A/N: long sigh I can't believe it's the last chapter, lol. I feel like
I'm going to end this chapter (you know, preferably with a nice cliffie
like I do with all my other chapters) and come back to write a new chapter
tomorrow... or a month from now, whichever. Do you realize I've gotten nearly
200 reviews? 190, including the reviews I got for Another Haunted before I
took it down and reposted it. I almost wish it wasn't over, hehe.
Egh, and by the way, I know I said I was going to write... well, a love scene I guess, but I can't do it. I don't know why, I just can't, and it's already been a month since I last updated, and I don't want to wait anymore, so I'm cutting out the love scene. (Jenn: Please don't hurt me...) But I'll still throw in plenty of fluff. Not sure that I like the ending entirely, but...
Last disclaimer: I don't own The Mediator. I own the Agency, most of the characters, and the plot. PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!
Chapter 17
A few weeks after I went to see Hunter, I was still sort of in a slump. Jesse kept asking me what was wrong, and that just made it worse. Because as far as Jesse knew, one day we'd been perfectly happy together, and the next day I was moody and feeling guilty about something he didn't know about.
Why is it that doing the right thing makes you feel so awful?
I swear, I almost wished someone would come in and erase i memory. No such luck, though. I was stuck with it.
So that's what I was thinking about on that particular night. I was lying curled up in my bed, trying unsuccessfully to go to sleep. That was nothing new. My inability to sleep, I mean. It seemed to be happening more and more.
"Susannah," I heard a voice say.
I shut my eyes tightly, not wanting to have to face Jesse and more of his questions. Maybe if he thought I was asleep he'd leave...
"Susannah, I know you're awake," Jesse said more forcefully from my bedside. He shook my shoulder gently. "Susannah, please talk to me."
I turned over finally to face him. "There's nothing to talk about," I said. "Nothing's wrong, Jesse."
"Obviously something is wrong, otherwise you would not be acting so strangely." Jesse kneeled down next to my bed, taking my hand. "Querida, tell me what has happened to make you so distant," he said the silkiest, most gentle voice I'd ever heard him use. I shook my head vigorously. "Why can you not tell me?"
"Because," I squeaked. "I'm afraid that if I tell you, you'll hate me for it. I don't want to lose you like that, Jesse."
Jesse stood up and suddenly swept me up into his arms, sitting down on the bed and balancing me on his lap.
I gasped a little. I hadn't been this close to Jesse in months, but now that I was, it just felt so good. I'd secretly dreamed about him holding me like this for so long. And Jesse... well, let me just say that, even though Jesse's mind didn't remember all those months—and the two years before that—of celibacy, but the rest of him sure did. At least, if the hardness I felt beneath me was any indication.
Jesse pushed strands of hair from my face, and I met his gaze tentatively. His eyes were so filled with concern it nearly broke my heart. "Querida," he said softly, "I could never hate you. Do you understand? I love you, and you could never lose me."
I layed my head on his chest, closing my eyes. "Please Jesse, don't make me tell you. Just... just hold me for awhile, okay?"
He held me a little closer and sort of rocked back and forth, like he was holding a baby. God, how could I have forgotten how good it felt to be held by him? He had a way of making me feel loved and cherished when he did that, something that right then, I needed to feel.
We just sat like that for a long time. Finally, Jesse kissed the top of my head and picked me up off his lap and layed me back down on the bed. For a minute I almost thought he was going to...well, you know... but instead he just kissed me, then layed down next to me and pulled me close again.
"You can tell me anything, querida," he reminded me gently.
I sighed, turning my head to look up at him. "I know." I gave him a little smile, snuggling closer to him. Closing my eyes, I murmured, "Maybe I'll tell you some other time."
I don't what it was about Jesse holding me that made me feel better. Maybe it was because, laying there with him, he made me feel like he'd forgive me anything, no matter how bad it was. In his arms I felt safe and loved, and like I could tell him anything without having to worry.
But of course, I didn't. Tell him, I mean. But I did tell him plenty of other, much more important things.
"Jesse?"
I felt him kiss my hair. "Hmm?" "I do love you, you know."
He smiled against my hair. "I know, querida. I love you, too."
I smiled, and a little while later I fell asleep in Jesse's arms.
A/N: Thank you.
Egh, and by the way, I know I said I was going to write... well, a love scene I guess, but I can't do it. I don't know why, I just can't, and it's already been a month since I last updated, and I don't want to wait anymore, so I'm cutting out the love scene. (Jenn: Please don't hurt me...) But I'll still throw in plenty of fluff. Not sure that I like the ending entirely, but...
Last disclaimer: I don't own The Mediator. I own the Agency, most of the characters, and the plot. PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!
Chapter 17
A few weeks after I went to see Hunter, I was still sort of in a slump. Jesse kept asking me what was wrong, and that just made it worse. Because as far as Jesse knew, one day we'd been perfectly happy together, and the next day I was moody and feeling guilty about something he didn't know about.
Why is it that doing the right thing makes you feel so awful?
I swear, I almost wished someone would come in and erase i memory. No such luck, though. I was stuck with it.
So that's what I was thinking about on that particular night. I was lying curled up in my bed, trying unsuccessfully to go to sleep. That was nothing new. My inability to sleep, I mean. It seemed to be happening more and more.
"Susannah," I heard a voice say.
I shut my eyes tightly, not wanting to have to face Jesse and more of his questions. Maybe if he thought I was asleep he'd leave...
"Susannah, I know you're awake," Jesse said more forcefully from my bedside. He shook my shoulder gently. "Susannah, please talk to me."
I turned over finally to face him. "There's nothing to talk about," I said. "Nothing's wrong, Jesse."
"Obviously something is wrong, otherwise you would not be acting so strangely." Jesse kneeled down next to my bed, taking my hand. "Querida, tell me what has happened to make you so distant," he said the silkiest, most gentle voice I'd ever heard him use. I shook my head vigorously. "Why can you not tell me?"
"Because," I squeaked. "I'm afraid that if I tell you, you'll hate me for it. I don't want to lose you like that, Jesse."
Jesse stood up and suddenly swept me up into his arms, sitting down on the bed and balancing me on his lap.
I gasped a little. I hadn't been this close to Jesse in months, but now that I was, it just felt so good. I'd secretly dreamed about him holding me like this for so long. And Jesse... well, let me just say that, even though Jesse's mind didn't remember all those months—and the two years before that—of celibacy, but the rest of him sure did. At least, if the hardness I felt beneath me was any indication.
Jesse pushed strands of hair from my face, and I met his gaze tentatively. His eyes were so filled with concern it nearly broke my heart. "Querida," he said softly, "I could never hate you. Do you understand? I love you, and you could never lose me."
I layed my head on his chest, closing my eyes. "Please Jesse, don't make me tell you. Just... just hold me for awhile, okay?"
He held me a little closer and sort of rocked back and forth, like he was holding a baby. God, how could I have forgotten how good it felt to be held by him? He had a way of making me feel loved and cherished when he did that, something that right then, I needed to feel.
We just sat like that for a long time. Finally, Jesse kissed the top of my head and picked me up off his lap and layed me back down on the bed. For a minute I almost thought he was going to...well, you know... but instead he just kissed me, then layed down next to me and pulled me close again.
"You can tell me anything, querida," he reminded me gently.
I sighed, turning my head to look up at him. "I know." I gave him a little smile, snuggling closer to him. Closing my eyes, I murmured, "Maybe I'll tell you some other time."
I don't what it was about Jesse holding me that made me feel better. Maybe it was because, laying there with him, he made me feel like he'd forgive me anything, no matter how bad it was. In his arms I felt safe and loved, and like I could tell him anything without having to worry.
But of course, I didn't. Tell him, I mean. But I did tell him plenty of other, much more important things.
"Jesse?"
I felt him kiss my hair. "Hmm?" "I do love you, you know."
He smiled against my hair. "I know, querida. I love you, too."
I smiled, and a little while later I fell asleep in Jesse's arms.
A/N: Thank you.