Purple Monkeys
Disclaimer: We own nothing but the words we typed.
Authors Note: Pacific: What, no smart ass remarks to tell our readers? Crimson: Ow...my head...wiffle bat....I hate you. Pacific: I know, I know. Anywayz, on with the story!
Chapter Three
Four days had passed and the humiliation of fainting in front of that women was still fresh in his mind, burning away his sanity. (Crimson: A little overdramatic dont ya think? Pacific: shut up Crimson! I'm trying to work here!) Severus Snape had spent the past four days doing his best to avoid all groping couples and HER. The women who claimed she was named after a kitchen utensil. Spork had been easy to avoid, the groping couples however had proven to be a slightly harder challenge. To top it all off he now had his own personal male stalker.
The man with the cheezy pick-up line had been following him for the past four days and Snape was at the end of his rope, literally. He had decided that it would be a good idea to climb down the rope ladder that divided the public upper decks to the private lower ones. Unfortunatly this was how he ended up in the same hallway as room 507 and that sickingly sweet stalker. Snape would have liked to have broused the hallways a bit longer but when he saw the latch to room 507 begin to rise he thought it was time to high tail it out of there, but not even the slippery Snape was quick enough to escape the sralker extrodinere.
Looking down the opposite hall Snape searched for a route of escape, to no avail. A large, beefy man was walking towards him from that way and Snape didn't think he could fit around him. It was to his further ill-luck that the second man raised one large, pudgy hand to wave past Snape. Surpressing a groan Snape turned to see none other then his very own personal stalker.
"Muffy! There you are! I was wondering where you had gone off to!" Snape stood transfixed for a second before realizing that the name Muffy had been addressed to the man that was now standing behind him.
"Kitten! How's my lovey pie?" The overgrown man bellowed back.
Snape snorted, discusted that any stalker of HIS would be called Kitten! Snapping back to attention Snape realized that both the men that had been trading pet names only a moment before were now standing by his sides, talking about him.
"Muffy, this is the cute piece of ass I was telling you about earlier."
Snape looked at Muffy to see him giving him the once-over, no, make that the twice-over.
"So, Kitten tells me that you want to come play with us." Snape backed up a pace, horrified that this was happening, to him no less. "I bet if you came to play with us I could show you how to get a hole in one." Snape stepped back further, shocked by what they had said, to make matters worse he could now see the Head Cheff comming up a set of stairs towards him.
In a final attempt to escape, Snap took one final step back, tripping over his feet as he did so. Falling over the rail, he plunged into the waters below. He was able to hear someone yell man over-board before his head disapeared under the surface.
Meanwhile back up on the deck, Muffy was being restrained by a sobbing Kitten. "No Muffy! You can't leave me! You might get hurt! Then who would fluff my pillows and give me back massages?"
Spork arrived moments later after witnessing the whole thing. Glancing at the arguing couple who were now arguing about sharks she rolled her eyes.
Muttering "For the love of god!" she decided that the greasy haired man wouldn't be saved by the couple any time soon. She yanked off her heavy uniform top to reveal a black bikinin top underneath. Climbing onto the railing, she balanced herself for a moment before doing a perfect swan dive into the unsettled waters below. ("duh, duh, dun!" "Crimson! Don't make me bring out the bat again!")
"Shit!" Snape thought madly to himself, cursing the fact that he had never bothered to learn how to swim. He was running out of air quickly and his lungs felt like they were about to burst any second now. He was therefore mildly surprised to feel a pair of arms yank him upwards, thrusting his head above the surface of the water. His attempts to look at his rescuer were thwarted however by the fact that he was now being seated on someones hip as his rescuer swam towards a rope ladder that had been thrown over the side of the boat. Grabbing onto the ladder he turned around to see...Spork.
"Oh God, not you!" were the only words that left his lips.
to be continued...
Authors Note, Again: Pacific: Hope you enjoyed that, we'd like you to review, no, wait, make that *pulls out large salmon* you feel compelled to review! Crimson: Ah, Pacific? You'r scaring them, again. Pacific: Yes, well, that can't be helped. Hopefully the next chapter will be slightly longer, at the very least it will have obsessive amounts of bad jokes in it, courtsey of Crimson. And yes, lifeguards DO carry people like that when saving them if you want more details, or a better explanation, review!
Disclaimer: We own nothing but the words we typed.
Authors Note: Pacific: What, no smart ass remarks to tell our readers? Crimson: Ow...my head...wiffle bat....I hate you. Pacific: I know, I know. Anywayz, on with the story!
Chapter Three
Four days had passed and the humiliation of fainting in front of that women was still fresh in his mind, burning away his sanity. (Crimson: A little overdramatic dont ya think? Pacific: shut up Crimson! I'm trying to work here!) Severus Snape had spent the past four days doing his best to avoid all groping couples and HER. The women who claimed she was named after a kitchen utensil. Spork had been easy to avoid, the groping couples however had proven to be a slightly harder challenge. To top it all off he now had his own personal male stalker.
The man with the cheezy pick-up line had been following him for the past four days and Snape was at the end of his rope, literally. He had decided that it would be a good idea to climb down the rope ladder that divided the public upper decks to the private lower ones. Unfortunatly this was how he ended up in the same hallway as room 507 and that sickingly sweet stalker. Snape would have liked to have broused the hallways a bit longer but when he saw the latch to room 507 begin to rise he thought it was time to high tail it out of there, but not even the slippery Snape was quick enough to escape the sralker extrodinere.
Looking down the opposite hall Snape searched for a route of escape, to no avail. A large, beefy man was walking towards him from that way and Snape didn't think he could fit around him. It was to his further ill-luck that the second man raised one large, pudgy hand to wave past Snape. Surpressing a groan Snape turned to see none other then his very own personal stalker.
"Muffy! There you are! I was wondering where you had gone off to!" Snape stood transfixed for a second before realizing that the name Muffy had been addressed to the man that was now standing behind him.
"Kitten! How's my lovey pie?" The overgrown man bellowed back.
Snape snorted, discusted that any stalker of HIS would be called Kitten! Snapping back to attention Snape realized that both the men that had been trading pet names only a moment before were now standing by his sides, talking about him.
"Muffy, this is the cute piece of ass I was telling you about earlier."
Snape looked at Muffy to see him giving him the once-over, no, make that the twice-over.
"So, Kitten tells me that you want to come play with us." Snape backed up a pace, horrified that this was happening, to him no less. "I bet if you came to play with us I could show you how to get a hole in one." Snape stepped back further, shocked by what they had said, to make matters worse he could now see the Head Cheff comming up a set of stairs towards him.
In a final attempt to escape, Snap took one final step back, tripping over his feet as he did so. Falling over the rail, he plunged into the waters below. He was able to hear someone yell man over-board before his head disapeared under the surface.
Meanwhile back up on the deck, Muffy was being restrained by a sobbing Kitten. "No Muffy! You can't leave me! You might get hurt! Then who would fluff my pillows and give me back massages?"
Spork arrived moments later after witnessing the whole thing. Glancing at the arguing couple who were now arguing about sharks she rolled her eyes.
Muttering "For the love of god!" she decided that the greasy haired man wouldn't be saved by the couple any time soon. She yanked off her heavy uniform top to reveal a black bikinin top underneath. Climbing onto the railing, she balanced herself for a moment before doing a perfect swan dive into the unsettled waters below. ("duh, duh, dun!" "Crimson! Don't make me bring out the bat again!")
"Shit!" Snape thought madly to himself, cursing the fact that he had never bothered to learn how to swim. He was running out of air quickly and his lungs felt like they were about to burst any second now. He was therefore mildly surprised to feel a pair of arms yank him upwards, thrusting his head above the surface of the water. His attempts to look at his rescuer were thwarted however by the fact that he was now being seated on someones hip as his rescuer swam towards a rope ladder that had been thrown over the side of the boat. Grabbing onto the ladder he turned around to see...Spork.
"Oh God, not you!" were the only words that left his lips.
to be continued...
Authors Note, Again: Pacific: Hope you enjoyed that, we'd like you to review, no, wait, make that *pulls out large salmon* you feel compelled to review! Crimson: Ah, Pacific? You'r scaring them, again. Pacific: Yes, well, that can't be helped. Hopefully the next chapter will be slightly longer, at the very least it will have obsessive amounts of bad jokes in it, courtsey of Crimson. And yes, lifeguards DO carry people like that when saving them if you want more details, or a better explanation, review!