It's never good to blame, I mean, um, credit, the quality of your work on a sugar rush or insomnia or some such nonsense. Still, this chapter left me scratching my head quite a bit. I paid a visit to my new high school today and was lost for almost an hour trying to find the bathroom. I must remember, next time, to use entrance A to go through the lunch room to go up staircase Z to the third floor then follow hallway O till I get to staircase J then turn right. How stupid of me. Anyway, the whole experience left me tired and confused. /end-scapegoating

----silec

I was high above Hork-Bajir country. The owl's wings beat hard to keep me afloat against the strong winds pushing me back. I was also unbelievably exhausted.

But I couldn't think about that right now. Falling asleep would get me killed, either from the fall or from the sleeping but still deadly Hork- Bajir down on the ground. So I pressed forward, even when my head began to pound and my wings shot pain throughout my veins. I started thinking about Tobias. He would not have had as hard a time. This would have been easy for him. But Tobias was not there, and he was quite possibly dead. It was dark and moonless, too dark for human eyes to see clearly. But I didn't have human eyes. The owl could see everything perfectly, each blade of grass, the stripped trees, and my destination, an out-of-place conglomeration of metal in the distance, beyond the trees and wildlife, but not yet in civilization. I noticed the weapons Toby had spoken of. Mostly shredders or recovered dracon beams, but a few human weapons were placed on turrets around the machine and the human and andalite campsites. Maybe they wouldn't fire at a passing owl. I wasn't willing to test it.

I landed with a small adjustment of my wings in a bush just outside the compound. I was tired. So tired. Even before the demorphing, I brought up the image of a fly in my mind, concentrated on what I wanted. Translucent wings emerged from my back. I looked like a particularly strange fairy. Always a show-off, even if no one was there to care about it.

I let the rest of the changes come naturally. The prickly, disgusting exterior of the fly replaced my own human skin. As I shrank down to my appropriate insect height, I felt a squeamish movement. My organs were changing. My eyes split into compound vision, and I flew off.

The body was new, rejuvenated, fresh. My mind was not, though. If I wasn't careful, I could end up dead. No different from any other animorph mission. But I was alone this time. No one to rescue my sorry ass if I ended up in trouble.

I checked my surroundings. It's more difficult than it sounds, especially when you're smaller than a matchbook. But I didn't see any movement, and made my way towards the spacecraft. There was no reaction from the shredders when I breached the perimeter. I was safe, for now.

A thick haze filled my brain. I was falling asleep. Get it together, Cassie, I mumbled. I had been so stupid to go through with the mission so soon. I'd barely planned it, and I'd already had a full day beforehand. Stupid. There was no turning back now. Why had I been so impatient?

I touched down vertically on cold metal. I could see the angular, interconnected text of the Andalite language beneath my feet. There was a gaping hole next to me. The open edge of a closed door. Slow breezes that passed into the ship felt like hurricanes to me. I dug into the metal and hung on for dear life.

The gap was just big enough for me to squeeze into. Once inside, I was enveloped in darkness. The fly was useless here. I demorphed, and padded my way around the dim room while my eyes adjusted. The airless interior felt hot and smothering. Beads of sweat dripped into my eyes. I blinked them away and continued feeling around on hands and knees.

The floor was the same flat metal until a certain point. There was a slight dip, then it became wet and rugged. I smoothed my hands around the strange material. I brought my fingers to my nose. Like rain and wood and dirt. It was grass. The ship had been designed for Andalites. Of course.

My eyes were somewhat better now. I could dimly see the blue-green of the Andalite grasses I was kneeling on. The area behind me, towards the entrance, was impossible to see. It seemed to go on forever. In all other directions there were blinking control panels. At the front, there were a few seats for humans bolted to the ground, and one large computer screen.

I stood up. The grass clung to my palms. My bare knees felt wet. I gravitated towards the left wall and felt my way to the control panel. The computer screen was just in front of me. It was off, there was nothing displayed on it. The chairs looked soft and inviting. I lowered myself into one. It turned, squeaking from my weight. The plastic stuck to my legs. I peered into the screen, seeing my reflection, then reached out to touch it.

I felt a sharp buzz in my fingertips. I pulled my hand away and let out a tiny yelp. When the pain faded, I realized what I had done, and hoped the people outside were not awakened.

Suddenly, a blinding white light clicked on, illuminating the entire ship. My eyes erupted in spasms, but I was too frightened to give notice. The controls powered on, a wave of energy starting on both sides that met in the center, at the screen. The monitor flickered to life, at first as a colorful blur, then slowly focused. It was acting as a window.

I could see outside, how the sun was beginning to rise. A hawk passed into the treetops, diving at some poor animal that would soon be its lunch. And there, looking right back at me, were seven armed Andalite warriors. There were humans, too, yelling something at me. There was no sound, I couldn't pick up what they were saying. But I could hear the Andalites. They weren't very happy with me. Not at all.

The floor rumbled, and I heard shooting at the entrance. I whipped my head around just in time to see a blue tail tear the door away, letting in the morning sunshine. I was already halfway into wolf morph. The Andalite stepped inside. He held a shredder, pointing it in all directions. When he saw me, all four of his eyes widened. He was scared.

I jumped from the chair, now completely morphed. He fired at me. Maybe he wasn't so scared anymore. The shot missed me by a mile, but the smoldering wiring singed the fur on my rear legs.

You! The betrayer! he cried out in thought-speak. Apparently he recognized me. While his shaking hands tried to take aim at me again, I bounded across the ship and had my teeth around his arm before he could fire.

Help me, you fools! he screamed at his comrades outside. No doubt the others heard all the commotion, but the door was only big enough the fit one or two of them at a time. Their friend, the one whose arm was now bleeding into my throat, made it impossibly for anyone else to get in while he bucked and scampered about the ship in vain. I pushed him out the door and threw him off the ship.

Now I had a bigger problem. More than a dozen guns were aimed at me. I heard a faint sound in the trees. My ears pricked up and I scanned the horizon. There she was, leaping across the treetops. Not just her, but quite a few of her people following close behind.

When Toby was close enough, she jumped to the ground. Thud. Just after her were the other Hork-Bajir. Thudthudthudthud. She was on them in seconds. A brave Andalite met her at the perimeter, mounted shredders firing maniacally. The Hork-Bajir shrugged them off.

Toby gave little regard to the Andalite, clotheslining him with an unbladed section of her arm before moving on to the next brave, cowering soul. Neither side was prepared for a battle like this, but many of the humans had never seen a Hork-Bajir. That alone gave Toby's people an advantage.

"Cassie, run!" Toby shouted, butting together the heads of two humans.

Are you sure? She nodded and grinned at me, sending one man screaming into the woods. I was off and running in a flash. I demorphed and waited for Toby, hidden in a thicket of bushes. It wasn't long before I gave in and fell asleep.

I was vaguely aware of being jarred awake and lifted up from the ground. "Cassie, wake up." Toby shook me. "Cassie, please, wake up!" I opened my eyes. She looked like she was going to cry, although it was impossible for a Hork-Bajir.

I stretched, still groggy. I had been out for a while. "What happened?"

Toby glanced over her shoulder. There was something there, something she was trying to hide from me. "Most of the humans ran away. The Andalites morphed, we don't know where they went, but, Cassie..."

DON'T STRAIN YOURSELF, HORK-BAJIR, I CAN TELL HER MYSELF. Gently, Toby set me down on the ground, then turned and ran.

Standing there was an old enemy. His booming, metallic voice rang in my ears. We had caused him so much trouble in the past. Trouble, and nothing more. Powerful forces had battled him for countless millenia and still, it never seemed to hurt him at all.

"Crayak." I spit the word out. He only looked bored. "If you're going to kill me, do it, then."

AS MUCH AS I'D ENJOY THAT, THAT WOULD GO AGAINST THE RULES. NO, I'M NOT HERE FOR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. I stood, trying to appear strong and defiant. The giant eye bore a hole into my skull. "Then what is it? If it's Jake you want, he's gone."

I HAVE A PROPOSAL FOR YOU. I smirked. "Oh? And what would that be?"

He spread his arms wide. I could almost see a smile on the face of the creature. AN OPPORTUNITY. I'M WILLING TO GIVE YOU THE NECESSARY EQUIPMENT TO GO OUT AND FIND YOUR FRIENDS.

"How do I know this isn't a trick?" Crayak touched my shoulder. It felt like acid. WHAT'S WRONG? YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TRUST ME?

"Why should I?"

THINK, FOR A MOMENT, ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE JUST DONE. YOU'VE ATTACKED A PEACEFUL GROUP OF HUMANS AND ANDALITES. DO YOU THINK THE PEOPLE WILL JUST FORGET ABOUT IT? DO YOU THINK THEY'LL FORGET ABOUT WHAT YOU DID TO--

"I never did anything to her! Never!" He didn't say anything. He didn't need to, because he was right.

I stared at my feet. We'd never learned to morph shoes. All those battles, the fear and the violence and the hardship we went through, and yet we'd never learned to morph anything but t-shirts and bike shorts.

I felt young again. We had been toyed with before, as animorphs. If not by creatures in the heads of our loved ones, then by our own emotions. After the war, as I became an adult, I thought I was in control. That I was the only one who would make my decisions.

"Why does it have to be me?" Tears fell from my eyes. The dirt on my feet turned to mud. "Why does it have to be my fault again? Pick somebody else. I can't do it."

YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE. THE ELLIMIST AND I, OUR GAME IS CONSTANT. EVERY SECOND WASTED, CRITICAL MOVES ARE BEING MADE OF THEIR OWN VOLITION. Jake would have said no. He'd have lead us to victory against the big, mean monster, and had us home by dinner. And, without our knowing it, the entire universe would be one step closer to the annihilation of evil.

I was not Jake. I was not strong and courageous and all the things that I should have been all those years.

I agreed to Crayak's proposal. He allowed me a crew of three, anyone I wanted. I had two days. I surrendered to him, not because I wanted to be the hero of all that is right and good, but because I was still that silly little girl who would give anything to have a boy tell me he loved me still.

I was Cassie. The weak animorph. The traitor.