Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: A one-shot about why Penelope Clearwater finally broke up from Percy. Originally part of a fic about Harry's sixth year, but doesn't fit with its revised version.
Warning: PG-13 for mental images.
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After graduating from Hogwarts, Penelope Clearwater moved into her own flat in London not far from her previous home with her parents. Mrs. Clearwater was unbearably overprotective of her only daughter, so went to great lengths to make sure Penelope lived a perfect life. This included visiting her once a day and giving her liberal amounts of money. Mr. Clearwater wasn't quite as overbearing as his wife due to his busy schedule. He was a veterinarian, the same veterinarian that almost neutered Padfoot when he found him sitting in front of his office two and a half years ago. Since both of Penelope's parents wanted the very best for her, neither was very enthusiastic about her dating one Percy Weasley.
When they first met him, Mrs. Clearwater declared to her husband, "The day my daughter marries that pompous whippersnapper will be the day the Osbournes become the royal family of Britain!" In other words, they didn't care too much for him. He dared to call them "Stuffy Muggles" to their faces! Although neither husband nor wife knew what a Muggle was, they were insulted nevertheless. Penelope did her best to improve the relationship between her parents and boyfriend, but she was met with little success. Percy didn't have the sense to wait until their backs were turned before he insulted them, and they had an annoying habit of trying to kill him in various creative ways. So naturally, Mr. and Mrs. Clearwater were outraged when Percy moved in with Penelope.
Percy showed up on Penelope's doorstep looking exceptionally angry. When Penelope asked him what was wrong, Percy muttered something about his father being an "ambitionless embarrassment to the wizarding race". Mrs. Clearwater nearly fainted when she came over to visit Penelope late one evening and found Percy sitting on the couch, wearing naught but his briefs, watching Muggle television with mild interest. She immediately phoned Mr. Clearwater, who abandoned his meeting with a group of uptight vets to engage in a brawl with Percy. In the end, Percy convinced them that there would be no harm in him staying in Penelope's apartment.
For the next few days, life was almost normal. Mr. and Mrs. Clearwater continued with their normal lives, though Mrs. Clearwater now made it her business to visit Penelope twice a day now. Besides his job at the Ministry, Percy was gone for late hours every day. Penelope grew more and more worried as the days went by that Percy was cheating on her. Who else would want him, she had no idea, but it was certainly possible. He also had a habit of clutching his arm and screaming in pain in the middle of the night. Penelope was almost completely convinced that he had a series of love bites there that she wasn't responsible for. Whenever she tried to sneak a peek at his arm, he'd shoo her away. She eventually gave up and decided to consult her mother about her suspicions.
It was early on a weekend morning. Penelope waited until Percy was safely in the shower before she sobbed her worries on her mother's shoulder.
"A-And he's g-g-gone in the evenings, s-sometimes not coming home until the morning. And I know for a fact that the people in his office get off at five. W-What should I d-do?" Penelope cried.
Mrs. Clearwater replied soothingly, patting her daughter's head, "Everything will be okay, dear. Just let your father and I slip some rat poison into his morning tea, and all will be back to normal..."
She paused then, and they both looked towards the hallway. They could hear a truly awful voice coming from the bathroom.
"Could you kindly go and tell your boyfriend to shut up?" Mrs. Clearwater said, gently giving Penelope a push towards the bathroom.
Penelope stood and slowly approached the bathroom door. She recalled a couple of Percy's brothers, Fred and George, sending her an owl a couple of years ago warning her about Percy's habit of singing horribly in the shower. She had brushed it off, thinking they were just being cruel. But today was the first day she was awake early enough to hear him sing. She pushed open the bathroom door and slowly entered. A huge cloud of steam enveloped her, and she couldn't see. She impatiently waved it away, then thought better of it, deciding she'd rather not see Percy naked yet.
"Percy?" she called softly.
All she got in reply was Percy singing loudly, "I FEEL LIKE A NATURAL WOMAN!"
Penelope flung open the shower door and shouted, "PERCY WEASLEY, SHUT UP!"
Percy stopped singing abruptly, startled at the sight of her.
"You're scaring my mother!" Penelope explained, turning to leave. She stopped at the sight of what was on Percy's arm. It was none other than the Dark Mark tattoo that only Death Eaters wore. She paled visibly and stepped back in alarm.
Percy, confused at her expression, protested, "It isn't that small!" Then he realized what she was staring at, and hurriedly shook his head. "It's not what you think! They made me join! I didn't want to!"
"You're a Death Eater," Penelope whispered, staring at him as if she had never seen him before. The wheels in her head began turning quickly. If she had learned anything at Hogwarts, she knew never to let a Death Eater live with you, especially if you were Muggleborn. She figured she had three choices: kill him herself and risk going to Azkaban, let her parents kill him and risk them getting hunted down by more Death Eaters in revenge, or simply kick him out and never talk to him again. The third choice seemed most appropriate for the situation.
Before Percy could think up a decent lie, Penelope shouted, "GET OUT!"
"But..." Percy stammered, trying to think of a decent excuse. "It's not a real Death Eater tattoo, it's a fake!"
Penelope, not listening, grabbed Percy's tattoo-free arm and dragged him out of the shower. He only had time to turn the shower off and grab the nearest towel, a wash cloth, before she quite literally kicked him out of the bathroom and into the hallway, in full view of her mother.
"Eurgh!" screamed Mrs. Clearwater. "What in the world...?"
"Mum, he belongs to a mass-murdering cult!" Penelope screamed, yanking Percy with all her strength to the front door.
That was all Mrs. Clearwater needed to hear. She opened the front door for Penelope, and both kicked him in the bum out into the hallway.
"Don't ever speak to us again!" Penelope yelled, slamming the door behind him. She turned and smiled at her mother. "So, what kind of tea would you like?"
Meanwhile, out in the hall, Percy banged uselessly on Penelope's door. He slowly became dimly aware that he was stuck in the Muggle world without a wand, money, and had no clothing except for a wash cloth, which he held loosely in his hand. Just when he thought his luck could get no worse, he heard a group of shrieking girls. Hurriedly, he covered everything incriminating with the washcloth and turned to see a bunch of Girl Scouts grouped around a horrified nun, all carrying several boxes of cookies.
He cleared his throat and asked, "A little help, I suppose?"
Summary: A one-shot about why Penelope Clearwater finally broke up from Percy. Originally part of a fic about Harry's sixth year, but doesn't fit with its revised version.
Warning: PG-13 for mental images.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
After graduating from Hogwarts, Penelope Clearwater moved into her own flat in London not far from her previous home with her parents. Mrs. Clearwater was unbearably overprotective of her only daughter, so went to great lengths to make sure Penelope lived a perfect life. This included visiting her once a day and giving her liberal amounts of money. Mr. Clearwater wasn't quite as overbearing as his wife due to his busy schedule. He was a veterinarian, the same veterinarian that almost neutered Padfoot when he found him sitting in front of his office two and a half years ago. Since both of Penelope's parents wanted the very best for her, neither was very enthusiastic about her dating one Percy Weasley.
When they first met him, Mrs. Clearwater declared to her husband, "The day my daughter marries that pompous whippersnapper will be the day the Osbournes become the royal family of Britain!" In other words, they didn't care too much for him. He dared to call them "Stuffy Muggles" to their faces! Although neither husband nor wife knew what a Muggle was, they were insulted nevertheless. Penelope did her best to improve the relationship between her parents and boyfriend, but she was met with little success. Percy didn't have the sense to wait until their backs were turned before he insulted them, and they had an annoying habit of trying to kill him in various creative ways. So naturally, Mr. and Mrs. Clearwater were outraged when Percy moved in with Penelope.
Percy showed up on Penelope's doorstep looking exceptionally angry. When Penelope asked him what was wrong, Percy muttered something about his father being an "ambitionless embarrassment to the wizarding race". Mrs. Clearwater nearly fainted when she came over to visit Penelope late one evening and found Percy sitting on the couch, wearing naught but his briefs, watching Muggle television with mild interest. She immediately phoned Mr. Clearwater, who abandoned his meeting with a group of uptight vets to engage in a brawl with Percy. In the end, Percy convinced them that there would be no harm in him staying in Penelope's apartment.
For the next few days, life was almost normal. Mr. and Mrs. Clearwater continued with their normal lives, though Mrs. Clearwater now made it her business to visit Penelope twice a day now. Besides his job at the Ministry, Percy was gone for late hours every day. Penelope grew more and more worried as the days went by that Percy was cheating on her. Who else would want him, she had no idea, but it was certainly possible. He also had a habit of clutching his arm and screaming in pain in the middle of the night. Penelope was almost completely convinced that he had a series of love bites there that she wasn't responsible for. Whenever she tried to sneak a peek at his arm, he'd shoo her away. She eventually gave up and decided to consult her mother about her suspicions.
It was early on a weekend morning. Penelope waited until Percy was safely in the shower before she sobbed her worries on her mother's shoulder.
"A-And he's g-g-gone in the evenings, s-sometimes not coming home until the morning. And I know for a fact that the people in his office get off at five. W-What should I d-do?" Penelope cried.
Mrs. Clearwater replied soothingly, patting her daughter's head, "Everything will be okay, dear. Just let your father and I slip some rat poison into his morning tea, and all will be back to normal..."
She paused then, and they both looked towards the hallway. They could hear a truly awful voice coming from the bathroom.
"Could you kindly go and tell your boyfriend to shut up?" Mrs. Clearwater said, gently giving Penelope a push towards the bathroom.
Penelope stood and slowly approached the bathroom door. She recalled a couple of Percy's brothers, Fred and George, sending her an owl a couple of years ago warning her about Percy's habit of singing horribly in the shower. She had brushed it off, thinking they were just being cruel. But today was the first day she was awake early enough to hear him sing. She pushed open the bathroom door and slowly entered. A huge cloud of steam enveloped her, and she couldn't see. She impatiently waved it away, then thought better of it, deciding she'd rather not see Percy naked yet.
"Percy?" she called softly.
All she got in reply was Percy singing loudly, "I FEEL LIKE A NATURAL WOMAN!"
Penelope flung open the shower door and shouted, "PERCY WEASLEY, SHUT UP!"
Percy stopped singing abruptly, startled at the sight of her.
"You're scaring my mother!" Penelope explained, turning to leave. She stopped at the sight of what was on Percy's arm. It was none other than the Dark Mark tattoo that only Death Eaters wore. She paled visibly and stepped back in alarm.
Percy, confused at her expression, protested, "It isn't that small!" Then he realized what she was staring at, and hurriedly shook his head. "It's not what you think! They made me join! I didn't want to!"
"You're a Death Eater," Penelope whispered, staring at him as if she had never seen him before. The wheels in her head began turning quickly. If she had learned anything at Hogwarts, she knew never to let a Death Eater live with you, especially if you were Muggleborn. She figured she had three choices: kill him herself and risk going to Azkaban, let her parents kill him and risk them getting hunted down by more Death Eaters in revenge, or simply kick him out and never talk to him again. The third choice seemed most appropriate for the situation.
Before Percy could think up a decent lie, Penelope shouted, "GET OUT!"
"But..." Percy stammered, trying to think of a decent excuse. "It's not a real Death Eater tattoo, it's a fake!"
Penelope, not listening, grabbed Percy's tattoo-free arm and dragged him out of the shower. He only had time to turn the shower off and grab the nearest towel, a wash cloth, before she quite literally kicked him out of the bathroom and into the hallway, in full view of her mother.
"Eurgh!" screamed Mrs. Clearwater. "What in the world...?"
"Mum, he belongs to a mass-murdering cult!" Penelope screamed, yanking Percy with all her strength to the front door.
That was all Mrs. Clearwater needed to hear. She opened the front door for Penelope, and both kicked him in the bum out into the hallway.
"Don't ever speak to us again!" Penelope yelled, slamming the door behind him. She turned and smiled at her mother. "So, what kind of tea would you like?"
Meanwhile, out in the hall, Percy banged uselessly on Penelope's door. He slowly became dimly aware that he was stuck in the Muggle world without a wand, money, and had no clothing except for a wash cloth, which he held loosely in his hand. Just when he thought his luck could get no worse, he heard a group of shrieking girls. Hurriedly, he covered everything incriminating with the washcloth and turned to see a bunch of Girl Scouts grouped around a horrified nun, all carrying several boxes of cookies.
He cleared his throat and asked, "A little help, I suppose?"