Chapter 4
Severus watched helplessly as the flask shattered into a million tiny shards, spilling the precious potion on the stone floor. His hands shook in fury. As a man once haunted by demons in his sleep Severus considered his potent dreamless sleep potion to be of more value than gold. Air rushed into his lungs as he attempted to take calming breaths of the rank dungeon air. Her refusal to take the potion had stirred up in him an irrational anger that was so strong he could taste it. He turned sharply on one heel and stalked back to his desk.
Hermione heard the anger in his breathing and let out a small sigh of her own. She could explain, and she knew she should, but if she spoke, if she said out loud that Ron was dead and Harry was gone it would all become real and if it were real then there was no point in Dumbledore and his staff taking care of her, because there was no point in her living. Her friends were everything to her, she had never had many friends and the few she had were irrefutably more precious than any sum of gold. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly to keep tears from falling, it was useless to deny what she knew, she had never been any good at denial, but she tried none the less; puling up images of Ron and Harry, happy ones, and tried to convince herself that they were coming to visit her that very afternoon.
Half an hour passed before Severus felt again as if he could control his emotions, during that time Hermione lay motionless, her eyes squeezed tightly shut, her every muscle tense. Visions were flashing through the blackness with terrifying rapidity and vividness. She saw Draco lying in a pool of his own blood; she imagined Harry lying in the mud eyes wide, dead; and she saw Ron in his final resting place dead mere seconds before she reached his side. She shuddered at this image and wrapped her arms even more tightly around her body.
She was curled tightly in the fetal position when Severus finally turned to look at her. Compassion swept through him as he watched her; obviously she was tormented, much like he had been, by visions of death and destruction that made her fear sleep above all else. 'How much worse must it be to be blind and have these visions as your only "sight"?' he wondered, leaning idly against his desk; watching. His need to avoid sleep had arisen because that was the only time when he didn't see horrendous flashes from his past, but Hermione had no other images to ward of the evil ones.
Yet another vision crept with cruel cunning into Hermione's mental horror show and she pounded the chair in frustration, tears streaming unchecked down her cheeks.
Severus felt his heart churn at the sight of her anguish. He was unaware of his own motion until he was beside her, reaching out a hand to grasp one of hers. He held it, silently stroking her palm with his thumb in a soothing manner, saying nothing. He could see the tension in her shoulders and searched his brain desperately for a way to relieve it.
A knock at the door brought Severus swiftly to his feet. Today's meddler would find themselves serving detention for a month, no matter if it wasn't a student. He opened the door to see Albus standing outside, his expression grave. Severus' irritation dwindled slightly at the sight of his intruder and he motioned for the man to enter.
Dumbledore shook his head slightly and motioned silently for the Professor to step outside the soundproofed room. Once they were alone he spoke, "I've just had some terrible news." He said gravely.
Severus' heart rate tripled at the words. And when Dumbledore didn't continue immediately he snapped out, "What is it?" in his best irritated- professor-to-pouting-toddler voice.
A deep, tragic sigh shook the Headmaster's shoulders and a defeated expression made him look his age for once. By this point Severus was panicked.
"Harry has disappeared from the victims unit." The Headmasters eyes betrayed worry and sadness.
"Potter?" Severus' face paled, if that were possible, and, conjuring a chair, he sat in shock. "Missing..." he shook his head."Of his own violation?" he voiced his only hope with a note of desperation.
Dumbledore shook his head no.
"What do you need me to do?" Severus did not regard the Boy-who-lived any more highly than he had when the boy had been his student. But to have him disappear at some unknown assailant's hands was worrying. Despite the best efforts of the Ministry's aurors it was widely acknowledged that there were dozens of angry estranged Death Eaters who would love to get their hands on Voldemort's defeater. As a former member of their ranks Severus felt very responsible for their actions.
"Stay here and continue your current duties." Holding up a hand for silence Dumbledore continued, "I will be heading off today with a few staff members, Minerva will be taking over my Headmaster duties. Madame Pomfery has only a few patients left, if you feel a need you may ask her assistance in Miss Granger's care, though I don't recommend it. I want you to begin teaching her to brew potions without sight." At this Severus protested, but a glare from the Headmaster stopped him. "She will go insane lying in a chair with nothing to take her mind off the condition of her friend. Don't look so surprised Severus, she knows very well that Mr. Weasley is dead, and that something drastic has happened to Potter. Now I must be going. I will check back in a few days time."
With that the Headmaster turned and swept down the corridor in a flurry of scarlet robes. Leaving Severus to sit in his conjured chair and think.
~
Hermione heard the Professor leave the room and shut the door behind him. 'Finally' she whispered, her voice coming out thick and scratchy from lack of use. She waited a few moments to ensure he wouldn't return immediately before sliding out of her chair. Her head still ached with the slightest movement but she would go crazy if she wasn't able to move from this chair soon. Her bare feet hit freezing cold stone and she let out a hiss, almost reconsidering her plan; almost but not quite.
Taking a deep breath for strength she kept one hand on the lounge and stood to her full height. For a moment she felt as if the blackness around her was spinning at an alarming rate, but it returned to normal soon enough and she sought out the nearest piece of furniture with the hand not clasping the chair. Her fingers brushed soft fabric and she took a tentative step forward. Once she stood beside this new piece, which felt like a straight-back chair she sought out a new piece to hold her balance.
Her head was pounding and when she reached another chair - this one covered in well worn leather - she sank into it with relief. She didn't know how far she had come around the room, but was please with her progress none-the-less. It had been a good five minutes since Severus had left and he would return any minute so Hermione's rest did not last long. She wasn't sure why, but just as she didn't want to speak, she didn't want anyone to know that she was feeling capable of walking around on her own.
She continued on her way around the room in the same direction she had started. Holding onto one piece of furniture and then another to keep her balance. She would need a vial of pain relief potion by the time she made it back to her resting place. She had just rounded a heavy wooden cabinet when she heard footsteps in the hallway outside. In her rush to return to her chaise she began moving with less caution and failed to check what was on the floor in front of her. Her left toe caught and she fell into something solid and warm that made an "umf' sound when she hit it.
She let out a shocked gasp and tried to take a step back. She wasn't sure who she'd run into, they hadn't made any sounds to give her a clue. Her breeding told her to apologize, but her stubborn refusal to speak until she was ready for the questions kept her tongue at bay. Her body shifted as she slid a foot backward, but strong arms stopped her from completing the process. She stood still, shivering at the contact. It was disconcerting but not at all unpleasant to be held still by these arms. She was surprised that she wasn't more afraid, the ordeal she had suffered countless times in the form of dreams was enough to make her fear most human contact, especially which with someone unknown to her, but this person's proximity was comforting.
"I see you are feeling better that I had thought." A deep voice intoned sounding on the verge of laughter. It was Professor Snape's voice. "But we cannot have you over exerting yourself so soon in your treatment, come and sit down." His voice was gentle, but there was a not so subtle admonishment in his tone. He guided her to her chair with slow deliberation and settled her against the cushions with almost uncharacteristic gentleness. "Drink this" he commanded holding a vial to her lips.
Hermione almost laughed at his antics. Obviously he didn't trust her to feed herself the potion after her last reaction. She suppressed her mirth well and obediently swallowed the potion, hoping fervently it was only pain relief and not a sleeping potion. The warm and familiar sensation of a pain relief potion washed over her, bringing a satisfied smile to her lips.
Severus watched her with a smile of his own. He had been both shocked and pleased to see her standing when he entered the room. For a few moments it had taken his mind off of the Potter boy's disappearance and for that he was grateful, but now that she was settled again his thoughts returned to his earlier talk with the Headmaster. He understood now why Hermione had been entrusted to his care; he was incredibly good at hiding truths from people, no matter how close to them he became. Lies came easily to him after his years as a spy. He had been wondering whether or not to tell her about Harry, but this little incident had made up his mind for good. There was no possible way Hermione would agree to stay here and heal if she knew her friend had disappeared, so he wouldn't tell her until she had her sight back.
Hermione lay back in her pillows, her mouth still twisted into a partial smile, visibly more relaxed then she had been a few moments before. Severus watched her in silence for a few moments. She looked so perfect, lying in silence, her eyes closed against the blackness, her cheeks flushed from earlier exertion. Shaking his head Severus rose from the place he had been sitting, wondering when he had become such a sentimental fool. It must have been the fact that she had been living in such a close proximity to him, and that she needed him in some way he reasoned. After all, there was no possible way that he would develop a fondness for the know-it-all under anything less than bizarre circumstances.
The sound of footsteps walking away from her wiped any and all traces of joy from Hermione's face; she was so alone in the impenetrable darkness. She was already loosing patience with her disability. In a world like the one she was in it was imperative for a person to have sight, without it she could not aim a spell. Certainly she would be able to perform a spell, but she would never have a clue as to what the results were or if she had hit her intended target. It was also an added frustration that her injury was one of the few types that Magical Healing could not fix. Her only real hope for regaining sight was to research the Muggle methods and hope for the best. Unfortunately, research required sight.
This aggravating circle of thoughts would continue, she knew, until she spoke them aloud. That she was being panicked for no other reason than it was better then grieving was something she did not even want to fully admit to herself, let alone to her silent and sullen companion. There were some things - or so she had been taught- that you just didn't tell people about. She knew that her intense fear was one of those things. If people knew of her fear they would pity her, and she couldn't handle their pity. If they knew. she shook her head to stop the painful thoughts from continuing.
She could still hear the screams and cries form battle in her head and nothing would banish that. Her heart hammered with fear whenever she heard an unfamiliar footstep, or voice and she had almost died of fright when she had collided with Snape earlier that day. The terror surrounded her both waking and sleeping and it was slowly but surely driving her out of her mind. In just a few weeks she was sure they would be transporting her to St Mungo's where she could have nonsensical conversations with Lockhart and the Longbottoms. It wouldn't be so bad really, being crazy. After all a crazy person didn't have fear.
No. She thought firmly. She would NOT let fear ruin her life to that extent. She was not that weak. At least she hadn't been. She grit her teeth in determination. She would be strong again. She would not let fear and despair rule her life. Not anymore. There were Muggles all over the world who lived everyday with blindness. They held jobs and they fit in to society in their own way. With a nod and a forced smile she decided that she wanted that. She wanted to be a normal being again, or at least a useful one.
With renewed energy Hermione rose from her lounge and walked across the room. Her hands were slightly in front of her to keep from running into anything head on, but she was walking quickly and with some of her old bravado.
Severus looked up from his workstation and allowed his mouth to drop open in shock. Hermione was not only walking towards him at the speed of a normal person, but she had that look on her face she got when she knew the answer to a difficult problem in class. Something was up, and whatever it was Severus was glad for it. She hadn't looked anywhere near this good since months before the battle. Her cheeks were flushed with excitement and she looked healthy and fierce.
Hermione stopped a few feet from where she thought Severus' desk should be and tried to ignore the fact that she didn't have a clue if he was even at his desk. "Professor." She said firmly. "I'm sick of playing invalid. I'm not sick, I'm blind. And I'm going out of my mind with boredom sitting in that chair."
Severus caught himself just before holding his hand out for silence. "Miss Granger, have a seat." He said in his best I-am-your-professor voice. "He walked over to her side and guided her to his desk chair. "Now," he said slowly, "despite what you make believe you are not fully recovered yet." He placed a restraining hand on her arm, signaling her to let him finish. "However, I have in my possession some books written in brail that you should be able to amuse yourself with." He reached onto his desk and grabbed one of the four books he had had Creevy attain for him. The first as a children's book that was supposed to teach a child how to read brail, the rest were fictional novels about blind people, all with happy endings. Pressing the book into her hands he said, "I know this isn't what you wanted, but you will never regain your sight by over exerting yourself. "
A/N: I just realized that I haven't been conveying time very well in this story; In fact I haven't been conveying it at all. In my mind Hermione has been in Severus' care at Hogwarts for about one and a half weeks. She spent a few days unconscious and then was moved to his study/workroom so that he could get work done and watch her at the same time. She had been in the study for a little over 5 days when Dumbledore came to speak with Severus. I just though I would clear that up, since, as I've written so far, this entire thing could be taking place in two days.
Anyhow. Thank you everyone for reading! PLEASE REVIEW!
Severus watched helplessly as the flask shattered into a million tiny shards, spilling the precious potion on the stone floor. His hands shook in fury. As a man once haunted by demons in his sleep Severus considered his potent dreamless sleep potion to be of more value than gold. Air rushed into his lungs as he attempted to take calming breaths of the rank dungeon air. Her refusal to take the potion had stirred up in him an irrational anger that was so strong he could taste it. He turned sharply on one heel and stalked back to his desk.
Hermione heard the anger in his breathing and let out a small sigh of her own. She could explain, and she knew she should, but if she spoke, if she said out loud that Ron was dead and Harry was gone it would all become real and if it were real then there was no point in Dumbledore and his staff taking care of her, because there was no point in her living. Her friends were everything to her, she had never had many friends and the few she had were irrefutably more precious than any sum of gold. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly to keep tears from falling, it was useless to deny what she knew, she had never been any good at denial, but she tried none the less; puling up images of Ron and Harry, happy ones, and tried to convince herself that they were coming to visit her that very afternoon.
Half an hour passed before Severus felt again as if he could control his emotions, during that time Hermione lay motionless, her eyes squeezed tightly shut, her every muscle tense. Visions were flashing through the blackness with terrifying rapidity and vividness. She saw Draco lying in a pool of his own blood; she imagined Harry lying in the mud eyes wide, dead; and she saw Ron in his final resting place dead mere seconds before she reached his side. She shuddered at this image and wrapped her arms even more tightly around her body.
She was curled tightly in the fetal position when Severus finally turned to look at her. Compassion swept through him as he watched her; obviously she was tormented, much like he had been, by visions of death and destruction that made her fear sleep above all else. 'How much worse must it be to be blind and have these visions as your only "sight"?' he wondered, leaning idly against his desk; watching. His need to avoid sleep had arisen because that was the only time when he didn't see horrendous flashes from his past, but Hermione had no other images to ward of the evil ones.
Yet another vision crept with cruel cunning into Hermione's mental horror show and she pounded the chair in frustration, tears streaming unchecked down her cheeks.
Severus felt his heart churn at the sight of her anguish. He was unaware of his own motion until he was beside her, reaching out a hand to grasp one of hers. He held it, silently stroking her palm with his thumb in a soothing manner, saying nothing. He could see the tension in her shoulders and searched his brain desperately for a way to relieve it.
A knock at the door brought Severus swiftly to his feet. Today's meddler would find themselves serving detention for a month, no matter if it wasn't a student. He opened the door to see Albus standing outside, his expression grave. Severus' irritation dwindled slightly at the sight of his intruder and he motioned for the man to enter.
Dumbledore shook his head slightly and motioned silently for the Professor to step outside the soundproofed room. Once they were alone he spoke, "I've just had some terrible news." He said gravely.
Severus' heart rate tripled at the words. And when Dumbledore didn't continue immediately he snapped out, "What is it?" in his best irritated- professor-to-pouting-toddler voice.
A deep, tragic sigh shook the Headmaster's shoulders and a defeated expression made him look his age for once. By this point Severus was panicked.
"Harry has disappeared from the victims unit." The Headmasters eyes betrayed worry and sadness.
"Potter?" Severus' face paled, if that were possible, and, conjuring a chair, he sat in shock. "Missing..." he shook his head."Of his own violation?" he voiced his only hope with a note of desperation.
Dumbledore shook his head no.
"What do you need me to do?" Severus did not regard the Boy-who-lived any more highly than he had when the boy had been his student. But to have him disappear at some unknown assailant's hands was worrying. Despite the best efforts of the Ministry's aurors it was widely acknowledged that there were dozens of angry estranged Death Eaters who would love to get their hands on Voldemort's defeater. As a former member of their ranks Severus felt very responsible for their actions.
"Stay here and continue your current duties." Holding up a hand for silence Dumbledore continued, "I will be heading off today with a few staff members, Minerva will be taking over my Headmaster duties. Madame Pomfery has only a few patients left, if you feel a need you may ask her assistance in Miss Granger's care, though I don't recommend it. I want you to begin teaching her to brew potions without sight." At this Severus protested, but a glare from the Headmaster stopped him. "She will go insane lying in a chair with nothing to take her mind off the condition of her friend. Don't look so surprised Severus, she knows very well that Mr. Weasley is dead, and that something drastic has happened to Potter. Now I must be going. I will check back in a few days time."
With that the Headmaster turned and swept down the corridor in a flurry of scarlet robes. Leaving Severus to sit in his conjured chair and think.
~
Hermione heard the Professor leave the room and shut the door behind him. 'Finally' she whispered, her voice coming out thick and scratchy from lack of use. She waited a few moments to ensure he wouldn't return immediately before sliding out of her chair. Her head still ached with the slightest movement but she would go crazy if she wasn't able to move from this chair soon. Her bare feet hit freezing cold stone and she let out a hiss, almost reconsidering her plan; almost but not quite.
Taking a deep breath for strength she kept one hand on the lounge and stood to her full height. For a moment she felt as if the blackness around her was spinning at an alarming rate, but it returned to normal soon enough and she sought out the nearest piece of furniture with the hand not clasping the chair. Her fingers brushed soft fabric and she took a tentative step forward. Once she stood beside this new piece, which felt like a straight-back chair she sought out a new piece to hold her balance.
Her head was pounding and when she reached another chair - this one covered in well worn leather - she sank into it with relief. She didn't know how far she had come around the room, but was please with her progress none-the-less. It had been a good five minutes since Severus had left and he would return any minute so Hermione's rest did not last long. She wasn't sure why, but just as she didn't want to speak, she didn't want anyone to know that she was feeling capable of walking around on her own.
She continued on her way around the room in the same direction she had started. Holding onto one piece of furniture and then another to keep her balance. She would need a vial of pain relief potion by the time she made it back to her resting place. She had just rounded a heavy wooden cabinet when she heard footsteps in the hallway outside. In her rush to return to her chaise she began moving with less caution and failed to check what was on the floor in front of her. Her left toe caught and she fell into something solid and warm that made an "umf' sound when she hit it.
She let out a shocked gasp and tried to take a step back. She wasn't sure who she'd run into, they hadn't made any sounds to give her a clue. Her breeding told her to apologize, but her stubborn refusal to speak until she was ready for the questions kept her tongue at bay. Her body shifted as she slid a foot backward, but strong arms stopped her from completing the process. She stood still, shivering at the contact. It was disconcerting but not at all unpleasant to be held still by these arms. She was surprised that she wasn't more afraid, the ordeal she had suffered countless times in the form of dreams was enough to make her fear most human contact, especially which with someone unknown to her, but this person's proximity was comforting.
"I see you are feeling better that I had thought." A deep voice intoned sounding on the verge of laughter. It was Professor Snape's voice. "But we cannot have you over exerting yourself so soon in your treatment, come and sit down." His voice was gentle, but there was a not so subtle admonishment in his tone. He guided her to her chair with slow deliberation and settled her against the cushions with almost uncharacteristic gentleness. "Drink this" he commanded holding a vial to her lips.
Hermione almost laughed at his antics. Obviously he didn't trust her to feed herself the potion after her last reaction. She suppressed her mirth well and obediently swallowed the potion, hoping fervently it was only pain relief and not a sleeping potion. The warm and familiar sensation of a pain relief potion washed over her, bringing a satisfied smile to her lips.
Severus watched her with a smile of his own. He had been both shocked and pleased to see her standing when he entered the room. For a few moments it had taken his mind off of the Potter boy's disappearance and for that he was grateful, but now that she was settled again his thoughts returned to his earlier talk with the Headmaster. He understood now why Hermione had been entrusted to his care; he was incredibly good at hiding truths from people, no matter how close to them he became. Lies came easily to him after his years as a spy. He had been wondering whether or not to tell her about Harry, but this little incident had made up his mind for good. There was no possible way Hermione would agree to stay here and heal if she knew her friend had disappeared, so he wouldn't tell her until she had her sight back.
Hermione lay back in her pillows, her mouth still twisted into a partial smile, visibly more relaxed then she had been a few moments before. Severus watched her in silence for a few moments. She looked so perfect, lying in silence, her eyes closed against the blackness, her cheeks flushed from earlier exertion. Shaking his head Severus rose from the place he had been sitting, wondering when he had become such a sentimental fool. It must have been the fact that she had been living in such a close proximity to him, and that she needed him in some way he reasoned. After all, there was no possible way that he would develop a fondness for the know-it-all under anything less than bizarre circumstances.
The sound of footsteps walking away from her wiped any and all traces of joy from Hermione's face; she was so alone in the impenetrable darkness. She was already loosing patience with her disability. In a world like the one she was in it was imperative for a person to have sight, without it she could not aim a spell. Certainly she would be able to perform a spell, but she would never have a clue as to what the results were or if she had hit her intended target. It was also an added frustration that her injury was one of the few types that Magical Healing could not fix. Her only real hope for regaining sight was to research the Muggle methods and hope for the best. Unfortunately, research required sight.
This aggravating circle of thoughts would continue, she knew, until she spoke them aloud. That she was being panicked for no other reason than it was better then grieving was something she did not even want to fully admit to herself, let alone to her silent and sullen companion. There were some things - or so she had been taught- that you just didn't tell people about. She knew that her intense fear was one of those things. If people knew of her fear they would pity her, and she couldn't handle their pity. If they knew. she shook her head to stop the painful thoughts from continuing.
She could still hear the screams and cries form battle in her head and nothing would banish that. Her heart hammered with fear whenever she heard an unfamiliar footstep, or voice and she had almost died of fright when she had collided with Snape earlier that day. The terror surrounded her both waking and sleeping and it was slowly but surely driving her out of her mind. In just a few weeks she was sure they would be transporting her to St Mungo's where she could have nonsensical conversations with Lockhart and the Longbottoms. It wouldn't be so bad really, being crazy. After all a crazy person didn't have fear.
No. She thought firmly. She would NOT let fear ruin her life to that extent. She was not that weak. At least she hadn't been. She grit her teeth in determination. She would be strong again. She would not let fear and despair rule her life. Not anymore. There were Muggles all over the world who lived everyday with blindness. They held jobs and they fit in to society in their own way. With a nod and a forced smile she decided that she wanted that. She wanted to be a normal being again, or at least a useful one.
With renewed energy Hermione rose from her lounge and walked across the room. Her hands were slightly in front of her to keep from running into anything head on, but she was walking quickly and with some of her old bravado.
Severus looked up from his workstation and allowed his mouth to drop open in shock. Hermione was not only walking towards him at the speed of a normal person, but she had that look on her face she got when she knew the answer to a difficult problem in class. Something was up, and whatever it was Severus was glad for it. She hadn't looked anywhere near this good since months before the battle. Her cheeks were flushed with excitement and she looked healthy and fierce.
Hermione stopped a few feet from where she thought Severus' desk should be and tried to ignore the fact that she didn't have a clue if he was even at his desk. "Professor." She said firmly. "I'm sick of playing invalid. I'm not sick, I'm blind. And I'm going out of my mind with boredom sitting in that chair."
Severus caught himself just before holding his hand out for silence. "Miss Granger, have a seat." He said in his best I-am-your-professor voice. "He walked over to her side and guided her to his desk chair. "Now," he said slowly, "despite what you make believe you are not fully recovered yet." He placed a restraining hand on her arm, signaling her to let him finish. "However, I have in my possession some books written in brail that you should be able to amuse yourself with." He reached onto his desk and grabbed one of the four books he had had Creevy attain for him. The first as a children's book that was supposed to teach a child how to read brail, the rest were fictional novels about blind people, all with happy endings. Pressing the book into her hands he said, "I know this isn't what you wanted, but you will never regain your sight by over exerting yourself. "
A/N: I just realized that I haven't been conveying time very well in this story; In fact I haven't been conveying it at all. In my mind Hermione has been in Severus' care at Hogwarts for about one and a half weeks. She spent a few days unconscious and then was moved to his study/workroom so that he could get work done and watch her at the same time. She had been in the study for a little over 5 days when Dumbledore came to speak with Severus. I just though I would clear that up, since, as I've written so far, this entire thing could be taking place in two days.
Anyhow. Thank you everyone for reading! PLEASE REVIEW!