The Family Name
By Elbereth in April
Chapter 3 ___________
"Never seen you before," remarked Crabbe.
"Why are you here?" demanded Goyle.
"I was abroad last year," Artemis told them smoothly. "I have a little catch-up work to do before second year starts."
"What were you doing abroad?"
"Committing felonies, taking advantage of people, arranging miracles, and just generally being naturally intelligent and wealthy, thanks for asking."
Their mouths fell open and their eyebrows lowered, somewhat like frowning goldfish. Artemis could figure it out for himself now--these two were too stupid to pass, but too rich to be allowed to just fail. Probably had stupid but influential fathers. Just his lot to be stuck with them.
"Felonies? Really?" Crabbe said finally. "Cool!"
"Are you Irish? You sound it."
Artemis raised an eyebrow. "Yes. You mean you haven't heard of the Fowl Family?"
"Um. . . no," they admitted, looking shame-faced.
"Never mind. I'm sure you can be useful to me, anyway."
They brightened. "Useful? How?"
"You can tell me about what the other students are like here. Naturally, I'll form my own opinion when I meet them for myself, but a bit of insider's--I hesitate to call it knowledge--well, anyway, you can tell me what you know."
They looked astounded. Apparently they weren't used to having anyone actually ask them things. Then Goyle grinned. "Sure! We can tell you lots!"
"Yeah!" Crabbe exclaimed.
They proceeded to do so, until Artemis was sorry he'd asked.
____________ ____________
Life settled down into a routine. Artemis was quite busy with class and homework, trying to do a year's worth of reading in three months. He was delighted with Transfiguration, and quite liked Charms and DADA, even if it was with Dumbledore, who he didn't trust. He was good at Potions, because he was so organized and methodical, but it wasn't his favorite. He didn't see much use for Care of Magical Creatures, and he quite detested Herbology. He didn't mind History of Magic, it was set up to be boring, but Dumbledore told him all kinds of side stories, and he'd always been good at reading between the lines. He spent some time each evening on his stolen, adapted fairy computer, keeping up-to-date on technology, investments, Muggle news, and his illegal operations, which he continued to run even from Hogwarts. He kept in close touch with Butler, and sent various expeditions searching for any trace of his missing father. He also kept tabs on how his mother was doing.
Meanwhile, he didn't talk much to the other professors, except for Dumbledore, who was too sentimental and noble for his liking--and who he was convinced didn't like him, and Snape, who was sarcastic, sardonic, and yet not all unlikeable. He was very good at Potions, which Artemis quite respected, but he held himself too far separate, as if he were an adult who had seen too much for a mere, immature student to understand.
Then there were Crabbe and Goyle, who followed him around whenever he didn't manage to lose them, usually one on each side, like a pair of bereft bookends.
"Well, they normally follow Draco Malfoy," Madam Hooch explained to him one day. "They're sort of like the body to his head. Without a leader, they've attached themselves to you." She grinned. "Lucky you."
"Morons annoy me," he complained.
She laughed. "Now you know how teachers feel."
He spent a percentage of his spare time each day talking to Madam Hooch, often about Quidditch, or the four Houses. . . or life in general. He couldn't explain why, he just liked her.
Now he said, "They have a lot to say about Malfoy."
"He's a big believer in pure-bloods. So many Slytherins are."
"Well, it wouldn't make much sense for me to be, would it?"
Hooch looked uncommonly grave. "I wouldn't advertise it amongst them."
"No. I'll go around mentioning Lord Hugo instead." At her inquisitive look, he smirked. "Apparently, one of my ancestors. Very powerful wizard. He and Queen Maeve were lovers. I did some research after Ollivander mentioned him."
"I'm afraid none of my ancestors were very famous."
"That's OK. Just don't let your descendants say the same thing."
"And do you intend to be famous, Artemis Fowl?"
"Oh yes," he said. "Oh yes."
___________ ___________
Before Artemis knew it, summer was almost gone, and he was taking his final exams. The night before, Crabbe and Goyle had received a package full of Chocolate Frogs, Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, Licorice Wands, and other treats. "Good luck, don't flunk. Cheat if you have to," the note read, signed: "Malfoy, Parkinson, Bulstrode, and Zabini." The boys dutifully shared the candy with Artemis.
"That was nice of them," he said.
Crabbe shrugged. "I'm sure it was all Malfoy's idea. The rest of them don't care."
"Except maybe Millicent, on a good day."
"I may end up marrying her, you know," Crabbe commented.
Artemis raised his eyebrows. "Enamored of her, are you?"
"No. Pure-blooded families arrange these things. Well, you'd know, I'm sure."
Goyle snorted. "Pansy Parkinson is so sure she's going to get arranged to Draco, but there's no way. Not unless she gets a *whole* lot prettier."
"Yeah, Draco's parents would never let him marry an ugly girl. They'd end up with ugly kids, and whoever heard of an ugly Malfoy? It would never do."
"Ugly, is she?"
"She looks like one of those dogs with the squished-in faces."
Artemis laughed.
"What kind of girls do you like, Artemis?" Goyle asked, eating another Pumpkin Pastry.
"I just figure, I'll know her when the time comes."
And so exams were taken, and Crabbe and Goyle scraped by, and Artemis excelled because he's who he is.
That left them with one week before the new term started. Artemis took his fairy computer and his change of clothes and left everything else in the dorm. He met up with Butler outside the Hogwarts grounds. "I have my list of materials I need for second year," Artemis told him. "We'll go and get those before we go home. I am not taking Juliet and Mother back to Diagon Alley. Once was enough."
___________ ____________
"Just new books, mostly," Artemis reported, examining his list. "And I can get my own broom now! Madam Hooch says Nimbus 2001 just came out--it's the best!"
Butler could hardly believe his ears. Artemis was talking in exclamation marks.
He recovered himself quickly, however. "OK. Snape says now that we're clear of Hogwarts grounds, all I have to do is hold out my wand, and eventually. . ."
Even knowing what to expect, he hadn't been quite prepared for the sight of an actual flying bus coming to a noisy stop in front of them. A young man opened the door.
"Wanting the Knights Bus? We'll take you anywhere you want to go."
"Yes. Diagon alley."
"Stop just outside the Leaky Cauldron," he informed them brightly and a bit pompously.
Artemis climbed aboard. Butler prepared to follow.
"Here, he's not a wizard," the young man protested.
Artemis gave him a look and Butler ostentatiously flexed his muscles. The man swallowed. "Fine. It's 11 each."
Artemis paid him as Butler boarded. They found a seat in the back.
Once at their destination, they found the wall, and Artemis tapped in the correct sequence of bricks. They entered Diagon Alley and headed off for Flourish and Blott's. "Business before pleasure, right Butler?" Artemis half-smiled.
The store was quite crowded inside. Butler kept a space bubble around himself and Artemis for fear of his safety, and no one dared intrude too close. "What's with all the people?" Artemis wondered out loud.
"Don't you know? Gilderoy Lockhart is signing his books today!" an awe- struck matronly witch overheard him and replied.
"Lockhart. . ." Artemis looked at his reading list. That name was featured prominently. "Hmm."
He looked at the line waiting for the wizarding author, who was flashing his teeth in a toothpaste-commercial smile. "Um." He did not inspire Artemis's respect. "Signing won't be necessary," Artemis said to Butler dryly. "But I do need some of his books."
They were heading towards a display when a commotion at the signing table made them turn. "It can't be Harry Potter!" someone shouted. Lockhart was dragging a boy his age up to the front, and holding him in place long enough for a photographer to snap a picture.
"Ladies and gentlemen," the wizard announced, with that 100 watt smile, "as well as getting my books, Harry here will soon be graced with my presence as his new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher!"
"Lovely," Artemis muttered. "Wonder how much he gets paid for that." Artemis dismissed Lockhart from his thoughts then and watched the boy escape back to the line.
So that was the famous Harry Potter, Boy Who Lived. He'd heard all about him, from a number of sources at Hogwarts, trying to get a less-biased picture. He casually strolled over to stand nearby him out of simple curiosity.
So it was that he got to see Potter join up with a large redheaded family and a brown-haired girl and her parents, and to watch a boy his age, as blonde as one could possibly be, approach Harry with a twisted, scowling sneer on his face.
"Bet you loved that, didn't you, Potter?" the blonde hissed. "Can't even go into a bookshop without making the front page."
"Leave him alone, he didn't want it!" exclaimed a small redheaded girl, glaring at the boy.
"Potter, you've got a girlfriend!"
The girl blushed, and two more youth came over, the brunette and a redheaded boy. "Oh, it's you. Bet you're surprised to see Harry here, eh?"
"Not as surprised as I am to see you in a shop, Weasley." Ah, thought Artemis, then the girl must be Granger. "I suppose your parents will go hungry for a month to pay for all these."
Weasley went for him, but the other two pulled him back. Then an adult came over, and two more boys, and then another man as blonde as his son, and with the same twisted expression.
The two men glared at each other. "Arthur Weasley."
"Lucius."
"Been keeping you busy at the Ministry--but they don't seem to be paying you well for it." He pulled a used, tattered book out from the girl's cauldron and examined it. "What's the use of being a disgrace to the name of wizard, then?"
Everyone was flushed and angry now. "We have a very different idea of what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy."
"*Thought* so," said Artemis to Butler in satisfaction. "I *knew* that had to be Malfoy."
The others were too busy listening to the grown-ups trade insults, but the blonde boy heard his name, and turned his head to meet Artemis's eyes.
"You're Draco Malfoy. Crabbe and Goyle speak of you all the time."
Draco's chin went up. "You're Fowl. They owled me about you."
The two boys scrutinized each other closely.
"I've heard the name Fowl before," Malfoy admitted at last, grudgingly.
Artemis started to say more, when they heard a crash and spun back to see Mr. Weasley tackle Mr. Malfoy to the ground. Draco's eyes got huge at this indignity.
"That's unexpected," Artemis commented.
Butler pulled Artemis back. "Stay out of range."
"But I want to see Mr. Malfoy hex him," Artemis complained, mainly to see Draco's reaction.
Draco half-glanced at him. "Well, of course my dad will win."
But before any hexing could take place, Hagrid appeared from somewhere and pulled the two men apart. Both their faces were bloodied.
"Here girl," Lucius snarled. He still had her book. "Take it--it's the best your father can give you. . ." He pulled away from Hagrid and swept from the store, beckoning Draco.
Draco took another half-glance back at Artemis, and followed his father.
Artemis waited a beat, then strode to the window to watch the Malfoys walk away. The elder was furiously straightening his clothes. The younger was shrinking back, as if nervous at the other's anger. Then Artemis turned around to watch the other group leaving, Mr. Weasley being scolded by his wife.
"I think this year's going to be quite interesting."
Butler groaned. "Don't tell your mother."
___________ __________
A/N: Next chapter: the Hogwarts Express, more Draco Malfoy. . .
By Elbereth in April
Chapter 3 ___________
"Never seen you before," remarked Crabbe.
"Why are you here?" demanded Goyle.
"I was abroad last year," Artemis told them smoothly. "I have a little catch-up work to do before second year starts."
"What were you doing abroad?"
"Committing felonies, taking advantage of people, arranging miracles, and just generally being naturally intelligent and wealthy, thanks for asking."
Their mouths fell open and their eyebrows lowered, somewhat like frowning goldfish. Artemis could figure it out for himself now--these two were too stupid to pass, but too rich to be allowed to just fail. Probably had stupid but influential fathers. Just his lot to be stuck with them.
"Felonies? Really?" Crabbe said finally. "Cool!"
"Are you Irish? You sound it."
Artemis raised an eyebrow. "Yes. You mean you haven't heard of the Fowl Family?"
"Um. . . no," they admitted, looking shame-faced.
"Never mind. I'm sure you can be useful to me, anyway."
They brightened. "Useful? How?"
"You can tell me about what the other students are like here. Naturally, I'll form my own opinion when I meet them for myself, but a bit of insider's--I hesitate to call it knowledge--well, anyway, you can tell me what you know."
They looked astounded. Apparently they weren't used to having anyone actually ask them things. Then Goyle grinned. "Sure! We can tell you lots!"
"Yeah!" Crabbe exclaimed.
They proceeded to do so, until Artemis was sorry he'd asked.
____________ ____________
Life settled down into a routine. Artemis was quite busy with class and homework, trying to do a year's worth of reading in three months. He was delighted with Transfiguration, and quite liked Charms and DADA, even if it was with Dumbledore, who he didn't trust. He was good at Potions, because he was so organized and methodical, but it wasn't his favorite. He didn't see much use for Care of Magical Creatures, and he quite detested Herbology. He didn't mind History of Magic, it was set up to be boring, but Dumbledore told him all kinds of side stories, and he'd always been good at reading between the lines. He spent some time each evening on his stolen, adapted fairy computer, keeping up-to-date on technology, investments, Muggle news, and his illegal operations, which he continued to run even from Hogwarts. He kept in close touch with Butler, and sent various expeditions searching for any trace of his missing father. He also kept tabs on how his mother was doing.
Meanwhile, he didn't talk much to the other professors, except for Dumbledore, who was too sentimental and noble for his liking--and who he was convinced didn't like him, and Snape, who was sarcastic, sardonic, and yet not all unlikeable. He was very good at Potions, which Artemis quite respected, but he held himself too far separate, as if he were an adult who had seen too much for a mere, immature student to understand.
Then there were Crabbe and Goyle, who followed him around whenever he didn't manage to lose them, usually one on each side, like a pair of bereft bookends.
"Well, they normally follow Draco Malfoy," Madam Hooch explained to him one day. "They're sort of like the body to his head. Without a leader, they've attached themselves to you." She grinned. "Lucky you."
"Morons annoy me," he complained.
She laughed. "Now you know how teachers feel."
He spent a percentage of his spare time each day talking to Madam Hooch, often about Quidditch, or the four Houses. . . or life in general. He couldn't explain why, he just liked her.
Now he said, "They have a lot to say about Malfoy."
"He's a big believer in pure-bloods. So many Slytherins are."
"Well, it wouldn't make much sense for me to be, would it?"
Hooch looked uncommonly grave. "I wouldn't advertise it amongst them."
"No. I'll go around mentioning Lord Hugo instead." At her inquisitive look, he smirked. "Apparently, one of my ancestors. Very powerful wizard. He and Queen Maeve were lovers. I did some research after Ollivander mentioned him."
"I'm afraid none of my ancestors were very famous."
"That's OK. Just don't let your descendants say the same thing."
"And do you intend to be famous, Artemis Fowl?"
"Oh yes," he said. "Oh yes."
___________ ___________
Before Artemis knew it, summer was almost gone, and he was taking his final exams. The night before, Crabbe and Goyle had received a package full of Chocolate Frogs, Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, Licorice Wands, and other treats. "Good luck, don't flunk. Cheat if you have to," the note read, signed: "Malfoy, Parkinson, Bulstrode, and Zabini." The boys dutifully shared the candy with Artemis.
"That was nice of them," he said.
Crabbe shrugged. "I'm sure it was all Malfoy's idea. The rest of them don't care."
"Except maybe Millicent, on a good day."
"I may end up marrying her, you know," Crabbe commented.
Artemis raised his eyebrows. "Enamored of her, are you?"
"No. Pure-blooded families arrange these things. Well, you'd know, I'm sure."
Goyle snorted. "Pansy Parkinson is so sure she's going to get arranged to Draco, but there's no way. Not unless she gets a *whole* lot prettier."
"Yeah, Draco's parents would never let him marry an ugly girl. They'd end up with ugly kids, and whoever heard of an ugly Malfoy? It would never do."
"Ugly, is she?"
"She looks like one of those dogs with the squished-in faces."
Artemis laughed.
"What kind of girls do you like, Artemis?" Goyle asked, eating another Pumpkin Pastry.
"I just figure, I'll know her when the time comes."
And so exams were taken, and Crabbe and Goyle scraped by, and Artemis excelled because he's who he is.
That left them with one week before the new term started. Artemis took his fairy computer and his change of clothes and left everything else in the dorm. He met up with Butler outside the Hogwarts grounds. "I have my list of materials I need for second year," Artemis told him. "We'll go and get those before we go home. I am not taking Juliet and Mother back to Diagon Alley. Once was enough."
___________ ____________
"Just new books, mostly," Artemis reported, examining his list. "And I can get my own broom now! Madam Hooch says Nimbus 2001 just came out--it's the best!"
Butler could hardly believe his ears. Artemis was talking in exclamation marks.
He recovered himself quickly, however. "OK. Snape says now that we're clear of Hogwarts grounds, all I have to do is hold out my wand, and eventually. . ."
Even knowing what to expect, he hadn't been quite prepared for the sight of an actual flying bus coming to a noisy stop in front of them. A young man opened the door.
"Wanting the Knights Bus? We'll take you anywhere you want to go."
"Yes. Diagon alley."
"Stop just outside the Leaky Cauldron," he informed them brightly and a bit pompously.
Artemis climbed aboard. Butler prepared to follow.
"Here, he's not a wizard," the young man protested.
Artemis gave him a look and Butler ostentatiously flexed his muscles. The man swallowed. "Fine. It's 11 each."
Artemis paid him as Butler boarded. They found a seat in the back.
Once at their destination, they found the wall, and Artemis tapped in the correct sequence of bricks. They entered Diagon Alley and headed off for Flourish and Blott's. "Business before pleasure, right Butler?" Artemis half-smiled.
The store was quite crowded inside. Butler kept a space bubble around himself and Artemis for fear of his safety, and no one dared intrude too close. "What's with all the people?" Artemis wondered out loud.
"Don't you know? Gilderoy Lockhart is signing his books today!" an awe- struck matronly witch overheard him and replied.
"Lockhart. . ." Artemis looked at his reading list. That name was featured prominently. "Hmm."
He looked at the line waiting for the wizarding author, who was flashing his teeth in a toothpaste-commercial smile. "Um." He did not inspire Artemis's respect. "Signing won't be necessary," Artemis said to Butler dryly. "But I do need some of his books."
They were heading towards a display when a commotion at the signing table made them turn. "It can't be Harry Potter!" someone shouted. Lockhart was dragging a boy his age up to the front, and holding him in place long enough for a photographer to snap a picture.
"Ladies and gentlemen," the wizard announced, with that 100 watt smile, "as well as getting my books, Harry here will soon be graced with my presence as his new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher!"
"Lovely," Artemis muttered. "Wonder how much he gets paid for that." Artemis dismissed Lockhart from his thoughts then and watched the boy escape back to the line.
So that was the famous Harry Potter, Boy Who Lived. He'd heard all about him, from a number of sources at Hogwarts, trying to get a less-biased picture. He casually strolled over to stand nearby him out of simple curiosity.
So it was that he got to see Potter join up with a large redheaded family and a brown-haired girl and her parents, and to watch a boy his age, as blonde as one could possibly be, approach Harry with a twisted, scowling sneer on his face.
"Bet you loved that, didn't you, Potter?" the blonde hissed. "Can't even go into a bookshop without making the front page."
"Leave him alone, he didn't want it!" exclaimed a small redheaded girl, glaring at the boy.
"Potter, you've got a girlfriend!"
The girl blushed, and two more youth came over, the brunette and a redheaded boy. "Oh, it's you. Bet you're surprised to see Harry here, eh?"
"Not as surprised as I am to see you in a shop, Weasley." Ah, thought Artemis, then the girl must be Granger. "I suppose your parents will go hungry for a month to pay for all these."
Weasley went for him, but the other two pulled him back. Then an adult came over, and two more boys, and then another man as blonde as his son, and with the same twisted expression.
The two men glared at each other. "Arthur Weasley."
"Lucius."
"Been keeping you busy at the Ministry--but they don't seem to be paying you well for it." He pulled a used, tattered book out from the girl's cauldron and examined it. "What's the use of being a disgrace to the name of wizard, then?"
Everyone was flushed and angry now. "We have a very different idea of what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy."
"*Thought* so," said Artemis to Butler in satisfaction. "I *knew* that had to be Malfoy."
The others were too busy listening to the grown-ups trade insults, but the blonde boy heard his name, and turned his head to meet Artemis's eyes.
"You're Draco Malfoy. Crabbe and Goyle speak of you all the time."
Draco's chin went up. "You're Fowl. They owled me about you."
The two boys scrutinized each other closely.
"I've heard the name Fowl before," Malfoy admitted at last, grudgingly.
Artemis started to say more, when they heard a crash and spun back to see Mr. Weasley tackle Mr. Malfoy to the ground. Draco's eyes got huge at this indignity.
"That's unexpected," Artemis commented.
Butler pulled Artemis back. "Stay out of range."
"But I want to see Mr. Malfoy hex him," Artemis complained, mainly to see Draco's reaction.
Draco half-glanced at him. "Well, of course my dad will win."
But before any hexing could take place, Hagrid appeared from somewhere and pulled the two men apart. Both their faces were bloodied.
"Here girl," Lucius snarled. He still had her book. "Take it--it's the best your father can give you. . ." He pulled away from Hagrid and swept from the store, beckoning Draco.
Draco took another half-glance back at Artemis, and followed his father.
Artemis waited a beat, then strode to the window to watch the Malfoys walk away. The elder was furiously straightening his clothes. The younger was shrinking back, as if nervous at the other's anger. Then Artemis turned around to watch the other group leaving, Mr. Weasley being scolded by his wife.
"I think this year's going to be quite interesting."
Butler groaned. "Don't tell your mother."
___________ __________
A/N: Next chapter: the Hogwarts Express, more Draco Malfoy. . .