Harry Potter and the Fortune Cookies of Doom
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?
Disclaimer: JK owns it all . . . I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet.
Oh, MAN I am SO sorry that it's taken me SO long to update! As you all know, school has been consuming a lot of author's lives lately, my own included! So, without further to do, here is the duel between James and Harry Potter! Also, only one person has noticed something odd about Lucius Malfoy in the last chapter . . .
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"Harry Porter and James Potter!"
Harry froze, and his wand fell from his immobile hands. Ron hastily picked it up and thrust it into his hands before pushing him forward towards the large table. James looked shocked. How good would this guy be, if his two best friends had just knocked out the biggest bullies in school history in a matter of seconds?
Harry turned towards Dumbledore, who gave him an innocent shrug, and held up the hat full of parchment, as if to say 'I'm just the one drawing names, here.'
Pale faced, Harry began the short journey up the stairs of the table.
"Don't worry, James." Sirius was saying, rubbing James' shoulder, as if he were going to go boxing instead of dueling. "This guy is sure to be a piece of cake; everyone knows you're the best dueler in the year."
Now very miserable, Harry trudged on until his was standing full on the table, and the curious eyes of the students were upon him.
"Lighten up, Harry! You look positively green!" A female voice called out. Turning, Lily waved, her bright hair standing out in the crowd. "I'm sure you'll do great, Harry!" she said, smiling. He brightened a considerable amount, and gave her another Potter grin. James, watching this little exchange of interactions, was glowering at the both of them. He got extremely furious when Lily blushed as red as her hair and looked at her shoes. With a new spark of determination in him, he quickly marched up to the table and swung himself up onto it by his hands, hoping to impress Lily.
After quickly glancing back at her, he realized that she was still watching that Porter kid. He had failed to get her attention once again.
That didn't mean that he hadn't caught the attention of every single other girl in the room.
All the female occupants whistled and giggled as he made his impressive entrance. Lily looked up, and narrowed her eyes when she saw James being bombarded by a couple of rather feisty girls. She marched over to where Harry was and whispered something in his ear, to which he nodded eagerly and grinned, making Lily giggle.
"DAMMIT!" James said aloud.
"Mr. Potter! Ten points from Gryffindor for your foul use of language!" McGonagall called out, and James blinked.
"Now, on you go!" Dumbledore rushed them, and they quickly met each other in the middle of the table, wands raised, and then sharply drew them down. James noticed that this guy had familiar looking eyes and he never broke eye contact, not even to blink. They turned and walked to their respective table ends, and faced each other in a dueling stance.
"One."
Harry drew in a breath and searched his head for a quick jinx.
"Two."
James smiled slyly, and winked at Remus, Sirius and Peter, who gave him thumbs up in turn. The entire room was thick with tension.
"Three."
"PROTEGO!"
Harry cast a shield charm, which bought him some time to think. James looked at him, and waited. * He's waiting for my shield charm to weaken * Harry realized, and hurried himself.
"Furnunculus!" James said clearly, when Harry's shield diminished. Harry had barely looked up, when he saw a flurry of colors headed for him. He quickly jumped out of the way (by back tucking into the air, high above the spell) and made a mental note to thank Remus for teaching him that when he got home. Of course, as he landed and looked at the young Remus' awed face, he had probably just given him the idea for it.
James cursed inwardly and resumed his dueling position.
"Stupefy!" Harry cried, and a red beam of light shot towards James with a burst of speed. He dived out of the way, and the spell hit the wall behind him. His friend's exchanged nervous looks.
"Tarantallegra!" James shouted, and before Harry had time to see anything, the curse hit him in the chest and he fell onto his back. A second later he burst upward and his legs began dancing themselves crazy in the form of a swing dance. Harry saw James' triumphant look, and quickly glanced to see his mother. She had a hopeful look on her face and gave him the peace sign.
* It's definitely the seventies then. * He thought as he shouted "Finite Incantatem." And his legs stopped dancing of their own accord. James raised an eyebrow.
'Time to quit fooling around' Harry thought will a look of determination visible in his green eyes. "Bombardi Aurora!" He yelled, and a bright light burst from the tip of his wand, blinding James. The crowd watched while peeking through their fingers, and gasped as James cried out in pain. He fell onto the tabletop, twitching and holding his face. His glasses had cracked, and the pieces were lying useless on the floor below.
Dumbledore stared at Harry with an expression that he couldn't read. Raising his wand, Harry sighed. He loved his father, no matter what, but this was a duel, and he was GOING to win, whether or not he liked it. 'Sorry dad.' He thought sadly as he racked his brains for a curse that would knock him out.
Deciding on a nice finishing move, he got into his battle stance, but was disturbed by a strange feeling in his pocket. Searching his robes, the Golden Toilet sat innocently in his pocket, but the sickly green glow that it gave off had given it away. He touched it carefully, and was immediately shocked by the power emitting from it. He pulled his hand back, as he noticed the crowd on the floor staring at something odd at the end of the table. Turning quickly, he saw James with a look of fury etched onto his features.
"Serpensortia!" He shouted, and a long black snake came rearing out of his wand, fangs bared at Harry.
'SHIT!' Harry thought frantically. ' Shit, shit, SHIT!' He was overcome with a sensation on déjà vu. 'Just perfect. How the hell am I going to get rid of it?'
He looked hopefully toward the teachers, but they shook their heads, and merely nodded toward the snake, obviously telling Harry that he had to do this alone. Ron and Hermione looked purely horrified, and while all this was going on, the black snake was nearing ever so closer to Harry.
Then, it spoke.
"Hello, sir." It said in a clear, hissing sound. "How did I get here?"
'How polite.' Harry thought, and shook his head, in what he hoped to be a good gesture. He couldn't risk letting the whole school know that he was a Parseltounge.
"I know you can talk to me." The snake said, coiling up. "Go on. Just say something to let me know you aren't a total ignoramus."
'How the hell . . .? Smart snake!' Harry thought, and decided to throw caution to the wind. "Fine." He said, and tried to ignore the gasps and noises the students suddenly made. "You got me. I can speak snake. You're very smart."
"Thanksss." The snake said, nodding its scaly head. "How did I get here?"
"You were created." Harry stated. "From that wizard, behind you." The snake turned around to face a very white looking James Potter.
"Did I do something wrong?" It asked, as it saw the people around him gather collective gasps.
"Oh, no. It's me." Harry said. "I'm not supposed to be able to talk to you."
"Oh." The snake slithered over to Harry. "What's going to happen to me?"
"I don't know." Harry said, allowing the snake to travel up the length of his leg. This was a nice snake, and he was growing rather fond of him. Maybe he could . . .
"Wanna come live with me? It's loads better than being feared and detested and stuff."
"People detest snakes?" It asked, now on Harry's arm, and coiling around his neck in a comfortable position for both of them. "How rude."
"Yeah, you tell me. So, how 'bout it?" The snake seemed to consider the offer before nodding its head. "Great. Oh, hold on." Harry said and whipped out his wand.
"Sorry, James." He said in plain English, and cried out "Horospi Monolegitimus!" And James was suddenly bashed into the floor. He had been caught in complete shock, and landed headfirst, among the cries of their audience. A small trickle of blood ran down his face, everyone doubting that he was still conscious after that ordeal. A few people were still staring in shock at Harry, but he paid no notice.
"I think that will be all the dueling for tonight." Dumbledore announced. "Everyone please, return to your dormitories. I believe that everyone from second to fifth year has classes tomorrow, so please get a good nights sleep." Amidst the people, Remus, Sirius, Peter, Lily, Ron, and Hermione hung behind to look at their friends.
"Made a new friend, Harry?" Ron asked, grinning while the snake shot Harry a look of confusion.
"This is my new friend . . .Vinci." Harry said, giggling a bit.
"Vinci?" Asked Hermione with a raised eyebrow. "Why that?"
"He's an extra smart snake." Harry said, winking at the serpent.
"Vinci . . .I like that name." Vinci said, curling up a little tighter around Harry's neck. Harry smiled down at him while Dumbledore motioned them over. He had a tired look on his face.
"I must say, you three surprised me today." He said, and Ron and Harry puffed out their cheeks proudly. "Of course, Harry, we will need to talk later about your little . . .friend." He motioned to the snake, and Harry mentally kicked himself. Dumbledore still didn't know he could speak Parseltounge!
"Yes, sir." He said glumly.
"And, if I may inquire," Dumbledore prodded, "The future isn't a very happy place, is it?" The three friends looked at the floor with grave looks. "I see. Well, you must be tired, so go on to bed now. Madame Pomfrey will want to inspect Mr. Potter before he leaves. Goodnight."
"Goodnight Professor." They chorused, and began heading to the door.
"Harry!" Lily called. "Wait!"
"Yes, Lily?" Harry asked politely.
"I was hoping that we could speak later." She said, fiddling with her robes. "Alone?"
Realization dawned on him, and hit Harry like a drunk Hippogriff.
"Maybe later, I got to go." He motioned his friends for the door, trying and failing to ignore the identical looks of hatred the Marauders were bestowing upon him.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
James was mad.
Lily might actually have a crush on this Porter guy!
HIS Lily!
Remus sighed.
"I don't know James, he spoke Parseltounge . . ." he trailed off, looking uncertain. "Maybe we shouldn't trust him. Maybe he's spying for You-Know- Who."
"Yeah, I always thought he seemed fishy." Peter said, examining James' glasses shards. "But I wouldn't call him the dark wizard type."
"You never know." Sirius said darkly. "The whole lot of 'em might be in it together."
"Oh, all of you please!" Madame Pomfrey fretted about as she cleaned the small cut on James' cheek. "All of you, run along now, I'm finished!"
The boys scampered down the hallways, and Peter pulled out the Marauders Map.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." He said, lightly tapping the parchment. Words and lines began to travel across the page.
"I think we need a break." Sirius said, snatching it away from him. "How about some late-night snacks from the kitchens?"
"Sounds good." James said, thinking of Harry and his friends. "I might fancy a -"
"Hey, guys!" Sirius said, in a manner of panic, which he didn't ordinarily use. "Who the hell is Harry Potter?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
YEA I'm done for the night! Its 10:41 on a school night and I'm still here, making magic for you people! . . .Need . . .caffeine . . .
WELL you know what to do! Read and Review please!
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?
Disclaimer: JK owns it all . . . I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet.
Oh, MAN I am SO sorry that it's taken me SO long to update! As you all know, school has been consuming a lot of author's lives lately, my own included! So, without further to do, here is the duel between James and Harry Potter! Also, only one person has noticed something odd about Lucius Malfoy in the last chapter . . .
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Harry Porter and James Potter!"
Harry froze, and his wand fell from his immobile hands. Ron hastily picked it up and thrust it into his hands before pushing him forward towards the large table. James looked shocked. How good would this guy be, if his two best friends had just knocked out the biggest bullies in school history in a matter of seconds?
Harry turned towards Dumbledore, who gave him an innocent shrug, and held up the hat full of parchment, as if to say 'I'm just the one drawing names, here.'
Pale faced, Harry began the short journey up the stairs of the table.
"Don't worry, James." Sirius was saying, rubbing James' shoulder, as if he were going to go boxing instead of dueling. "This guy is sure to be a piece of cake; everyone knows you're the best dueler in the year."
Now very miserable, Harry trudged on until his was standing full on the table, and the curious eyes of the students were upon him.
"Lighten up, Harry! You look positively green!" A female voice called out. Turning, Lily waved, her bright hair standing out in the crowd. "I'm sure you'll do great, Harry!" she said, smiling. He brightened a considerable amount, and gave her another Potter grin. James, watching this little exchange of interactions, was glowering at the both of them. He got extremely furious when Lily blushed as red as her hair and looked at her shoes. With a new spark of determination in him, he quickly marched up to the table and swung himself up onto it by his hands, hoping to impress Lily.
After quickly glancing back at her, he realized that she was still watching that Porter kid. He had failed to get her attention once again.
That didn't mean that he hadn't caught the attention of every single other girl in the room.
All the female occupants whistled and giggled as he made his impressive entrance. Lily looked up, and narrowed her eyes when she saw James being bombarded by a couple of rather feisty girls. She marched over to where Harry was and whispered something in his ear, to which he nodded eagerly and grinned, making Lily giggle.
"DAMMIT!" James said aloud.
"Mr. Potter! Ten points from Gryffindor for your foul use of language!" McGonagall called out, and James blinked.
"Now, on you go!" Dumbledore rushed them, and they quickly met each other in the middle of the table, wands raised, and then sharply drew them down. James noticed that this guy had familiar looking eyes and he never broke eye contact, not even to blink. They turned and walked to their respective table ends, and faced each other in a dueling stance.
"One."
Harry drew in a breath and searched his head for a quick jinx.
"Two."
James smiled slyly, and winked at Remus, Sirius and Peter, who gave him thumbs up in turn. The entire room was thick with tension.
"Three."
"PROTEGO!"
Harry cast a shield charm, which bought him some time to think. James looked at him, and waited. * He's waiting for my shield charm to weaken * Harry realized, and hurried himself.
"Furnunculus!" James said clearly, when Harry's shield diminished. Harry had barely looked up, when he saw a flurry of colors headed for him. He quickly jumped out of the way (by back tucking into the air, high above the spell) and made a mental note to thank Remus for teaching him that when he got home. Of course, as he landed and looked at the young Remus' awed face, he had probably just given him the idea for it.
James cursed inwardly and resumed his dueling position.
"Stupefy!" Harry cried, and a red beam of light shot towards James with a burst of speed. He dived out of the way, and the spell hit the wall behind him. His friend's exchanged nervous looks.
"Tarantallegra!" James shouted, and before Harry had time to see anything, the curse hit him in the chest and he fell onto his back. A second later he burst upward and his legs began dancing themselves crazy in the form of a swing dance. Harry saw James' triumphant look, and quickly glanced to see his mother. She had a hopeful look on her face and gave him the peace sign.
* It's definitely the seventies then. * He thought as he shouted "Finite Incantatem." And his legs stopped dancing of their own accord. James raised an eyebrow.
'Time to quit fooling around' Harry thought will a look of determination visible in his green eyes. "Bombardi Aurora!" He yelled, and a bright light burst from the tip of his wand, blinding James. The crowd watched while peeking through their fingers, and gasped as James cried out in pain. He fell onto the tabletop, twitching and holding his face. His glasses had cracked, and the pieces were lying useless on the floor below.
Dumbledore stared at Harry with an expression that he couldn't read. Raising his wand, Harry sighed. He loved his father, no matter what, but this was a duel, and he was GOING to win, whether or not he liked it. 'Sorry dad.' He thought sadly as he racked his brains for a curse that would knock him out.
Deciding on a nice finishing move, he got into his battle stance, but was disturbed by a strange feeling in his pocket. Searching his robes, the Golden Toilet sat innocently in his pocket, but the sickly green glow that it gave off had given it away. He touched it carefully, and was immediately shocked by the power emitting from it. He pulled his hand back, as he noticed the crowd on the floor staring at something odd at the end of the table. Turning quickly, he saw James with a look of fury etched onto his features.
"Serpensortia!" He shouted, and a long black snake came rearing out of his wand, fangs bared at Harry.
'SHIT!' Harry thought frantically. ' Shit, shit, SHIT!' He was overcome with a sensation on déjà vu. 'Just perfect. How the hell am I going to get rid of it?'
He looked hopefully toward the teachers, but they shook their heads, and merely nodded toward the snake, obviously telling Harry that he had to do this alone. Ron and Hermione looked purely horrified, and while all this was going on, the black snake was nearing ever so closer to Harry.
Then, it spoke.
"Hello, sir." It said in a clear, hissing sound. "How did I get here?"
'How polite.' Harry thought, and shook his head, in what he hoped to be a good gesture. He couldn't risk letting the whole school know that he was a Parseltounge.
"I know you can talk to me." The snake said, coiling up. "Go on. Just say something to let me know you aren't a total ignoramus."
'How the hell . . .? Smart snake!' Harry thought, and decided to throw caution to the wind. "Fine." He said, and tried to ignore the gasps and noises the students suddenly made. "You got me. I can speak snake. You're very smart."
"Thanksss." The snake said, nodding its scaly head. "How did I get here?"
"You were created." Harry stated. "From that wizard, behind you." The snake turned around to face a very white looking James Potter.
"Did I do something wrong?" It asked, as it saw the people around him gather collective gasps.
"Oh, no. It's me." Harry said. "I'm not supposed to be able to talk to you."
"Oh." The snake slithered over to Harry. "What's going to happen to me?"
"I don't know." Harry said, allowing the snake to travel up the length of his leg. This was a nice snake, and he was growing rather fond of him. Maybe he could . . .
"Wanna come live with me? It's loads better than being feared and detested and stuff."
"People detest snakes?" It asked, now on Harry's arm, and coiling around his neck in a comfortable position for both of them. "How rude."
"Yeah, you tell me. So, how 'bout it?" The snake seemed to consider the offer before nodding its head. "Great. Oh, hold on." Harry said and whipped out his wand.
"Sorry, James." He said in plain English, and cried out "Horospi Monolegitimus!" And James was suddenly bashed into the floor. He had been caught in complete shock, and landed headfirst, among the cries of their audience. A small trickle of blood ran down his face, everyone doubting that he was still conscious after that ordeal. A few people were still staring in shock at Harry, but he paid no notice.
"I think that will be all the dueling for tonight." Dumbledore announced. "Everyone please, return to your dormitories. I believe that everyone from second to fifth year has classes tomorrow, so please get a good nights sleep." Amidst the people, Remus, Sirius, Peter, Lily, Ron, and Hermione hung behind to look at their friends.
"Made a new friend, Harry?" Ron asked, grinning while the snake shot Harry a look of confusion.
"This is my new friend . . .Vinci." Harry said, giggling a bit.
"Vinci?" Asked Hermione with a raised eyebrow. "Why that?"
"He's an extra smart snake." Harry said, winking at the serpent.
"Vinci . . .I like that name." Vinci said, curling up a little tighter around Harry's neck. Harry smiled down at him while Dumbledore motioned them over. He had a tired look on his face.
"I must say, you three surprised me today." He said, and Ron and Harry puffed out their cheeks proudly. "Of course, Harry, we will need to talk later about your little . . .friend." He motioned to the snake, and Harry mentally kicked himself. Dumbledore still didn't know he could speak Parseltounge!
"Yes, sir." He said glumly.
"And, if I may inquire," Dumbledore prodded, "The future isn't a very happy place, is it?" The three friends looked at the floor with grave looks. "I see. Well, you must be tired, so go on to bed now. Madame Pomfrey will want to inspect Mr. Potter before he leaves. Goodnight."
"Goodnight Professor." They chorused, and began heading to the door.
"Harry!" Lily called. "Wait!"
"Yes, Lily?" Harry asked politely.
"I was hoping that we could speak later." She said, fiddling with her robes. "Alone?"
Realization dawned on him, and hit Harry like a drunk Hippogriff.
"Maybe later, I got to go." He motioned his friends for the door, trying and failing to ignore the identical looks of hatred the Marauders were bestowing upon him.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
James was mad.
Lily might actually have a crush on this Porter guy!
HIS Lily!
Remus sighed.
"I don't know James, he spoke Parseltounge . . ." he trailed off, looking uncertain. "Maybe we shouldn't trust him. Maybe he's spying for You-Know- Who."
"Yeah, I always thought he seemed fishy." Peter said, examining James' glasses shards. "But I wouldn't call him the dark wizard type."
"You never know." Sirius said darkly. "The whole lot of 'em might be in it together."
"Oh, all of you please!" Madame Pomfrey fretted about as she cleaned the small cut on James' cheek. "All of you, run along now, I'm finished!"
The boys scampered down the hallways, and Peter pulled out the Marauders Map.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." He said, lightly tapping the parchment. Words and lines began to travel across the page.
"I think we need a break." Sirius said, snatching it away from him. "How about some late-night snacks from the kitchens?"
"Sounds good." James said, thinking of Harry and his friends. "I might fancy a -"
"Hey, guys!" Sirius said, in a manner of panic, which he didn't ordinarily use. "Who the hell is Harry Potter?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
YEA I'm done for the night! Its 10:41 on a school night and I'm still here, making magic for you people! . . .Need . . .caffeine . . .
WELL you know what to do! Read and Review please!