.
"Of course."
"Thanks!" She found the phone and quickly punched in a number. An operators' machine voice came on and asked her where she wanted to be directed to. "The L2 Colony please."
There was a pause, and then the voice returned. "You have been connected, please dial the number of the person you wish to contact." Keiko dialed another number, and on the third ring, there was an answer.
"Duo," Keiko said bluntly.
"Hello?"
"It's me."
"Oh, hey. How are you doing?"
"Okay I guess. How are you and Hilde? Oh I didn't wake you did I?"
"Nah, different time up here. Hilde and I, we've worked things out. She was a little upset at first, but once I told her the full story and all she was pretty cool about it."
"I'm glad to hear that," Keiko smiled.
"Has. . .Have you and Heero made up yet?" he asked hesitantly.
"No. He won't talk to me."
"Oh, I'm sorry. . ."
"It'll pass. Hopefully."
"Yeah, I hope so too. Ah!" It sounded like someone has smacked Duo's head, or pulled on his braid, because he let out a yelp and there was suddenly another voice in the background. Duo was laughing as he spoke into the phone again. "Hey, I gotta go Keiko, the Kaiser's up and is harassing me."
Keiko grinned at the sound of their good-natured squabbling. "See you soon Duo."
"See ya!"
"Damn," she murmured the moment she had hung up. She'd totally forgotten that the purpose of her call was to get advice. Oh well, if she had to, she could call back later. She got up and meandered her way back into the kitchen.
Shortly after, someone thumped down the stairs and hurried into the kitchen.
"Morning Heero," Quatre said pleasantly while not looking away from his paper.
"Morning."
Keiko turned to greet him but he just walked right past here, pulling on a blue button up shirt over his black tank top.
"Hi Heero," she said, smiling.
He didn't reply, instead he shoved a piece of bread in the toaster and began fidgeting around the countertop, waiting for it to be done. "Hey Quatre, I'm going to be gone for the day, and I think I'll be getting back fairly late, so don't be surprised or anything if you hear me coming in past midnight."
"Alright," he replied.
Without another word he readied his toast and was walking for the door.
"See you Heero," Keiko called brightly. She was going to try her damnedest to get him to talk to her, even if it was like she was talking to a wall. Of course, there was no indication that he even heard her, but Keiko noticed that his eyes flicked towards her for an instant.
That was a start at least.
* * *
Keiko sat curled up on her stool next to the island in the kitchen, watching the evening news. Trowa sat beside her, silently taking in the images in front of him.
"They need to catch that guy. . ." he said softly. "He has to slip up some time."
"He seems to be pretty good at what he does," she returned grimly, tearing her eyes away from the victim's smiling face plastered on the television. "In a way, I guess it's a good thing that I left when I did. Some of those things were happening to close to home. Still, I miss my old house, and my mom."
"Your mother doesn't live close to that area does she?" Quatre asked from her other side.
Keiko shook her head. "No. She lives about forty minutes away from my house- well out of the dangerous area."
"That's good."
". . .selling author, Keiko Yamikachi, has apparently left her home colony of L1 and has now taken up residence on Earth-"
Keiko's face twisted into a look of annoyance as she glared at the reporter, with a picture of herself just above his left shoulder. "Damn it. . .They just don't let anything rest. . .That's one of the bad things about fame, your private life gets invaded."
"At least they don't know where you are," Trowa remarked.
"You have a point."
"Speaking of unknown locations, I haven't seen Heero all day," Wufei remarked suddenly. He threw a look at Keiko. "Did you two switch roles for a day?"
"Shut up Wufei," Keiko hissed, chucking a pillow at him.
"Jeez, calm down. Sorry, I was just trying to-"
"Lighten the situation with your poor taste of humor. Yeah, I get it."
"I don't have a clue as to where he went. You know him," Quatre explained. "He likes to do his own things."
The door slammed shut and Heero appeared in the doorway, ruffling his hair.
"Speak of the devil. You're home earlier than I expected. What were you up to?" Trowa asked softly.
"I was over at Relena's."
"What?" Keiko gasped glancing from Trowa to Heero then back to Trowa. "Why. . . ?"
Heero moved away. "It's none of your damn business."
"I think it is. I know that's not true, you told me yourself that that woman annoys you to no end, so why would you lie to me and say that is where you were all day?"
No answer.
"You. . .You're only saying that to hurt me, because you knew it would. . .I don't believe you."
Heero turned and walked into the living room, where music was softly coming from the guys' CD player.
Keiko slowly followed him, though he turned his face away from her. Trowa, Quatre and Wufei retreated upstairs, feeling that the two needed their privacy.
"Heero, please! Why won't you look at me?" she asked, wanting to touch him, but hesitating. "You won't even speak to me! Is this how it's going to end? After all these years? Look at me damnit!"
"I don't think I can," he replied gently, surprising Keiko. She hadn't expected a reply, especially a soft spoken one. "My faith is gone. My heart's gone cold and I'm shamed. People do that to each other, you know, when you love someone so much it hurts to look at them. If I look at you, I think my heart will die." He turned his head slightly around so he could see her out of the corner of his eye. "But you're worth it."
He saw her eyes fill to the brim with tears but they didn't spill over. "Forgive me. . ." she whispered. "I know that what I've done has hurt you, but it was an accident, I swear."
Heero turned to face her directly and felt his lips turn up into a small, sad smile. "Trust isn't easy for me to come by. What you and I had- it was built up over time. It was broken that night though, and I don't know how long it will take for me to be able to trust you again-"
"You have no faith in me," she interrupted, sounding aghast.
"You could put it that way."
"Then it's meaningless!" Keiko yelled, getting to her feet. "If you have no faith then it's just pointless to continue! That's what a relationship is about- trusting the other person!"
"And all it takes is one incident to shatter that trust! This occurred that night!"
"Well what the hell do you want me to do then? Get down on my knees and beg for your forgiveness? Is that what you want?"
"What I want is to open my eyes and discover that none of this ever happened!" he shouted, noticing how loud they were getting. Whatever, he didn't care if the others overhead right now.
"Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is reality and it's rather difficult to do time travel," Keiko snapped. " Wake up, Heero! We can't go back, we can only hold our heads high and carry on! I thought we realized that five years ago! If want to let go of everything we have because of. . ." Her voice faltered and Heero looked up to see her tears finally descend. His throat knotted at the image but he refused to show it. "If we let go. . . I don't know what I'll do. I won't go back to my mother though," she added, a determined light filling her face as her lips pursed to a thin line. "I won't give you that satisfaction."
It felt like someone had punched him in the stomach, hard. Heero's mouth opened slightly in surprise. "Do you really think I want you to see you go back to Lelita-san?"
Keiko dropped to the couch and covered her weeping face with her hands. "I don't know," she said softly as Heero sat down beside her. "I don't know what to think right now." She lowered her hand from her swollen eyes and gazed at Heero. Her bottom lip trembled as she looked over him and more tears fell when she whispered, " Hold me, please."
He gathered her small frame close to him, holding her as if she were an object that would break with just the slightest firm touch. Now that their shouting had died down, Quatre's music was able to be heard again. Heero half listened to it, placing more attention on comforting Keiko, until another song began. Something in the chords was haunting and it sent a shiver down his spine. He felt Keiko stiffen, she had felt the same thing too. They sat there, listening to the slow, eerie song.
I'm in love with you
And it's crushing my heart
All I want is you
To take me into your arms
When love and death embrace
I love you
And you're crushing me heart
I need you
Please take me into your arms
When love and death embrace
When love and death embrace
When love and death embrace
When love and death embrace
Keiko pulled back and gazed meaningfully at Heero. "Do you think we could. . .Try?"
He glanced away, trying to work it out in his head. His silence was slowly chipping away her hope, and when he looked back at her, the world stopped.
~ ~ ~
Fin! Ah, temporary ranting time: I had some issues writing this chapter (notice late update again…) because of Heero. I tried to make it come across that he still loved Keiko dearly, but was deeply hurt by her "betrayal" and- seeing as it was done by the one person he had given his all to- didn't really know how to cope with it. I hope that was somewhat visible……
And I do think that this story will probably be over within three or four more chapters. I have two endings and I'm not sure which to use. . .One's a nice ending but the other one is sad. I suppose I could put both of them up here. . .*shrug* I don't know. I'll figure that out when the time comes.