Telephone
Answering Machine

Author: Kamikazee

E-Mail:

Rating: PG-13

Series/Sequel: Part 6 (of 6) of the 'Telephone' series

Warnings: Bad language and innuendo

Category: BtVS/WWE

Pairing #: 161 (Chris Jericho/Willow)

Spoilers: None

Summary: In which, you should leave a message at the sound of the tone.

Archive: Twisting the Hellmouth, Personal Space, If you want to archive it, please send me the URL

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or situations affiliated with either Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the WWE. This is simply a piece of non-profit fiction.

Authors Note: Finally done. No sequel. Nada.

FIC STARTS HERE------------

RING

RING

RING

RING

CLICK

"Hi! You've reached Chris and Willow. We're not home right now, obviously, or we would have picked up the phone..."

"Unless we're having sex, of course. The wild naked monkey kind. And Christian, if this is you, you better not be picturing anything! For my eyes only!"

SMACK

"Ow! C'mon, Will, you know I was just playing. Plus, I know you enjoy the wild..."

"Okay, so Chris isn't allowed to speak anymore. If you're a friend of his, well, you know how he is. Try his cell. If you can't reach him there, it means he's either working, travelling, or..."

"Having wild naked monkey sex with his girlfriend. In this case, please don't interrupt."

"Chris! So, if you're my friends, you're probably grossed out enough at Chris, unless you're Anya, which is just... creepy. If you really need to see me, as in end of the world need, you can try Buffy's, the Magic Box or my cell phone."

"Yes, well, don't call if you don't need to. We've got better things to do, like wild..."

"Shhh! No more talkie for you, mister!"

"Well, that's no fun. Of course, if I can't talk, I can do other things with my mouth..."

"No! No! Bad! Stop that! Right now! Oh! Wait! Answering machine, right. I almost forgot. If we're not here between the 15th and the 24th we're on vacation."

"And no, Christian, I am not telling you where. This is special alone time for the adults, okay?"

SMACK

"What was that for?"

"Being mean to Christian! Meanie!"

"Whatever. Are we done? I think it's about time for the wild naked monkey sex."

"If you want your wild naked monkey sex you'd better shut up! Oh, well, I mean, that is.... Shit... Leave a message at the tone?"

BEEP

"Interesting message you've got there, Wills. Xander, here. Just calling to check to see if you're back yet. I guess you're not yet. Damn. And no, I didn't let Anya here the message. You're lucky she's doing inventory. Of course, I had to learn more about your and Chris' sex life then I ever wanted to know, but, the sacrifices I make for our friendship. Anyway, we need you to come play mediator, badly. Buffy and Dawn are fighting again. As in, knock down, holes in the wall, silent treatment fighting. You know how Buffy gets, and you're the only one Dawn really listens to. So, when you get back, could you field a few calls? Please, I'm dying. Love you lots, best buddy. Hope you had a great trip."

BEEP

"Jericho. Pick up. Pick up, pick up, pick up. C'mon.... pick up. Fine. Guess you're not here. When are you getting back? Things are shit around here without you. Plus, the Hurridork keeps showing up in THE weirdest places. You wouldn't believe. Plus, I kind of need advice. You see, I kind of did this thing, where I kind of asked Lillian Garcia on a date and she said yes and now I don't know what to do (text in brackets said at inhuman speed that I will not expose you to for your own health). So, I sort of need some advice. I have no idea what to do. At all. So, you need to call me, dude. Right away. I guess that's it. Except for the fact that you were totally uncool in that message and I was picturing Willow naked. Sorry, Willow. Could you please make sure Chris answers my message? I love you, girl. Call me."

BEEP