Summary: Ever wonder why Voldy wants to take over the world? Or why he has an affection for killing Muggles and Muggleborns? Read here to find out. (Humor, Pg for meanness and references to slight mental defects.)
P.S. It's an article in the ever famous The Daily Prophet.
Disclaimer: I own nothing Harry Potter. Except, I think I am the first person to say "Moldy Voldy." I made it up before Voldy even came about! (Hehehe. Don't mind my and my ramblings.)
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named Gives an Exclusive Interview! Discloses Important Facts About The Famous War: Voldy vs. The-Boy-Who-Managed-to-Worm-His-Way-Out-of-Being-Killed, and Why it was Started!
"Well," the beloved yet slightly deranged villain tells Rita Skeeter, Special Correspondent, "it all started when I was a young boy, really. You see, I was taking a Muggle Studies class in my third year when I heard about plumbers." The evil man's—err, creature's? —face lights up with a smile and he giggles gaily as he recalls this precious memory. "I was immediately fascinated with them." Plumbers, it seems, are Muggles who go round fixing each other's toilets. As most modern wizards know how to fix a toilet with a wand, plumbers are not needed in our world.
Soon after the realization hit dear Voldy, he was very distraught. He was determined to be a plumber. "It sounded so fascinating," he says. You-Know-Who wanted to be a plumber so badly, he considered dropping out of Hogwarts to fulfill his dream. However, he had nowhere else to go and no formal training as a plumber, so he could not do this. He finally decided it would be best to finish his schooling and then earn enough money so that he could start his own plumbing business in the Wizarding world.
Once Mr. Riddle finished Hogwarts, he became an intern at the Ministry of Magic. Numerous persons quickly told him, however, that to be a Wizard plumber was simply preposterous and impossible. "They told me there was no need," Voldy remembers. "They said I was barking and that only Muggles were plumbers. Only Muggles are plumbers—hmph! I'll show them!" Moldy Voldy's voice fills with malice and his eyes glisten with tears as he reminisces about the horrible treatment he had to endure.
Needless to say, our favorite villain would not give up without a fight. But after being flatly refused over and over, Voldy figured out that there was no one in our world willing to have a plumber, or even to become one. He couldn't become a Muggle plumber, because "I have awful memories of Muggles. They have always hurt me." The only thing left to do, it seemed, was to give up. But He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was never one to give up without a fight!
"So you see," he finishes, "that's how the whole 'Become a super-evil, dark villain and take over the world, killing every Muggle, Halfblood, and Muggleborn within sight' thing started. It was all a big misunderstanding. Once I take over the world and exterminate all Muggles, there will be no one left to challenge me. No Muggles, no other plumbers, and if I can be ruler of the world, no one will be able to stop me from fixing their toilets! I can create a plumber army and rule the sewage system!" Voldy laughs evilly for a full five minutes, eventually slowing down to a dark cackle. Well, there you have it folks, straight from the horse's—erm, dark super-villain's—mouth. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named: Plumber Extraordinaire. Who knew?