Me: HAPPY 4th OF JULY!
Phoenix: I don't get it.
Me: Phoenix, this is the day we Americans signed the Declaration of Independence, giving us, well, independence!
Phoenix: Oh, YAY! HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!
Me: Review reviews please.
Dash142: Thanks for sparing me but uh, you can't catch Phoenix since he's a ninja, Eagle will just fly far, far away using Lightning Strikes, and your clones will start fighting each other. Look. Clones are arguing amongst each other.
Victory March: No problem if you were busy! Better late than never. And yes, after Blue Moon I will do Green Earth.
KrOnIkâSpOoN: Um, well now that you explained your luck with guns, I think I'll just keep this gun as a relic. So sorry. And yeah, for Nell's surprise lover, I went through Hachi, (Ick) Olaf (ICKY!) and Eagle, when I decided that Hawke was the best choice.
Naval Ace: Sorry, forgot you would be in Colin's interview as well. Very sorry. And no, I didn't know an AK-47 was a Russian gun. All I knew about it was that it was a gun, and it shot stuff. I'M ONLY 14 FOR PETE'S SAKE! And you do realize that your gun is in two pieces right? But you can take the gun back in a Blue Moon interview.
Me: Well, let's start Hachi's interview!
Phoenix: Oh joy, a perverted old salesman.
Disclaimer: I don't own Advance Wars
Chapter 5: Hachi
{The screen fades in to a stage overlooking the Orange Star capital with two couches that look new and shiny and a glass-topped coffee table with no smudges.}
Announcer: Ladies and gentleman! Welcome to the show, ADVANCE WARS INTERVEIWS!
{Clapping}
Announcer: Now put your hands together for that ridiculous and stupid author,
BANG!
{A gun shot almost hits the announcer's head.}
Announcer: Um, I mean, put your hands together for the fabulous and funny author, MASTER OF THE PHOENIX!
{Cheering and clapping. I walk out with two 12 gauge guns, one is still smoking}
Announcer: HEY! That's against the rules! You can't have TWO guns!
BANG! BANG!
{I shatter the glass around the announcer's booth and almost hit his head and shoulder.}
Me: What rules?
Announcer: On second thought, you're right! What rules?
Me: Thank you. Now, hello everyone! Welcome to Advance Wars Interviews!
{Clapping}
Me: Now put your hands together for the salesman we know, the cheapest of the cheap,
Random Audience Member: COLIN IS MUCH BETTER! HACHI SUCKS!
Me: SHUT UP!
BANG!
{The shot grazes the guy's hair. He sits down immediately.}
Me: Now, AS I WAS SAYING! Put your hands together for HACHI!
{Lotsa clapping. Hachi comes out waving to everyone. He has a flyer in his hand and I know what he's up to.}
Hachi: Good evening everyone! Come,
CLICK!
{I cock the gun and put it at Hachi's throat.}
Me: Don't, even, THINK, about it.
Hachi: On second thought, I'll advertise later.
Me: Good. Let's sit down.
{We both sit down.}
Me: By the way Hachi, thanks for the furniture. It really helps.
Hachi: Oh no problem! See folks? This is why you should,
Me: AHEM!
Hachi: You know what? Let's get started on the interview.
Me: You took the words right out of my mouth. Now, first question, how did you get your skills?
Hachi: Well, when I was still under Sensei's teachings, I always went out and bought the best kinds of clothing and weapons at cheap prices. Sensei was always wondering why I kept beating Kanbei at sword fighting with expensive stuff. He then found out, and decided that my skills at getting the best with cheap prices would be useful for a CO. So that's how I got my skills.
{Silence, mostly because the audience understood only half of what Hachi said. Kanbei stands up.}
Kanbei: THAT IS NOT TRUE HACHI! Kanbei and you only had draws. You never won against the great Kanbei!
BANG!
{I graze Kanbei's arm.}
Me: I like you Kanbei, and I don't want to kill you. I do however want you to SHUT UP!
{Kanbei is speechless at my outburst, and decides sitting down is the best way to go.}
Me: Now second question, why did you join Orange Star and not Yellow Comet.
Hachi: Well, I noticed Orange Star had better prices that Yellow Comet, better units, and I wanted to get away from Kanbei's whining.
{Audience laughs hysterically. Kanbei is turning red, not only from anger, but from embarrassment.}
Kanbei: What are you talking about? The, the Kanbei never whines! Hachi is a liar, Kanbei, never whines.
{Kanbei sinks into his seat redder than a tomato. I calm the audience down.}
Me: Everyone! Calm down! SHUT UP OR I WILL SHOOT!
{Silence}
Me: Now, last question, when do you plan on returning to the battlefield?
Hachi: Why, when the next war starts! And Hachi will always save the day! Hachi is the best!
{All COs stand up, Sturm is outraged.}
Sturm: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I AM THE GREATEST!
Olaf: No! I am the greatest!
Eagle: Eagle soars above you all!
Andy: SPIN THAT WHEEL! Um, I mean, I AM THE GREATEST!
All: SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!
{A fight is about to commence. I shoot above each CO's head.}
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Me: SHUUUUUT UUUUUP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT! UP!
{Everyone is frozen in fear, then hastily sit down. Hachi is a little disturbed. I'm panting.}
Me: Never, again. I, will, not, allow, another, FIGHT, ESPECIALLY at the end of the first season! Thank you Hachi, it's been a pleasure interviewing you.
Hachi: Um, my, pleasure. Heh heh, AAAAHHHH!
{He runs away screaming.}
Me: What's his problem? Well, thank you for watching the first season of ADVANCE WARS INTERVIWEWS! GOODNIGHT!
{Hesitant clapping, then grows, and cheers commence. I back off the stage bowing.}
Announcer: And so ends the first season. THANK GOD! Tomorrow we will interview in that cold country, BLUE MOON! Thanks for watching the show!
{Cheering. Screen fades out.}
(This picture was made by Seal Productions. It is also sponsored by FanFicton.Net, where YOU make the stories.)
Me: And so ends the first of five seasons.
Phoenix: Hachi deserves to be beaten up. And yes, I do believe I hear him getting beaten up by the other COs.
Hachi: AAAAAHHHH! MY KIDNEY! HELP!
BAM! BAM! WHAM! WHAM! PUNCH! PUNCH! KICK! KICK!
Me: Well, thanks for sticking around the first season! Tomorrow, Blue Moon waits. Until then,
Both: REVIEW PLEASE!
Phoenix: I don't get it.
Me: Phoenix, this is the day we Americans signed the Declaration of Independence, giving us, well, independence!
Phoenix: Oh, YAY! HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!
Me: Review reviews please.
Dash142: Thanks for sparing me but uh, you can't catch Phoenix since he's a ninja, Eagle will just fly far, far away using Lightning Strikes, and your clones will start fighting each other. Look. Clones are arguing amongst each other.
Victory March: No problem if you were busy! Better late than never. And yes, after Blue Moon I will do Green Earth.
KrOnIkâSpOoN: Um, well now that you explained your luck with guns, I think I'll just keep this gun as a relic. So sorry. And yeah, for Nell's surprise lover, I went through Hachi, (Ick) Olaf (ICKY!) and Eagle, when I decided that Hawke was the best choice.
Naval Ace: Sorry, forgot you would be in Colin's interview as well. Very sorry. And no, I didn't know an AK-47 was a Russian gun. All I knew about it was that it was a gun, and it shot stuff. I'M ONLY 14 FOR PETE'S SAKE! And you do realize that your gun is in two pieces right? But you can take the gun back in a Blue Moon interview.
Me: Well, let's start Hachi's interview!
Phoenix: Oh joy, a perverted old salesman.
Disclaimer: I don't own Advance Wars
Chapter 5: Hachi
{The screen fades in to a stage overlooking the Orange Star capital with two couches that look new and shiny and a glass-topped coffee table with no smudges.}
Announcer: Ladies and gentleman! Welcome to the show, ADVANCE WARS INTERVEIWS!
{Clapping}
Announcer: Now put your hands together for that ridiculous and stupid author,
BANG!
{A gun shot almost hits the announcer's head.}
Announcer: Um, I mean, put your hands together for the fabulous and funny author, MASTER OF THE PHOENIX!
{Cheering and clapping. I walk out with two 12 gauge guns, one is still smoking}
Announcer: HEY! That's against the rules! You can't have TWO guns!
BANG! BANG!
{I shatter the glass around the announcer's booth and almost hit his head and shoulder.}
Me: What rules?
Announcer: On second thought, you're right! What rules?
Me: Thank you. Now, hello everyone! Welcome to Advance Wars Interviews!
{Clapping}
Me: Now put your hands together for the salesman we know, the cheapest of the cheap,
Random Audience Member: COLIN IS MUCH BETTER! HACHI SUCKS!
Me: SHUT UP!
BANG!
{The shot grazes the guy's hair. He sits down immediately.}
Me: Now, AS I WAS SAYING! Put your hands together for HACHI!
{Lotsa clapping. Hachi comes out waving to everyone. He has a flyer in his hand and I know what he's up to.}
Hachi: Good evening everyone! Come,
CLICK!
{I cock the gun and put it at Hachi's throat.}
Me: Don't, even, THINK, about it.
Hachi: On second thought, I'll advertise later.
Me: Good. Let's sit down.
{We both sit down.}
Me: By the way Hachi, thanks for the furniture. It really helps.
Hachi: Oh no problem! See folks? This is why you should,
Me: AHEM!
Hachi: You know what? Let's get started on the interview.
Me: You took the words right out of my mouth. Now, first question, how did you get your skills?
Hachi: Well, when I was still under Sensei's teachings, I always went out and bought the best kinds of clothing and weapons at cheap prices. Sensei was always wondering why I kept beating Kanbei at sword fighting with expensive stuff. He then found out, and decided that my skills at getting the best with cheap prices would be useful for a CO. So that's how I got my skills.
{Silence, mostly because the audience understood only half of what Hachi said. Kanbei stands up.}
Kanbei: THAT IS NOT TRUE HACHI! Kanbei and you only had draws. You never won against the great Kanbei!
BANG!
{I graze Kanbei's arm.}
Me: I like you Kanbei, and I don't want to kill you. I do however want you to SHUT UP!
{Kanbei is speechless at my outburst, and decides sitting down is the best way to go.}
Me: Now second question, why did you join Orange Star and not Yellow Comet.
Hachi: Well, I noticed Orange Star had better prices that Yellow Comet, better units, and I wanted to get away from Kanbei's whining.
{Audience laughs hysterically. Kanbei is turning red, not only from anger, but from embarrassment.}
Kanbei: What are you talking about? The, the Kanbei never whines! Hachi is a liar, Kanbei, never whines.
{Kanbei sinks into his seat redder than a tomato. I calm the audience down.}
Me: Everyone! Calm down! SHUT UP OR I WILL SHOOT!
{Silence}
Me: Now, last question, when do you plan on returning to the battlefield?
Hachi: Why, when the next war starts! And Hachi will always save the day! Hachi is the best!
{All COs stand up, Sturm is outraged.}
Sturm: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I AM THE GREATEST!
Olaf: No! I am the greatest!
Eagle: Eagle soars above you all!
Andy: SPIN THAT WHEEL! Um, I mean, I AM THE GREATEST!
All: SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!
{A fight is about to commence. I shoot above each CO's head.}
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Me: SHUUUUUT UUUUUP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT! UP!
{Everyone is frozen in fear, then hastily sit down. Hachi is a little disturbed. I'm panting.}
Me: Never, again. I, will, not, allow, another, FIGHT, ESPECIALLY at the end of the first season! Thank you Hachi, it's been a pleasure interviewing you.
Hachi: Um, my, pleasure. Heh heh, AAAAHHHH!
{He runs away screaming.}
Me: What's his problem? Well, thank you for watching the first season of ADVANCE WARS INTERVIWEWS! GOODNIGHT!
{Hesitant clapping, then grows, and cheers commence. I back off the stage bowing.}
Announcer: And so ends the first season. THANK GOD! Tomorrow we will interview in that cold country, BLUE MOON! Thanks for watching the show!
{Cheering. Screen fades out.}
(This picture was made by Seal Productions. It is also sponsored by FanFicton.Net, where YOU make the stories.)
Me: And so ends the first of five seasons.
Phoenix: Hachi deserves to be beaten up. And yes, I do believe I hear him getting beaten up by the other COs.
Hachi: AAAAAHHHH! MY KIDNEY! HELP!
BAM! BAM! WHAM! WHAM! PUNCH! PUNCH! KICK! KICK!
Me: Well, thanks for sticking around the first season! Tomorrow, Blue Moon waits. Until then,
Both: REVIEW PLEASE!