This story takes place during Scott's college years. While it isn't necessary to read my earlier story "Rebirth and Awakenings" to follow the plot, it does help explain prior events and reactions.
And just as an aside, I'd like to know why I had to struggle to come up with a decent amount of pages for my master's thesis, but I can knock out 60 pages of fanfic with no trouble at all. >:-)
Standard disclaimer: I don't own them; I'm just borrowing them for our entertainment.
Scylla and Charybdis
Part 1 - Freshman Year: Setting Sail
Scott Summers was packing. Or trying to. Claiming to help, but actually getting in his way, was one of the new members of the Xavier Institute, Lorna Dane.
Lorna was fourteen to Scott's eighteen, but from her arrival a few months ago, she had latched on to the older boy like a lifeline. And now he was leaving for college.
It didn't matter that Manhattanville College was still in Westchester and barely thirty minutes away. He was still leaving.
"I still don't see why you have to leave," Lorna grumbled. "Ororo goes to college in Danbury and she still lives here."
"Ororo wanted to go to WestConn. It was her choice. I want to go to Manhattanville and I don't want to commute every day. Besides, it's not like I'm never going to see you again. I'll be back most weekends."
"Most? You said you'd come back every weekend."
"No, I didn't," Scott corrected firmly. "I said I'd come back whenever I could."
Lorna sniffed. "You're going to go to New York every weekend to see Jean."
Scott hung his head and sighed. While nothing had been said, he had a feeling that everyone in the house knew of his new relationship with Jean, namely, that they had recently become lovers. He was still grappling with the idea that it had even happened at all. The idea of everyone else knowing was enough to make him run and hide. But Scott said nothing to confirm or deny Lorna's assertion and merely asked her to pack some books.
Hank McCoy drove Scott to Manhattanville College the next morning. His old friends, Warren Worthington and Ororo Munroe, were unable to accompany him; Warren, because he had to visit his parents on their rare return to New York, and Ororo because she had promised the other children she'd take them out that day. Jean was stuck in a rotation at Columbia-Presbyterian Hospital and Professor Xavier had remained at the Institute at Scott's request. Scott had nearly burst into tears at the parting and couldn't stand the thought of another more emotional, and worse, more public, outburst. The Professor had understood and since Hank had also been there to bring Scott to Westchester, it seemed fitting he would be the one to take him to his new life at college.
Check-in at the college dorms was both smooth and chaotic. Professor Xavier had paid for a single room. The additional expense made Scott gulp, but he understood the need. There was both an issue of safety for a roommate as well as the necessity to hide his mutation. He would have liked the opportunity to be more "normal," but reality was what it was.
Scott carried his suitcases up the stairs while Hank effortlessly handled the big box of books. He found his room easily and opened the door.
Scott looked around the dorm room with interest. It was -- institutional. There was a bed, dresser, desk, and chair. The closet was small, but Scott wasn't concerned.
He turned to find Hank watching him with a smile. "What do you think?" Hank asked gently.
"I don't know," Scott replied. "Don't laugh -- but it kind of reminds me of Juvenile Hall."
Hank did laugh. "Oh my," he said wiping his eyes. "I'm sure the college officials would be thrilled to learn that." He rose to go. For once, words failed him. He held out his hand.
Scott laughed and gave him a hug instead. The days when he would automatically flinch at another's touch were being relegated to the past. "I'll be all right," he assured the other man. "I'm only a half hour from the Institute."
"And you're just over an hour from New York," Hank reminded him as he walked to the door. "You have my numbers. Call if you need anything. And Scott -- "
"Yes."
"Have fun." With a smile and a wave, Hank was gone.
Scott sat down on the mattress. He was alone again, but yet, he wasn't. The Professor, Ororo, Lorna, and the others were in Salem Center; Warren was at Yale, and Jean and Hank were in New York City. He was far from being alone -- he was surrounded.
He concentrated on settling in. The bed was soon made and his possessions put away. It didn't take long because he didn't have a lot of things. But it was still very different from just two years ago, when everything he owned in the world would fit in a backpack. Now, he could fill a small closet. Not tightly, but it wasn't empty.
He turned his attention back to the Freshmen orientation packet on the desk. There was nothing on the schedule until that evening. With nothing else to do, Scott went exploring.
Manhattanville College sat on 100 acres of beautifully landscaped grounds. Scott noted the locations of the dining hall, the classrooms, the other dorms, and made a slow circuit around the campus, taking in the gym, the chapel, the library, and Reid Castle, the original estate owner's mansion. It was an attractive, self-contained little world, much like Professor Xavier's home. It was probably why he felt so comfortable coming here.
He headed back to the freshman dorm and saw two girls struggling up the stairs with a trunk.
"Need a hand?" Scott asked.
"Yes."
"No."
The two girls glared at each other over the trunk. "I'll be the tie breaker," Scott offered and picked up one end of the trunk, leaving the two to struggle with the other end. "Where are we headed?"
"Next floor, third room on the left."
"That's my floor too. My name's Scott. Scott Summers."
"Nancy Marshall," the blond replied. "This is my roommate, Maggie O'Reilly."
"Nice to meet you." Maggie sniffed in a disapproving way, but Nancy was more friendly, so Scott directed most of his comments to her. It turned out that the two girls had just arrived and most of their possessions were still downstairs. It took several more trips to bring everything upstairs.
Getting strong vibes from Maggie that his presence was no longer required, Scott returned to his room. It was depressingly quiet.
All things considered, Scott felt he survived his first week at college rather well. He learned where everything was on campus (not hard) and began making friends with some of the other freshmen in the dorm (a little harder). He was questioned (often, at first) about his glasses, but Scott used the simple lie that he had a vision problem that required special eye-wear. It had served him well for two years of high school and he had no doubt it would work at Manhattanville.
The first weekend, he decided not to go back to the Institute and stayed on campus. Jean was working through the weekend, so going down to New York City was pointless in his view. The following week was much like the first and before he knew it, Scott had been at Manhattanville College for three weeks.
"I've missed you so much."
Jean sighed as she rested her head on Scott's shoulder. It was late at night and they were in bed together. Contrary to Lorna Dane's belief, Scott had gone back to visit the Institute before he had been able to visit Jean. It was ridiculous really. When Jean was in med school, studying her backside off, she made it to the Institute almost every weekend. But as a first year Resident, she had a punishing schedule that left little free time. Finally, even though Jean's day off was mid-week, he couldn't stand it any longer. He made a concerted effort to get his homework done for the next day and rushed to the train immediately after classes. They would only have tonight, because Jean had to be back at the hospital early the next day and Scott had to be back in time for classes. Scott wasn't sure how they could keep their relationship going this way. It was insane.
"We have fall break in October. I can spend the whole week here, if you like," Scott said.
Jean smiled. Scott was still very hesitant in their relationship, whereas Jean was becoming more confident, something she seldom was normally. "I'd like that fine. I wish you went to school in the city; we could see more of each other then."
"You're seeing quite a lot of me right now," Scott joked.
"Do you like it at Manhattanville?" Jean asked.
"I do," Scott admitted. "It's not overwhelming. I think I'd be swallowed up at Columbia or NYU. It's -- manageable."
"Okay," Jean replied sleepily. "But come back in October."
"I promise," Scott said as they drifted off to sleep.
But fall break was no better. Scott arrived just as Jean changed a rotation at the hospital, which left her little time to be with her boyfriend. He didn't complain and played tourist. Warren came to visit his old friends on the first weekend, providing a welcome diversion. Lonely and bored during the week, Scott made two day trips to the Institute and Ororo even came down one day to see him. He said nothing to Jean and tried to keep any negative thoughts out of his mind. He was picking up guilty feelings from her when they were together, and he didn't want to add to that.
They parted at the end of the week, both pretending they had enjoyed their time together, and pretending they had been together far more often than they actually had.
Scott returned to Manhattanville and got back into the swing of classes and college life. He saw quite a lot of Maggie and Nancy. Not only were they on the same floor, but at least one of them were in most of his classes. It took a while for Maggie to thaw, but Nancy seemed to be able to bring her roommate around. They got into the habit, not only of studying together, but spending a lot of free time together. It was nice to have friends.
It was a little harder to connect with some of the guys at school. He felt they had very little in common. The interests of the other freshmen seemed so, so -- juvenile. But Scott joined the karate club and slowly made friends from within that circle.
He made two more visits to Jean in New York and went to the Institute almost every other weekend. He finished the semester with good grades in all his classes (even physics, and he had some reservations about that class). Scott returned to the Institute for Christmas break. He could have gone to Jean's apartment, but decided to visit her using Westchester as a base. He was gratified by the obvious delight of the other students (and Lorna especially) that he was going to be back for a whole month. It was a wonderful homecoming.
Christmas was celebrated with its usual lavishness at the Institute. There were now five teenagers in residence, plus Ororo, who was a sophomore commuter student at Western Connecticut State University, and regular visits by Warren, Hank, Scott and Jean. The mansion was rapidly getting full.
Jean had had a good visit with her family at Christmas, but it was shortened by her schedule at the hospital and could spend no more than a couple of hours at the Institute on her way back to the city. But she promised to come back in January for a few days if she could manage it.
In retrospect, Scott would have preferred that she had stayed away.
Professor Charles Xavier watched Jean and Scott play in the snow with the other students. He knew he should feel happy that they had found each other -- but he didn't. He loved them both dearly; they were the children he never had. Scott especially was like a son to him. The Professor didn't want to see either of them hurt and he wasn't sure they had what it would take to make the relationship work.
He decided to talk to Jean that afternoon.
The Professor and Jean had a good training session that afternoon. Her telepathy was growing again and her telekinesis was also becoming stronger, and better, becoming more steady.
They were sharing a cup of tea in the Professor's study afterwards, with Jean curled up on the couch across from him. Professor Xavier decided to broach the subject of Jean's relationship with Scott and hoped he could compel her to see reason.
"How is the residency program going?" he asked.
"Pretty well," Jean replied happily. "It's exhausting, though. I've noticed when I'm tired my shields drop, and that could be disastrous."
"So it could," the Professor agreed. "Would it be a good idea to come back more often for training sessions?"
Jean hesitated. She hated admitting it, but there had been some near misses recently that had badly frightened her. "Maybe I should," she said. "I'd get to see more of you. I miss you all."
That gave him an opening. "Do you see much of Scott?"
"Some," Jean replied, instantly wary. She had never spoken to the Professor about her relationship with Scott, but she had the feeling he didn't approve.
"I'm well aware of the change in your relationship," he stated gently. "However, I can not but feel it has the potential for personal disaster for you both.
"But why?" Jean asked. "I know I'm older than he is, but ..."
"Age is just one issue," he replied. "Scott is only eighteen. But apart from whether or not a committed relationship at his age would be fair to either of you, there is also the difference in your backgrounds, your life experiences. He's been hurt, Jean. Badly."
"I know."
"Do you?" Professor Xavier was skeptical.
"I know he's been beaten, molested -- and raped," Jean said. "He's survived four foster homes, three group homes, five hospitals, two psychiatric wards, juvenile hall and countless runaway shelters. Is there anything else?"
The Professor was surprised. He had no idea Jean was aware of the details of Scott's previous life. "When did you learn all this?"
"Scott told me everything over a year ago. He trusts me, you see." Jean felt a thrill of victory to be able to say that. Scott had told her -- not Professor Xavier.
"But let me ask you, Jean," the Professor continued relentlessly. "If you weren't a telepath, would you be able to understand him? Cope with him? Or are you depending on your gifts to help maintain your relationship?"
Jean glared at Professor Xavier resentfully. He had, of course, hit the nail on the head. She not only used the link she and Scott had forged between them, but also used her telepathy to make the link as strong as possible, so she could gauge his thoughts and feelings better when they were together. If she hadn't have been a telepath, Jean knew she would have made so many blunders by now that there was no way she and Scott would still have been together.
To his credit, Scott was well aware of what she was doing, and was often grateful for it. As he himself admitted, no one suffered through experiences like his and came away completely unscathed. He had problems with relationships, he knew, and was honest enough to admit it. That he could admit that much, albeit only mentally, was another reason why they were still together.
Jean took a deep breath. "I'm well aware that Scott has a lot of emotional problems -- and he's not exactly alone in that. But he trusts me; I can help him."
"The abuse took place over many years, Jean," the Professor said softly. "Healing from it will also take many years. Are you prepared for that?"
"But I don't want to leave him," she begged. "I love him!"
"Then let him go," he advised. "For both your sakes."
Jean returned to her room, shaking. Professor Xavier hadn't said anything she hadn't already thought or imagined herself. She heard again her old boyfriend's accusations:
"You were hot for that kid from the beginning. Maybe you have kept your hands off him, maybe not. But you weren't innocent, Jean. You were never that."
Had she, unconsciously, taken advantage of Scott? Had she been so enthralled by the idea of being loved by someone, anyone, that she had ignored everything else? Was she -- being fair?
Hours later, Scott and Jean were together in her room. Out of respect for the Professor's wishes, they weren't sharing a room; now Jean was glad of that decision. Somehow, she had to tell him. She lay back listening to Scott talk about the upcoming semester. He sounded like any other college freshman. Jean felt like her heart was breaking.
"... and I'll try to organize things better this semester and come down and see you more often."
"Maybe that's not a good idea," Jean began.
"What do you mean?" Scott asked slowly.
"I was thinking ... maybe we should slow this down a bit."
Scott bit his lip. He knew where this was going. "I see," he said.
"No, you don't see." Jean sighed. "Scott, college is a wonderful time. It's the last chance most people have at being young and doing anything they want. You were robbed of your childhood -- I just don't want to rob you of anything else."
"You're not robbing me of anything."
"How do you know? Scott, you're eighteen years old. Eighteen. I want you to have fun. I want you to think about what you want to do with your life. I want you to be free. Free to make mistakes, make a fool of yourself, try new things -- meet new people. I want you to see something of life."
"I've seen life," he stated bitterly. "It's not much."
"That's why I want you to see this life," Jean explained. "You've seen the worst the world can be -- this is your chance to see the world at its best. I don't want you to feel tied to me."
"So you don't want to see me anymore?" Jean could dress it up anyway she wanted, but to Scott, that's what she was talking about.
"I don't think it's a good idea for us to be committed to each other right now. I think you should see other people. If it's right and real, we'll get back together. If it isn't -- Scott, there's no worse hell than two people feeling trapped by each other."
Scott knew that. He had seen it in more than one foster home. "So what do we do if we both wind up at the Institute at the same time?"
"Scott, it's not that I don't want to see you," Jean said, feeling tears come to her eyes. "I'm your friend and I don't ever want that to change. But I think ... it would be a good idea if we're not lovers for a while."
Scott felt like his heart was breaking. But he couldn't cry in front of her. Without another word, he left her room and went back to his. He shut the door and put his head in his hands. And sobbed.
He had trusted her with his heart. And she had broken it.