A/N Thank you, thank you to my reviewers! Has anyone told you lately that
you're beautiful? You are.
Equus: Physician, heal thyself, eh? Who needs a swimming pool with all of Mirkwood to roam around? Crystal clear streams, romantic waterfalls.
Letylyf: Isn't 'inane' a great word? But your review wasn't . . . at least, not to me!
Huinesoron: Amen to that!
Amanda: Here's the update, hope you have fun!
*Asterisks* mean an unspoken thought or written material, depending on the context.
CAPITALS mean emphasis. . . but you could probably figure that out.
Disclaimer: The characters in this story are purely fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons is coincidental. I do not own any rights to Lord of the Rings (excepting those of a dedicated fan), or any other registered products or names which may appear in the course of the story.
Rated PG for material which may be traumatic to some readers.
Chapter 3: There Is No Such Thing as an Elf
Jess sat on one side of the desk, staring fearfully at the rotund doctor on the other side. He smiled kindly.
"Now let's see, Jessica Tanner, I believe you are in the tenth grade, is that right?"
Jess nodded silently as Dr. Istar flipped through a thick manila folder.
"Hmm, yes, honor student, very good. And you run track?"
Another nod. Jess wished she had room to run now. She'd be out of this place so fast all they would see would be a flash of light. But the doors were locked and there were probably guards on the exits. Guards with guns. Jess caught her lip between her teeth and tried not to start crying again. A real warrior would have way too much pride to show weakness to the enemy.
"I see you are quite a prolific authoress, Jessica." Dr. Istar was gingerly picking through an impressive stack of pages with an expression of distaste. "Tell me, why do you find it worth your while to waste time on these . . . fantasies?"
Silence. *Don't give them anything, Jessica.*
"How much of your life do you spend fighting imaginary battles with, uh . . ." he glanced down at the page, "Uruk-hai? (It came out like Erik-hey.) Wouldn't you rather be out with your friends, having fun at the mall, going for pizza?"
"I am with my friends when I write," muttered Jess, and immediately wished she hadn't.
Dr. Istar sighed heavily. "Jessica, Jessica, these . . . things are not your friends. They are figments of your imagination. They do not really exist."
*Wanna bet? You'd change your mind with an arrow between your ribs.* Jessica sighed softly. She knew no member of the Fellowship was really going to come to her rescue. Still, it was nice to dream.
"Jessica, I want you to think very seriously about this. I think you'll find that the way you've been living is actually very lonely. Wouldn't it be nice to have some real friends? People who talk back to you?"
The doctor continued to flip through the folder and came to the printout of an IM conversation. Scanning it, he scowled darkly.
"I see you have received a lot of encouragement in your pursuits. Who is this Iluvglorfindel236?"
*My friends are in danger too!* Jessica didn't quite dare look the doctor in the eye, but she stared woodenly at his chin and didn't open her mouth. *What if he calls in the guards? I'm not brave enough to stand torture! But the safety of my comrades depends on me.*
"Jessica, you're only making this difficult for yourself." Dr. Istar sounded patiently concerned, but Jess wasn't fooled.
Her mouth tightened, and in a sudden rush of courage she looked the doctor right in the eye.
*You're going to have to get tougher if you want anything out of me, Orc- teeth.*
* * * *
"Of course there is."
"What?" The doctor's round eyes blinked in surprise. He had seen a lot of obsessed Fangirls in his day, but he'd never come across one who stated it so matter-of-factly. They all believed it to some extent, but usually they squirmed and blushed and had an expression in their eyes that revealed they were aware of how silly they sounded.
"Megan," said Dr. Istar firmly, "there is No Such Thing as an elf."
"I'm afraid you're wrong." Meg's face was perfectly calm, and her eyes gleamed with malicious enjoyment.
"I see. Then would you be so kind as to explain to me, if these creatures are not purely imaginary as I had always supposed, where they exist and why I have never seen one?" Dr. Istar had the confident air of one with an unanswerable argument.
"I never said they weren't imaginary," Meg protested mildly. "I just said it wasn't true that they didn't exist."
Dr. Istar began to wonder uneasily whether this case actually belonged in the state mental hospital. "My dear child, if something is imaginary, it doesn't exist. You can't have it both ways. It's an unalterable paradox."
"No it's not. Really, doctor, where did you say you got your degree from?" Megan sounded disapproving. "You don't seem to have a very good concept of basic philosophy. Just because something is imaginary doesn't mean it is non-existent. On the contrary, by the very virtue of its being imaginary it must have existence."
The doctor raised an eyebrow plainly meant to be gently disbelieving.
Megan was enjoying this. "Tell me, doctor, can you picture an elf in your mind? Do you understand the concept of the immortal and beautiful creature to which we assign the term 'elf'?"
"Well, yes."
"Then you see, you've just proved that elves, in fact, exist. They exist in the understanding, or if you prefer, the imagination."
Dr. Istar's mouth opened and then it closed. No sound emerged in the process.
"You see, doctor," Meg sounded like the weary expert, trying once again to bring things down to the level of her simple apprentice, "there are two distinct realms of existence. One is in what we would term the 'real world' and the other is in the understanding or the mind. But that the existence of a thing which has been conceived only in the understanding is still valid, has been accepted ever since Anselm developed his ontological argument hundreds of years ago. While there have been disputes about which realm certain things belong to, there has never been any objection to the idea that there are, in fact, two planes of existence. I really don't understand your object in trying to upset such a universal axiom."
Meg finished her lecture and sat back in her chair. Turning a discreet eye on her watch, she was amused to note that a full two minutes passed before the good doctor discovered his voice.
"Thank you, Megan, that will be all for this morning."
"Have a good day, I've enjoyed our discussion!"
Meg smiled brilliantly and swept out of the room, leaving a shaken doctor to wipe nervously at his brow.
*Mother told me I should become a tax accountant, but no, I had to study psychology . . .*
* * * *
Deirdre wasn't the least bit intimidated by the little man behind the desk. How could she be afraid of someone who twitched?
The doctor offered a rather nervous smile and gestured to a chair, "Please, sit down."
"I'd rather not." Deirdre's tone could have produced a blizzard in Death Valley.
"Yes, well, just as you please, Miss Delancey."
"The name is Deirdre." Stepping closer, the redheaded girl bent over the desk and said in a soft, dangerous voice, "Where is my stuff?"
Surprisingly, her anger didn't seem to intimidate Dr. Istar. Smart aleck philosophy students were out of his realm, but this he could handle.
"You feel very angry with us, don't you? Have you stopped to think about the fact that you're in a rage over a person who doesn't exist?"
Deirdre's eyes narrowed to beams of deadly contempt. "I'm in a rage because your goons stole my stuff. I want it back. Where is it?"
"I'm afraid you can't have those things, Deirdre. Now, if you would just sit down and be willing to discuss this in a reasonable way, I'm certain you will understand our reasoning."
The teen actually looked as if she might be considering it. "Is that your final answer?"
"I'm afraid it is." Dr. Istar was firm yet kind, radiating that sort of concerned authority that is the first requirement for a counseling degree.
"Well, I gave you a chance. You can't say I didn't warn you." Deirdre turned and walked out of the room.
The doctor stood and called after her, "Miss Delancey, I'm afraid I must insist you come back and . . ." He was interrupted by a tremendous crash.
Istar rushed out to find the large living room window lying on the lawn. In the middle of the shards lay a very bad picture of a sunflower. Deirdre was nowhere to be seen.
Joni entered the room, her hair flying. "I heard this terrible crash and.oh dear. One of the girls?" She surveyed the mess and shook her head sadly. "The poor thing, I'm so glad we can help her."
Dr. Istar was not overwhelmed by the same charitable feelings. He concentrated on even breathing. *Two in. . . four out . . . two in . . . *
"It really was a hideous picture," offered Joni.
"The picture is not damaged," the doctor pointed out between clenched teeth. "The window is. We're on a limited budget. That girl cannot be allowed to destroy the house to gratify her temper."
Deirdre seemed to hold a different opinion. When the crashes in the kitchen started, Dr. Istar pointed wordlessly at Joni. The thin woman turned and ran, and the doctor retreated to his office, locked the door, and dug out the advil.
A/N If you read, please review! It's good for you! (No, not good for you like spinach is good for you.) It gives you great practice for writing award winning stories!
Equus: Physician, heal thyself, eh? Who needs a swimming pool with all of Mirkwood to roam around? Crystal clear streams, romantic waterfalls.
Letylyf: Isn't 'inane' a great word? But your review wasn't . . . at least, not to me!
Huinesoron: Amen to that!
Amanda: Here's the update, hope you have fun!
*Asterisks* mean an unspoken thought or written material, depending on the context.
CAPITALS mean emphasis. . . but you could probably figure that out.
Disclaimer: The characters in this story are purely fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons is coincidental. I do not own any rights to Lord of the Rings (excepting those of a dedicated fan), or any other registered products or names which may appear in the course of the story.
Rated PG for material which may be traumatic to some readers.
Chapter 3: There Is No Such Thing as an Elf
Jess sat on one side of the desk, staring fearfully at the rotund doctor on the other side. He smiled kindly.
"Now let's see, Jessica Tanner, I believe you are in the tenth grade, is that right?"
Jess nodded silently as Dr. Istar flipped through a thick manila folder.
"Hmm, yes, honor student, very good. And you run track?"
Another nod. Jess wished she had room to run now. She'd be out of this place so fast all they would see would be a flash of light. But the doors were locked and there were probably guards on the exits. Guards with guns. Jess caught her lip between her teeth and tried not to start crying again. A real warrior would have way too much pride to show weakness to the enemy.
"I see you are quite a prolific authoress, Jessica." Dr. Istar was gingerly picking through an impressive stack of pages with an expression of distaste. "Tell me, why do you find it worth your while to waste time on these . . . fantasies?"
Silence. *Don't give them anything, Jessica.*
"How much of your life do you spend fighting imaginary battles with, uh . . ." he glanced down at the page, "Uruk-hai? (It came out like Erik-hey.) Wouldn't you rather be out with your friends, having fun at the mall, going for pizza?"
"I am with my friends when I write," muttered Jess, and immediately wished she hadn't.
Dr. Istar sighed heavily. "Jessica, Jessica, these . . . things are not your friends. They are figments of your imagination. They do not really exist."
*Wanna bet? You'd change your mind with an arrow between your ribs.* Jessica sighed softly. She knew no member of the Fellowship was really going to come to her rescue. Still, it was nice to dream.
"Jessica, I want you to think very seriously about this. I think you'll find that the way you've been living is actually very lonely. Wouldn't it be nice to have some real friends? People who talk back to you?"
The doctor continued to flip through the folder and came to the printout of an IM conversation. Scanning it, he scowled darkly.
"I see you have received a lot of encouragement in your pursuits. Who is this Iluvglorfindel236?"
*My friends are in danger too!* Jessica didn't quite dare look the doctor in the eye, but she stared woodenly at his chin and didn't open her mouth. *What if he calls in the guards? I'm not brave enough to stand torture! But the safety of my comrades depends on me.*
"Jessica, you're only making this difficult for yourself." Dr. Istar sounded patiently concerned, but Jess wasn't fooled.
Her mouth tightened, and in a sudden rush of courage she looked the doctor right in the eye.
*You're going to have to get tougher if you want anything out of me, Orc- teeth.*
* * * *
"Of course there is."
"What?" The doctor's round eyes blinked in surprise. He had seen a lot of obsessed Fangirls in his day, but he'd never come across one who stated it so matter-of-factly. They all believed it to some extent, but usually they squirmed and blushed and had an expression in their eyes that revealed they were aware of how silly they sounded.
"Megan," said Dr. Istar firmly, "there is No Such Thing as an elf."
"I'm afraid you're wrong." Meg's face was perfectly calm, and her eyes gleamed with malicious enjoyment.
"I see. Then would you be so kind as to explain to me, if these creatures are not purely imaginary as I had always supposed, where they exist and why I have never seen one?" Dr. Istar had the confident air of one with an unanswerable argument.
"I never said they weren't imaginary," Meg protested mildly. "I just said it wasn't true that they didn't exist."
Dr. Istar began to wonder uneasily whether this case actually belonged in the state mental hospital. "My dear child, if something is imaginary, it doesn't exist. You can't have it both ways. It's an unalterable paradox."
"No it's not. Really, doctor, where did you say you got your degree from?" Megan sounded disapproving. "You don't seem to have a very good concept of basic philosophy. Just because something is imaginary doesn't mean it is non-existent. On the contrary, by the very virtue of its being imaginary it must have existence."
The doctor raised an eyebrow plainly meant to be gently disbelieving.
Megan was enjoying this. "Tell me, doctor, can you picture an elf in your mind? Do you understand the concept of the immortal and beautiful creature to which we assign the term 'elf'?"
"Well, yes."
"Then you see, you've just proved that elves, in fact, exist. They exist in the understanding, or if you prefer, the imagination."
Dr. Istar's mouth opened and then it closed. No sound emerged in the process.
"You see, doctor," Meg sounded like the weary expert, trying once again to bring things down to the level of her simple apprentice, "there are two distinct realms of existence. One is in what we would term the 'real world' and the other is in the understanding or the mind. But that the existence of a thing which has been conceived only in the understanding is still valid, has been accepted ever since Anselm developed his ontological argument hundreds of years ago. While there have been disputes about which realm certain things belong to, there has never been any objection to the idea that there are, in fact, two planes of existence. I really don't understand your object in trying to upset such a universal axiom."
Meg finished her lecture and sat back in her chair. Turning a discreet eye on her watch, she was amused to note that a full two minutes passed before the good doctor discovered his voice.
"Thank you, Megan, that will be all for this morning."
"Have a good day, I've enjoyed our discussion!"
Meg smiled brilliantly and swept out of the room, leaving a shaken doctor to wipe nervously at his brow.
*Mother told me I should become a tax accountant, but no, I had to study psychology . . .*
* * * *
Deirdre wasn't the least bit intimidated by the little man behind the desk. How could she be afraid of someone who twitched?
The doctor offered a rather nervous smile and gestured to a chair, "Please, sit down."
"I'd rather not." Deirdre's tone could have produced a blizzard in Death Valley.
"Yes, well, just as you please, Miss Delancey."
"The name is Deirdre." Stepping closer, the redheaded girl bent over the desk and said in a soft, dangerous voice, "Where is my stuff?"
Surprisingly, her anger didn't seem to intimidate Dr. Istar. Smart aleck philosophy students were out of his realm, but this he could handle.
"You feel very angry with us, don't you? Have you stopped to think about the fact that you're in a rage over a person who doesn't exist?"
Deirdre's eyes narrowed to beams of deadly contempt. "I'm in a rage because your goons stole my stuff. I want it back. Where is it?"
"I'm afraid you can't have those things, Deirdre. Now, if you would just sit down and be willing to discuss this in a reasonable way, I'm certain you will understand our reasoning."
The teen actually looked as if she might be considering it. "Is that your final answer?"
"I'm afraid it is." Dr. Istar was firm yet kind, radiating that sort of concerned authority that is the first requirement for a counseling degree.
"Well, I gave you a chance. You can't say I didn't warn you." Deirdre turned and walked out of the room.
The doctor stood and called after her, "Miss Delancey, I'm afraid I must insist you come back and . . ." He was interrupted by a tremendous crash.
Istar rushed out to find the large living room window lying on the lawn. In the middle of the shards lay a very bad picture of a sunflower. Deirdre was nowhere to be seen.
Joni entered the room, her hair flying. "I heard this terrible crash and.oh dear. One of the girls?" She surveyed the mess and shook her head sadly. "The poor thing, I'm so glad we can help her."
Dr. Istar was not overwhelmed by the same charitable feelings. He concentrated on even breathing. *Two in. . . four out . . . two in . . . *
"It really was a hideous picture," offered Joni.
"The picture is not damaged," the doctor pointed out between clenched teeth. "The window is. We're on a limited budget. That girl cannot be allowed to destroy the house to gratify her temper."
Deirdre seemed to hold a different opinion. When the crashes in the kitchen started, Dr. Istar pointed wordlessly at Joni. The thin woman turned and ran, and the doctor retreated to his office, locked the door, and dug out the advil.
A/N If you read, please review! It's good for you! (No, not good for you like spinach is good for you.) It gives you great practice for writing award winning stories!