LUPIN'S THOUGHTS
I'm trying very hard not to think about it; not to think about the events of last week, even
though those events are still painfully fresh in my mind. Just when I felt a twinge of hope when I saw
Dumbledore, my heart went from feeling so light it might make me float to sinking deep into the pit of
my stomach. I remember the graceful arch you made as you fell backward through that veil at the hand
of your own cousin.
Why did you have to do that? Why did you have to come? You didn't see Harry's face when it
happened; you didn't see him struggling from my grasp, screaming your name, disbelief etched in
every inch of his face.
Sirius, it was so hard for me to keep Harry from going after you, too difficult to tell him that
you weren't coming back, that you were gone. I couldn't look at him; I didn't want him to see the tears
that were forming in my eyes. Staying calm was unbearable, but it was the only thing to do.
I'm so angry at you, Sirius. I'm angry that you came with us to rescue Harry. I'm angry that
you were sent to Azkaban because you switched secret-keeper. I'm angry that you did this to Harry;
that he now has no mother, no father, and no godfather. I'm angry that you were one of my best
friends, Sirius, that you went to school with James and me, and that we had spent some of the best
times of my life together.
But I'm happy, Sirius. I'm happy that I got a chance to know you and to know what it feels like
to have a friend who will always be there for me, no matter what. It's like that saying, "It's better to
love and lose than to never love at all." It's the same in this situation. It is better to have you as a friend
and to lose you than to never have been friends with you at all.
I'm trying very hard not to think about it; not to think about the events of last week, even
though those events are still painfully fresh in my mind. Just when I felt a twinge of hope when I saw
Dumbledore, my heart went from feeling so light it might make me float to sinking deep into the pit of
my stomach. I remember the graceful arch you made as you fell backward through that veil at the hand
of your own cousin.
Why did you have to do that? Why did you have to come? You didn't see Harry's face when it
happened; you didn't see him struggling from my grasp, screaming your name, disbelief etched in
every inch of his face.
Sirius, it was so hard for me to keep Harry from going after you, too difficult to tell him that
you weren't coming back, that you were gone. I couldn't look at him; I didn't want him to see the tears
that were forming in my eyes. Staying calm was unbearable, but it was the only thing to do.
I'm so angry at you, Sirius. I'm angry that you came with us to rescue Harry. I'm angry that
you were sent to Azkaban because you switched secret-keeper. I'm angry that you did this to Harry;
that he now has no mother, no father, and no godfather. I'm angry that you were one of my best
friends, Sirius, that you went to school with James and me, and that we had spent some of the best
times of my life together.
But I'm happy, Sirius. I'm happy that I got a chance to know you and to know what it feels like
to have a friend who will always be there for me, no matter what. It's like that saying, "It's better to
love and lose than to never love at all." It's the same in this situation. It is better to have you as a friend
and to lose you than to never have been friends with you at all.