Me: YAY! We get to do Grit next!
Phoenix: You LIKE that sniper?
Me: What? Grit's cool. But don't worry people, I'll be fair and bash him as well.
Phoenix: Thank you. I'll review the reviews.
Naval Ace: No hard feelings at all. (Shakes hands with you.) And don't worry; you'll be in Colin's interview. Just tell me how you want to act.
KrOnIk–SpOoN: But, but that gun was Naval Ace's! I'm not handing out free guns! (Knows I wont change your mind.) DAMN IT! FINE! This interview you get a gun. Damn you Hachi.
Dash142: Yay! I got full marks in humor! Maybe I can be a Monty Python later. (Walks off fantasizing.)
Me: All right, let's do Grit.
Phoenix: Whoopee, you get to interview a cowboy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Advance Wars or Grit. I do have Grit's gun on my mantle however.
Chapter 7: Grit
{Screen fades in to a stage overlooking the Blue Moon capital. There are two blue couches and a glass-topped coffee table.}
Phoenix: All right ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the funniest show ever, ADVANCE WARS INTERVIEWS!
{Clapping.}
Phoenix: Now put your hands together for that author we know and love,
KrOnIk–SpOoN: Who's ALSO handing out FREE GUNS to the audience.
Phoenix: SHUT UP YOU! I'm a ninja! Anyway, before I was SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED! Put your hands together for MASTER OF THE PHOENIX!
{Clapping and cheering. I walk out annoyed but trying to keep a straight face.}
Me: Hello and welcome to ADVANCE WARS INTERVIEWS!
KrOnIk–SpOoN: Where the host hands out FREE GUNS to the audience!
{I am now steaming. I hold out the Halo 2 Battle Rifle.}
Me: You want this gun or not?!
{KrOnIk–SpOoN sits down without a word.}
Me: I'll give it to you later if you SHUT UP! Now anyway, put your hands together for the indirect master, the sharpshooter of Blue Moon,
Olaf: Grit's a lazy good for nothing CO!
Me: You wanna start something with me Olaf?!
{I hold up my guns, Olaf decides to shut up.}
Me: Anyway, please welcome GRIT!
{Cheering and clapping. But Grit doesn't come out. If I were water I would be boiling.}
Me: I SAID! Put your hands together for GRIT!
{Cheering and clapping, though a little hesitant this time. Grit still doesn't appear. I am redder than a tomato.}
Me: DAMN IT! GRIT! GET YOUR LAZY BUTT OUT HERE NOW!
{Grit lazily staunters out, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. It was obvious he was napping.}
Grit: Calm down son. I reckon that anger will kill ya someday.
{I am visibly shaking but I try to calm down. With a forced calm voice.}
Me: Grit, would you mind sitting down.
Grit: Why sure son.
{As he walks to the couch he ruffles my hair, which by the way I absolutely loathe. My face is frozen in a calm expression but my eyes look like they are on fire.}
Me: Right, now first question, why do you like indirect units so much?
Grit: Well, when I was in school I usually got beat up by those darn bullies. Now I was never much for hand-to-hand fighting, so I decided I would hide in a bush, wait for them bullies to walk by, then pelt them with rocks! Soon, I was never bullied again, and the kids called me the sniper. When I joined the army, I noticed their indirect units and well, I love them.
{Grit fans are crying and clapping. Max fans are yawning.}
Me: Thank you Grit, now second question. Why did you start smoking?
Grit: Well as you know, war can be very stressful, even to me.
{Everyone gasps. I'm a little shocked myself.}
Grit: I tried everything to calm myself down, but nothing worked. Then, I saw these little cancer sticks that did the job. Course, I know these things are bad for me, so now when I'm a little stressed, I don't even need to light the thing.
{Everyone is silent.}
Me: Wow, well we learn something new everyday. Now final question,
KrOnIk–SpOoN: YO! What about my gun?!
Me: FINE! Take the goddamn gun! Just don't shoot anyone until you're outside kay?! Lord, the things I go through.
{I toss the gun at KrOnIk–SpOoN. He catches it with ease and hugs it like it was a long lost friend. He starts eying anyone and everyone who looks at his gun.}
Me: Right, now final question, why are you so lazy all the time? Grit?
{Grit has fallen asleep, again. I am furious.}
Me: GRIT! WAKE UP!
Grit: Zzz, shut up pa, I don't give a rip about them chickens drownin. Zzz
Me: DAMMIT GRIT! DON'T TRY MY PATIENCE!
Grit: Zzz, I told ya, it don't mean a hen's rip to me. Zzz.
Me: YOU LAZY HICK! I'LL SHOW YOU!
{I take out my guns and cock them.}
Grit: Zzz, stupid chickens, I'll show them. Zzz.
{Grit takes out one of his famous revolvers and shoots the two guns out of my hands.}
BANG! BANG!
Grit: Better, stupid chickens. Zzz.
Me: What? What the? He shot my guns, and he was ASLEEP! That's not possible. I need Advil.
{I walk off holding my head. The audience is confused, but starts leaving.}
Phoenix: Um, I guess that's it. Thank you for watching ADVANCE WARS INTERVIEWS!
{Even this doesn't wake Grit up. The audience hesitantly claps as they leave, and an hour later Grit opens his eyes and looks around.}
Grit: So what'd I miss?
{Screen fades out.}
(This picture was made by Seal Productions. It is also sponsored by FanFicton.Net, where YOU make the stories.)
Me: Lousy hick, he gave me a headache. And now I have to buy MORE guns!
Phoenix: Well, look on the bright side, at least the stage didn't erupt in chaos!
Me: True, but anyway.
Both: REVIEW PLEASE!
Phoenix: You LIKE that sniper?
Me: What? Grit's cool. But don't worry people, I'll be fair and bash him as well.
Phoenix: Thank you. I'll review the reviews.
Naval Ace: No hard feelings at all. (Shakes hands with you.) And don't worry; you'll be in Colin's interview. Just tell me how you want to act.
KrOnIk–SpOoN: But, but that gun was Naval Ace's! I'm not handing out free guns! (Knows I wont change your mind.) DAMN IT! FINE! This interview you get a gun. Damn you Hachi.
Dash142: Yay! I got full marks in humor! Maybe I can be a Monty Python later. (Walks off fantasizing.)
Me: All right, let's do Grit.
Phoenix: Whoopee, you get to interview a cowboy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Advance Wars or Grit. I do have Grit's gun on my mantle however.
Chapter 7: Grit
{Screen fades in to a stage overlooking the Blue Moon capital. There are two blue couches and a glass-topped coffee table.}
Phoenix: All right ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the funniest show ever, ADVANCE WARS INTERVIEWS!
{Clapping.}
Phoenix: Now put your hands together for that author we know and love,
KrOnIk–SpOoN: Who's ALSO handing out FREE GUNS to the audience.
Phoenix: SHUT UP YOU! I'm a ninja! Anyway, before I was SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED! Put your hands together for MASTER OF THE PHOENIX!
{Clapping and cheering. I walk out annoyed but trying to keep a straight face.}
Me: Hello and welcome to ADVANCE WARS INTERVIEWS!
KrOnIk–SpOoN: Where the host hands out FREE GUNS to the audience!
{I am now steaming. I hold out the Halo 2 Battle Rifle.}
Me: You want this gun or not?!
{KrOnIk–SpOoN sits down without a word.}
Me: I'll give it to you later if you SHUT UP! Now anyway, put your hands together for the indirect master, the sharpshooter of Blue Moon,
Olaf: Grit's a lazy good for nothing CO!
Me: You wanna start something with me Olaf?!
{I hold up my guns, Olaf decides to shut up.}
Me: Anyway, please welcome GRIT!
{Cheering and clapping. But Grit doesn't come out. If I were water I would be boiling.}
Me: I SAID! Put your hands together for GRIT!
{Cheering and clapping, though a little hesitant this time. Grit still doesn't appear. I am redder than a tomato.}
Me: DAMN IT! GRIT! GET YOUR LAZY BUTT OUT HERE NOW!
{Grit lazily staunters out, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. It was obvious he was napping.}
Grit: Calm down son. I reckon that anger will kill ya someday.
{I am visibly shaking but I try to calm down. With a forced calm voice.}
Me: Grit, would you mind sitting down.
Grit: Why sure son.
{As he walks to the couch he ruffles my hair, which by the way I absolutely loathe. My face is frozen in a calm expression but my eyes look like they are on fire.}
Me: Right, now first question, why do you like indirect units so much?
Grit: Well, when I was in school I usually got beat up by those darn bullies. Now I was never much for hand-to-hand fighting, so I decided I would hide in a bush, wait for them bullies to walk by, then pelt them with rocks! Soon, I was never bullied again, and the kids called me the sniper. When I joined the army, I noticed their indirect units and well, I love them.
{Grit fans are crying and clapping. Max fans are yawning.}
Me: Thank you Grit, now second question. Why did you start smoking?
Grit: Well as you know, war can be very stressful, even to me.
{Everyone gasps. I'm a little shocked myself.}
Grit: I tried everything to calm myself down, but nothing worked. Then, I saw these little cancer sticks that did the job. Course, I know these things are bad for me, so now when I'm a little stressed, I don't even need to light the thing.
{Everyone is silent.}
Me: Wow, well we learn something new everyday. Now final question,
KrOnIk–SpOoN: YO! What about my gun?!
Me: FINE! Take the goddamn gun! Just don't shoot anyone until you're outside kay?! Lord, the things I go through.
{I toss the gun at KrOnIk–SpOoN. He catches it with ease and hugs it like it was a long lost friend. He starts eying anyone and everyone who looks at his gun.}
Me: Right, now final question, why are you so lazy all the time? Grit?
{Grit has fallen asleep, again. I am furious.}
Me: GRIT! WAKE UP!
Grit: Zzz, shut up pa, I don't give a rip about them chickens drownin. Zzz
Me: DAMMIT GRIT! DON'T TRY MY PATIENCE!
Grit: Zzz, I told ya, it don't mean a hen's rip to me. Zzz.
Me: YOU LAZY HICK! I'LL SHOW YOU!
{I take out my guns and cock them.}
Grit: Zzz, stupid chickens, I'll show them. Zzz.
{Grit takes out one of his famous revolvers and shoots the two guns out of my hands.}
BANG! BANG!
Grit: Better, stupid chickens. Zzz.
Me: What? What the? He shot my guns, and he was ASLEEP! That's not possible. I need Advil.
{I walk off holding my head. The audience is confused, but starts leaving.}
Phoenix: Um, I guess that's it. Thank you for watching ADVANCE WARS INTERVIEWS!
{Even this doesn't wake Grit up. The audience hesitantly claps as they leave, and an hour later Grit opens his eyes and looks around.}
Grit: So what'd I miss?
{Screen fades out.}
(This picture was made by Seal Productions. It is also sponsored by FanFicton.Net, where YOU make the stories.)
Me: Lousy hick, he gave me a headache. And now I have to buy MORE guns!
Phoenix: Well, look on the bright side, at least the stage didn't erupt in chaos!
Me: True, but anyway.
Both: REVIEW PLEASE!