Harry Potter and the Fortune Cookies of Doom
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?
Disclaimer: JK owns it all . . . I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet.
HEY! Yes, twice in two days, but I have an AWESOME explanation. I wrote an essay for my American History class, you see. My teacher thought it was great and decided that he wanted it published in our city newspaper! I was SO unbelievably happy, and the next thing I knew, the almighty PLOT BUNNIES visited me! I've been getting compliments all day . . . I will share some with you.
I got a B in math, which my math teacher happily congratulated me on (no I'm not retarded, I just really wanted a B) and I'll have an A if I DO NOT fail the test on Friday, I read from page 37 to page 91 in a book today (in under an hour, which may not seem like much, an NO its not a compliment, just something good), and at my dance lessons tonight, a girl from the high school dance team told me I had great potential for the team! I feel good . . . ahem.
ALSO I would like you to know that Lily DOES in fact have a crush on Harry. But no, he only likes her affection because he's never had a motherly figure before (besides Molly Weasley) and he never met his own. She only likes him because he's practically a mirror image of James, only a way better personality . . .* ducks well-aimed bludgers*. Okay, this is sorta turning out to be a parody of Back to the Future, huh? Smashing movie.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*Voldemort's P.O.V. 1996
Wormtail cautiously sat down in the chair provided for him as I gently stroked Nagini across the head. My toilet was gone.
"Sir, we have great news to tell . . ."
In the hands of Harry Potter,
"Harry Potter does not seem to be in this, er, reality, anymore.
Who had seemingly disappeared off the face of the world,
"And we think he may have gone back in time."
To the year 1976.
I cursed in parseltounge and Nagini slithered away, to rest by the fire. Potter was gone, there was no denying that this kid had power. Just the wrong kind.
He had my toilet.
MY toilet.
The power within that little bundle of gold was too much to even think about. My head hurt.
"Bring me my Tylenol, Wormtail." I noticed him fidgeting anxiously in his seat, so I had given him something to do, just for the hell of having something to do.
"My lord, we have run out . . ." He said, and took out some spare parchment from his robes. "I found out from . . .a source-"
"Namely?"
"Lucius Malfoy, sir. He said that the only explanation was that Potter must have gone back in time. It all makes perfect sense to me. His friends are missing as well, and I can recall some rather strange memories from that year . . .1976, I mean."
He was ripping the parchment up very slowly while he said all this, and the constant shredding sound it made was driving me mad. I summoned a stress ball from down the hall and placed it into Wormtail's hands. He stared at it blankly. He was still mutilating the parchment.
"Sir, I don't -"
"SQUEEZE IT!"
The death eater fell silent under my command and slowly began squeezing and releasing the ball around his hand.
"I have come to a proposal, Wormtail." He stopped messing with the ball and let it drop onto the floor, where Nagini saw it and promptly slithered after it.
"I need my power. I want my power. I will find Potter, and take my power back, even if I have to PRY it from his dead, cold, LIFELESS fingers!" I was vaguely aware that my voice was getting steadily higher in pitch as I spoke, and to make my servant cringe, drew it out into a cold, claws-on-the- chalkboard-laugh.
He flinched at the pitch, but his hands remained to the sides of his body, until I was ready to continue.
"Fetch me a time-turner, Wormtail."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Harry, Ron, and Hermione watched the fire in silence in the Common Room. The rest of the room had fled upon their entrance, obviously still upset from their dueling abilities. Harry had put Vinci in his guestroom, and now he was waiting for the Marauders to return so he could explain the circumstances to them.
The portrait opened, but it was not the Marauders that entered, but Lily. She looked at Harry shyly, and a lump built itself in Harry's throat. 'Oh, GREAT!' he thought, rising to meet her.
"We can have that talk now." He said, and Hermione and Ron walked outside the portrait hole, understanding of his need of privacy. Lily stepped closer to him and sat down in an armchair.
"I didn't know that you could . . ."
"Speak Parseltounge?" She nodded. "Yes, well, you're going to need the full story first. When I was younger, a Dark Wizard tried to curse me, but it backfired, and ended up transferring some of his power into me by mistake. That's just the short version."
Lily sat in silence, staring ahead of them, and into the glowing embers of the fire.
"Who was the wizard?" she asked.
"Someone I would rather not mention." Harry said simply and crossed the room to sit on the rug. Lily scooted down next to him. Her red hair seemed brighter than it was, and she said nothing . . .until . . .
"I like you a lot, Harry." She said, and Harry looked at her with a shocked face. His own MOTHER was hitting on him . . .that was wrong. He was sure that if this continued, the future would be alternated a lot. "Harry?"
"I don't know what to say." He said truthfully, and he wasn't lying; he had no idea what he COULD say at a time like this. 'Oh, fuck. Just peachy. My own mother has the hots for me . . . how will I get born now?'
"You don't have to say anything." Good. "I just wanted you to know." That's good. "I liked watching you duel, Harry. You seemed to look like you have had experience in it." You have no idea, he thought bitterly. Then an idea popped into his head.
"Lily? What do you think of James?"
"Potter?" She thought for a second, and for a fleeting second, a blush crept onto her cheek. "He's okay, just annoying, pompous, conceited, dim- witted, a prankster, and the center of the talk of the girls in this house."
"And you have no feelings for him?"
"No."
"None at all?" Harry pleaded.
"No! James Potter is the farthest thought from my mind."
"So what's the closest?"
Harry's mind reeled, and suddenly he wished he hadn't asked that question, because Lily was edging closer and closer as the seconds passed . . .
"LILY! What are you doing? You know what he is, right?" A voice broke through his thoughts and he quickly glanced over to the portrait hole where the Marauders were hurrying in. 'Thank God! Someone up there DOES love me!' he thought, as Lily rose up from their sitting position.
"Yes. And I don't really mind. Sod off Potter."
"Which one?" James asked, and Harry snapped his head towards him. How the hell had he forgotten? The Marauders Map! They had it . . .they must have read it. Lily stared at him strangely.
"The last time I checked, there was only one Potter that attended this school, James, and that's you." She said, with a frown on her face.
"Nah." Peter said, and pointed. "He's a Potter too." Harry's eyes widened.
"No I'm not. I'm muggle born. Porter isn't a very common name where I'm from."
"So was all that Dark Wizard stuff just a load of dung?" Lily asked, through gritted teeth. "Come on, Harry. You can tell me what's going on."
Harry stood up and backed away, toward the portrait hole, while the five people closed in on him. Then, the portrait opened and Ron and Hermione strode inside.
"Had a nice talk, Harry?" Hermione asked, before stopping and whipping out her wand. "What's going on here?"
"Nothing guys, lets go out for a while, it's mighty stuffy in here . . ." Harry trailed off as he pushed his best friends out the portrait hole, into the hallway and out of sight.
"That was odd." Remus said, and noticed a piece of parchment set on the ground. The ink was still fairly wet, and it was running down it a bit, but the message was clear:
'Thank the Lord you guys have the perfect timing.' It read.
Remus chuckled, remembering the situation they had caught Lily and Harry in minutes ago. The black-haired boy's face was of pure horror and shock, while the red head had been leaning closer, her eyes slowly drooping shut. He laughed inwardly and dropped the parchment on the floor, where a fuming James next picked it up. The parchment had magically cleared itself off , and now read a new message:
'I don't want her.'
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Professor Dumbledore!" Harry yelled as he neared the stone gargoyle. "Lemon drops." It made no movement. "Fizzing Whizby?" Ron guessed, but the statue remained motionless. "Super Duper Cherry Sprinkled Malfoy Moth?" Hermione said, and Ron and Harry gave her strange looks. She shrugged, and gasped when the gargoyle stepped aside to let them pass.
"Professor!" They shouted and they ran up the steps and into the circular room which was Dumbledores' office. He was sitting at his desk, calmly reading a book on many different types and flavors of candy (how ironic.). He glanced up at their panting faces and summoned chairs.
"Sir!" Harry gasped for breath. "It's about James and his friends - Professor, they know."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Yes, not as well thought out as the others, but I'm here aren't I? Anyway, please read and Review, and ALSO please note that I will be making a new story about Lily and James in their seventh year . . .the traditional love stuff. Please check out my stories sometime to see it (I haven't written it yet, but I will by this Monday). THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I never expected so much support from you guys! * Accepts hanky and big golden globe * I'd like to thank my mother, and father for having me, and myself for trying hard enough to get me this far, and the PLOT BUNNIES who I couldn't have achieved any of this without! Thank you!
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?
Disclaimer: JK owns it all . . . I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet.
HEY! Yes, twice in two days, but I have an AWESOME explanation. I wrote an essay for my American History class, you see. My teacher thought it was great and decided that he wanted it published in our city newspaper! I was SO unbelievably happy, and the next thing I knew, the almighty PLOT BUNNIES visited me! I've been getting compliments all day . . . I will share some with you.
I got a B in math, which my math teacher happily congratulated me on (no I'm not retarded, I just really wanted a B) and I'll have an A if I DO NOT fail the test on Friday, I read from page 37 to page 91 in a book today (in under an hour, which may not seem like much, an NO its not a compliment, just something good), and at my dance lessons tonight, a girl from the high school dance team told me I had great potential for the team! I feel good . . . ahem.
ALSO I would like you to know that Lily DOES in fact have a crush on Harry. But no, he only likes her affection because he's never had a motherly figure before (besides Molly Weasley) and he never met his own. She only likes him because he's practically a mirror image of James, only a way better personality . . .* ducks well-aimed bludgers*. Okay, this is sorta turning out to be a parody of Back to the Future, huh? Smashing movie.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*Voldemort's P.O.V. 1996
Wormtail cautiously sat down in the chair provided for him as I gently stroked Nagini across the head. My toilet was gone.
"Sir, we have great news to tell . . ."
In the hands of Harry Potter,
"Harry Potter does not seem to be in this, er, reality, anymore.
Who had seemingly disappeared off the face of the world,
"And we think he may have gone back in time."
To the year 1976.
I cursed in parseltounge and Nagini slithered away, to rest by the fire. Potter was gone, there was no denying that this kid had power. Just the wrong kind.
He had my toilet.
MY toilet.
The power within that little bundle of gold was too much to even think about. My head hurt.
"Bring me my Tylenol, Wormtail." I noticed him fidgeting anxiously in his seat, so I had given him something to do, just for the hell of having something to do.
"My lord, we have run out . . ." He said, and took out some spare parchment from his robes. "I found out from . . .a source-"
"Namely?"
"Lucius Malfoy, sir. He said that the only explanation was that Potter must have gone back in time. It all makes perfect sense to me. His friends are missing as well, and I can recall some rather strange memories from that year . . .1976, I mean."
He was ripping the parchment up very slowly while he said all this, and the constant shredding sound it made was driving me mad. I summoned a stress ball from down the hall and placed it into Wormtail's hands. He stared at it blankly. He was still mutilating the parchment.
"Sir, I don't -"
"SQUEEZE IT!"
The death eater fell silent under my command and slowly began squeezing and releasing the ball around his hand.
"I have come to a proposal, Wormtail." He stopped messing with the ball and let it drop onto the floor, where Nagini saw it and promptly slithered after it.
"I need my power. I want my power. I will find Potter, and take my power back, even if I have to PRY it from his dead, cold, LIFELESS fingers!" I was vaguely aware that my voice was getting steadily higher in pitch as I spoke, and to make my servant cringe, drew it out into a cold, claws-on-the- chalkboard-laugh.
He flinched at the pitch, but his hands remained to the sides of his body, until I was ready to continue.
"Fetch me a time-turner, Wormtail."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Harry, Ron, and Hermione watched the fire in silence in the Common Room. The rest of the room had fled upon their entrance, obviously still upset from their dueling abilities. Harry had put Vinci in his guestroom, and now he was waiting for the Marauders to return so he could explain the circumstances to them.
The portrait opened, but it was not the Marauders that entered, but Lily. She looked at Harry shyly, and a lump built itself in Harry's throat. 'Oh, GREAT!' he thought, rising to meet her.
"We can have that talk now." He said, and Hermione and Ron walked outside the portrait hole, understanding of his need of privacy. Lily stepped closer to him and sat down in an armchair.
"I didn't know that you could . . ."
"Speak Parseltounge?" She nodded. "Yes, well, you're going to need the full story first. When I was younger, a Dark Wizard tried to curse me, but it backfired, and ended up transferring some of his power into me by mistake. That's just the short version."
Lily sat in silence, staring ahead of them, and into the glowing embers of the fire.
"Who was the wizard?" she asked.
"Someone I would rather not mention." Harry said simply and crossed the room to sit on the rug. Lily scooted down next to him. Her red hair seemed brighter than it was, and she said nothing . . .until . . .
"I like you a lot, Harry." She said, and Harry looked at her with a shocked face. His own MOTHER was hitting on him . . .that was wrong. He was sure that if this continued, the future would be alternated a lot. "Harry?"
"I don't know what to say." He said truthfully, and he wasn't lying; he had no idea what he COULD say at a time like this. 'Oh, fuck. Just peachy. My own mother has the hots for me . . . how will I get born now?'
"You don't have to say anything." Good. "I just wanted you to know." That's good. "I liked watching you duel, Harry. You seemed to look like you have had experience in it." You have no idea, he thought bitterly. Then an idea popped into his head.
"Lily? What do you think of James?"
"Potter?" She thought for a second, and for a fleeting second, a blush crept onto her cheek. "He's okay, just annoying, pompous, conceited, dim- witted, a prankster, and the center of the talk of the girls in this house."
"And you have no feelings for him?"
"No."
"None at all?" Harry pleaded.
"No! James Potter is the farthest thought from my mind."
"So what's the closest?"
Harry's mind reeled, and suddenly he wished he hadn't asked that question, because Lily was edging closer and closer as the seconds passed . . .
"LILY! What are you doing? You know what he is, right?" A voice broke through his thoughts and he quickly glanced over to the portrait hole where the Marauders were hurrying in. 'Thank God! Someone up there DOES love me!' he thought, as Lily rose up from their sitting position.
"Yes. And I don't really mind. Sod off Potter."
"Which one?" James asked, and Harry snapped his head towards him. How the hell had he forgotten? The Marauders Map! They had it . . .they must have read it. Lily stared at him strangely.
"The last time I checked, there was only one Potter that attended this school, James, and that's you." She said, with a frown on her face.
"Nah." Peter said, and pointed. "He's a Potter too." Harry's eyes widened.
"No I'm not. I'm muggle born. Porter isn't a very common name where I'm from."
"So was all that Dark Wizard stuff just a load of dung?" Lily asked, through gritted teeth. "Come on, Harry. You can tell me what's going on."
Harry stood up and backed away, toward the portrait hole, while the five people closed in on him. Then, the portrait opened and Ron and Hermione strode inside.
"Had a nice talk, Harry?" Hermione asked, before stopping and whipping out her wand. "What's going on here?"
"Nothing guys, lets go out for a while, it's mighty stuffy in here . . ." Harry trailed off as he pushed his best friends out the portrait hole, into the hallway and out of sight.
"That was odd." Remus said, and noticed a piece of parchment set on the ground. The ink was still fairly wet, and it was running down it a bit, but the message was clear:
'Thank the Lord you guys have the perfect timing.' It read.
Remus chuckled, remembering the situation they had caught Lily and Harry in minutes ago. The black-haired boy's face was of pure horror and shock, while the red head had been leaning closer, her eyes slowly drooping shut. He laughed inwardly and dropped the parchment on the floor, where a fuming James next picked it up. The parchment had magically cleared itself off , and now read a new message:
'I don't want her.'
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Professor Dumbledore!" Harry yelled as he neared the stone gargoyle. "Lemon drops." It made no movement. "Fizzing Whizby?" Ron guessed, but the statue remained motionless. "Super Duper Cherry Sprinkled Malfoy Moth?" Hermione said, and Ron and Harry gave her strange looks. She shrugged, and gasped when the gargoyle stepped aside to let them pass.
"Professor!" They shouted and they ran up the steps and into the circular room which was Dumbledores' office. He was sitting at his desk, calmly reading a book on many different types and flavors of candy (how ironic.). He glanced up at their panting faces and summoned chairs.
"Sir!" Harry gasped for breath. "It's about James and his friends - Professor, they know."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Yes, not as well thought out as the others, but I'm here aren't I? Anyway, please read and Review, and ALSO please note that I will be making a new story about Lily and James in their seventh year . . .the traditional love stuff. Please check out my stories sometime to see it (I haven't written it yet, but I will by this Monday). THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I never expected so much support from you guys! * Accepts hanky and big golden globe * I'd like to thank my mother, and father for having me, and myself for trying hard enough to get me this far, and the PLOT BUNNIES who I couldn't have achieved any of this without! Thank you!