Disclaimer: I don't own The Marauders. What I DO own is a Vespa scooter. Wait, I don't even own that.
-Last Time-
Lily: /Screams and faints/
Victoria: Uh, you better leave. She'll want your skin for this.
James: No, don't tear me away from my love!
/Suddenly, the stairs change, and James slides down, screaming for Lily/
Remus: It's time to go!
Sirius: Goodbye, Vicky!
James: /From bottom of stairs/ NO!!
Lily: /Suddenly wakes up/ Oh my God! All the guys who love me are maniacs!
James: /Yelling from the common room/ I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANY OF THE OTHER MANIACS!
Lily: It's gonna be a LONG day tomorrow…
Chapter 6: Doing the Unthinkable
Sirius: /Yawn/ I'm so tired. And there's no one to stalk.
James: I know. This is the pits.
Remus: Well, what do you suggest we do?
James: I dunno, Moony. I really don't know.
Peter: I have an idea!!
Group: /Groans/
James: Fine, what is it? I'm bored enough to do it.
Peter: Well, we could redecorate the room in the color scheme I came up with. I was thinking shocking pink and light purple. Oh, with yellow accents! And, a Carebear border with Strawberry Shortcake comforters! Then, we can show the girls and the professors and invite everyone in for a tea party!!
James, Sirius, and Remus: /Jump off of beds and beat Peter unconscious with various objects, screaming/ YOU DOLT! THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THAT WE WOULD EVER DO THAT! WE'RE REALLY STARTING TO DOUBT IF YOU'RE STRAIGHT OR NOT!
James: Well, I take back what I said earlier. I'm NOT bored enough to do that.
Sirius: /Nods/ But you guys, I don't doubt whether or not Peter's straight.
Remus: What do you mean?? He wanted to redecorate the room! In pink!
Sirius: /Mutters/ Pink's not that bad a color, it's the color of my room at home…/Coughs/ I mean, I KNOW he's not straight!
James: Too true.
Remus: I second the motion.
Sirius: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??
Remus: How am I supposed to know?
Sirius: Good point. Well, I'll be off. I have work to do.
James: /Suspicious/ What do you mean?
Sirius: Well, um, I have work to do.
Remus: /Also Suspicious/ Like what?
Sirius: Um…personal stuff. Bye now! /Runs out of Gryffindor Tower/
James: Hmm…I don't trust what he's doing.
Remus: Neither do I. Well, time to stalk!
James: Yes. But wait a minute. /Grabs camera/ Ok, I'm ready.
Peter: /Suddenly wakes up/ What are we doing?
James: Stalking Sirius. Now shush, Remus is giving a speech.
Remus: /Clears throat/ Now, men, we are going on a dangerous mission. We will do the impossible, the unthinkable: We will stalk Sirius.
James and Peter: /Gasp/
Remus: Yes, I know, it's unbelievable. But we must do it, for the good of humanity. I don't know if we shall survive this, but we'll give it our best shot. Understood?
James and Peter: Yes sir! /Salute/
James: Hey, how come you're giving the speech and I'm not?
Remus: Um…because I'm smarter…
James: Oh, ok. Well, let's go! It's time for battle!
/Throw on the invisibility cloak and run out after Sirius/
Three hours later:
Remus: We've been looking for Sirius for forever!
James: We must keep looking! I must find out what he's doing!
Remus: Getting a little obsessive, are we?
James: Not as obsessive as you are about chocolate.
Remus: /Straightens up/ Did you say chocolate? Where is it? I must find it!!
James: Calm down!
Remus: /Begins jumping up and down, looking for chocolate/
James: /Grabs Remus by the shoulders and starts to shake him/ THERE IS NO CHOCOLATE!
Remus: NO! There has to be!
James: Well, I have some in my pocket…
Remus: GIVE IT TO ME! /Tackles James to the ground/
James: /Gives it to him/ Just get off of me! It's just…wrong!
Remus: Oh, sorry mate.
James: No harm done, Moony. Now, let's go.
/Marauders continue until they find an empty classroom with Sirius inside/
/Sirius is wearing a black trench coat and black hat. Three other figures in all black are inside/
Sirius: /Glances around/ So, do you have /Shifty eyes/ the goods?
Figure 1: /Nods and pulls out…/
James: /Gasp/ No, it can't be!
Remus: I don't believe it! It's impossible!
Peter: What is it? I don't see it!
James: /Whacks Peter and Peter falls to the ground unconscious/
Remus: I thought that stuff was outlawed.
James: I never thought that Sirius would become involved in illegal dealings.
Remus: We've got to go in.
James: /Nod/
James and Remus: /Burst into the classroom, wands up/
Remus: Freeze! You're under arrest!
James: Well, not technically. You're just in big trouble, SIRIUS!
Sirius: /Gasps/ How did you know where I was?
James: I figured it out using my highly intelligent mind.
/Crickets chirp/
Sirius: Tell me how you really know.
James: We guessed.
Sirius: Oh, ok.
Remus: What have you got there?
Sirius: Oh, um…nothing…
Remus and James: /Seize hidden package and rip it open/
James: Sirius! How could you?
Remus: I thought better of you, Sirius. I thought you could overcome something like this. I thought you were stronger than this.
Sirius: /Falls to knees crying/ I'm so sorry! I just couldn't resist!
James: So you had to go and get this. /Holds up a box of Twinkies/
Sirius: I couldn't resist! They taste so good!
Remus: /Pulls one out and starts to eat it/
James: Remus, NO!
Remus: Hey, these are pretty good.
James: No, I've lost my other best friend!
Peter: /Pops up in room/ You still have me.
James: /Coughs/ As I said, I've lost my other best friend!
Remus: Oh, shut up and try one. /Shoves a Twinkie in James' mouth/
James: /Chews and looks thoughtful for a minute/ Hey, these ARE good.
Peter: Can I try one?
James: Uh, we'd better keep these to test them…wouldn't want you dying on us…
Peter: Ok. I feel loved!
James, Remus, Sirius: /Skeptical looks/
James: Well, Sirius, we owe you an apology.
Remus: Yeah, we're sorry.
Sirius: Aw, it's ok, guys. Group hug!
/Group hugs but Peter is kept out/
Remus: Well, what should we do now?
James: I vote that we go raid the kitchens. How about it?
Sirius: Good idea.
Remus: But, first, I vote that we beat Peter unconscious and finish off the Twinkies.
Peter: NO!! /Runs off screaming for his Mommy/
Sirius: Well, that takes care of that. Cheers, mates.
Hey! I'm back! I kept trying to think of someone to stalk, and then I came up with this! I hope it's good. I think the funniness is dropping, but I'll try to fix that. Anyway, on to reviews!
Hi Im Crazy: Peter is a moron! And go ahead, hug Remus! I'll hug Sirius…
Cherry Chalk: Torturing Peter has become one of my favorite hobbies! Try it!
foxxy-chicca911: hitting Peter is an awesome hobby!
piffluvsu: Dreamcatcher DOES sound like a good book. Who IS Scooby Doo?? I think I shall find out Dons detective hat and pulls out magnifying glass NINJA PIRATES?? Oh, well, guess I better write out my will. Half my CDs to Ashley, Half to Kim, and you get my computer and rights to all my fics. Oh, and you also get my little brother. Have fun!
IloveMoony04: Whoa…u did a lot of laughing.
I'll try to make the next one funnier. I hope this ones good, though. That's the bad thing about no school. It's harder to come up with funny/random stuff with my friends to use in stories.
R&R!
-Jojo-