Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter or the Marauders, there would be books out on the Marauders at the moment and I would be rich. Needless to say, neither is true.

---Last Time---

Sirius: Well, we can torch the room to save him.

Remus: THAT'S BLOODY BRILLIANT!

Sirius: /Smirks/ You like fire, don't you?

Remus: /Hides lighters behind his back/ Um, no. /Shifty eyes/

Sirius: Oh, ok. Well, let's go!

Remus: Gladly!

James: /Wakes up, only to see all of Lily's pictures on fire/ LILY! /Faints/

Remus: /Shakes head/ He's gone mental.

Sirius: Well, now he fits in with us.

Remus: Too true.

-------------

Chapter 9: The True Identity of Filch

Sirius: I just realized that there is one important person that we have neglected to gather blackmail on.

James: Really? Who?

Sirius: Filch.

Remus: Are you sure? I mean, I'm not sure that I want to find out who he really is. All the past events have traumatized me.

Peter: Me too!

Sirius: Oh, have some guts you guys! We can do this!

Remus: /Looking doubtful/ You can do what you want, but I prefer to be left out.

James and Sirius: /Mischievous grins/

James: I don't think so, Moony.

Remus: /Backs up against wall/ Uh, guys? Stop looking at me like that.

Sirius: /Pulls off hideous mask/ Oh, sorry Moony. Just giving it a try for Halloween.

Remus: Oh, ok.

James and Sirius: /Tackle Remus to the ground/

James: You're coming anyway!

Remus: NO!

Sirius: We need your intellect on this trip, mate!

Remus: /Curls up into a ball/ I feel so…used.

James: Sorry, Moony, but you have to get over it. We've got a mission to accomplish!

Sirius: TALLY HO!

/Blank stares/

Sirius: Well I thought it was a good war cry…

Half an Hour Later:

Remus: Oh yeah, "Tally Ho" was SUCH a great war cry that it got Peeves hopping mad enough to throw umbrellas at us!

Sirius: Hopping mad? I like the sound of that!

Remus: /Rolls eyes/

James: Now, where could Filch be? /Pulls out magnifying glass and examines the ground/

Sirus: How about we check his office?

James: That's a brilliant idea, Sirius!

Sirius: /Whips out notebook and begins writing/ April 29- I had a brilliant idea.

/Marauders continue through the hallways towards Filch's office/

Peter: Are we there yet?

Remus: /Eye twitches/

James: Yes, Peter.

Sirius: Hey, look! The door!

James: Wonderful observation, Sirius!

Sirius: /Whips out notebook again and writes/ I had a wonderful observation.

/Marauders slip in/

Peter: He's not here.

Sirius: Thank you, Mr. Obvious

Peter: That's not my name!

James: /Groans and smacks Peter/

Peter: What was that for?

Sirius: Peter? Shut up. /Whacks Peter unconscious/

Remus: Well that solves our Peter problem. But what about our "Where's Filch" problem?

Sirius: Do you hear that? It's coming from the other side of the filing cabinet.

James: /Creeps over, only to see a curtain covering a portion of the wall. He peers in/ Bloody hell, he needs a life.

Remus: What? What is it?

Sirius and Remus: /Run over/

Sirius: Bloody. Hell.

/Filch is inside, fanning Mrs. Norris with a palm leaf as she eats tuna fish/

Filch: Mrs. Norris, you are the most amazing creature—

Mrs. Norris: /Hiss/

Filch: --I mean, person that has ever lived.

Mrs. Norris: /Purrs/

James: Can anyone say obsession?

Sirius: Oh! I can!

Remus: I'm proud of you, Sirius!

Sirius: /Beams/ I know.

Filch: Mrs. Norris, I love you so much. Will you marry me?

Remus: OK, TIME TO GO.

Sirius: MY EYES! OH, I CAN'T SEE!

James: No more Filch, no more Filch, no more Filch…

/Marauders leave, dragging Peter/

Next Day:

/Marauders are sitting at the breakfast table, talking about the previous night's events/

Sirius: I couldn't sleep; I thought I would keep seeing Filch proposing to the cat.

James: /Shaking head/ Too horrific…

Filch: /Suddenly appears/ Hello.

Marauders: /Yelp/

Filch: /Grins/ Going to pull anymore pranks today?

Marauders: NO! JUST PLEASE, DON'T DO IT AGAIN!

Hello! I'm back! I hope this is good. Sorry for the long wait.

Reviews:

Cherry Chalk: Tar…chocolate…feathers…NO FUN!

piffluvsu: u CAN call me stupid, because I have frequent bouts of the disease…yes, it's a disease…IT IS, I SWEAR!

o scorched eggy: Remus IS a prefect, but NOT head boy. In book five, he and Sirius were talking about being PREFECTS. NOT about being Head Boy. So ha! Just ask Cherry Chalk about the club. I'm looking forward to joining it, myself.

harrylissa=luv: thank you!

LilsProngs4eva: Thank you!

R&R!

---Jojo---