Harry Potter and the Fortune Cookies of Doom
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?
Disclaimer: JK owns it all . . . I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet.
Okies, I figure you've all waited long enough for the next chapter, and I was so tired of NOT writing that I couldn't help myself! (I spoil you guys!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Harry and Ron awoke to Hermione pounding on their bedroom door and yelling that they were going to be late for breakfast. After a mad dash to the shower (Ron won), they were dressed, and met Hermione in the Common Room to walk to breakfast.
"Wait up, guys!"
They all turned to see four VERY familiar faces in front of them. James Potter, who was pushing his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose, grinned at them warmly. Peter gave a squeak, which acknowledged his presence, and shyly smiled. Remus was walking off to the side, and waved while running a hand over his sandy hair. Sirius gave a wink at Hermione, and flashed a huge grin at her, in hopes to make her weak in the knees.
She wasn't.
If anything, she looked a little sick.
Frowning, Sirius walked up to Harry. He extended his hand. "I don't believe we were all properly introduced last night. Harry, wasn't it? I'm Sirius, that's Remus, Peter, and of course, James."
Harry smiled weakly, and eagerly shook Sirius' hand. Sirius decided to try his luck at Hermione again.
"Hermione, huh? That's a nice name. I think I have a cousin named Hermione." From behind him, James turned a laugh into a cough and Remus snorted. "Great line, Padfoot. Brilliant." Sirius blushed and stepped back a few steps.
Ron cleared his throat, and stepped to the side of Hermione, laying a hand on her shoulder protectively. James looked puzzled. "Are you guys going out?" he asked.
Hermione's eyes flashed and Ron blushed as red as his hair. "NO we are NOT." She said, picking his hand off of her. Sirius let out a breath of relief.
"Join us for breakfast?" Remus asked. Harry nodded and they all entered the Great Hall. Suddenly, Harry was bombarded by a mass of red curls. Looking down, he saw that it was Lily, and she was hugging his tightly. She let go and flushed at him.
"I'm sorry, I was just so thankful that you got me to the hospital wing last night . . .you didn't have to." She said shyly. James looked furious. "But I wanted to." Harry said, remembering his mother's melodic voice. She smiled and reached for his hand.
"I'm Lily Evans." She said shaking it. "I know." Harry responded faintly.
"What?" she asked, confused. "But I've never seen you before."
After realizing his mistake, Harry said "Oh, but I heard people talking about you on the way down. You must be pretty popular."
Lily looked at her feet. "Oh . . ." she said. "I guess I might be." She said, embarrassed.
"Lily, no need to be shy!" Sirius piped up. "Everyone here knows your name, and you have fantastic grades, along with your GREAT looks." Lily blushed crimson and studied her feet as it they were fascinating. Remus smirked as James glared at Sirius, who just threw him a charming smile.
"Anyway, I'm Harry Porter." Harry said to Lily. Lily brightened.
"Join me for breakfast, won't you Harry?" she asked him, motioning towards the Gryffindor table. He nodded and grinned the famous Potter grin, eager to spend time with his mother. Everyone looked back at James, who was beyond furious now. He was . . .there was no word to describe this. HIS girl just asked a total stranger to breakfast.
"Wait, Lils!" He shouted, and Lily turned around. "You want us to join you?"
Lily pretended to think, but then Harry whispered something in her ear. "Alright." She said and they all ventured to the Gryffindor table.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
After breakfast were the classes. In Transfiguration, Hermione and James were trying to see who could transfigure the most objects in the room. Hermione won, by three items. Needless to say, Professor McGonagall was unhappy and refused to let them out until everything was restored.
In Charms, she amazed Sirius by mastering the Confundus Charm on her first try, and obviously, Harry and Ron did the same, leaving Professor Flitwick stunned in admiration for his three new favorite pupils.
In Defense Against the Dark Arts, Hermione and Remus were to answer a descriptive question about Dragons. They raised their hands into the air, and while glaring at each other, tried to raise their hand higher that the other. When they couldn't raise their hands any higher sitting down, they merely climbed onto their chairs, and then the desks. They both really wanted to answer this question.
Everyone had a higher respect for Hermione by the end of the day (except Remus; she had gotten to answer the question, and had answered it better than Remus thought HE could).
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Guys, let's go!" Ron yelled to Harry and Hermione that night after dinner. The three had gone back to their dorms to study some excellent spells, and then taken some naps before the Dueling Club.
"I'm ready!" Harry announced, appearing at the top of the staircase. "Hermione?"
"Right behind you." She said, suddenly beside him (I know that makes no sense, saying she's behind him when she's beside him . . .). The group departed from the Common Room and walked down some staircases onto the fourth floor, where Defense Against the Dark Arts was held, and waited for the dueling to begin.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Where IS it?" James was searching under his bed, bottom in the air. "Where's what?" Peter asked, plopping down onto his (James') bed. A loud * thump * was heard.
"OW! PETER! YOU SAT ON MY GODDAMN HEAD!"
"Sorry."
"I'm looking for the Map." At the mention of the Map, the three other Marauders took out their wands, stuck on their dragon-hide gloves and Halloween masks (for facial protection), and proceeded to help James search under his bed.
"God, James," Sirius said, shoving a pile of smelly sandwiches aside. "You need to do some spring cleaning."
"The house-elves are obviously too frightened to look under here." Remus said, pushing away some old moldy pieces of parchment. "Really, James, this is nasty down here!"
"I know." James said, and stood up, brushing off his robes. "Well, it's not under there." He said, and began to double-check his trunk.
"How can you tell?" Sirius asked, "Its too messy under there."
"I know my bed Padfoot." James insisted. "Bottom or top." (A/N: I had this conversation with my mom when we were under my bed looking for my band book!)
With a yelp of triumph, James lifted the Marauders Map into the air, dusting it off, as it was sacred.
"And where did you find that?" Remus asked, brushing off his robes.
"On my bedside table. Imagine that!" James said, and then cleared his throat. "I solemnly swear that I am up to -"
"JAMES! We're late for the Dueling Club! We can look at the map later! Let's just GO!"
Without reading the map, James tucked it into his robes and the Marauders ran down the corridors to their Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Alright, students. I am pleased to see so many smiling faces here!" Professor Dumbledore's eyes lingered on the three new students. "I will be calling people up to duel in pairs. You may use any tactic to knock out your opponent, but it must be a curse or charm within the rules. Clear?"
Murmurs were heard throughout the classroom. A hand tapped James on the shoulder. It was Lucius Malfoy, a blonde haired Slytherin and James' arch rival. Beside him stood Severus Snape, and greasy headed git who was usually the butt of James and Sirius' horrible pranks.
"Hello, Potty. Loony. Petticoat. Blackhead." He said, smirking as the four glowered at the pet names he had given them. "How's life?"
"It was a lot better when you were gone, Malfoy." James said. "Get lost."
"No need to get angry." Lucius said. "Let's go, Snape. It appears that our presence is not welcomed here."
"You got that right." Said a fuming Harry, suddenly, making Snape jump. "Move it." So, Lucius walked to a corner with Snape, muttering something about beating their sorry asses with the Cruciatus Curse.
"When did you guys get here?" Remus asked.
"We just arrived." Hermione replied.
"Ahem! The first duel is . . ." Dumbledore was drawing names out of a simple old farmer's hat. "Hermione Granger." Hermione stepped up. "And, Lucius Malfoy." Hermione's smile faltered as everyone else gasped.
"Hermione can't fight that monster!" Harry whispered to Ron.
"Hermione has had to deal with worse before." Ron answered. "She's outdo herself. No worries."
Hermione on the other hand, was on the verge of tears. * Why, why, WHY? * She thought. * It's bad enough that I face his own son every day! Now I got to duel this creep? Damn. *
The two people stepped up to the long table, aware of all eyes on them. Hermione raised her wand, as did Lucius. "Get ready to lose, Mudblood." He hissed, and Hermione's eyes flashed dangerously. She couldn't take it when people said that to her. This creep was going down. All worries forgotten, they turned from each other and walked to the ends of the table."
"One, two, three!" Dumbledore shouted and clapped his hands.
"Protego!" Hermione shouted, and a temporary barrier was placed over her, so that no spells could get to her. She racked her brain for a useful curse.
"Expelliarmus!" She cried, and Malfoy was taken by surprise. His wand flew off the table, and he was thrown against the wall. Then, remembering Harry's brilliant duel from second year shouted out "Rictusempra!" and Malfoy doubled over laughing. Finally, she shouted out,
"Hiporitsta!" and Malfoy was violently thrown up to the ceiling. He fell onto his face, and lay unconscious. Everyone was silent, and Dumbledore was unusually grim.
"Enervate!" he said, and Lucius was restored to full consciousness. He glared as Hermione was proclaimed the winner, and everyone clapped.
"NEXT, we have, Ronald Weasly and Severus Snape!" Dumbledore announced, and Ron was tickled with delight. He practically jumped up to the table to duel. Snape was less enthusiastic and took his time. When they reached the middle, they bowed and then went to their places.
"One, two, THREE!"
"Impedimenta!" Snape shouted, but Ron dodged it (growing up with five brothers didn't teach him nothing!) and then shouted "Fortrius!"
Snape began singing out in a horribly off-key voice "CHAMPANE BUBBLES OF LOOOOVE!"
Ron sniggered, and then finished Snape by yelling "Youlimade!" and out of no where, a large rock bashed Snape in the back of the head. Looking dazed, Snape fell off the stage with the force, and once again, the room was quiet. "Enervate!" was heard and then a new pair of duelers.
"Harry Porter and James Potter!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
WOW! I think that's the longest so far! Please review, I'm sorry if I haven't posted lately! Busy times, I got! * Huggles u all who review! *-
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?
Disclaimer: JK owns it all . . . I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet.
Okies, I figure you've all waited long enough for the next chapter, and I was so tired of NOT writing that I couldn't help myself! (I spoil you guys!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Harry and Ron awoke to Hermione pounding on their bedroom door and yelling that they were going to be late for breakfast. After a mad dash to the shower (Ron won), they were dressed, and met Hermione in the Common Room to walk to breakfast.
"Wait up, guys!"
They all turned to see four VERY familiar faces in front of them. James Potter, who was pushing his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose, grinned at them warmly. Peter gave a squeak, which acknowledged his presence, and shyly smiled. Remus was walking off to the side, and waved while running a hand over his sandy hair. Sirius gave a wink at Hermione, and flashed a huge grin at her, in hopes to make her weak in the knees.
She wasn't.
If anything, she looked a little sick.
Frowning, Sirius walked up to Harry. He extended his hand. "I don't believe we were all properly introduced last night. Harry, wasn't it? I'm Sirius, that's Remus, Peter, and of course, James."
Harry smiled weakly, and eagerly shook Sirius' hand. Sirius decided to try his luck at Hermione again.
"Hermione, huh? That's a nice name. I think I have a cousin named Hermione." From behind him, James turned a laugh into a cough and Remus snorted. "Great line, Padfoot. Brilliant." Sirius blushed and stepped back a few steps.
Ron cleared his throat, and stepped to the side of Hermione, laying a hand on her shoulder protectively. James looked puzzled. "Are you guys going out?" he asked.
Hermione's eyes flashed and Ron blushed as red as his hair. "NO we are NOT." She said, picking his hand off of her. Sirius let out a breath of relief.
"Join us for breakfast?" Remus asked. Harry nodded and they all entered the Great Hall. Suddenly, Harry was bombarded by a mass of red curls. Looking down, he saw that it was Lily, and she was hugging his tightly. She let go and flushed at him.
"I'm sorry, I was just so thankful that you got me to the hospital wing last night . . .you didn't have to." She said shyly. James looked furious. "But I wanted to." Harry said, remembering his mother's melodic voice. She smiled and reached for his hand.
"I'm Lily Evans." She said shaking it. "I know." Harry responded faintly.
"What?" she asked, confused. "But I've never seen you before."
After realizing his mistake, Harry said "Oh, but I heard people talking about you on the way down. You must be pretty popular."
Lily looked at her feet. "Oh . . ." she said. "I guess I might be." She said, embarrassed.
"Lily, no need to be shy!" Sirius piped up. "Everyone here knows your name, and you have fantastic grades, along with your GREAT looks." Lily blushed crimson and studied her feet as it they were fascinating. Remus smirked as James glared at Sirius, who just threw him a charming smile.
"Anyway, I'm Harry Porter." Harry said to Lily. Lily brightened.
"Join me for breakfast, won't you Harry?" she asked him, motioning towards the Gryffindor table. He nodded and grinned the famous Potter grin, eager to spend time with his mother. Everyone looked back at James, who was beyond furious now. He was . . .there was no word to describe this. HIS girl just asked a total stranger to breakfast.
"Wait, Lils!" He shouted, and Lily turned around. "You want us to join you?"
Lily pretended to think, but then Harry whispered something in her ear. "Alright." She said and they all ventured to the Gryffindor table.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
After breakfast were the classes. In Transfiguration, Hermione and James were trying to see who could transfigure the most objects in the room. Hermione won, by three items. Needless to say, Professor McGonagall was unhappy and refused to let them out until everything was restored.
In Charms, she amazed Sirius by mastering the Confundus Charm on her first try, and obviously, Harry and Ron did the same, leaving Professor Flitwick stunned in admiration for his three new favorite pupils.
In Defense Against the Dark Arts, Hermione and Remus were to answer a descriptive question about Dragons. They raised their hands into the air, and while glaring at each other, tried to raise their hand higher that the other. When they couldn't raise their hands any higher sitting down, they merely climbed onto their chairs, and then the desks. They both really wanted to answer this question.
Everyone had a higher respect for Hermione by the end of the day (except Remus; she had gotten to answer the question, and had answered it better than Remus thought HE could).
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Guys, let's go!" Ron yelled to Harry and Hermione that night after dinner. The three had gone back to their dorms to study some excellent spells, and then taken some naps before the Dueling Club.
"I'm ready!" Harry announced, appearing at the top of the staircase. "Hermione?"
"Right behind you." She said, suddenly beside him (I know that makes no sense, saying she's behind him when she's beside him . . .). The group departed from the Common Room and walked down some staircases onto the fourth floor, where Defense Against the Dark Arts was held, and waited for the dueling to begin.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Where IS it?" James was searching under his bed, bottom in the air. "Where's what?" Peter asked, plopping down onto his (James') bed. A loud * thump * was heard.
"OW! PETER! YOU SAT ON MY GODDAMN HEAD!"
"Sorry."
"I'm looking for the Map." At the mention of the Map, the three other Marauders took out their wands, stuck on their dragon-hide gloves and Halloween masks (for facial protection), and proceeded to help James search under his bed.
"God, James," Sirius said, shoving a pile of smelly sandwiches aside. "You need to do some spring cleaning."
"The house-elves are obviously too frightened to look under here." Remus said, pushing away some old moldy pieces of parchment. "Really, James, this is nasty down here!"
"I know." James said, and stood up, brushing off his robes. "Well, it's not under there." He said, and began to double-check his trunk.
"How can you tell?" Sirius asked, "Its too messy under there."
"I know my bed Padfoot." James insisted. "Bottom or top." (A/N: I had this conversation with my mom when we were under my bed looking for my band book!)
With a yelp of triumph, James lifted the Marauders Map into the air, dusting it off, as it was sacred.
"And where did you find that?" Remus asked, brushing off his robes.
"On my bedside table. Imagine that!" James said, and then cleared his throat. "I solemnly swear that I am up to -"
"JAMES! We're late for the Dueling Club! We can look at the map later! Let's just GO!"
Without reading the map, James tucked it into his robes and the Marauders ran down the corridors to their Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Alright, students. I am pleased to see so many smiling faces here!" Professor Dumbledore's eyes lingered on the three new students. "I will be calling people up to duel in pairs. You may use any tactic to knock out your opponent, but it must be a curse or charm within the rules. Clear?"
Murmurs were heard throughout the classroom. A hand tapped James on the shoulder. It was Lucius Malfoy, a blonde haired Slytherin and James' arch rival. Beside him stood Severus Snape, and greasy headed git who was usually the butt of James and Sirius' horrible pranks.
"Hello, Potty. Loony. Petticoat. Blackhead." He said, smirking as the four glowered at the pet names he had given them. "How's life?"
"It was a lot better when you were gone, Malfoy." James said. "Get lost."
"No need to get angry." Lucius said. "Let's go, Snape. It appears that our presence is not welcomed here."
"You got that right." Said a fuming Harry, suddenly, making Snape jump. "Move it." So, Lucius walked to a corner with Snape, muttering something about beating their sorry asses with the Cruciatus Curse.
"When did you guys get here?" Remus asked.
"We just arrived." Hermione replied.
"Ahem! The first duel is . . ." Dumbledore was drawing names out of a simple old farmer's hat. "Hermione Granger." Hermione stepped up. "And, Lucius Malfoy." Hermione's smile faltered as everyone else gasped.
"Hermione can't fight that monster!" Harry whispered to Ron.
"Hermione has had to deal with worse before." Ron answered. "She's outdo herself. No worries."
Hermione on the other hand, was on the verge of tears. * Why, why, WHY? * She thought. * It's bad enough that I face his own son every day! Now I got to duel this creep? Damn. *
The two people stepped up to the long table, aware of all eyes on them. Hermione raised her wand, as did Lucius. "Get ready to lose, Mudblood." He hissed, and Hermione's eyes flashed dangerously. She couldn't take it when people said that to her. This creep was going down. All worries forgotten, they turned from each other and walked to the ends of the table."
"One, two, three!" Dumbledore shouted and clapped his hands.
"Protego!" Hermione shouted, and a temporary barrier was placed over her, so that no spells could get to her. She racked her brain for a useful curse.
"Expelliarmus!" She cried, and Malfoy was taken by surprise. His wand flew off the table, and he was thrown against the wall. Then, remembering Harry's brilliant duel from second year shouted out "Rictusempra!" and Malfoy doubled over laughing. Finally, she shouted out,
"Hiporitsta!" and Malfoy was violently thrown up to the ceiling. He fell onto his face, and lay unconscious. Everyone was silent, and Dumbledore was unusually grim.
"Enervate!" he said, and Lucius was restored to full consciousness. He glared as Hermione was proclaimed the winner, and everyone clapped.
"NEXT, we have, Ronald Weasly and Severus Snape!" Dumbledore announced, and Ron was tickled with delight. He practically jumped up to the table to duel. Snape was less enthusiastic and took his time. When they reached the middle, they bowed and then went to their places.
"One, two, THREE!"
"Impedimenta!" Snape shouted, but Ron dodged it (growing up with five brothers didn't teach him nothing!) and then shouted "Fortrius!"
Snape began singing out in a horribly off-key voice "CHAMPANE BUBBLES OF LOOOOVE!"
Ron sniggered, and then finished Snape by yelling "Youlimade!" and out of no where, a large rock bashed Snape in the back of the head. Looking dazed, Snape fell off the stage with the force, and once again, the room was quiet. "Enervate!" was heard and then a new pair of duelers.
"Harry Porter and James Potter!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
WOW! I think that's the longest so far! Please review, I'm sorry if I haven't posted lately! Busy times, I got! * Huggles u all who review! *-