Harry Potter and the Fortune Cookies of Doom

Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?

Disclaimer: JK owns it all . . . I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet.

A/N: I'm BACKKKK! Yes, bigger, badder, and bolder than ever…just kidding. This is just another one of my chapters for the story…sorry if I took so long…so beware…mwahahahaha!

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"What do you mean 'they know', Mr. Potter?"

Harry made an exasperated sigh and made himself comfortable on one of the chairs. Hermione and Ron seated themselves on his left and right side, Ron looking pale, and Hermione near tears.

"I mean that they know my surname. They know that I am Harry Potter. They know I can speak Parseltounge, and my own mother has the hots for me. This entire situation is ridiculous. What do we do?"

Dumbledore stroked his beard thoughtfully with one hand and re-adjusted his spectacles with the other. "Maybe a school-wide memory charm would do," he said. "No, that will not work. Did they figure out who you were?"

"I just told you." Harry said, puzzled. "They know my name is Harry Potter."

"No, no," Dumbledore said. "You misunderstood. Do they know who you are, as in, do they know that you are James Potter's future son?"

"What? No…but I think they may be a bit suspicious of it." Harry said lamely. "I mean, how many people named 'Potter' do you see these days?"

"Harry, your father comes from a long line of pure-blooded witches and wizards. There are no other Potters in Europe that is related to him. Pureblooded wizarding families study their family ancestry and history very, very carefully, because most purebloods are inter-related. He would know who you were, if you were related, and is naturally suspicious because of this fact."

Harry was staring intently at Dumbledore's face, Hermione was processing all this new information, while meanwhile, Ron's brain was suffering from information overload.

"I could come up with an explanation…that I'm from America, and live in Britain, perhaps?" Harry said.

"No, that won't do…"

The Headmaster sat in silence for a minute or two while Harry stared so hard at him that he thought that if looks could kill, Dumbledore would have been long dead. The man looked up.

"Yes?"

Harry could have hit him. The past Dumbledore wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, now was he?

"Hello!" Ron suddenly said, standing up. "We have a problem here! It's up to you to decide! What are we going to do here?"

"Oh," Said Dumbledore. "Simple enough, for the time being, a memory charm will be placed on the boys. If they remain suspicious of your past you deny everything. Deny, deny, deny. Clear?"

"Crystal." Said Hermione, who was now beside Harry. "Thank you Headmaster."

"Send for the boys on your way out." Dumbledore said, and resumed reading his candy book.

MEANWHILE**

"LILY!" James cried, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her. "How could you --- why did you ---? Oh, never mind."

"No, James." Lily said taking his hands away, very aware that all of the Marauders were carefully memorizing every last move she made. "What? What could you have left to say? I am trying to have a relationship here. Why are you always interfering?"

After Hermione, Ron, and Harry had left, James had picked up the note, and understood what it meant –kind of. 'I don't want her' could actually mean that he had no feelings for Lily. On the other hand, it might just be something to divert James' attention from this kid. Whatever the reason, it was certain to be of no good.

At the moment, James gulped and visibly tensed. Lily noticed and her eyes softened. "James?"

"I gotta go." James replied meekly, and made his way to the portrait hole. He knew Remus, Peter, and Sirius would follow, so he waited for them.

"So," the Fat Lady said. "You having troubles with the young lasses, eh?"

James blushed.

**In the Common Room

"Lily, listen to us." Remus pleaded.

Lily just turned away in anger. Remus sighed. "James is a really nice person. You just have to be his friend."

"His friend? HIS FRIEND?" Lily said, finally yelling out. "How could anyone be his friend? He's annoying, a jerk, an airhead, and rich! How could anyone be friends with HIM?"

"Lily, maybe you haven't noticed lately, but he only acts this way to two people. You and Snivillus."

"You mean Severus?" Lily said, fuming. "Call him by his name! He might not be the nicest person you may meet, or the most pleasing to look at, but he is still a person nonetheless, and his parents gave him a name! SO USE IT!"

The three boys (peter gulping really loud) slowly backed away in horror from this demented soul. "Fine, fine." Sirius said, holding his hands up in surrender. "Just don't kill me." He grabbed Peter, who was whimpering. "Accept my human sacrifice as a holy offering to thee."

Lily narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips, which gave her an incredibly dangerous look. The electricity could almost be seen crackling on the tips of her hair as she advanced towards them, the boys backing up until they were against a wall.

"Wait, wait," Remus said. "Don't we get to say any last words?"

Lily paused. "I suppose so."

"Don't you want to know why he's giving you all this attention, however negative it may be? 'Cause we know."

Lily's eyes widened and she began to slowly regain composure. "Fine. Why does he like to bother me?"

"Because he likes you, Lils." Lily was about to tell Remus off for using his own little pet name for her, but stopped short and sucked in a breath. "And I don't mean 'a little schoolboy crush that he'll forget about in a few weeks', I mean, he really likes you."

"Oh, yeah." Sirius said running a hand through his thick hair. He grinned at seeing Lily so shocked, but when her gaze fixed on him, he wiped it from his face. "Lily, he's been talking about you ever since fourth year when he began commenting on how beautiful you are."

"Yes." Peter said, encouraged by his friend's sudden actions of casualty. "I think he might only annoy you because you already hated him when he first liked you."

She rounded on Peter, who immediately regretted speaking. "It was all his fault I fell off my broomstick in the first place!" she said. "He wasn't watching were he was going and if he was, I wouldn't have fallen forty feet down! Do you all realize that because of him, I NEVER WANT TO FLY AGAIN?"

Remus, Sirius, and Peter flinched at her tone, but didn't dare move an inch. "Yes, Lily." Sirius said. "But what I'm trying to say is that that incident happened in first year. We're in sixth year now. He was eleven. James didn't know any better" Lily snorted "than he does now!"

"What we're saying," Remus said. " Is that he's changed somehow Lily. Maybe not in the best of ways, but he did, along the line, and you must be really upset to have held a grudge over something which happened over six years ago that James probably forgot about!"

Lily was stunned at the words that struck her. She slumped down onto the floor. "Why can't he just act mature?"

"Have you even tried being nice to him?" Peter asked. "You haven't even given him a chance in all these years. Maybe it's time that you did."

Peter left through the portrait hole and made his way out of the school (wonder why).

"I just want us to be friends!" Lily said, glancing into the ember filled fireplace.

"And I just want a golden toilet, but it's not coming until Tuesday!" Sirius retorted, seeming pissed off. "We can't always get what we want!"

Everyone stared.

With those words, the two remaining Marauders left Lily to her thoughts and met James outside the portrait hole.

"How'd it go?" James asked anxiously.

"You're not going to believe this." Sirius said, his hands rubbing his temples. "Lily's still all jived up about that time in first year when you knocked her off her broom."

"That was her?" James asked, with only mild interest. Before he could say more, three figures walked up to them.

"Hello." Harry said cheerfully. James glared. Harry looked uncomfortable. "Eh, Dumbledore would like to have a word with all four of you."

"Peter isn't here." Remus said, following James' example. "He'll have to make due with the three of us for now."

Harry shrugged and spoke the password. As Ron helped Hermione through the portrait of the Fat Lady, Sirius' hand began to 'run away' again, towards her leg. Luckily (thanks to his keeper skills) Ron caught this and promptly smacked him away. Sirius blushed and followed his friends to the Headmaster's office.

"Ron, that wasn't very polite." Hermione frowned. "You shouldn't be starting fights in this time."

"But –"

"No buts! Get inside and go to bed."

"Yes ma'am."

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"Headmaster, you wanted to have a word?"

"Yes." Dumbledore turned around in his chair, wand in hand. "Several, in fact. Have you obtained any odd information of the three newcomers?"

The boys were taken off guard by this sudden and rather strange question. "Well, yes." Sirius said. "He's not really Harry Porter, Sir! He's Harry Potter, and we think he's dangerous! He speaks Parseltounge, and not even anyone in MY family can do that…you know how my family is."

Dumbledore nodded in understanding, for all of Sirius' family was full of dark witches and wizards. "Gentlemen, you may have reached a misunderstanding."

Three confused faces stared back at him.

"You can't judge a book by its cover." He spoke. "Or a person by his abilities." His eyes twinkled. "I'll catch you up on your studies personally, though you know, you won't remember why."

"What…? Professor?"

But their voices were drowned out by one big, loud, and powerful one.

"OBLIVIATE!"

And a bright flash of light consumed their vision.

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WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP! Seventh chappie DUN! Yea, it takes 486 licks to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop (I know…I counted.)…. I'm hyper don't mind me. Now, this might be hard, but I'm asking for 15 reviews for this chapter so that I can have 60 reviews. That may seem like a lot, but if a lot of people R&R it can be done easily, and the next chapter will be up before you know it! Luv you all, you're the greatest! By the way, please take a look at my latest story, A Simple Mind, the tale of Lily and James' everlasting love…the fourth chapter is up now! BYE!